Tips for the straight dudes here because us gay dudes got it together apparently:
Don't think of it as online "dating" -- because it's not. The actual "dating" doesn't start until you meet at a (safe) public location in real-life. It's more like online "networking," like any other site.
Think about how limiting it is to only date people when you randomly happen to meet at the same location. Don't be an idiot -- at least just setup a profile, then walk away and let people come to you. Free dates. It's just a supplement to you already being an awesome suave playa at the clubs, blah blah blah.
On OkCupid, you appear in feeds when you update your profile substantially. Add another paragraph / upload a new picture every now and then and they'll come visit.
After 5-8 messages between the both of you, ask to meet for coffee or tea or something. It'll take 20 minutes. If it goes well, then go get something to eat or get a drink. If not, then say bye and move on. Done.
QFT.
I think of setting up an online profile kinda like selling something on eBay. If you wanna sell your loot for big bucks, you don't just slap a shitty cellphone pic up there with a few generic sentences cut and paste from some bland description. To make your item appealing, you want really good pics, preferably several, that show its features. You also want to describe the item in detail, paying attention to highlight the good stuff and get people interested, get them thinking about what you've got and how much they wanna have it.
Dating sites, at the profile stage, are the same way. You need to fill out a profile completely, write it well (be funny if that works for you), and get some quality photos up there. Be something that someone else wants to 'buy'. If you're not doing that, if you're cutting corners to get it done and them sending out bunches of similar, bland emails... basically, you're being the Chinese clothing knockoff email spam that we all ignore ("PAYPAL payment wholesale SHOES(UGG BOOTS, Timberland boots ,Munich shoes,NIKE,ADIDAS,LV,GUCCI,CHANEL,PRADA,POLO,D&G,DIOR AND SO ON")
Don't be boring spam, be the best version of you that you can. Sell it like it's eBay
In the theoretical situation that I wasn't married already, I wouldn't sign up for any dating sites just because I just...wouldn't, due to no reasons that make huge sense, but I really think people need to be more open to the whole online dating thing.
As I mentioned before, I met my wife at a very young age, on pokemon forums. It went pretty much like this:
"Ok, I'm a thirteen year old kid, Pokemon is the shit, new pokemon games coming out, gotta hit up some forums and be like, all about the pokemon stuff until those games come out so I can spend way too much time telling my Charizard that if it withstands this next hit I will love it forever."
Then one day someone was an asshole, and I was an asshole back because that's what you do when you're 13 and live on pokemon forums. And then this girl sends me a PM on the forums being like "Hey that guy was a total asshole, WTF? Oh by the way, fire pokemon are fricking sweet, right?" And I was like "Oh my god. They ARE fricking sweet."
And somehow we wound up becoming very good friends in spite of the 900 mile difference. She was allowed on the computer one hour a day, and I was there for that one hour a day for many, many months. She became the best friend this pathetic little kid version of me had ever had.
And then life happened and I wasn't able to find her to get in touch again until I was 18. And then I did find her through the vague memories I'd had of where she said she lived in Pennsylvania and lots and lots and lots of google searching like a creepy stalker. Took a long time, but oddly, she was still probably the best friend I'd ever had (though, was uh...incredibly surprised to hear from he again. Heh.) Again for many months we spent every day spending most all of our free time talking online, until I had enough money, bought an engagement ring and gave it to her on the second time I'd ever seen her in person.
Boy you wouldn't believe the amount of shit and skepticism we got for it originating as an "online" relationship.
I've never looked back. We've been living together for years now, this year will be our 2nd wedding anniversary. And the moral of the story is that shit can happen anywhere. If it feels right to you, go for it. Online isn't any different than real life, it's still just interacting with people. Give it the same attention and integrity you'd give it in real life, and you will be similarly rewarded.
u need a bro who can throw you some catchwords...
like you can fire some funny stuff to him, he back and so forth, as girls (at least where i live) tend to not have the right answers ready if you do a joke with them, but are open for a good laugh...
also girls tend to cluster together here, so its better to not be alone...
Ive never gotten the wingman thing, I've always done better flying solo at random parties. You have to be confident as all hell to be able to fly solo though.
In the theoretical situation that I wasn't married already, I wouldn't sign up for any dating sites just because I just...wouldn't, due to no reasons that make huge sense, but I really think people need to be more open to the whole online dating thing.
