Infidelity
My girlfriend recently revealed that she had been cheating on me for two months. I've been relitively mellow about it but as can be expected I'm really hurt by this turn of events.
Worse yet is, she cheated on me and we're raising a child.
Now she's inferring that because of the way I haven't quite forgiven her yet (in spite of the fact I've said I've forgiven her and that this news is maybe a week or two old) that she doesn't think we're going to make it.
This means I could lose my girlfriend and my daughter as well as all of the money I have invested in making sure our life is stable (20 thousand of my life savings which was intended on schooling but I used to support all of us when she wasn't working and so she could go to nursing school).
Because of how much I've given up I'm no longer in a position to be self sufficient let alone raise a child which means if she leaves, I don't get to be a part of either of their lives.
So here I am, in Wisconsin, a state where I don't know anybody and have no friends, a state I moved to so she could go to school and we could afford rent and with everything I've done for others I've left myself with nothing.
I have no one to talk to about this and so here I am on polycount looking for sympathy... or someone with brainwashing abilities.
I've never felt so awful.
Worse yet is, she cheated on me and we're raising a child.
Now she's inferring that because of the way I haven't quite forgiven her yet (in spite of the fact I've said I've forgiven her and that this news is maybe a week or two old) that she doesn't think we're going to make it.
This means I could lose my girlfriend and my daughter as well as all of the money I have invested in making sure our life is stable (20 thousand of my life savings which was intended on schooling but I used to support all of us when she wasn't working and so she could go to nursing school).
Because of how much I've given up I'm no longer in a position to be self sufficient let alone raise a child which means if she leaves, I don't get to be a part of either of their lives.
So here I am, in Wisconsin, a state where I don't know anybody and have no friends, a state I moved to so she could go to school and we could afford rent and with everything I've done for others I've left myself with nothing.
I have no one to talk to about this and so here I am on polycount looking for sympathy... or someone with brainwashing abilities.
I've never felt so awful.
Replies
Anyways, that pretty shitty man. I'm really sorry to hear that things are going so rough for you. I wish I had something useful to tell you, but the best I can give is that as shitty as it all seems, things will turn out alright somehow.
Also, have you have talked about all of this with your girlfriend? Make sure to if you haven't. Communicate exactly how you feel and where you are at. And let her do the same of course. :S
Good luck, I really hope things turn out alright.
yup, pretty much. harden up, and make art.
To the max.
I've gotten good advice there in the past.
As far as your issues, she wants to leave you and the cheating was a symptom of that and now she's looking for excuses to break up. That's just how it goes
i've felt awful all my life, polycount taught me, harden the fuck up, and make art.
your girlfriend disappointed you? humanity is an endless source of disappointment. get used to it.
if you expect everything to disappoint you, nothing will ever disappoint you ever again.
It'll take someone confidential and impartial to give you the relevant advice you need.
The net is full of opinions, some are even valid, but none will help you for shit without knowing specifics about you and your situation.
EDIT: Just to clarify, I was referring to a personal counselor, not a relationship counselor.
Unless she is super sorry and won't pull that shit again (for REAL), it's probably best to bail out. You can try going to counseling or something if you feel there's a possibility to repair the relationship, but aesir is probably correct, as is greenj2
I really wasn't intending some kind of pissing contest here and i'm not giving myself a nomination for most miserable person in the world or anything. With that said, you don't need to prove anything here to defend the title or something.
You don't need to keep replying to this thread if it's so irritating to you being I already got your point, you're a hard ass. Sorry to keep somehow getting your attention away from the art you're working on.
@everyone else
It's clear that I've been taken advantage of and an ultimatum is in order. It's good to just get any human input on this situation to re-affirm that I don't deserve this. I'm sure by this point I could use therapy. Thanks for overlooking my disregard for the new 3day old forum policy, I haven't been on in a week or so.
Shit sucks man, good luck resolving it.
Hopefully you can find a way to still be a father but I would suggest staying away from the cheater. Chances are if she told you, it was to force a break up. You being ok with it won't change the course she's set. Get pissed, toss her shit out a window change the locks and try to find a roomate.
To take a wild stab in the dark if you're both pretty young she's probably scared that her party years are slipping away? If that's the case she's in for a rude surprise and probably going to shuffle around from guy to guy setting a horrible example for your daughter... awesome...
thats the part that really turns my stomach.
