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I'm either going to cry, break something (possibly part of my own body), or go insane

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Ok file this under 'Emo'.

Last couple of weeks, maybe month or so I've been having a very hard time doing anything at all worth talking about when it comes to game art.

It's driving me crazy, I see so much that inspires me, so much that motivates me, but the last 3 projects I've started, I've just scrapped and deleted in rage.

Up until now, I'd worked my ass off, every spare second I had I was learning, practicing, doing portfolio work because my dream is the same as many on here... to get employed as a game artist.

I have no idea what it is, and at the risk of sounding utterly pitiful, it's actually like a depression. I just can't get into anything.

I tried a chopper, after being incredibly impressed and inspired by Xoliuls incredible work and what his shader can do on vehicles. I got a half-assed Hi-Poly done, got some great crit, started another and just gave up and scrapped it.

So I thought, ok lets try a WoW style environment. Couldn't produce anything of real interest in Max, rushed into the painting, made it look crap, gave it a rest for a bit, came back, still sucked, deleted.

So I found a reference I liked of an environment, started blocking it out, and again, thought it sucked so gave up.

I know for a fact these symptoms are suffered by many, but I just feel so shitty right now that I'm not sure how to get through it and start doing stuff I enjoy again.

Something else that makes this feeling 10 times worse is that ever since I started getting into game based 3D work, I've felt like I'm up against the clock. I'm now 25, and I feel like each day is a ticking clock where I gotta get myself up to a decent standard as soon as possible.

Feel free to offer e-hugs or kicks up the ass in the comments below.

Replies

  • 3DLee
    I have a rule that I never delete anything (photos, art, etc). Once it's gone, it's gone, and I've found that no matter how crappy something may be, there's always something that I can learn from it.
  • Tom Ellis
    I see your point and you're definitely right, I just felt like each of those projects I deleted were staring at me saying 'why dya give up, pussy?' and reminded me of how much I sucked on them.

    Arrrgh, part of me wants to be like 'man up, get down to it' but there's also a big part of me not wanting to.
  • Zipfinator
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    Zipfinator polycounter lvl 9
    I've been in a bit of a slump like this for the past few months and it's no fun. You just need to find a project that you're really really interested in that's not too difficult. For me that project was the TF2 map I've been planning for 2 years but haven't started until last week. Once you get into it you'll get a flood of inspiration for that project and whatever else you have on your list hopefully.
  • Snipergen
    I'll slap Xoliul for what he has done to you next time I see him on the train ;)

    I often have the same problem. I'd say start with small things that you can finish, you know, an original prop that you can finish in one day, that will leave a good feeling after you completed it. Than move on to some bigger props, start a tiny scene, make it bigger, plan a map with a friend and motivate each other.
    It's 2010 man, see it as a new chance, just hang a post it on your screen that says "Don't start what you won't finish, because it's just a waste of time".

    Also it might be a good thing to test you for ADHD, might be a chance that you have the attention disorder problem. Even if you don't smash things up but well your topic title suggest other things :p . I'm serious about this though, if you get tested for it and get concerta or ritalin these meds will really help you.

    Also not your personal blog and blabla
  • MattQ86
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    MattQ86 polycounter lvl 15
    I just had the guy who was supposed to do code on the game me and some friends were working on bail on us and I can't find a replacement because the Unity forums are down.

    So I'm going to focus on revising my demo reel. I've spent the last year creating a lot of stuff but never really finishing any of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you get burnt out on one thing it's usually best to let it sit and go work on something else for a while. Then when you come back not only will you be eager to do some work, you'll also be more willing to adopt better work habits.

    or, you know...

    20080322012440%21Metapod.jpg
  • Tom Ellis
    Thanks for the replies.

    Sniper, I don't so much have ADHD, the title was somewhat of an exaggeration, but it is depressing. Fortunately I generally live a happy life, it's just this aspect that's getting me down. But I think to be honest you've hit the nail on the head in stating I'm taking on big projects that are never gonna get finished.

    My first project ever, the workshop in UE3, was done exactly the way you suggested, building little by little, prop by prop, and I think going from that to something as technical as a motorcycle was a bad move.