As I mentioned before, I met my wife at a very young age, on pokemon forums. It went pretty much like this:
"Ok, I'm a thirteen year old kid, Pokemon is the shit, new pokemon games coming out, gotta hit up some forums and be like, all about the pokemon stuff until those games come out so I can spend way too much time telling my Charizard that if it withstands this next hit I will love it forever."
Then one day someone was an asshole, and I was an asshole back because that's what you do when you're 13 and live on pokemon forums. And then this girl sends me a PM on the forums being like "Hey that guy was a total asshole, WTF? Oh by the way, fire pokemon are fricking sweet, right?" And I was like "Oh my god. They ARE fricking sweet."
And somehow we wound up becoming very good friends in spite of the 900 mile difference. She was allowed on the computer one hour a day, and I was there for that one hour a day for many, many months. She became the best friend this pathetic little kid version of me had ever had.
And then life happened and I wasn't able to find her to get in touch again until I was 18. And then I did find her through the vague memories I'd had of where she said she lived in Pennsylvania and lots and lots and lots of google searching like a creepy stalker. Took a long time, but oddly, she was still probably the best friend I'd ever had (though, was uh...incredibly surprised to hear from he again. Heh.) Again for many months we spent every day spending most all of our free time talking online, until I had enough money, bought an engagement ring and gave it to her on the second time I'd ever seen her in person.
Boy you wouldn't believe the amount of shit and skepticism we got for it originating as an "online" relationship.
I've never looked back. We've been living together for years now, this year will be our 2nd wedding anniversary. And the moral of the story is that shit can happen anywhere. If it feels right to you, go for it. Online isn't any different than real life, it's still just interacting with people. Give it the same attention and integrity you'd give it in real life, and you will be similarly rewarded.
Man. Someone talking about how they met their wife through Pokemon makes me feel like I'm 80. And I'm only 28. I'm getting married later this year. But if I had met the same type of girl, she would have been into magic the gathering (when it started) or something. But I still think that's a cool as fuck story. But I still like how I found my wife at a gay indie disco in Cardiff.
Hmm interesting thread, nice to see a discussion about this. So many people I know think the whole online thing is ridiculous. I have an okc, update it sometimes but never got much out of it (atm don't really need to since I'm kinda covered), 'cept for one date recently. She messaged me but turned out to be not all thaaat interesting (who talks about their ex all the time on a first date anyway, jeez).
If I were to go back to using it more, I guess I'd have to be a lot more proactive in messaging. Maybe in general in life too, all my girlfriends so far came to me first My own attempts always failed lol.
Ive never gotten the wingman thing, I've always done better flying solo at random parties. You have to be confident as all hell to be able to fly solo though.
If youre out there doing the bar/social thing a wingman is priceless, for many reasons too. They dont have to be by your side the whole time, a good wingman will peel off hur hur) and go do his own thing but keep an eye out for how things are going for you. So you are pretty much acting solo but have backup around the corner. Its also a numbers things groups of girls (3-5) are impenetrable for a single guy (unless youre the Hoff or Chuck norris) and a wingman makes it less akward (also devide and conquer). The other notable quality of a good wingmanis to act as a double agent for you when you go pee and etc.. but that has to be done in the right way to work.
Im sure wing men work for other guys, just saying what has worked for me in the past. And i find with a wing man there is always the expectation that you get something, wheras i like the option to just play it cool and not go there without being hassled.
And besides despite what you say, its easier to enter random parties where you know one 1-2 people as acquaintences by youself as you are forced to talk to everyone instead of sticking with your one mate.
I met my girlfriend on a party, with the assistance of a wingman friend of mine. He's had a girlfriend for over a year, but still likes to charm women, then lose himself as soon as they want to kiss him. (yes he's very evil indeed, but it is hilarious to watch). On this Christmas party a girl asked him where his outfit was, and he responded: "well, him and me, we're wearing green shirts, so we're dressed up as Christmas trees..." and kept on making silly jokes about her having to "decorate" us (in Dutch you can also use that word to play someone). Later on my friend had already gone home, but the girl came to me, and we had some laughs and ended up in bed somehow. We really liked each other so we made an appointment for a date the next evening .
