Actually I did other jobs too when there wasn't any freelance jobs. I worked in a factory for example. I understand and know that its not possible to live without money and job, so I would look for a "normal" job if there wouldn't be an other option, like I did. But would you work in a shop or in a factory with good feeling when you are a 3d artist and you worked in studios, and when you can get freelance 3d jobs? And would you give up your goals and dreams because someone doesn't like them?
I think it would surprise you the amount of do nothing jobs out there, a great one to have is lone worker night security, literally all you need to do is show up and stay up all night punching in a code each hour and keep a eye on the premises, back when I was doing that my drawing hugely improved, took a laptop in and a wacom bamboo and my pencils and paper, I would think about CG projects I would do in the future, and watch youtube videos on cg/udk, and read more books than I have ever read, if the Job was permanent I would of gotten a more powerful laptop and stuck it out longer.
a lot of tech support jobs are like this too, spend a small ammount of time rigging up printers and fixing problems people are having then a lot of downtime left to your own devices around computers.
working in a net cafe too, something I also did I had to fill in a table of sales and press a button on a computer every now and then.
so don't close every door on non cg jobs, I know how it feels and I wouldn't expect you to work in a factory or as a baker but you need to be open minded as some of these jobs can be a fantastic opportunity to earn and learn, and can be very much a means to a end, working these places always kept me flush with the hardware I needed and food in my belly.
My wife and I have been together for over 10 years now. I make random stuff on the computer and she makes high end enameled jewelry. Neither of us really knows how the other does what they do, but we're always highly supportive of each other whenever we show something we've done.
The support and intention behind the reaction is what's important. She supports his art and the effort that went into it, even if she's not really into the end product.
Oh I get that I am sorry if it sounded sarcastic, I meant it was sincerely sweet.
I think my girlfriends largely the same shes got her masters in film and loves stuff like quilting, and while I am sure she isn't into a lot of the techy things i'm into as I am not all into quilting or crochet, nor can I go into depth about film the way she does although I did once about one film and thats how I caught her interest.
Theres this sort of mutual love of the passion we have for the things we like.
Actually I did other jobs too when there wasn't any freelance jobs. I worked in a factory for example. I understand and know that its not possible to live without money and job, so I would look for a "normal" job if there wouldn't be an other option, like I did. But would you work in a shop or in a factory with good feeling when you are a 3d artist and you worked in studios, and when you can get freelance 3d jobs? And would you give up your goals and dreams because someone doesn't like them?
If getting another job is not an option, then there's really not much else to say. You're unwilling to compromise.
Either your girlfriend accepts you and your dreams or she dumps you.
As someone in the same situation where my girlfriend has a permanent job and is financially responsible for me and our flat because I can't get permanent work I can understand the situation from both sides. While you want to work on your portfolio as much as possible working as an artist is for the most part a dream job and not always something everyone can do all the time due to the nature of the industry.
Its important that if you care about your girlfriend you'll be able to try and find a compromise where you both try to make progress to help each other rather than just focusing on reaching your goals.
My girlfriend also wanted to post saying;
"Financially supporting someone is very stressful and frustrating, especially when you want to see that person succeed more than anything. It can lead to feelings of resentment, and bitterness, and of not being appreciated when you work hard to keep your family afloat while your other half does nothing to help. It's no wonder someone in her situation is going "crazy" or getting angry at your refusal to spend time with her, because she puts the roof over your head and the food in your belly. Even if you still help out every now and then, she still has to live with the constant burden of supporting two people and not knowing if you're going to be contributing or not. That's a lot of stress for anyone to take.
From the perspective of "the girlfriend" I can say that it puts a lot of pressure on a relationship and it speaks miles for her character that she is still with you after all of this. If you don't start showing her the appreciation she deserves, then she's going to leave, and who will you turn to for help when you can't get work? You can still have a "normal" job alongside doing 3D work as ong as you manage your time properly. A dream doesn't mean a thing if you don't have someone to share it with."
Leave. It's at a point where both of you or one of you is going to end up having a huge amount of resentment. That'll eventually poison the relationship.
She also sounds like a manipulator who isn't supportive of your craft and dreams. I live with my girlfriend working as a freelancer too and I'm doing better than you it seems, but she supports me. Work/Life balance is key (this week is out of whack, she knows it, and I set aside an hour or two for her every day this week anyway). Take lessons out of this relationship. Move out, move in with some buddies, and live there.
My issues in my current relationship came from months of will I-Won't I Leave. Nothing really panned out except freelance so I made the move to live with her. Things have been great since but I happen to have an out of nowhere interview today about an opportunity I more than likely can't pass up. She has no idea. I can't tell her until I get an offer-If I were to get an offer. Until then it's not worth making her anxious and upset about because it could turn out to be nothing. When it's something, we'll talk.
Art is hard, the market in certain areas is brutal, and sacrifices need to be made. It's up to you to decide what that sacrifice is. Though in your case, your girl is brutal to you in fights and very unsupportive. I'd leave.
Oh yea, question for you. Why are you willing to put up with the fighting and arguments and her brutality towards you?
I think a few of you guys are misunderstanding a part of this. I do normal jobs when there are no freelance job at the moment. When I do the freelance job, I get the same amount money as my girlfriend gets, and as I would get with a normal job. So she is not supporting me financially. If she would, I would totally understand shes frustration. So as long as we make the same money, I don't see why I shouldn't do this.
