EDIT: I found a solution! Not exactly by anoyone's suggestion, but in the end I did as follows: I selected the whole object and applied the 'UWV Map' modifier to it (making sure my world units/unit setup was 1 unit=1cm and that the model was the correct size). I ticked 'real-world scale' in the 'scale' part of the sidebar, and set the unwrap projection type to 'plane' (this didn't really matter since I was going to manually unwrap it anyway). I collapsed that modifier and applied a 'Unwrap UWV' modifier. I then scaled the whole UWV island down to 1% of its original size (enter 1 in the scale box and make sure you're maintaining aspect ratio between x y and z) so that it would fit in the UV tile (which was equal to 1cm). I unwrapped the object as normal (in a way which would work best when sewing the object IRL), but only using the 'quick peel', 'relax until flat', and 'stitch' options (with 'avoid overlap' turned off in quick peel settings) so that none of the islands would change size, just shape. Finally, I arranged everything and exported it onto a 1024x1024 png.
I took it into my editing program (Clip Studio Paint, but you could use Photoshop or whatever), and changed the DPI of the image to '300'. 3ds Max exports at 72 DPI, so setting the DPI to 300 scales the image back up to the correct 'real life' size.
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unfortunately max doesn't have a texel density tool. I wrote one, I'm sure others are available
texel density = the size of your uvs in relation to the real world size of your texture. There are many threads on here with people getting confused about it but simply put it's worked out by checking the area of your triangles in world space against their size in UV space and then working out how big the UV space is in terms of world space (i.e real world size)
you have an added complication in that pieces of paper aren't square and are also stupid sizes but you should be able to work that bit out.
step1 : find a texel density tool for max
step2 : deal with distortion.
Max has a way to visualise UV distortion - it's not great but it's better than nothing. Use that and add splits until your UVs stop being distorted - with fabric you can probably deal with a bit of stretching, with paper you definitely can't.
you can probably split at the back of the shoe and pelt map the main body to eliminate most of the distortion, it'll probaly take a few tries to get right
open it in maxscript editor and with the boot selected press ctrl-e.... then you can scale to match the boot convert the border edges into spline shapes and export those to package that can print to size ?
Thanks for your answer - I'm sorry, I should have mentioned that I did already get this far XD I have a texel density tool and the distortion was looking more or less fine when i unwrapped it, so that's good at least. Thanks all the same!
Thanks for the script - I'll give it a go!