Long story short: bro's are the shit! (but you still have to be able to fly solo).
don't get me wrong btw. i wasn't trying to suggest that dating sites don't work, or that they're a waste of time.
i was more trying to point out the fact that you should be looking to meet people, not to date them. and with that in mind, you'll probably find that dating sites don't actually work any better or worse than going out in the real world and meeting people. here's the kicker though, people who "fail" to pull irl, are probably just as likely to "fail" on a dating site.
TLDR: grow some balls, go outside, and go say hello to that chick you always fapped over from a distance.
Five pages of debating the validity of online dating, without mentioning the sites that cater to the geeks?
There's Geek 2 Geek (which looks pretty decent in terms of profiling), Soul Geek and Sweet on Geeks, all of which offer some pretty in-depth options for customizing a profile that highlights a love of video games, DnD, Magic etc.
Not sure about the kind of people you'll see on them (I'm guessing probably more than a few cosplaying forty year olds, judging from my brief explorations), but the profiling options are pretty decent if you want someone interested in certain geekier topics.
Five pages of debating the validity of online dating, without mentioning the sites that cater to the geeks?
There's Geek 2 Geek (which looks pretty decent in terms of profiling), Soul Geek and Sweet on Geeks, all of which offer some pretty in-depth options for customizing a profile that highlights a love of video games, DnD, Magic etc.
Not sure about the kind of people you'll see on them (I'm guessing probably more than a few cosplaying forty year olds, judging from my brief explorations), but the profiling options are pretty decent if you want someone interested in certain geekier topics.
That's interesting.
But the question is, do you guys want a girl like that?
I'm not sure I would like to marry a geek or an artist. It's just too similar to what I already am. In my mind, it seems like something like that would get boring, and that you'd want someone who was substantially different than you. Like a chef, or a musician, or a lion tamer or something.
But the question is, do you guys want a girl like that?
I'm not sure I would like to marry a geek or an artist. It's just too similar to what I already am. In my mind, it seems like something like that would get boring, and that you'd want someone who was substantially different than you. Like a chef, or a musician, or a lion tamer or something.
True, opposites attract as they say, but if there isn't much (or any) common ground in terms of hobbies or mutual interests, it can be a problem.
I married a woman who had absolutely no interest in gaming and rolled her eyes at the suggestion of a Romero movie marathon and it was problematic. Sure, we had somewhat similar taste in music and movies, but sometimes I wish we could have had a little bit more in common.
@Oxy: Don't look at your site profile like you do an art project.
Just be yourself via text. I know the tendency to put on a verbal show, but really you'll do better with something natural.
Also write with what you're looking for in mind. If you're wanting to attract a long term partner, then be more indepth about who you are and what really makes you tick.
If you're looking for hookups, keep it more short and sweet.
@Oxy: Don't look at your site profile like you do an art project.
Just be yourself via text. I know the tendency to put on a verbal show, but really you'll do better with something natural.
Heh, that may be the problem. I do. "I yams what I yams"
Meeting In singapore i think. I'm not quite sure about details.
Pretty sure its an internet scam, and they are just getting money out of him.
You'd think he would know better as he has been the victim of many scams on the net before.
I really wish my dad wasnt so gullible and so bull headed about being gullible.
Personally I wouldn't limit myself to just dating sites as you would just be limit my chances of meeting someone really cool.
I met my fiance on okcupid.com two years ago. I really liked the site even though I originally joined it as a joke due to me getting out of a bad relationship. I was getting talked to quite often and went on dates weekly. Promised myself I didn't want anything serious at the time, but after a few months I met the most awesome person and have since settled down. I would highly recommend it. Just try and take some good pictures and remember just because its the internet, girls still like guys to be gentlemen.
*EDIT* I think we should put a tutorial up on how to meet women in our wiki section
Not so sure about that to be honest, Snake...
I have always treated my lady friends with respect and all of that malarky... the last three all cheated on me... with so called friends of mine
As a result I am finding it pretty damned hard to trust women at the moment as a result of that.
Sucks not being in a relationship, however it means I can spend more money on my Mini and other silly things
@BadgerBaiter: Been there man. Best thing to do is just brush off those women, and the "friends" they cheated on you with as just another worthless person in your rear view. I highly suggest not bringing any of your jealousy and mistrust into your next relationship. Furthermore, it's probably best for you, and whoever you would date, to not even actively search out someone to date until you've dealt with those issues.
