Creative Fantasy Writing
Hello. I've been writing this small peice over the past few days as I have been pretty bored and just want to relax.
So... I am a writer by no means and I'm sure most of you will know that I do not spend alot of time doing so. (The majority of my writing is on these forums in the form of BS : ) Haha )
But anyways, I'm a very big fantasy reader and I have read the Omnibus of Orcs. I'm a big nerd when it comes to fantasy and it has inspired me to write my own peice.
I have taken a screenshot of the first page of my short story and hopefully I can recieve critics. I am not looking to become a writer but I think I have some sort of talent and I am also passionate about writing.
So... I am a writer by no means and I'm sure most of you will know that I do not spend alot of time doing so. (The majority of my writing is on these forums in the form of BS : ) Haha )
But anyways, I'm a very big fantasy reader and I have read the Omnibus of Orcs. I'm a big nerd when it comes to fantasy and it has inspired me to write my own peice.
I have taken a screenshot of the first page of my short story and hopefully I can recieve critics. I am not looking to become a writer but I think I have some sort of talent and I am also passionate about writing.
Replies
For instance, your lieutenant asks something anxiously - how does someone ask something anxiously? Of course, we intuitively know because we've experienced anxiety ourselves, and we attach that emotional experience to the situation we're reading about.
However, from a writer's standpoint, this is shockingly lazy, and even more common in the majority of fiction out there, regardless of genre. Personally, I think it's more interesting to show the character's anxiety, and allow the reader to infer the emotional content themselves, rather than holding their hand constantly. This technique, which some writers including Palahniuk and his mentor Tom Spanbauer refer to as minimalism, can also offer a more visceral reading experience.
If you're serious about improving the quality of your writing, check out some of these essays, and sign up for a writer's workshop. Be honest with others about your work, and don't be guarded - baring your soul in your work may make you feel vulnerable, but it's the only way you'll improve.
http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/essays
Perhaps a silly question but - I'm guessing you would need some sort of high English qaulifaction in college or even university to progress as a game writer?
I know I sound far fetched considering where my other passion lies but I'm just curious.
http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html
Thanks for the link.
Beyond the technical, though, it is hard to tell where you're going. It may be my proclivity for predictable paragraph patterns, or perhaps the way the dialog is in-line with the rest of the text, but there is no clear image of what will happen next. Working in some more descriptors and grounding the scene better in a physical sense does a lot to make the flow seem more natural.
A good way to examine the scene you've shown us, along with others you may write, is to remove the dialog entirely, and look at what you're left with. Without the dialog, there isn't all that much left; flesh that out a bit, and see what you have. Then modify the dialog to better reflect the changes you've made to the narrative.
This makes me want to take another stab at forming a creative writing group.
: )
I tried to fix the second and third paragraph to make it more ancient and fantasy. Its tone is more modern than what fantasy should be.
Like for example:
Hez quoting "what the hell." If I remember correctly, there was only one book came close to writing this directly. As in "what in 9 hells"
Others statements of shocks are as follows:
"What in the name of 9th legion"
"What in the name of Gods"
"What in the name of Elona"
and so on.
and the tone should be something like:
It was cold in the night when the ship sailing towards the darkness unoticeably. In the cabin, Baron, sat down on the chair wondering of his doings, yet seemed tired of all he have done in the past. After all his service to the kingdom of (name), he chose to become an exiler, prohibited to use the magic. As his master ,(name), wished for him to sail east to the Shield before dying in baron's hand, he chose to isolate himself from the world to find the unforseen truth of the Breath "knock, knock, Baron are you there?" It was Taina, the archmagon and the captain of the ship.
Something like that. This is the reference from the book called "Shield of the Weeping Ghosts by James P" I wouldnt really recommend anyone reading this book because it a bit confusing. (My apologyies to the writer for any offence)
Also do look in to Novels by Richard Knaak. His books really jutted in to the fantasy. It will do you good in your learning.
Yeah, that is actually my first peice.
Thanks for the qoutes and examples
Formatting aside:
There are a lot of choppy sentences. More like collected statements than paragraphs.
Flow is important. Right now it feels like a telegraph: .......... when it should feel more like ~~~~~ waves. The spoken text feels like lines delivered rather than natural speaking.
You are rushing through events without lingering to let the reader comprehend what is and has just happened.
'build tents! dead orc! story time!'... slow down there tiger.
Don't blow all your wad on the first page. You'll burn out quick like that.
If you haven't already, take some creative writing courses. Read more and see how authors you do read structure their stories and the flow of their paragraphs.