Here's a picture of my dog driving to hopefully cheer you up.
Do you want to salvage the relationship? If so, the suggestion of counseling is a good one, though she probably doesn't want that. Having a child together throws a huge wrench into the advice I'd give you. You've got to live your life, though... at some point you're going to have to move out of that area if there's nothing for you there. The only thing you can do is make sure you can legally see your kid as much as possible.
Getting back to school and making new friends helped MASSIVELY. Turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me.
There's no step by step guide to help. You'll need to find your own way.
Find someone you trust and can talk to, that can give good advice, but don't talk their ear off constantly.
To Tough Love:
Not everyone is a Sayajin that becomes strong from constant beatings.
I feel for you man, i know how much of a roller coaster ride this stuff can be. Just remember the worse things get the better the future will be in comparison. Again, talk to a lawyer IMMEDIATELY, I've heard horror stories about guys in your position who don't get quick legal advice, doesn't matter how right you are or innocent you are in all of this.
irritating? i'm enjoying this thread. misery is awesome. i used to draw torture factories when i was a kid. you want advice?
if she's managed to throw away 20k, chances are that she's a pit. no money control. she's gonna end up with HUGE debts. and drag you down with her. oh, and Vig is a dick, but he knows what he's talking about.
snap now. you're putting her on a pedestal. be an asshole.
Hope it all works out for you
seriously man I can give you some websites to some porn or something your full of rage lately man. Go wank out a long hard one already. Or go take that massive shit youve been saving up all year you'll probably feel better
You know how I do it son *Rides into sunset on his harley*
dejawolf, you're being really heterosexual. Don't kick the guy when he's down... Jesus. Go make some art you moron.
my great teacher polycount says otherwise. the more down people are, the more you kick them.
and if you're on the verge of suicide, give people tips on how to kill themselves.
why so angsty? did your girlfriend cheat on you too?
Anyway doomivox. I can't say anything that hasn't really been said before but don't you have any family at all that can help out? They're good for tight spots. Getting the relationship back on track probably won't go very well. Not to be a downer but you'll probably never be able to trust her again.
Sorry, wrong. Polycount sadly shakes it's head as it lifts the X-Wing out the swamp for you.
DoomiVox: sorry to hear that, I don't have children so I really can't offer any advice. Do you have family you can go to for advice and support?
I'm pretty sure she cheated on you for some douchebag, Joe the janitor or whatever, while you've done and would do everything for her. Even as far as forgiving her and taking her back despite it all.
But that's just the thing, pretty much all women aren't attracted to a man who is a pushover (girls will literally tell you this). A lot of guys turn in to the mellow "everything for her" type once they get in a relation and a lot of times this type of behavior leads to the girl losing interest. I can see exactly that with my friends, the guys that get dumped and are totally destroyed by it displayed this sort of behavior. While the guys that have a solid relationship in which there is no doubt the girl would pull shit on them, are the ones that are in control, that don't get walked over when she gets upset over nonsense.
Now it might seem there's no use in telling you all this as it doesn't really help. I don't even say this sort of stuff to said dumped friends, but they never got screwed so bad as you did. I think that it might benefit you getting some of this insight, and that you'll realize that especially now, you shouldn't let yourself get pushed around. Yes, it'll be hard, but stay firm and don't get completely walked over. That doesn't mean you have to get angry and act out of this, just that you retain your dignity. Since offering to take her back is the kind of behaviour that made her leave in the first place.
That's only her way of trying to politely get out of the relationship, and giving YOU some of the blame. If she wanted the relationship, she would go out of her way to show you she's sorry. Unless you're being a passive aggressive douche.
Have you tried hitting her? Chicks usually stay with guys that beat them.
What I can say is what works for me - Try not to feel regretful. You did the right thing and it was her choice to do the wrong. You can't control what people do, so don't expect them to behave just like you want. Be glad that you did the right thing! And worry only about your child and getting back on your feet, forget about your relationship with her because there's no way that can be repaired.
Then, when you're doing alright again, you'll have a clearer view of what happened and why, and you'll notice that you learned quite a bit on the process. But avoid that for now because it tends to form destructive thoughts and that's the exact opposite of what you need now.