Not so sure about that to be honest, Snake...
I have always treated my lady friends with respect and all of that malarky... the last three all cheated on me... with so called friends of mine
As a result I am finding it pretty damned hard to trust women at the moment as a result of that.
Sucks not being in a relationship, however it means I can spend more money on my Mini and other silly things
Yah thats what happened to me in the bad relationship I was talking about. Still though, you should always show respect for the person your with even if your burned from past relationships. Each new relationship is a clean plate and its best not to bring past insecurities into it. I mean you showed respect and she didn't which makes you the better one in the situation. You should be glad you found out, now you don't have to waste time on them anymore and you can focus your attention elsewhere. Easier said then done, but it is doable. Trust me I have been there.
It doesn't matter how you find a soul-mate, just make sure Kratos isn't around and make it very clear that you don't her to be banging another person (or two) while you're not around.
Oh they are definately in the rear view mirror and my friends are wiped off the Christmas card list. Just really pissed off about the last one - I spent the last five years defending him at our place of work as people didn't really seem to take to him to well
Pft, anywhoo... its not that I don't trust women anymore, I just find it rather hard to be as open anymore. Not fussed though, have way too many uni projects due in and not neearly enough time
Anyway, as long as I find a girl who likes doing taxes and knows UnrealScripting/Kismet, I'll be all set.
Ask me to do your dishes, cooking, cleaning and laundry, and I'll find a way to do all that in under a day which will last the whole month, but ask me to fill out papers and do anything more then music, models and concept, and I'll whimper like a cheeky little bitch.
Talk about bringing back from the dead. But I am curious to the off topic swerve made. With cheating. Did they just want them for the sex? I mean did they still like you better? Like if you had done a 180 and said "Sure babe, lets invite x over next time and he gets the rear, while I get front".
I mean if she was looking for a way out of the relationship, if you show that has no effect on you. That you wont get jealous at sex. Then that person would have to confront you directly.
(Yes, I realize this is funny since I said I wasn't into poly originally. I do accept though humans weren't really meant for 1 partners only).
Like if you had done a 180 and said "Sure babe, lets invite x over next time and he gets the rear, while I get front".
One of the joys of porn, you can walk in the park, see a couple going at it, and come in to stick your throbbing manhood in her mouth without a single look or frown.
Try doing that in real-life, you'll be lucky if you don't get your arse beaten to a pulp, I mean c'mon, it's OK for them to go at it near the children's slide, but as soon I come in to share the love then "Ooooh" suddenly I'm the asshole...
One of the joys of porn, you can walk in the park, see a couple going at it, and come in to stick your throbbing manhood in her mouth without a single look or frown.
Try doing that in real-life, you'll be lucky if you don't get your arse beaten to a pulp, I mean c'mon, it's OK for them to go at it near the children's slide, but as soon I come in to share the love then "Ooooh" suddenly I'm the asshole...
Hmm.. Thats a bit too descriptive to not have happened...
Eh, women, can't live with them, dishes dont get washed without them...
fixed :P
no, i kid. ive always been a relationship person. never been the fuck em cause i can type. ups and downs. cheated on. dumped. tried my fair share of dating sites. perfectmatch.com and eHarmony, i found, were teh best, if you`re lookin to actually pay. but plentyoffish, as bad as it usually is, ive met some great people on there. had a good couple dates, and even lived with someone from it. we met in person and realized it wouldnt work as a relationship, but became good friends and were roommates for a while. the key to it all is be active, and be patient. and definitely make each mssage personal. you wont get replies with generic messages.
Replies
Tell me something I want to hear baby!
QFT.
I think of setting up an online profile kinda like selling something on eBay. If you wanna sell your loot for big bucks, you don't just slap a shitty cellphone pic up there with a few generic sentences cut and paste from some bland description. To make your item appealing, you want really good pics, preferably several, that show its features. You also want to describe the item in detail, paying attention to highlight the good stuff and get people interested, get them thinking about what you've got and how much they wanna have it.