There are a few other things that makes this whole thing hard to decide. One is that its clear now she simply not appreciating my art in any meaning, but lets say I get peace with this. But almost every time when I sit down to make something, a negative saying comes. The another thing is, and not talk about the money, it is really really hard to get any job in hungary, if you don't have professional experience in the given profession, and there are more people than opportunities. A "normal guy" with a "normal job" gets like $350 in hungary. This is the usual. The another thing is that a rent house is like $200 per month almost everywhere and its just the house without water paid, etc. So it is impossible to live alone if you are not a lawyer or a 3d artist with stable background something that pays good. She gets the $350, and usually me too. I get more often by the way. When I was working in a studio I made $1000 per month and she didn't work. Surprisingly when I made that money, she didn't really come up with her current attitude. She wasn't interested about what I do then too, but at least she didn't attack me.
@Rurouni Strife - I'm not willing that, but I can't really do too much things, until I get a job in a studio, because of the said things above.
I've left girlfriends for thinking what I do is silly or for being unsupportive. Best decisions I ever made.
A large part of getting the career you want is surrounding yourself in a positive environment. If all you receive is negative energy when you're doing your work, then it will show through in your work.
Either you move on and follow your dream, or you give it up and become bitter.
The interesting part will be when you do get a job, and the job eventually puts you into a crunch period.
How are you going to cope with having to put in that amount of professional worktime (that your girlfriend openly disrespects), when your home life (the bit you need to rest and recuperate) is in such a dire situation?
I've left girlfriends for thinking what I do is silly or for being unsupportive. Best decisions I ever made.
A large part of getting the career you want is surrounding yourself in a positive environment. If all you receive is negative energy when you're doing your work, then it will show through in your work.
Either you move on and follow your dream, or you give it up and become bitter.
I would chose the first one every single time.
This, a hundred times. Don't let negativity taint your pursue for your dream.
It's a complicated thing to give this kind of advice without seeing the whole picture, but there's always more fish in the sea. Some really nice and supportive ones too. I've been lucky to get one that supports me even when it meant relocating away from her and maintaining a long distance relationship.
I wouldn't say that your girl isn't a nice person, but it might not be the best match on this moment of your lives. Think about this!
Also, try to picture yourself a couple years from now. What would you in 2016 wish that you had done in 2014? Do that then, thinking longer term leads to better decisions.
Invest in yourself always, rather than the opinion of what other people think of you. There is a balance yes, meaning beyond a certain amount of time you do need to spend some quality time with the person, but being an artist isn't just a 'job' it's a lifestyle, it's an integral part of who you are, and if someone rejects that or gives you chuff about it, it's time to part ways with this manipulative person, and continue chugging on with your dreams.
The goal here is always compatibility rather than quota, competition...
Hey man, not saying you should break-up because some dudes online are saying it's a good idea, but one it's good to consider if you care more about just having a girlfriend than you actually care about your girlfriend. That's is a big reason for people to stay in un satisfying relationships.
As for me; my girlfriend is a SuperSmart(tm) scientist in Biotechnology, yet she thinks what I do is cool and she supports me, she always listens and looks when i show her what I do. It is possible, and it is kind of the way it should be imo.
I haven't read through the whole thread just the first one and the last couple. So I'm assuming the thread is still on topic.
You have to weigh your priorities. With my ex-wife I was unhappy and 3d art was more of a concern for me than that relationship. She was demeaning and spiteful about everything (including art). I was unhappy and I imagine on some level so was she. Again I said ex-wife so you know how that went.
I've since remarried and have kids. My Wife and kids are so much more important than creating art. That said I find time to create art here and there. My Wife is understanding about it. I tend to not let it encroach on family time though when possible. I'll take a sketchbook with me if there's something I really want to do if we have plans. Most of the time I don't use it though.
Just ask yourself where are your priorities. Some people are extremely career focused and work 24 hours a day. That's fine if that's your thing. There's nothing wrong with that. Realize that it will be tough to have a relationship then. It's not impossible. But like Xoliul says you'll need to find someone that shares those life goals with you.
A big trap a lot of guys fall into is feeling that they will never meet another girl as cool or hot as their current gf and cling to a toxic relationship
The thing with women is that often we make fights about one thing, but we're mad about something completely different..
Maybe I'm reading into this, but have you thought that maybe you are thinking of the wrong issues? It's probably not really money - as you've said multiple times you pay your bills. Also, as you said when you were working in a studio, she didn't care you did 3D... so it's probably not your job.
Have you thought the problem is her job? What does she do? You've barely said anything about her, apart from the fact that she isn't supportive of your art.
I am currently unemployed, working on my portfolio, while my boyfriend has already been promoted twice in his dream field. We kept fighting for the dumbest reasons, up until I realized I was just so jealous of him and his career. It's stupid, and we got over it, but it was an issue.
I know this is horrible and I've grown since then, but maybe you can learn something from this. It's really hard watching someone get closer and closer to their dream, while you feel stuck in a dead-end situation.
When was the last time you talked about her? Is she happy? Is she achieving her potential? As you said when she wasn't working she was much nicer. Maybe she is just very very miserable and seeing you get closer to your dream makes her bitter.
Now, if that's true, you can decide how that makes you feel. My boyfriend understood where I was coming from and that it wasn't really against him, but more about my issues. Maybe you guys can figure it out if you understand what makes her so mad at you.
She gets the $350, and usually me too. I get more often by the way. When I was working in a studio I made $1000 per month and she didn't work. Surprisingly when I made that money, she didn't really come up with her current attitude. She wasn't interested about what I do then too, but at least she didn't attack me..
That last part is the biggest red flag for me of all, shes happy when the money is good and happy enough not to work at all, but when times are tough shes agitating, I want you to seriously re-evaluate where your relationship is going based on this.
