Best Of

I suffered for over a decade from (treatment resistant) depression and social anxiety because I couldn't get my life in order and couldn't get shit done.

I spoke to so many psychologists and tried so many therapies - I lost oversight of how many. Nothing helped, so I gave up on modern western medicine .

When I hit absolute rock bottom, I suddenly remembered something from a book by William Burroughs I've read 20 years earlier. He was one of the first Westerners who went down to South America and got treated by an indigenous Shaman with a thousand year old hallucinogenic medicine. When i read the book years ago I said to myself if I get to a state where I have nothing to loose I am gonna do that.

So I did.

Depression and anxiety was gone after the first session. I did 24, for good measure - why not? Haven't felt truly depressive or anxious a single day since then (nice side effect, I haven't been sick a single day since then either.)

Years later (recently) I found out by accident that I manifest ALL 30 (!) symptoms of a person with ADHD.

I went to a psych-doc and got the diagnosis - ADHD.

I still can't believe that I basically had to solve that mystery myself in order to get help after years long fruitless odysseys through countless therapists practices, talking to their incompetent smiling faces.

Now I start my day with a coffee and 9mg of slow acting Dexamphetamine, I sleep not longer than 8 hours every night, almost wake up the same minute every day, I feel more powerful than ever in my life and I can potentially work from the moment I wake up until I drop dead-tired in my bed. I exercise regularly, meditate, play videogames for an hour, do some homework and STILL get more shit done on one day than in a whole week previously. My short-term memory suddenly works, I can perfectly plan my whole day in my head while eating breakfast AND do it to a T. Confidence is through the roof, I am no longer shy and introvert but actually a sly socializer and I feel like I gained 20 IQ points. Things are mostly easy and effortless suddenly. And even though I take a drug that is potentially dangerous for many people, I don't even feel any tangible effects from the drug (no high, no nothing), I just function properly.

I think motivation and discipline are just fancy words for an perfect neurochemical balance of Dopamine and Noradrenaline in the brain. Many people have it naturally, many have too much or too little of something and then they become FUBAR.

Modern society isn't helping with its Dopamine traps everywhere that exploit people for commercial gains and they'll also get constantly bombarded with mass media hysteria and fear porn. Grounded to dust by fear and pleasure.

Seriously, people often ARE not sick, society MAKES them sick.

"Its no measure of health to be well adjusted to an profoundly sick society."

Hey, Peeps on none Peeps on Polycount.

I just wish all of you the best holiday wishes there can be.

I hope you and your family stay healthy, happy, and have the time of your lives.

We all know that the past 2 years have been hard and that the upcoming year/years can/will be the same.

But remember that there are always people you can talk with if you feel down, feel alone, or just need to release weight.

In the past year, we've lost a lot of good artists, to depression or due to sickness.

Maybe it's not much, but if you need to talk or just simply need to release pressure from the heart, brain. Don't fret to write to me. I am no psychologist, but I do care and will listen, I will try to respond as fast as possible!

Merry Christmas!