    It's the game art workflow combined with my background in arch viz that causes problems. I don't so much have the issue with building Hi Polys, so I end up creating some insanely detailed, overly modelled object and then when I come to do a low poly and bake, my lack of experience shows and I give up.

    I'm probably pushing myself a bit much I think, I read a post on here about how it's important to not just do things you're comfortable with, and I think I took it to the extreme and ended up just making things worse.

    Well you've all already helped a great deal thank you, I'm gonna go make a rock or something :D

    Seriously though, thanks!
  • MattQ86
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    MattQ86 polycounter lvl 15
    It's the game art workflow combined with my background in arch viz that causes problems. I don't so much have the issue with building Hi Polys, so I end up creating some insanely detailed, overly modelled object and then when I come to do a low poly and bake, my lack of experience shows and I give up.

    Problem solved.
  • pior
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    pior grand marshal polycounter
    I'd say ... less 3D more 2D !
    Take it easy, and do what you enjoy doing!
  • Tom Ellis
    It's funny you mention that Pior, I've actually spent the last few nights just kicking back with some music and the Wacom and working on my 2D skills, and I have really enjoyed it.

    I think there's just that whole 'running out of time' feeling I have that almost makes me feel 'forced' to start producing portfolio stuff.

    Ok I'm feeling better about it, really appreciate the comments people.
  • DarthNater
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    DarthNater polycounter lvl 10
    Dunno if this will help you, but it does wonders for me. Just quit.... walk away from anything that has to do with gaming or art. Go outside (unless its freezing like it is here), learn a new skill, read a book, watch sci fi science and make your brain melt..... I think you get the idea. When I'm in a slum, I program ;)
  • samgriffiths
    even when you're enjoying something, take breaks and don't get burned out.
  • Seaseme
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    Seaseme polycounter lvl 8
    take a break, play some games. Take a week off and don't stress yourself otherwise you'll never get back into it. I'd say go get one of the new blockbuster games, play it through, spend some time on it and collect your thoughts. OR: Just get off the computer for a while. It's amazing how much that can help center me.

    Good luck!
  • Xoliul
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    Xoliul polycounter lvl 14
    Hey creation, sorry about demotivating, if any of that can be attributed to me.
    To make you feel better: I get that too, you know. Just now, I did some attempts at creating an environment for my hotrod. It just went nowhere, felt like horrible bland empty landscapes and I couldn't really get an idea on where to start and improve it. I really wish I could take my art further than just the finished prop on a grey background.
    I think in my case, if I have to flesh something out, create it as a detailed product, I really have trouble getting it to go anywhere if there's no decent concept or reference. I can create a fictional car, but only if I studied tons of similar cars and drew a stack of concepts. If I try to do something for which this approach doesn't work directly or that I'm not used to (like a fantasy outdoor environment), I get that same thing as you happening.

    So yeah, what I would and am gonna try, is to build it up, like I did with my cars 4 years ago. Start simpler, small-scale. I started building 5.000 poly cars with only diffuse textures, from a folder with hundreds of refpics, some taken by myself in real life to fill the gaps. I'm gonna do the same for this environment, start with something real life, many repeating elements, a gazillion refpics, pick props than can go a long way so I don't have to build a lot of different ones and just try to get it finished. I can drag myself through a 2 month car project, so an enviro should be doable too.

    Tell ya what, I try and finish this thing I'm gonna start, you do the same thing for a project of yours ? :p

    (btw, to see that you actually only started doing game art this september, you really are advancing well. Don't let the tripping over overambitious projects get you down!)
  • 00Zero
    dude i feel like im running out of time every day. i know what you mean. i havent produced anything worthwhile in a long time. then again, im on vacation, but still. you need some kind of forced deadline i think. that always makes me work better. when i was in school i would do a whole scene in like two weeks. then after i graduated and got a job, i did less and less personal work.

    you need to enforce some kind of deadline with a real punishment.

    i dont know, construct some kind of machine in your room that will break a vial of poison gas after X amount of time and the only way you can shut it off is if you finish a kickass scene and get the code to turn off the machine.
  • DarthNater
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    DarthNater polycounter lvl 10
    Xoliul wrote: »
    Hey creation, sorry about demotivating, if any of that can be attributed to me.
    To make you feel better: I get that too, you know. Just now, I did some attempts at creating an environment for my hotrod. It just went nowhere, felt like horrible bland empty landscapes and I couldn't really get an idea on where to start and improve it. I really wish I could take my art further than just the finished prop on a grey background.
    I think in my case, if I have to flesh something out, create it as a detailed product, I really have trouble getting it to go anywhere if there's no decent concept or reference. I can create a fictional car, but only if I studied tons of similar cars and drew a stack of concepts. If I try to do something for which this approach doesn't work directly or that I'm not used to (like a fantasy outdoor environment), I get that same thing as you happening.