Sure you may be 5 years down the line with this girl but if shes not the right one and that alters to ten, or twenty, you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery, I don't know how you feel about marriage, but the vows for richer and poorer and in sickness and health should be taken to heart in all serious relationships, not to define your relationship by extreme what ifs, but make sure it isn't one sided.
if she got cancer would you stay by her? would she stay by you? if one of you couldn't bring in your 350 dollars, would you be understanding and help her? would she help you?
you need to ask these questions to make sure you're not wasting your time in a shit relationship out of fear of not finding someone else which will only get worse and your prospects will only lower with age.
Love should come first above all, if my girlfriend was financially doing bad I would do all I possibly can to help her, if I was doing bad as well she would do the same, if one of us gets sick it pains the other to see, being so in sync with empathy mutual understanding and love is what true love is all about.
Been married for 3 years now, and we're together for about 7 years now? I guess? I keep forgetting, that shit isn't important for us men. You know what's important? The feeling of being supported by our loved ones.
My mom and family never supported me when I was growing up, locking myself in my room literally all night modeling, making levels, etc. I guess I grabbed the feeling of rejection to fuel my intent and my perserverance even more, I promissed myself that I was not going to be another brick in the wall, I'm going to do what I love and when I do find the girl I want to be in, she'll need to understand that and she will need to support my passion as well.
And, to a certaint extent, she does. Of course, she sometimes feels bad that I'm not ALWAYS there for her, but she understands that this is who I am, this is what I need to be happy, this is what I do.
Relationships are very important man, loving and feel loved is one of those things that really makes this live worth living, but so is keeping true to your passion and what you love to do in your life.
So, whoever you pick to spend the rest of your life with, make sure she understands and compreends, if she doesn't and keeps crying for attention like a needy child, well... there's more fish in the sea and maybe she's not the one for you.
We work a lot, not because we have to, but because we need to. We love this shit, and if she really loves you for what you are, she'll need to understand that.
There are a few other things that makes this whole thing hard to decide. One is that its clear now she simply not appreciating my art in any meaning, but lets say I get peace with this. But almost every time when I sit down to make something, a negative saying comes. The another thing is, and not talk about the money, it is really really hard to get any job in hungary, if you don't have professional experience in the given profession, and there are more people than opportunities. A "normal guy" with a "normal job" gets like $350 in hungary. This is the usual. The another thing is that a rent house is like $200 per month almost everywhere and its just the house without water paid, etc. So it is impossible to live alone if you are not a lawyer or a 3d artist with stable background something that pays good. She gets the $350, and usually me too. I get more often by the way. When I was working in a studio I made $1000 per month and she didn't work. Surprisingly when I made that money, she didn't really come up with her current attitude. She wasn't interested about what I do then too, but at least she didn't attack me.
@Rurouni Strife - I'm not willing that, but I can't really do too much things, until I get a job in a studio, because of the said things above.
If you are working on your portfolio, are you selling your portfolio pieces on the Unity asset store or Turbosquid? If you made four asset packages a month and you've been out of work for 8 months, you would be making about $700 a month now minimum.
Jilly bean, I love your post......understanding this concept has been the greatest evolutionary step forward in my understanding of the female species!
I'm rather disgusted at the number of posts made on the 1st page alone stating "the girlfriend should take a hike, or she's not worth it".
All I can say is arguments are in ALL relationships. There will be phases without a doubt that they will happen sometimes more often than not. But this is the feedback period of the relationship. Ultimately you definitely need to strike a balance from work to your relationship if you will want it to work. Considering the industry you work by, having a gf/wife who supports you is a wonderful thing. Calling you an addict/workaholic, she's probably right by the looks of it. It certiantly is not fair for her, if all you have her doing is twiddling her thumbs everyday pondering on the next dream she has to have spent with you living the life she's waiting by in. Portfolio, 3D. It can wait. Its not going anywhere anytime soon. Though she may very well be.
If you have enough time to sit and participate here on polycount. I VERY much
recommend you take some time to watch this youtube video I will post to you to reconsider your position from which you stand. Because we all hate waiting, but if she's doing it constantly and waiting for life to begin with you. Then consider yourself lucky she has more patience than you.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIg7AhfB9_A
Plus at the end of the day, ignore the posts. Even by professionals who speak of both ignorance and arrogance. Life is short, and love should be kept and not shoved away. Clearly many who have written with anger and praise in the negatives here have either lost it, or never had it.
Cunningham's Law: "The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."
I'm rather disgusted at the number of posts made on the 1st page alone stating "the girlfriend should take a hike, or she's not worth it".
All I can say is arguments are in ALL relationships. There will be phases without a doubt that they will happen sometimes more often than not. But this is the feedback period of the relationship. Ultimately you definitely need to strike a balance from work to your relationship if you will want it to work. Considering the industry you work by, having a gf/wife who supports you is a wonderful thing. Calling you an addict/workaholic, she's probably right by the looks of it. It certiantly is not fair for her, if all you have her doing is twiddling her thumbs everyday pondering on the next dream she has to have spent with you living the life she's waiting by in. Portfolio, 3D. It can wait. Its not going anywhere anytime soon. Though she may very well be.
If you have enough time to sit and participate here on polycount. I VERY much
recommend you take some time to watch this youtube video I will post to you to reconsider your position from which you stand. Because we all hate waiting, but if she's doing it constantly and waiting for life to begin with you. Then consider yourself lucky she has more patience than you.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIg7AhfB9_A
Point made...
video that you posted is a different situation, it's more complicated than this one.