Dating sites, at the profile stage, are the same way. You need to fill out a profile completely, write it well (be funny if that works for you), and get some quality photos up there. Be something that someone else wants to 'buy'. If you're not doing that, if you're cutting corners to get it done and them sending out bunches of similar, bland emails... basically, you're being the Chinese clothing knockoff email spam that we all ignore ("PAYPAL payment wholesale SHOES(UGG BOOTS, Timberland boots ,Munich shoes,NIKE,ADIDAS,LV,GUCCI,CHANEL,PRADA,POLO,D&G,DIOR AND SO ON")
Don't be boring spam, be the best version of you that you can. Sell it like it's eBay
As I mentioned before, I met my wife at a very young age, on pokemon forums. It went pretty much like this:
"Ok, I'm a thirteen year old kid, Pokemon is the shit, new pokemon games coming out, gotta hit up some forums and be like, all about the pokemon stuff until those games come out so I can spend way too much time telling my Charizard that if it withstands this next hit I will love it forever."
Then one day someone was an asshole, and I was an asshole back because that's what you do when you're 13 and live on pokemon forums. And then this girl sends me a PM on the forums being like "Hey that guy was a total asshole, WTF? Oh by the way, fire pokemon are fricking sweet, right?" And I was like "Oh my god. They ARE fricking sweet."
And somehow we wound up becoming very good friends in spite of the 900 mile difference. She was allowed on the computer one hour a day, and I was there for that one hour a day for many, many months. She became the best friend this pathetic little kid version of me had ever had.
And then life happened and I wasn't able to find her to get in touch again until I was 18. And then I did find her through the vague memories I'd had of where she said she lived in Pennsylvania and lots and lots and lots of google searching like a creepy stalker. Took a long time, but oddly, she was still probably the best friend I'd ever had (though, was uh...incredibly surprised to hear from he again. Heh.) Again for many months we spent every day spending most all of our free time talking online, until I had enough money, bought an engagement ring and gave it to her on the second time I'd ever seen her in person.
Boy you wouldn't believe the amount of shit and skepticism we got for it originating as an "online" relationship.
I've never looked back. We've been living together for years now, this year will be our 2nd wedding anniversary. And the moral of the story is that shit can happen anywhere. If it feels right to you, go for it. Online isn't any different than real life, it's still just interacting with people. Give it the same attention and integrity you'd give it in real life, and you will be similarly rewarded.
Haha - I'm a married man now, so I'm only allowed to use my powers of persuasion with car dealers and for negotiating prices with clients
Ive never gotten the wingman thing, I've always done better flying solo at random parties. You have to be confident as all hell to be able to fly solo though.
^Probably the best story ever.
Pokemon ftw!
If I were to go back to using it more, I guess I'd have to be a lot more proactive in messaging. Maybe in general in life too, all my girlfriends so far came to me first
Your pimp clothes, wiley charms, and impressive repetoir of stories prooved irresistable!
If youre out there doing the bar/social thing a wingman is priceless, for many reasons too. They dont have to be by your side the whole time, a good wingman will peel off hur hur) and go do his own thing but keep an eye out for how things are going for you. So you are pretty much acting solo but have backup around the corner. Its also a numbers things groups of girls (3-5) are impenetrable for a single guy (unless youre the Hoff or Chuck norris) and a wingman makes it less akward (also devide and conquer). The other notable quality of a good wingmanis to act as a double agent for you when you go pee and etc.. but that has to be done in the right way to work.
I could go on for ages about it.. lol
And besides despite what you say, its easier to enter random parties where you know one 1-2 people as acquaintences by youself as you are forced to talk to everyone instead of sticking with your one mate.
Long story short: bro's are the shit! (but you still have to be able to fly solo).
i was more trying to point out the fact that you should be looking to meet people, not to date them. and with that in mind, you'll probably find that dating sites don't actually work any better or worse than going out in the real world and meeting people. here's the kicker though, people who "fail" to pull irl, are probably just as likely to "fail" on a dating site.
TLDR: grow some balls, go outside, and go say hello to that chick you always fapped over from a distance.
TomDunne good for you! I was just pointing out yet another one way to go.
almighty_ gir You do not just simply walk into Mor... err just say hello.
There's Geek 2 Geek (which looks pretty decent in terms of profiling), Soul Geek and Sweet on Geeks, all of which offer some pretty in-depth options for customizing a profile that highlights a love of video games, DnD, Magic etc.
Not sure about the kind of people you'll see on them (I'm guessing probably more than a few cosplaying forty year olds, judging from my brief explorations), but the profiling options are pretty decent if you want someone interested in certain geekier topics.
bow-chicka-bow-wow
That's interesting.