I know saying this doesn't work, but anyway: Have faith, you'll become stronger and wiser, will fall in love again, with someone more interesting, and will make more of it because of your acquired experience. Your kid will do alright. Money is just paper, it comes and goes, the important thing is being happy and having food on the table.
- either she is trying to get something out of u, elicit a response, reaction, something u didnt give her in a while. some girls go thru the most idiotic ordeals just to get the guy do something
- she planned the whole thing (revealing and then sayingn its not working out) in order to break up ur relationship (for whatever reason that is not up to you)
if it's the latter, u'r screwed (sorry...), but if it's the former u should find out what it is, where u went wrong and make sure she understands where she was wrong.
good luck man
Joke or not, that is bloody harsh mate. :S
What Xoliul said is pretty spot on. But that's not to say you did anything wrong, it's just that type of behavior can lead people taking advantage of a situation once they feel that they are in a position of power and that no matter what they do the other person will take them back. Unhealthy relationships are about one person being in that position; where there's one person that fears the other leaving, and the other feels that they are able to get away with stuff. It can start off small, usually with one person looking past little things where they needed to voice their opinion and it just grows, and grows. Healthy relationships are a two way street. You didn't do anything wrong. You had a horrible person take advantage of you.
Just remember that though, that she was/is a HORRIBLE person and the hell with taking her back. Let me tell you, even if you did stay with her, you will never trust her again, and you will always have doubts. You don't want that, it brings its own kind of misery. Don't worry about being a part of her life, you don't want that. The only way she should be a part of your life is because of the daughter you share, that's it. I know that makes the situation incredibly difficult, but I'd recommend talking to a lawyer or counselor or something about how to handle that. You said "This means I could lose my girlfriend and my daughter as well as all of the money I have invested." Does that mean that the money is still yours and you just promised to put her through school? If it was me, I'd say the hell with putting her through nursing school first off. As for the child, it becomes a question of who would be the better fit to raise her? Sounds like you if you have the 20 thou and a strong family or friend base that can be there for you.
Maybe there will be a bright side of this that years from now you can look back at this as a turning point in your life. You can't be a martyr in life. The one constant in your life is you and you can't always put others first.
Bottom line, think of what is best for YOU and your daughter and go from there. Don't feel bad at all if the answer to that screws over the hopefully soon to be ex girlfriend. Think about what you would say if a friend came to you with this problem and what you'd tell them. It just takes time dude, you'll get through this. Throw yourself into whatever you can (that's HEALTHY! don't go the drugs, heavy drinking route, that doesn't work) and focus on that. Call family every day, that's what I did when I had a similar situation happen. Just talking to my parents and brother on a regular basis was a lifesaver. Day by day it will get better.
And for dejawolf, it's gonna be fun when karma bites you in the ass.
+1 He's doing it for attention. That's what he's getting tho. That is about the only thing he's getting, thankfully.
Fact is...we don't know this guy. We don't know his girl. We don't know the whole story. It's really not our business. Our business is games. And this is not your blog. Talk to your family and friends.
Also...if you wanted to give your girl a sense of permanense in the relationship, YOU WOULD BE MARRIED! Wouldn't that be best for the kid?
So yeah...GL OP!
Oh come on, really? Did you take that whole post out of the Emo for Dummies book, or are you just trolling?
Doomivox, things do look pretty shitty right now. Good luck whatever happens, and don't let her enstrange your from your kid. I think, however -from what you've told us, anyway- that the sooner you break up with her, the sooner you'll start getting over her.
Thus giving better advise on shit otherwise they would be biased towards to.
First things first:
Dejawolf: you suck. go suck some dick. if you don't have anyting to contribute to the thread.. just press backwards and go troll another topic. ok?
Another thing:
People here have giving you good advices.
I can't really tell you what to do, because.. well. there is a kid involved.
And that changes things.
Despite the things ppl said here, i dont really think that you being more agressive and possesive would change things alot. Cause you see... Girls either love you or they dont..
If she really loved you, she wouldnt have cheated in the first place. and also.. if she was a sane person, she would love a guy that is mellow and cool. and not a fucking guido douchebag.
I just hope everything works out for you..
I just hope she didnt pulled a trick on you, so you could pay her the nursing school
She did something wrong, and is painting you out to be the asshole. That's blame transferal 101.
Nut up or shut up. Go cheat on her with her best friend.
http://boards.polycount.net/showthread.php?t=63239