----
okay, so basically he's supposed to give up almost all of his time to make her happy? in his posts he already mentioned that he gives equal time to her and his art, so he has balance.
reason people are saying that he should dump her, is because she's not supporting him in what he does. not to mention that she calls him an addict? really, he's an "addict" because he's trying to make a better career for himself and not only that, he's doing something he LOVES to do.
she's showing zero support and yes he should dump her if this is the case. there might be more to this i don't know, but if he's telling the truth, then time to say goodbye.
i also completely agree with what PixelMasher said in his post.
Jilly bean, I love your post......understanding this concept has been the greatest evolutionary step forward in my understanding of the female species!
Thanks Drav! Same here, honestly! It's been a great learning experience and a major eye opener for me too. I wasn't aware I was doing it at all..
And in relation to the OP's later comments, yes it does get worse during the special lady days... :shifty:
Interesting thread. The part that struck me the most is this :
Here I was really angry and disappointed now. But I continued to trying to talk about this whole thing and to try to explain better, but she said just stop it because its boring
This is infuriating. I understand that she might feel left aside, or maybe even be jealous of your patience and dedication (consciously or not, as Jilly nicely explained). But calling such an important discussion "boring" even though you are the one trying your best to make everything work is just plain mean and immature. I don't thing that a genuinely caring person would do that. On top of that, her playing all nice the next day as if nothing happened seems quite manipulative.
reason people are saying that he should dump her, is because she's not supporting him in what he does. not to mention that she calls him an addict? really, he's an "addict" because he's trying to make a better career for himself and not only that, he's doing something he LOVES to do.
Again fair point. This is my bad for not reading into it further. I would then agree that this stands a case of someone seeking needs of selfish stance, than one asking for equality.
And in relation to the OP's later comments, yes it does get worse during the special lady days... :shifty:
I know that for some people (about 10-15% of women) it does, but these sorts of blanket statements can lead to people taking any instance of a woman being upset and saying (to themselves or out loud) some variant of, "Oh, we don't have to listen to her, she's just hormonal." People who want to have enough excuses to dismiss what women say, I don't want to give them any more.
Also, most women can keep a journal and use it to look back over their days to find that there's no noticeable difference between how they feel or act between those days and other days. They just think there is in retrospect because they expect it to exist. Alternately, some women do use it as an excuse to be mean. Some people will use anything they can as an excuse to be mean, for that matter. Most importantly to this case, it's not at all acceptable to tell your significant other that wanting to talk about something that really matters to them is boring. Maybe if you're bleeding because you've been impaled you could justifiably say, "Can we talk about this later? It isn't the best time right now." Otherwise, when someone is in a relationship and their partner says, "Hey, this is a problem," they should shut up, sit down, and listen.
I don't know what your financial situation is, but I was in a position to get out of my currently difficult one last year and didnt make the end run, now I am almost broke.
Drop the girl, go back to living on your own. Find your happiness and then think about relationships again.
The most work i ever got done in a year was in 2006 after moving to North Carolina, having broken away from a bad situation.
I also lost 80 pounds that year, eating healthy and exercising.
Now, I'm back to being heavyset and fighting off depression and anxiety from lack of work.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that your success is tied to your current relationship. Burn the bridge and move on.
The thing with women is that often we make fights about one thing, but we're mad about something completely different..
Maybe I'm reading into this, but have you thought that maybe you are thinking of the wrong issues? It's probably not really money - as you've said multiple times you pay your bills. Also, as you said when you were working in a studio, she didn't care you did 3D... so it's probably not your job.
Have you thought the problem is her job? What does she do? You've barely said anything about her, apart from the fact that she isn't supportive of your art.
I am currently unemployed, working on my portfolio, while my boyfriend has already been promoted twice in his dream field. We kept fighting for the dumbest reasons, up until I realized I was just so jealous of him and his career. It's stupid, and we got over it, but it was an issue.
I know this is horrible and I've grown since then, but maybe you can learn something from this. It's really hard watching someone get closer and closer to their dream, while you feel stuck in a dead-end situation.
When was the last time you talked about her? Is she happy? Is she achieving her potential? As you said when she wasn't working she was much nicer. Maybe she is just very very miserable and seeing you get closer to your dream makes her bitter.
Now, if that's true, you can decide how that makes you feel. My boyfriend understood where I was coming from and that it wasn't really against him, but more about my issues. Maybe you guys can figure it out if you understand what makes her so mad at you.
Hope that helps..
This is really the best post in this thread, can't believe how many people are just saying "Screw her, she's not worth it, she's just holding you back."
Make sure you aren't so blinded by your goals of getting a job in 3D that you are neglecting her or not paying attention to her needs or what's going on in her life.
This is really the best post in this thread, can't believe how many people are just saying "Screw her, she's not worth it, she's just holding you back."
Make sure you aren't so blinded by your goals of getting a job in 3D that you are neglecting her or not paying attention to her needs or what's going on in her life.
I'd agree, except that a) he's said he splits his free time evenly between her and working on his art, and b) when he tries to talk to her about issues in their relationship, she says it's boring. Combine those with the fact that she's magically nice (though still indifferent to his interests) when he's got a steady enough income that she doesn't have to work, and I can boil it down to two things. Either she's stressed by work and taking it out on him while refusing to discuss any of it, or she just wants him to have any job that pays enough that she can stay home. Either way, if she won't talk and won't put effort in to it, it's toxic.
