Best Of

Oh, this one was good.

Let's start at the beginning of the game.

"OP comes out swinging on the first pitch with panic, violence, and only semi-plausable circumstances, Bob.  That's going to be hard to recover from."
"No, I think I see what he's doing here, John, he's establishing a sense of extreme urgency and putting the attacker on their back foot by trying to pressure them more than they're pressuring him."
"Well, as they say in that gif on the internet, 'a bold move, Cotton, let's see how it works out for him.' "

"Oh wow, that almost went sideways right off the bat!  OP makes a desperate save to dial down the heat a bit and keep the scammer on the hook."
"You're right, John, I don't think he'll try to hit them that hard with a reverse pressure power move right at the start again, that nearly blew up in his face.  His opponent probably didn't even see the totally legitimate part about remembering 16bpp color depth games.  Does anybody even do that anymore?"
"It's all handled in drivers, Bob.  Everything's in drivers."
"Ah, the days."
"Put down the copy of Unreal Gold, Bob."

"...oh, he's turning it back up, trying to gain the upper hand!  The implications of violence and tragedy might just be too much for this scammer if he doesn't let off the throttle a bit!"
"I agree John, the risks he's taking are just stupid.  Who actually responds to anything like this, even on the internet?"
"OP, obviously, Bob."
"That may be so, be he's also crazy."
"We'll leave that to the viewers at home to decide."
"No, I just took a straw poll here in the booth, we're pretty sure he's crazy."

"How much do you believe that story about him hitting people with a broomhandle, John?"
"With this OP, Bob, it's impossible to say.  He's already shown that he lives a bizarre, sometimes surreal, almost incomprehensible day to day existence.  I mean, my God, in the last one of these he busted out a picture of a dog sled on his own front porch!  But actual physical violence?  I don't know - I'm gonna have to go with 'probably false', but I'm not putting any money down on it."
"...and, yep, we're getting notice from the refs down in the thread that it was, indeed, totally BS.  He has never deliberately injured somebody in his life."
"Well, let's see if he has this scammer fooled..."


"OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THAT?!"
"HE JUST WENT FOR THE KILLSHOT, JOHN!  HE LINKED THE SCAMMER DIRECTLY TO THIS THREAD!"
"I can't believe it, that's NUTS this early in the duel!  What is he thinking?  Obviously this is it, the scammer's going to bail right here."

"ARE.  YOU. KIDDING.  ME!?!?!"
"He... must not have felt it!  He didn't click the link, maybe?"
"That has to be, John, it's the only explanation that makes sense!  Wait, it looks like OP is winding up again for another coup de grace!"

"Okay, folks at home, we were sure we were about to see OP blow the whole skit right out the window but it looks like he's toying with the scammer just a little bit longer.  We're not sure what his plan is here, but -"



"THERE IT IS, BOB!  STRAIGHT TO THE SCAMMER PLEXUS!"
"Oh no, is that blood down there, Bob?!"

[...so Scammer here actually wiped the chat log before I could grab the last few responses.  But here's the real zinger: he doubled down.]

Scammer: Well this isn't Riot.  This is real and legit

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  HE'S STILL TRYING TO STAY UP AFTER THAT!  HIS HEAD IS GONE!"
"Oh god, John, we can't broadcast this.  Folks at home, look away until the medics get onto the field."



"HE'S DOWN."
"That's it, Bob.  That's the end.  They're taking the body away and cleaning up the message log.  I hope we never see this again."
"To hell with that John, we'll be here next week with another matchup on MONDAY NIGHT SCAMMER STOMP!  Until next time, everybody, good night!"