    So yeah, what I would and am gonna try, is to build it up, like I did with my cars 4 years ago. Start simpler, small-scale. I started building 5.000 poly cars with only diffuse textures, from a folder with hundreds of refpics, some taken by myself in real life to fill the gaps. I'm gonna do the same for this environment, start with something real life, many repeating elements, a gazillion refpics, pick props than can go a long way so I don't have to build a lot of different ones and just try to get it finished. I can drag myself through a 2 month car project, so an enviro should be doable too.

    Tell ya what, I try and finish this thing I'm gonna start, you do the same thing for a project of yours ? :p

    (btw, to see that you actually only started doing game art this september, you really are advancing well. Don't let the tripping over overambitious projects get you down!)

    Speaking of reference pics, go out and take some. That could help too :p
  • Mark Dygert
    I'm going to break someone if polycount gets any more emo... aren't blogs for whining?
  • Tom Ellis
    All awesome replies, thanks so much.

    Xoliul, you didn't cause my loss of motivation, the opposite in fact. What I meant really was that I'd never considered attempting vehicles until I saw what your shader can do on them, and also your Brutal Rod. It was my lack of skill that caused the loss in motivation!

    But you're right, and backing up what everyone is saying, start with something I'm capable of finishing.

    I'm really keen to get a vehicle of some sort done done, but I think I will just start small and simple, and possibly even build part by part rather than do a whole high poly then start feeling like this when it all goes wrong at the next stage. I know that's not really the best way to work in terms of a game based workflow, but hey, if it gets me thinking positive again then that's good with me.

    And I think I will take a step back, Darksiders/Bayonetta will keep me occupied for a while anyway!

    Many thanks
  • Kevin Albers
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    Kevin Albers polycounter lvl 18
    That imaginary clock in your head ain't helping. There is no magic time limit when it comes to growth, or when you can do/not do things. I didn't even start doing art for games until I was in my 30's. If you are 25 right now, your time is not running out...you are still quite young.
  • mLichy
    we could make a side site called emocount or something?

    I've been sort of in a rut lately too, not wanting to do any art really. Or well, I tell myself I need to, but don't. I guess I'm waiting to do art when I get back to work.

    I've just been learning to drum otherwise, went home for a couple weeks for xmas, and I might start skateboarding again. Maybe it's better to take a break sometimes, then get completely burnt out.
  • Ruz
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    Ruz polycount lvl 666
    well I am sitting here with a choice of either watching tom baker in doctor who or finish up my latest character so i know how you feel. doctor who is winning right now.

    I will finish my model though, just need to get in the mood.
  • Xoliul
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    Xoliul polycounter lvl 14
    00Zero wrote: »
    dude i feel like im running out of time every day. i know what you mean. i havent produced anything worthwhile in a long time. then again, im on vacation, but still. you need some kind of forced deadline i think. that always makes me work better. when i was in school i would do a whole scene in like two weeks. then after i graduated and got a job, i did less and less personal work.

    I dunno, but you work at IW, don't you get your fix of creating cool stuff at work ?

    Creation: yeah if you wanna do vehicles, start with a simpler thing. A motorcycle is like ... top-shelf difficulty. I didn't even finish mine yet. Some boxier car, like a landrover. Just make sure you think it's awesome, like see a documentary about it or on Top Gear or something.
  • lefix
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    lefix polycounter lvl 11
    enjoy what you are doing, forget about your portfolio for now. if you lose interest/fun in a personal project, then do something else.
    maybe you should be doing smaller projects every now and then, ones than you can finish in one evening.
    you want to have a great portfolio because you think the job is fun, but already aren't having fun working on the portfolio. then you must be doing something wrong ;)
  • crazyfingers
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    crazyfingers polycounter lvl 10
    Vig wrote: »
    I'm going to break someone if polycount gets any more emo... aren't blogs for whining?