Hey guys, I've rather not view this thread at the last weekend, to avoid further headache. I decided to give time to this, and see if things changes, and if so, then how. Maybe she understood (at least) the importance part of my sayings, because I didn't got any negative comment, when I worked on things at the weekend. I also decided to try to give she a little more attention and time, but as someone said in this thread, you constantly need to practice when you are a 3d artist and you want to be up to date, and maybe she won't like it when she will realize this. Actually I don't really know if I'm actually a maniac worker (as Jeff said) because I would like to work on things every day or almost every day, but not on the whole days. Thats because I really like this profession, and I would like to be better, and because I love to make things from scratch. Its a good feeling when you see you made it. I will survive that she will be never interested in what I make because I can show it to other people (who like what I do at leat) so this compensates. So... If things will be better , and I won't get the so negative attitude in the future, then I'll stay with she. There are suspicious signs like what was when I had a job which paid good, so the changing (or not changing) of these will also affect the future.
I don't think it's just 3d industry. It's any job/career that requires dedication and hard work and time. I mean, sure, everyone can just give up their dreams/dream jobs and go flip burgers. But would she be happy if you settle for less than you could do.
why dont you do 3d when she's at work? i believe 8 dedicated hours a day are enough. if i spent on my home projects the hours i spend at work, i would have made tons of stuff.
Because sometime I need to do the freelance jobs too, and I do them when she is at work. The situation slightly changed now btw, she is a little bit more tolerant, and I share my time better. So looks like the topic is closed, but we will see later.
Because sometime I need to do the freelance jobs too, and I do them when she is at work. The situation slightly changed now btw, she is a little bit more tolerant, and I share my time better. So looks like the topic is closed, but we will see later.
I am glad to hear its working out a bit better, hopefully will continue to do so for the future :thumbup:.
I'm glad things are smoothing out, but I've got a bit more to say as I'm kind of going through what would be the next logical step for you (somewhat)
When my wife and I got married nearly 10 years ago I still didn't know what I really wanted to do with my life. I have always been an artist, but it took me a long while to manage to do it professionally. I worked a lot of crummy "normal" jobs that I hated. If you're an artist you will probably NEVER be happy doing anything that isn't somehow creative - and this will definitely affect your relationship.
My wife was always as supportive as she could be of my hopeless artist side - if it hadn't been for her I never would have taken the plunge into school and getting into working in games. By then, though, we already had 2 kids - and early into my career we had our third son - but things were going well. I had a job in our home-town, we were near to family and free childcare, had a nice place and a decent income. for the first time in our lives together.
fast forward a couple of years:
My job folded - as happens from time to time. I saw it coming and I started searching early. I got a new job a couple of months before the whole project went under. BUT we had to relocate to a new city. (which happens to have one of - if not THE highest cost of living in the country)
Now my wife does NOT enjoy not working, but with childcare costing what it does she can't work. She has to stay at home with the kids alone in a new city. Her friends and family are 500 miles away. She gets to spend all day cleaning house and entertaining toddlers while I work away at my dream job. This has caused a great deal of stress in our relationship and we have had numerous arguments.
Moving to a new city is not easy. I'm certain it's easier without kids involved, but it's a difficult thing to do for everybody involved - especially for the person who is "following" - the one who didn't get the great new job, but has to go to a new place with nothing and nobody but you - who'll be somewhere fulfilling and exciting all day while she tries to entertain herself or look for work of her own.
So don't fool yourself into thinking getting a new job in a new city will solve all your relationship problems. Extra care has to be taken to make sure HER needs are fulfilled. She needs to spend time with you, she needs to have a purpose and place in your relationship nomatter where you are or what you're doing.
I'm still struggling to find ways to make my wife's life less miserable and alone out here. She's always been there for me, holding me up while i reached for my dreams - and now she's just stuck here with nothing to do. It's not fair to her and it makes me question if it would have been better to stay where we were and scrape for freelance work while i work a day-job.
@reverendK - I am 24 and I don't want to have children at least until my career starts going on a good way. I was thinking on this a lot, and actually maybe I don't want to have children at all. Maybe this is where it turns to be obvious that yet I'm a maniac a little, but I don't want to "throw away" my free time and take it into children. I like doing art (multiple types, not just 3d) too much and if I would have children, I wouldn't have time to gratify my passion, and I wouldn't feel myself happy then. This is just my viewpoint by the way, but this is how I feel. After talking with gf more about our arguments, my 3d stuff, and such, it looks like everything would be better if I would have a stable job where I would get more money. The fact of this is sad to me because to me this means that this relationship really depends on money which isn't a good thing in my opinion. To not confuse anybody, I say once again, I usually get the same money as she gets with doing the freelance jobs, but it looks like it isn't enough to her. After these, it is possible that our relationship would go smooth if I would get a job in a studio at budapest, but then it would hurt me that we are depending on how much money I make.
The fact of this is sad to me because to me this means that this relationship really depends on money which isn't a good thing in my opinion. To not confuse anybody, I say once again, I usually get the same money as she gets with doing the freelance jobs, but it looks like it isn't enough to her. After these, it is possible that our relationship would go smooth if I would get a job in a studio at budapest, but then it would hurt me that we are depending on how much money I make.
Perhaps she doesn't feel safe since you have no stability in your job (cue 1 to 2 weeks of no projects). I'm guessing she wants to feel secure being with you, including your futures together.
There isn't any method that definitely works - both of you need patience and tolerance towards each other's situation. Having a partner that doesn't support your dreams - I would not encourage continuing but hey, it could be other reasons she isn't raising up like the point I said earlier.
If you would really like to invest in the relationship, try getting a full time job and do 3D or freelancing gigs after work. If she stops "nagging", probably she doesn't have an issue with 3D or money like you thought and you are free to pursue your interests as long as you can maintain a decent balance.
Money fights and money problems are the number one reason couples get divorced. She doesn't feel secure, so she's unhappy. If you can get your career, or at least your income, in a stable and predictable place thing will improve on that front.