But the question is, do you guys want a girl like that?
I'm not sure I would like to marry a geek or an artist. It's just too similar to what I already am. In my mind, it seems like something like that would get boring, and that you'd want someone who was substantially different than you. Like a chef, or a musician, or a lion tamer or something.
True, opposites attract as they say, but if there isn't much (or any) common ground in terms of hobbies or mutual interests, it can be a problem.
I married a woman who had absolutely no interest in gaming and rolled her eyes at the suggestion of a Romero movie marathon and it was problematic. Sure, we had somewhat similar taste in music and movies, but sometimes I wish we could have had a little bit more in common.
Different strokes for different folks, though.
Just be yourself via text. I know the tendency to put on a verbal show, but really you'll do better with something natural.
Also write with what you're looking for in mind. If you're wanting to attract a long term partner, then be more indepth about who you are and what really makes you tick.
If you're looking for hookups, keep it more short and sweet.
Heh, that may be the problem. I do. "I yams what I yams"
[ame]
Pretty sure its an internet scam, and they are just getting money out of him.
You'd think he would know better as he has been the victim of many scams on the net before.
I really wish my dad wasnt so gullible and so bull headed about being gullible.
Also i just posted this in exactly the same minute 24 hours from yesterday that i posted in this thread last...
I met my fiance on okcupid.com two years ago. I really liked the site even though I originally joined it as a joke due to me getting out of a bad relationship. I was getting talked to quite often and went on dates weekly. Promised myself I didn't want anything serious at the time, but after a few months I met the most awesome person and have since settled down. I would highly recommend it. Just try and take some good pictures and remember just because its the internet, girls still like guys to be gentlemen.
*EDIT* I think we should put a tutorial up on how to meet women in our wiki section
I have always treated my lady friends with respect and all of that malarky... the last three all cheated on me... with so called friends of mine
As a result I am finding it pretty damned hard to trust women at the moment as a result of that.
Sucks not being in a relationship, however it means I can spend more money on my Mini and other silly things
They're not all whores.
Yah thats what happened to me in the bad relationship I was talking about. Still though, you should always show respect for the person your with even if your burned from past relationships. Each new relationship is a clean plate and its best not to bring past insecurities into it. I mean you showed respect and she didn't which makes you the better one in the situation. You should be glad you found out, now you don't have to waste time on them anymore and you can focus your attention elsewhere. Easier said then done, but it is doable. Trust me I have been there.
Believe, two VERY important points...
Pft, anywhoo... its not that I don't trust women anymore, I just find it rather hard to be as open anymore. Not fussed though, have way too many uni projects due in and not neearly enough time
Fixed.
Oh you cheeky little...
Anyway, as long as I find a girl who likes doing taxes and knows UnrealScripting/Kismet, I'll be all set.
Ask me to do your dishes, cooking, cleaning and laundry, and I'll find a way to do all that in under a day which will last the whole month, but ask me to fill out papers and do anything more then music, models and concept, and I'll whimper like a cheeky little bitch.
I mean if she was looking for a way out of the relationship, if you show that has no effect on you. That you wont get jealous at sex. Then that person would have to confront you directly.
(Yes, I realize this is funny since I said I wasn't into poly originally. I do accept though humans weren't really meant for 1 partners only).
One of the joys of porn, you can walk in the park, see a couple going at it, and come in to stick your throbbing manhood in her mouth without a single look or frown.
Try doing that in real-life, you'll be lucky if you don't get your arse beaten to a pulp, I mean c'mon, it's OK for them to go at it near the children's slide, but as soon I come in to share the love then "Ooooh" suddenly I'm the asshole...
Hmm.. Thats a bit too descriptive to not have happened...
Oh you cheeky little...
fixed :P
no, i kid. ive always been a relationship person. never been the fuck em cause i can type. ups and downs. cheated on. dumped. tried my fair share of dating sites. perfectmatch.com and eHarmony, i found, were teh best, if you`re lookin to actually pay. but plentyoffish, as bad as it usually is, ive met some great people on there. had a good couple dates, and even lived with someone from it. we met in person and realized it wouldnt work as a relationship, but became good friends and were roommates for a while. the key to it all is be active, and be patient. and definitely make each mssage personal. you wont get replies with generic messages.