    Not to belittle this thread, we all know how brutal the art road can be at times. but i can't help but think polycount is falling apart from all these darned "emo" threads. This threads been made hundreds of times. When i first started coming to this place, there was so much 3d awesomeness that noobs like us would be afraid to post, but now it seems like threads of frustration are keeping everyone else quiet. Shrug, i dunno.

    Hate to say it, but you gotta suck it up. You need to figure out how you can get better at art, it's a different path for everyone. The last thing you want to be remembered for is the guy who needs to vent on polycount, that wont help you get a job. As someone stated earlier, sometimes it's best to just take a little break, not kick yourself for not getting better. 25 is still young in my book, i'll be 28 soon and i'm in the same boat, plenty of time to get better.

    Some quick advice: Just do what gets you excited about art again. Competitions and mod teams are GREAT motivation. Sometimes you can't do it on your own, find something that will help motivate you.
  • ES_139
  • Pedro Amorim
    Not to belittle this thread, we all know how brutal the art road can be at times. but i can't help but think polycount is falling apart from all these darned "emo" threads. This threads been made hundreds of times. When i first started coming to this place, there was so much 3d awesomeness that noobs like us would be afraid to post, but now it seems like threads of frustration are keeping everyone else quiet. Shrug, i dunno.

    Hate to say it, but you gotta suck it up. You need to figure out how you can get better at art, it's a different path for everyone. The last thing you want to be remembered for is the guy who needs to vent on polycount, that wont help you get a job. As someone stated earlier, sometimes it's best to just take a little break, not kick yourself for not getting better. 25 is still young in my book, i'll be 28 soon and i'm in the same boat, plenty of time to get better.

    Some quick advice: Just do what gets you excited about art again. Competitions and mod teams are GREAT motivation. Sometimes you can't do it on your own, find something that will help motivate you.


    QFT
  • Mark Dygert
    Not to belittle this thread, we all know how brutal the art road can be at times. but i can't help but think polycount is falling apart from all these darned "emo" threads. This threads been made hundreds of times. When i first started coming to this place, there was so much 3d awesomeness that noobs like us would be afraid to post, but now it seems like threads of frustration are keeping everyone else quiet. Shrug, i dunno.

    Hate to say it, but you gotta suck it up. You need to figure out how you can get better at art, it's a different path for everyone. The last thing you want to be remembered for is the guy who needs to vent on polycount, that wont help you get a job. As someone stated earlier, sometimes it's best to just take a little break, not kick yourself for not getting better. 25 is still young in my book, i'll be 28 soon and i'm in the same boat, plenty of time to get better.

    Some quick advice: Just do what gets you excited about art again. Competitions and mod teams are GREAT motivation. Sometimes you can't do it on your own, find something that will help motivate you.
    Agreed.

    Also, how do you think its going to be when you're doing this for a job? They're going to give you assets at some point that you'll not be excited about creating, you have to find a way to get through it, its part of the job. Of course, "get this done, or I find someone who will" is pretty motivating. You can't expect that you'll always be jazzed about whatever it is, but that's where work ethic, perseverance and the burning need to see a project through till its end, all come into play.

    If you sit around and wait for inspiration to strike you like lightning then you're going to be waiting a long time. Sometimes the best motivation is digging into something and just going for it.

    It also could be that you're not doing new things? Not pushing yourself?
    I've known artists that would only draw one thing, but they do it really really well but they would also lament about being bored... well duh... you draw one thing, how can you not be bored.
  • bugo
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    bugo polycounter lvl 17
    relax, get a bud, watch a game and then try again. (not that I do that, but it might work)
  • Autocon
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    Autocon polycounter lvl 15
    Dont want to sound like a dick here but I know it will.

    Your problem is that you keep giving up and think that if you dont make something amazing the first go you suck.

    No you dont suck for this, you suck for giving up and not completing a project. Do you honestly think all the talented people here just went from 0 to fucking awesome? Not a chance. To get better at something you have to work at it, not try and give up and start something new expecting it to be better when you didnt finish or learn anything for your last attempt.