" You should finally grow up" so here we go again...
Also I'm going back to a factory. I won't dive in writing the details, because its pretty similar to the earlier situation. But at least now I clearly know what I will do...
Replies
I think it would surprise you the amount of do nothing jobs out there, a great one to have is lone worker night security, literally all you need to do is show up and stay up all night punching in a code each hour and keep a eye on the premises, back when I was doing that my drawing hugely improved, took a laptop in and a wacom bamboo and my pencils and paper, I would think about CG projects I would do in the future, and watch youtube videos on cg/udk, and read more books than I have ever read, if the Job was permanent I would of gotten a more powerful laptop and stuck it out longer.
a lot of tech support jobs are like this too, spend a small ammount of time rigging up printers and fixing problems people are having then a lot of downtime left to your own devices around computers.
working in a net cafe too, something I also did I had to fill in a table of sales and press a button on a computer every now and then.
so don't close every door on non cg jobs, I know how it feels and I wouldn't expect you to work in a factory or as a baker but you need to be open minded as some of these jobs can be a fantastic opportunity to earn and learn, and can be very much a means to a end, working these places always kept me flush with the hardware I needed and food in my belly.
Oh I get that I am sorry if it sounded sarcastic, I meant it was sincerely sweet.
I think my girlfriends largely the same shes got her masters in film and loves stuff like quilting, and while I am sure she isn't into a lot of the techy things i'm into as I am not all into quilting or crochet, nor can I go into depth about film the way she does although I did once about one film and thats how I caught her interest.
Theres this sort of mutual love of the passion we have for the things we like.
If getting another job is not an option, then there's really not much else to say. You're unwilling to compromise.
Either your girlfriend accepts you and your dreams or she dumps you.
Its important that if you care about your girlfriend you'll be able to try and find a compromise where you both try to make progress to help each other rather than just focusing on reaching your goals.
My girlfriend also wanted to post saying;
"Financially supporting someone is very stressful and frustrating, especially when you want to see that person succeed more than anything. It can lead to feelings of resentment, and bitterness, and of not being appreciated when you work hard to keep your family afloat while your other half does nothing to help. It's no wonder someone in her situation is going "crazy" or getting angry at your refusal to spend time with her, because she puts the roof over your head and the food in your belly. Even if you still help out every now and then, she still has to live with the constant burden of supporting two people and not knowing if you're going to be contributing or not. That's a lot of stress for anyone to take.
From the perspective of "the girlfriend" I can say that it puts a lot of pressure on a relationship and it speaks miles for her character that she is still with you after all of this. If you don't start showing her the appreciation she deserves, then she's going to leave, and who will you turn to for help when you can't get work? You can still have a "normal" job alongside doing 3D work as ong as you manage your time properly. A dream doesn't mean a thing if you don't have someone to share it with."
She also sounds like a manipulator who isn't supportive of your craft and dreams. I live with my girlfriend working as a freelancer too and I'm doing better than you it seems, but she supports me. Work/Life balance is key (this week is out of whack, she knows it, and I set aside an hour or two for her every day this week anyway). Take lessons out of this relationship. Move out, move in with some buddies, and live there.
My issues in my current relationship came from months of will I-Won't I Leave. Nothing really panned out except freelance so I made the move to live with her. Things have been great since but I happen to have an out of nowhere interview today about an opportunity I more than likely can't pass up. She has no idea. I can't tell her until I get an offer-If I were to get an offer. Until then it's not worth making her anxious and upset about because it could turn out to be nothing. When it's something, we'll talk.
Art is hard, the market in certain areas is brutal, and sacrifices need to be made. It's up to you to decide what that sacrifice is. Though in your case, your girl is brutal to you in fights and very unsupportive. I'd leave.
Oh yea, question for you. Why are you willing to put up with the fighting and arguments and her brutality towards you?
@Rurouni Strife - I'm not willing that, but I can't really do too much things, until I get a job in a studio, because of the said things above.
Also this is kinda like a Yahoo answers thread :P
A large part of getting the career you want is surrounding yourself in a positive environment. If all you receive is negative energy when you're doing your work, then it will show through in your work.
Either you move on and follow your dream, or you give it up and become bitter.
I would chose the first one every single time.
How are you going to cope with having to put in that amount of professional worktime (that your girlfriend openly disrespects), when your home life (the bit you need to rest and recuperate) is in such a dire situation?
This, a hundred times. Don't let negativity taint your pursue for your dream.
It's a complicated thing to give this kind of advice without seeing the whole picture, but there's always more fish in the sea. Some really nice and supportive ones too. I've been lucky to get one that supports me even when it meant relocating away from her and maintaining a long distance relationship.
I wouldn't say that your girl isn't a nice person, but it might not be the best match on this moment of your lives. Think about this!
Also, try to picture yourself a couple years from now. What would you in 2016 wish that you had done in 2014? Do that then, thinking longer term leads to better decisions.
The goal here is always compatibility rather than quota, competition...
As for me; my girlfriend is a SuperSmart(tm) scientist in Biotechnology, yet she thinks what I do is cool and she supports me, she always listens and looks when i show her what I do. It is possible, and it is kind of the way it should be imo.
You have to weigh your priorities. With my ex-wife I was unhappy and 3d art was more of a concern for me than that relationship. She was demeaning and spiteful about everything (including art). I was unhappy and I imagine on some level so was she. Again I said ex-wife so you know how that went.
I've since remarried and have kids. My Wife and kids are so much more important than creating art. That said I find time to create art here and there. My Wife is understanding about it. I tend to not let it encroach on family time though when possible. I'll take a sketchbook with me if there's something I really want to do if we have plans. Most of the time I don't use it though.