Is this a small part of an overarching plot? How much planning have you done? Outlining, notes and all?
Speaking of which, thanks for reminding me to start putting my game storyline(s) in the books.
This makes this harder for me to read than anything else.
on content, i'm going to second what danshewan said, too many empty adjectives after someone says something. Maybe just too many adjectives. Also picked up on the too many "hell"'s as well.
please write again!
edit: unless this starts a discussion and/or turns into a huge fail thread - this should go in p&p under the rare, bizzarre and fetish sub-forum-we-dont-have!
The dialogue itself doesn't really fit the characters, or the period/genre. While this can work with the right massaging, it's tough to pull off. In a lot of spots, it simply feels trite: "Stupid ork" "What the hell".
In line with what snemmy said, you really need a bit of buildup (alternately, a bit of consistency). Durilin goes from lordly, to voice of reason, to psychotic, to friendly, to jovial, to prankster, all in the space of four paragraphs, and what appears to be less than 15 minutes.
Niggle: I've never seen an army rank structure that places lieutenant above captain.
it's important to show the reader instead of telling them; they may well disagree with what you tell them, but they'll always believe what you show them.
Also, "awash with beads" and "grabbed their hilts" might be worded a bit better. The latter, especially, though that could be the polycounter in me thinking "grabbed their wangs".
I agree, I have made stupid mistakes and I will try harder next time in my writing.
Thanks for the writing "write overs" they are amazing. Way beyond what I could've done but thanks man: )
The 'How to write a Damn Good Novel' series are exceptionally well written. Not only is the series an entertaining read, it's also stuffed to the brim with information and advice. Most of the criticism you seem to be receiving is covered well within the scope of both books and 'Sin and Syntax' is not only an outstanding book in its own right, but excellent as a reference.
If you want to take your writing a step further then I recommend the above; otherwise you should try and join a local writers group for critique and advice. Avoid fluff groups that only dish out praise; you'll never get better with phony sweetness.
As a side note, 'The Chicago Manual of Style' is the only manual on formatting you'll ever need ~ not that I want to sound like a salesman but these books have helped many find an agent to walk the entire road down to publishing fame.
- Consider the settings, what are the colors? The sounds? The feel ? Fill the senses of the reader , but don't give them so much that they feel inundated with detail.
- Don't ham up the dialogue; "thee and thou" don't read too well these days.
- Make your characters human, in the sense that they are not one dimensional robots reciting text and clinging to base concepts like honor and so forth.
- Use "-ly" words sparing"ly". They can be used to good effect at times, but you will almost always find a verb that works just as well. Adverbs are looked down on by many writers.
- Fill your characters with purpose and personality; don't be afraid to make a "cool" character a coward; everyone has, and needs a flaw.
There's no way people would speak the way you've written it, even in a fantasy world people are lazy and would abbreviate, shorten words into slang etc.
Picture yourself watching an exact movie of your story and then ask yourself if it's being directed by David Fincher or Uwe Boll...
Gotta go to school now seeya.
I know, I know. It's the cliche harry potter nerd individual thing again.
Looking at that content, though, there seems to be a few gaps. You first state that he grew up in a broken-down cottage, which suggests seclusion and a fairly large lack of funds. How, then, does the character learn to read, gain access to a large collection of religious texts, and get out of whatever house/farm work which would be required of him in order to survive in that situation? None of the logic-gaps I've listed are hard to fill, and adding that detail could do much to make the character more interesting.
For example, Melpheus could live, not in a hovel or cottage, but in his family's ruined estate; a once-great mansion that has since fallen into disrepair after his grandfather's seat-rading business collapsed due to the king ceding all of the nation's ports and costal regions to a larger and more aggressive nation which was threatening to invade. Now, after a generation of poverty, the mansion is inhabited by Melpheus' family, trying to survive off from the surrounding farmlands while retaining some scrap of their dignity.
Melpheus himself is the youngest of four sons, born with a clubfoot and thought to be a living disgrace by all those around him. Surrounded by such cruelty and outright hatred, Melpheus soon retreats to the sole part of the mansion where none chose to follow: the old family library. Left sealed since the death of Melpheus' grandfather, the old library was full of ancient religous texts and musty tomes from bygone eras.
Driven to these books by hatred and a wish for escape, Melpheus soon becomes enraptured with the idyllic world of the old gods, filled with passion, justice, and order. Immersing himself in these books helps Melpheus forget the world around him, allowing him to explore history and events in ways which his deformity would usually prevent him.