    The reason you finish projects is to learn from them and apply the skills and things you did wrong to your next project. Sure you might have learned 1 or 2 things along with your "emo rage quitting projects" but you would learn 100 times more if you actually completed any of them.

    I know from personal experience that I have done tons of assets and environments that I dont think are great at all compared to most of the stuff I see here. But I stuck it out through every one of them. I never gave up on a project because I didnt like it or it was no where near as good as other people but I knew it takes time to get the skills and knowledge to work better.

    This is why I am a big supporter of schools as they force you to finish projects or you fail. You are given deadlines you have to meet like in the industry and you have to turn in whatever you have when that deadline comes. If it sucks you will fail or in the industry maybe laid off. Some times you have to turn in things your not 100% happy with because in reality there is always something you could do to improve but it helps you learn to work faster, hit deadlines, make sure you plan accordingly and gets you to finish projects and move onto the next one to learn more.



    Moral of the story is, suck it up, stop emoing on PC, pick a project you think you could reasonably finish, make a plan on when it has to be done, finish said project, learn from your mistakes, start the next project.
  • Pedro Amorim
    What Autocon also says is true.

    Don't expect to go from zero to hero.

    It's the same to everything in life..



    you have to work hard for things..


    or do you think, most awesome artists started making cool shit from the get go?
  • TheWinterLord
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    TheWinterLord polycounter lvl 17
    What im gonna write down now is pretty obvious and maybe... but here it goes: Succeseful people dont quit. Your mind is weak and it is what makes you fail at everything and not only art. (maybe ur decent at something but lets say it, ur not truly great at anything) Anyways you dont yet have the will power to push yourself as hard as you need to be pushed, and I say ''yet'' because like everything else you can train. Right now however its like you are try
  • John Warner
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    John Warner polycounter lvl 18
    so you're acting, consistently, in a way that makes you feel like siht. you're telling us about it because you want someone to understand how you're thinking and offer a solution that will work.

    that's a great idea, but not here. don't ask people on polycount for emotional advice. it's a terrible idea. it's not their field. you're goign to get retarded bullshit like "suck it up" -- not because they're stupid, but because many of them are emotionally unconscious, because it's not what they do all day.. however:

    Even if someone here is the SHIT, emotionally speaking, such a person simply can't unpack your psychology efficiently enough online in order to help you. listen to some of the things that have been said here! these people haven't asked you to further explain exactly how you feel, they just heard what you said, they ASSUMED that they understood the deeper level, and just started speaking to that fantasy. that's not tactful, and not what you'll get from a therapist.

    if you feel like shit, go get advice from someone who is emotionally mature, like a therapist. I recommend finding a good NLP. oh, and if you're afraid of going and getting some sort of guidance because it'll mean you're a 'loser' or some retarded bullshit like that..

    "suck it up" and start acting in your best interest. you can either feel better or be lazy, refuse to change, and keep feeling like shit. pretty obvious decision, isn't it? if you chose option b, just make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun.
  • seforin
  • Zephiris
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    Zephiris polygon
    I suppose most people go through that once in a while. Some more some less.
    I'm hardly ever content with anything i do most of the time. But that drives me forward, too. It makes me mad at myself but pushes me to get better.

    If it doesn't look the way you want it to look, it doesn't have to mean "you just generally suck". It usually just means you haven't spend enough time on it. It's especially when you're unhappy with stuff that you musn't quit working on it, because the quest to figure out just how to make it look awesome is what makes you improve.

    Think of it as an rpg. If you run from battles halfway through you'll get nothing even tho you wasted some HP and SP on trying a bit. You'll only really level if you face the challenge and finish it :)
    Try out all sorts of things to see how it turns out and you'll learn. Keep tweaking and trying.