Just ask yourself where are your priorities. Some people are extremely career focused and work 24 hours a day. That's fine if that's your thing. There's nothing wrong with that. Realize that it will be tough to have a relationship then. It's not impossible. But like Xoliul says you'll need to find someone that shares those life goals with you.
This! I can relate.
Maybe I'm reading into this, but have you thought that maybe you are thinking of the wrong issues? It's probably not really money - as you've said multiple times you pay your bills. Also, as you said when you were working in a studio, she didn't care you did 3D... so it's probably not your job.
Have you thought the problem is her job? What does she do? You've barely said anything about her, apart from the fact that she isn't supportive of your art.
I am currently unemployed, working on my portfolio, while my boyfriend has already been promoted twice in his dream field. We kept fighting for the dumbest reasons, up until I realized I was just so jealous of him and his career. It's stupid, and we got over it, but it was an issue.
I know this is horrible and I've grown since then, but maybe you can learn something from this. It's really hard watching someone get closer and closer to their dream, while you feel stuck in a dead-end situation.
When was the last time you talked about her? Is she happy? Is she achieving her potential? As you said when she wasn't working she was much nicer. Maybe she is just very very miserable and seeing you get closer to your dream makes her bitter.
Now, if that's true, you can decide how that makes you feel. My boyfriend understood where I was coming from and that it wasn't really against him, but more about my issues. Maybe you guys can figure it out if you understand what makes her so mad at you.
Hope that helps..
That last part is the biggest red flag for me of all, shes happy when the money is good and happy enough not to work at all, but when times are tough shes agitating, I want you to seriously re-evaluate where your relationship is going based on this.
Sure you may be 5 years down the line with this girl but if shes not the right one and that alters to ten, or twenty, you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery, I don't know how you feel about marriage, but the vows for richer and poorer and in sickness and health should be taken to heart in all serious relationships, not to define your relationship by extreme what ifs, but make sure it isn't one sided.
if she got cancer would you stay by her? would she stay by you? if one of you couldn't bring in your 350 dollars, would you be understanding and help her? would she help you?
you need to ask these questions to make sure you're not wasting your time in a shit relationship out of fear of not finding someone else which will only get worse and your prospects will only lower with age.
Love should come first above all, if my girlfriend was financially doing bad I would do all I possibly can to help her, if I was doing bad as well she would do the same, if one of us gets sick it pains the other to see, being so in sync with empathy mutual understanding and love is what true love is all about.
I know this problem with people not really understanding what you're actually doing or what being an artist means for the way of living.
But on the contrary it must really look strange for a person who's not addicted to something that much.
My mom and family never supported me when I was growing up, locking myself in my room literally all night modeling, making levels, etc. I guess I grabbed the feeling of rejection to fuel my intent and my perserverance even more, I promissed myself that I was not going to be another brick in the wall, I'm going to do what I love and when I do find the girl I want to be in, she'll need to understand that and she will need to support my passion as well.
And, to a certaint extent, she does. Of course, she sometimes feels bad that I'm not ALWAYS there for her, but she understands that this is who I am, this is what I need to be happy, this is what I do.
Relationships are very important man, loving and feel loved is one of those things that really makes this live worth living, but so is keeping true to your passion and what you love to do in your life.
So, whoever you pick to spend the rest of your life with, make sure she understands and compreends, if she doesn't and keeps crying for attention like a needy child, well... there's more fish in the sea and maybe she's not the one for you.
We work a lot, not because we have to, but because we need to. We love this shit, and if she really loves you for what you are, she'll need to understand that.
If you are working on your portfolio, are you selling your portfolio pieces on the Unity asset store or Turbosquid? If you made four asset packages a month and you've been out of work for 8 months, you would be making about $700 a month now minimum.
Yup
Pillars of happiness are Health, Wealth, and Love.
Neglecting one often leads to suffering in the other two.
All I can say is arguments are in ALL relationships. There will be phases without a doubt that they will happen sometimes more often than not. But this is the feedback period of the relationship. Ultimately you definitely need to strike a balance from work to your relationship if you will want it to work. Considering the industry you work by, having a gf/wife who supports you is a wonderful thing. Calling you an addict/workaholic, she's probably right by the looks of it. It certiantly is not fair for her, if all you have her doing is twiddling her thumbs everyday pondering on the next dream she has to have spent with you living the life she's waiting by in. Portfolio, 3D. It can wait. Its not going anywhere anytime soon. Though she may very well be.
If you have enough time to sit and participate here on polycount. I VERY much
recommend you take some time to watch this youtube video I will post to you to reconsider your position from which you stand. Because we all hate waiting, but if she's doing it constantly and waiting for life to begin with you. Then consider yourself lucky she has more patience than you.
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIg7AhfB9_A
Point made...
Cunningham's Law: "The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."
video that you posted is a different situation, it's more complicated than this one.
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okay, so basically he's supposed to give up almost all of his time to make her happy? in his posts he already mentioned that he gives equal time to her and his art, so he has balance.
reason people are saying that he should dump her, is because she's not supporting him in what he does. not to mention that she calls him an addict? really, he's an "addict" because he's trying to make a better career for himself and not only that, he's doing something he LOVES to do.
she's showing zero support and yes he should dump her if this is the case. there might be more to this i don't know, but if he's telling the truth, then time to say goodbye.
i also completely agree with what PixelMasher said in his post.
Thanks Drav! Same here, honestly! It's been a great learning experience and a major eye opener for me too. I wasn't aware I was doing it at all..