After a time, during which Melpheus grew from a young boy to an almost-man, Melpheus realizes just how important these teachings are, and decides to share these teachings with all who will listen.
[And then ties in with the birthday thing and so forth]
By adding in those details, it becomes a much richer and engaging story. Finding and choosing the right elements to include isn't hard, it simply takes a bit of time. You could easily take a different route - such as making him a street-waif in some deep city who breaks into some great library intending to steal but ends up becoming a curator instead - while maintaining all of the same core elements.
Awesome...just awesome.
Epic. The first book called 'Home land'
For example, the three paragraphs here deal with the first eighteen years of your character's life, and sure, this could work, but why not hint at his growing preoccupation with the occult, as opposed to flat-out telling us? Try and be a little more subtle, and resist the temptation to race to the 'interesting' stuff. You should know your character's every habit, every trait, every nuance before committing anything to paper so as to ensure that you can reveal the more compelling aspects of their personality / life in a gradual manner, so that we keep reading.
Also, objects can be powerful tools in piquing our interest. Hint at a character's fixation on an object (whatever it is), but use the reader's curiosity as the hook. Tempt us with more details, dangle the carrot of the big reveal, and we'll keep reading. In theater, this technique is often referred to as plants and payoffs - Google it for some more on this, as it can be a great way to create and sustain interest.
I don't mean for this to come across as snarky or impolite, but if you're looking to learn to be a good writer, R. A. Salvatore is not the kind of author you want to go with. He's produced a popular character, but his writing really isn't very good.
Off the top of my head, and picking from current authors, I recommend reading Patrick Rothfuss's 'The Name of the Wind' and maybe Joe Abercrombie's 'The Blade Itself'. Especially Rothfuss if you're interested in writing as a craft - his writing is almost musically eloquent.
And you weren't being snarky or impolite.
Also, I kind of just started listening to the audio book because it interested me more. Also, since it's audio it doesn't really matter? Maybe it does in the way the reader says what he has written. Heh.
Thanks again Verm.
tbh, your final image doesn't match the build-up. It actually seems like a couple of heavies and their villain boss ... i mean, a big lummox "cracking his knuckles", it's a comic image, something from a cockney gangster film.
Sorry for hurting everyones brains on this one.
So everyone doesn't have to keep looking at my writing. Heh.
Self publishing is pretty easy, when you come right down to it. It just takes a bit of time, money, patience, money, and confidence in your work. And money. In the simplest terms, you pay a publishing company (like lulu http://www.lulu.com/index.php) and they manage the printing. Whether or not you make any profit depends on how well you can hock your book. It is not uncommon for an author to start out self-published, to then be picked up by a third-party publisher.
Third-party publishing companies are the ones most people are familiar with. Tor, Knopf, Random House, and Bel Ray are just a few which come to mind. These media giants typically chose what they publish by submissions they get from authors and writers. They require submissions to meet certain content, size, and quality criteria simply to get through the door, and even then it is easy for things to become overlooked. For starting writers, trying to get a submission looked at, let alone responded to, is a challenge, and it takes a lot of time to make sure you've hit all the right companies. It can take months, years, for an author to get their book published, even when it has already been fully written and edited.
There's an entire market for books on publishing books; head over to amazon some time and take a look.
Watch your over-use of similes. Not everything has to be "like" something. Strip it back, edit the hell out of it. For example :
"A trio of figures, fiery eyes smouldering, stood frozen in a titanic shadow that engulfed the land. "
Metaphor tends to be shorter and better than simile, so use it where appropriate. It makes for "punchier" reading as well.
" Locked in concentration, Dave the thief did not hear the creak of the door behind him. Time stopped as he felt something cold lightly touch his neck."
in this case time didn't really stop, but I think it reads better than " It seemed as though time had stopped". Also, try to imply things rather than state them. In the above, it should be clear that there's a blade of some sort involved without having to explain that directly. Not the best examples of writing in the world, but I hope it gets the point across. Less is more.
Making a short story out of it. I'd say I am progressing but I'm sure there are tons of mistakes : )
Foul words are a scalpel, not an armory worth of broadswords.
If you see then too often, they lose any impact. Use them only to draw attention to a specific thing. Foul language in common speak is boorish and sloppy.
Also, not every exchange between two people needs to be confrontational and filled with exclamation points.
Again!
I actually done this today as well.
I would say "On a lighter note. I done this today" but you'll see why I didn't if you read the peice :P