    It's okay to take a break and play a bit, a game that really inspires you and reminds you of what you want to create. (But come back to your project afterwards :P)

    Also try keeping track of what you achieve. You could make notes of it or kind of mentally think "Achievement unlocked: Got better and quicker at unwrapping" or "Normal Mapping Skill level UP~!" and keep track of what you finish and if you can look back on the stuff you've finished, that, again is motivation on it's own in a way. Good luck^^
  • achillesian
    can't take the heat, get out of server room.
  • Kevin Johnstone
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    Kevin Johnstone polycounter lvl 19
    Have you tried masturbating more? :)
  • seforin
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    seforin polycounter lvl 17
    can't take the heat, get out of server room.

    says the guy who wouldnt change the wood texture of his barrel? :p
  • bounchfx
    one of the most useful things I've found is:

    TAKE
    THE
    TIME


    rushing, even a bit is something that has 100% always led me to ruin. take your time to get something done right, whether it's a model or a painting. then do it again. again. you get speed with time.. but rushing or straight up giving up? that won't get you anywhere.

    and as others have said, do stuff that keeps your interest and motivates you.
  • OrganizedChaos
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    OrganizedChaos polycounter lvl 17
    Some wise words from a class I took online with Cesar Dacol Jr

    "Time and time again the lack of drive will come from the lack of interest.
    The lack of interest always comes from your lack of focus.
    You lack of focus comes from your lack of organization.
    Are we seeing a pattern developing here?
    Keep it organized , you will find it quicker and keep yourself on track."
  • arrangemonk
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    arrangemonk polycounter lvl 17
    what i learned, is that a fresh formated computer kills the will to do something 3d related except for playing
    i work best with a half working dumpshot of slowed down system
    dunno why but its just like that
  • cw
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    cw polycounter lvl 17
    i just looked on your wow weapons thread, looks fine, finish them off, it will be a nice portfolio piece to have all those weapons there and each one shouldn't take too long!

    don't give up, keep at it!
  • Elyaradine
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    Elyaradine polycounter lvl 11
    There was an animator (whose name eludes me; heck it may not even have been an animator :P) who said that there is one beautiful drawing in everyone...

    ...you just need to finish your 1,000 crappy drawings to get to it.
  • disanski
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    disanski polycounter lvl 14
    Elyaradine wrote: »
    There was an animator (whose name eludes me; heck it may not even have been an animator :P) who said that there is one beautiful drawing in everyone...

    ...you just need to finish your 1,000 crappy drawings to get to it.


    Hahahah :) well said Elyaradine :)

    I am pretty sure that once I make 20 or more (perhaps will be 50 for me) characters they will start turning in alright :)
    And I still dont belive in all of those - "yeaa this is my first sculpt I just got zbrush and look at me .... :) "
  • Josh_Singh
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    Josh_Singh polycounter lvl 18
    We all got to start somewhere Holmes.
    bighandside2.jpg
    bighandunwrap.jpg

    This is me Circa 2002 Suck it.
  • sir-knight
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    sir-knight polycounter lvl 10
    Elyaradine wrote: »
    There was an animator (whose name eludes me; heck it may not even have been an animator :P) who said that there is one beautiful drawing in everyone...

    ...you just need to finish your 1,000 crappy drawings to get to it.

    I know chuck jones (bugs bunny) was famous for saying it, but I'm pretty sure he grabbed it from someone else.
  • Pedro Amorim
    what i learned, is that a fresh formated computer kills the will to do something 3d related except for playing
    i work best with a half working dumpshot of slowed down system
    dunno why but its just like that

    you must be the only one then lol
  • psychoticprankster
    I'm 24 nearly 25 and I feel the exact same way as you, but in my case, I've learned new technquies which improve my work and have made stuff that I feel embrassed about and I have started some better stuff with new technquies I've learned but haven't finished a single project yet.
    Maybe you think to much and rush to much and Rome wasn't built in a day.
  • seforin
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    seforin polycounter lvl 17
    1262444037210.jpg


    make art or that will happen to you ^
  • psychoticprankster
    Do it for the "enjoyment" like seforin said and not just for the bragging rights.
    Why do you Want to get into the games indsutry ? ask yourself that question.
  • seforin
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    seforin polycounter lvl 17
    Do it for the "enjoyment" like seforin said and not just for the bragging rights.
    Why do you Want to get into the games indsutry ? ask yourself that question.

    because money women and power come from people who say they make video games for a living :p

    seriously though it takes a rare group of people who enjoy this and can get slapped around a bit and get back up
  • killingpeople
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    killingpeople polycounter lvl 18
    You can't walk while laying down, or unbalanced, even though you're making the right motions.

    Stop being so greedy. What you want isn't earned buy passionate complaining. Stop looking so far ahead and focus.
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