And in relation to the OP's later comments, yes it does get worse during the special lady days... :shifty:
This is infuriating. I understand that she might feel left aside, or maybe even be jealous of your patience and dedication (consciously or not, as Jilly nicely explained). But calling such an important discussion "boring" even though you are the one trying your best to make everything work is just plain mean and immature. I don't thing that a genuinely caring person would do that. On top of that, her playing all nice the next day as if nothing happened seems quite manipulative.
Again fair point. This is my bad for not reading into it further. I would then agree that this stands a case of someone seeking needs of selfish stance, than one asking for equality.
Also, most women can keep a journal and use it to look back over their days to find that there's no noticeable difference between how they feel or act between those days and other days. They just think there is in retrospect because they expect it to exist. Alternately, some women do use it as an excuse to be mean. Some people will use anything they can as an excuse to be mean, for that matter. Most importantly to this case, it's not at all acceptable to tell your significant other that wanting to talk about something that really matters to them is boring. Maybe if you're bleeding because you've been impaled you could justifiably say, "Can we talk about this later? It isn't the best time right now." Otherwise, when someone is in a relationship and their partner says, "Hey, this is a problem," they should shut up, sit down, and listen.
Maybe take a break ?
Drop the girl, go back to living on your own. Find your happiness and then think about relationships again.
The most work i ever got done in a year was in 2006 after moving to North Carolina, having broken away from a bad situation.
I also lost 80 pounds that year, eating healthy and exercising.
Now, I'm back to being heavyset and fighting off depression and anxiety from lack of work.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that your success is tied to your current relationship. Burn the bridge and move on.
This is really the best post in this thread, can't believe how many people are just saying "Screw her, she's not worth it, she's just holding you back."
Make sure you aren't so blinded by your goals of getting a job in 3D that you are neglecting her or not paying attention to her needs or what's going on in her life.
If she says Yes, leave her. And there you go.
I am glad to hear its working out a bit better, hopefully will continue to do so for the future :thumbup:.
When my wife and I got married nearly 10 years ago I still didn't know what I really wanted to do with my life. I have always been an artist, but it took me a long while to manage to do it professionally. I worked a lot of crummy "normal" jobs that I hated. If you're an artist you will probably NEVER be happy doing anything that isn't somehow creative - and this will definitely affect your relationship.
My wife was always as supportive as she could be of my hopeless artist side - if it hadn't been for her I never would have taken the plunge into school and getting into working in games. By then, though, we already had 2 kids - and early into my career we had our third son - but things were going well. I had a job in our home-town, we were near to family and free childcare, had a nice place and a decent income. for the first time in our lives together.
fast forward a couple of years:
My job folded - as happens from time to time. I saw it coming and I started searching early. I got a new job a couple of months before the whole project went under. BUT we had to relocate to a new city. (which happens to have one of - if not THE highest cost of living in the country)
Now my wife does NOT enjoy not working, but with childcare costing what it does she can't work. She has to stay at home with the kids alone in a new city. Her friends and family are 500 miles away. She gets to spend all day cleaning house and entertaining toddlers while I work away at my dream job. This has caused a great deal of stress in our relationship and we have had numerous arguments.
Moving to a new city is not easy. I'm certain it's easier without kids involved, but it's a difficult thing to do for everybody involved - especially for the person who is "following" - the one who didn't get the great new job, but has to go to a new place with nothing and nobody but you - who'll be somewhere fulfilling and exciting all day while she tries to entertain herself or look for work of her own.
So don't fool yourself into thinking getting a new job in a new city will solve all your relationship problems. Extra care has to be taken to make sure HER needs are fulfilled. She needs to spend time with you, she needs to have a purpose and place in your relationship nomatter where you are or what you're doing.
I'm still struggling to find ways to make my wife's life less miserable and alone out here. She's always been there for me, holding me up while i reached for my dreams - and now she's just stuck here with nothing to do. It's not fair to her and it makes me question if it would have been better to stay where we were and scrape for freelance work while i work a day-job.
@reverendK - I am 24 and I don't want to have children at least until my career starts going on a good way. I was thinking on this a lot, and actually maybe I don't want to have children at all. Maybe this is where it turns to be obvious that yet I'm a maniac a little, but I don't want to "throw away" my free time and take it into children. I like doing art (multiple types, not just 3d) too much and if I would have children, I wouldn't have time to gratify my passion, and I wouldn't feel myself happy then. This is just my viewpoint by the way, but this is how I feel. After talking with gf more about our arguments, my 3d stuff, and such, it looks like everything would be better if I would have a stable job where I would get more money. The fact of this is sad to me because to me this means that this relationship really depends on money which isn't a good thing in my opinion. To not confuse anybody, I say once again, I usually get the same money as she gets with doing the freelance jobs, but it looks like it isn't enough to her. After these, it is possible that our relationship would go smooth if I would get a job in a studio at budapest, but then it would hurt me that we are depending on how much money I make.
Perhaps she doesn't feel safe since you have no stability in your job (cue 1 to 2 weeks of no projects). I'm guessing she wants to feel secure being with you, including your futures together.
There isn't any method that definitely works - both of you need patience and tolerance towards each other's situation. Having a partner that doesn't support your dreams - I would not encourage continuing but hey, it could be other reasons she isn't raising up like the point I said earlier.
If you would really like to invest in the relationship, try getting a full time job and do 3D or freelancing gigs after work. If she stops "nagging", probably she doesn't have an issue with 3D or money like you thought and you are free to pursue your interests as long as you can maintain a decent balance.
Also I'm going back to a factory. I won't dive in writing the details, because its pretty similar to the earlier situation. But at least now I clearly know what I will do...