here's what I learned:
- don't chat for ages (weeks) before meeting up (helps with the spontaneity thing maze mentioned, and its weird if you do that and don't click IRL)
- don't go to their house with flowers (sorry kab :P)
- do meet up first for a 'non date' which is just to hang out. Make sure you both know its not a date and there's no 'romantic pressure' to make things click. ideally, go to an event or something which you can enjoy/talk about even if you don't click, so you can have a good time out either way.
maze: I don't think it has to be like the way you're imagining. Its like Geezuz says, if you have absolute turn-offs like smoking or owning 5 ferrets or something like that, its good to know that stuff. I totally agree you don't want to know every little thing before meeting, or what's there to talk about?
ps, also if their pic is taken holding their phone from above cropped to their face- probably avoid
here's what I learned:
- don't chat for ages (weeks) before meeting up (helps with the spontaneity thing maze mentioned, and its weird if you do that and don't click IRL)
- don't go to their house with flowers (sorry kab :P)
- do meet up first for a 'non date' which is just to hang out. Make sure you both know its not a date and there's no 'romantic pressure' to make things click. ideally, go to an event or something which you can enjoy/talk about even if you don't click, so you can have a good time out either way.
maze: I don't think it has to be like the way you're imagining. Its like Geezuz says, if you have absolute turn-offs like smoking or owning 5 ferrets or something like that, its good to know that stuff. I totally agree you don't want to know every little thing before meeting, or what's there to talk about?
ps, also if their pic is taken holding their phone from above cropped to their face- probably avoid
lol call me old fashioned, it failed and i laughed about it. Don't really care much for it, I have a great gf now of almost 2 years now so its not too bad.
and...
wat r u doing on polycount, you should be out like...Dr. Phillin!! you'd make way more dough!
Only advice I have for dating websites, is arrange a time to meet them them within 1-2 messages.
blah.
I met my girl at swing dance classes. Best advice I'd give you, is go where the girls are.
I know too many guys that try to pick up strippers, the waitresses at sportsbars/hard rock clubs, and the gym.... all places with 90/10 guy/girl ratio, or at least 50/50.
Go places where it's 10/90 guy/girl ratio.
Heck, I have straight friends that are batting near 100% by going to gay clubs.
Im shocked at the number of people on here that have resorted to online dating.
This kind of attitude doesn't make any sense to me. What makes meeting someone online any worse than being set up on a blind date or approaching random strangers in a bar or cruising the produce aisle hoping to bump into a decent match? I've 'resorted' to an attractive, successful wife, with whom I now own a nice house in a good neighborhood and with whom I'm awaiting the arrival of our first child. I mean, what could anyone possibly expect out of a first date that's better than that?
Yes. Meet a few, but always ALWAYS meet in a public space in a way that's easy to excuse your way out of. Lunchtime works well because you can always use "oh shit work called" as an excuse to duck out early if you need to.
I did that once. I had a date with a woman who turned out lied about her age. I've got nothing against 40 year old women really, but as a 28 year old that wasn't what I was looking for at that time. The situation just got really uncomfortable and I had to leave so I made the phone-call excuse. It was the one and only time I've ever done it and I felt really bad...
Internet dating is good if you're lazy and don't feel like going out to meet women and stuff(like me!), or if the opportunity to meet a nice girl doesn't happen often.
Internet dating is definitely not comparable to meeting people irl though since a presentation text and pictures can only tell so much.
Good luck with your dating, oxynary.
This kind of attitude doesn't make any sense to me. What makes meeting someone online any worse than being set up on a blind date or approaching random strangers in a bar or cruising the produce aisle hoping to bump into a decent match? I've 'resorted' to an attractive, successful wife, with whom I now own a nice house in a good neighborhood and with whom I'm awaiting the arrival of our first child. I mean, what could anyone possibly expect out of a first date that's better than that?
\m/ Sounds awesome. Congrats man.
I'm with you, I don't get the "resort to" mentality of it all. Sure, there are people out there that have just given up completely and wreak of desperation on these sites, but I look at it as simply another avenue. I don't prefer one to the other. They both present some good and bad.
My only problem with online dating is the fact that so many people set out to "find their mate". I was much more comfortable thinking of it as just meeting new people in a new area. I can say that the way my girl and I met was as natural as can be, given an online format. She simply miss-read something on my profile, and sparked up a funny conversation about it, and we hit it off. It all felt very natural. Though, this is probably a rare occurrence for most. Also, we were both only looking to "meet new friends". Not specifically hunting down a life partner.
I didn't want to be a dick, so I gave her roses, bought her dinner, told her my stomach hurt, and GTFO.
Never bothered with dating sites after that.
Haha, on my first date (after a month of chatting) with my, now current, GF I gave her flowers and a box of Stove Top Stuffing at the end of the date... and she totally freaked out about the flowers... but took my damn stuffing! The Stove Top was a random joke/misunderstanding that ended up sparking our initial conversation. I'm now known as Stove Top to most of her/our friends.
I would say try it again, if you feel so inclined. I've heard plenty of horror stories, but so many more happy endings. *shrug*
As far as organization and price (being free) goes, OkCupid is the best.
As far as "where to get the best results in finding a date"....that's entirely up to you and the person you hit it off with. About a third of my dating experience has been through meeting people online thru all types of sites, just find someone who's profile seems promising to you, send a message to start a conversation (do NOT some generalized message that sounds like a spambot, make jokes and ask her about things she specifically has on her profile), and if things take off and lead to a date, great.
Like several have mentioned, the best practice is to date people you meet face to face to begin with. if you can introduce yourself to a stranger and start a conversation in person, then dating sites are fucking cake in comparison.
This kind of attitude doesn't make any sense to me. What makes meeting someone online any worse than being set up on a blind date or approaching random strangers in a bar or cruising the produce aisle hoping to bump into a decent match? I've 'resorted' to an attractive, successful wife, with whom I now own a nice house in a good neighborhood and with whom I'm awaiting the arrival of our first child. I mean, what could anyone possibly expect out of a first date that's better than that?
I was just surprised, thats all. Out of curiousity, what was stopping you doing this with a woman you happened across in the real world first?
Thanks for the Single Artist Dating Link. Guess I will see what it is about. However, me personally. Not sure want another artist for a partner.
As for real life. Whom says we haven't?
Here is a funny story. I was really interested in this woman teller at my local bank. Each time I went I tried to get to her window. She was easy going, funny, and cute. After getting on a first name basis, I finally got to the point of wanting to ask her out as I didnt see a ring.
I hadn't been to that branch in a bit, and I noticed she was getting a little fat. "No biggie" I thought. As otherwise she was still attractive. So we talk, I do my banking, and then I tell her I have something to ask outside of banking. So before I can ask. She says, "Oh you noticed?" "Yes, I'm pregnant".
I umm quickly changed to agreeing with her that was the question I had in mind.
Yeah I've met guys in real life too, but when I'm busy in a contract or personal project, I can still check emails or personals sites in short breaks on the nights I don't have time to go out and about.
I think dating sites are a great way to supplement real life, not replace it.
One thing ive noticed with some friends locally is that sometimes, dating sites, etc make your city/town/world a very small place. Had a friend say a few women were messaging him and talking with him, but turned out they were all actually friends. Another time, one was my fiance's roommate, who was pretty batshit crazy.
You can run into the same problems out & about, but i think after a certain point you may exhaust your options on the dating sites. Important point then would be to not give up, stay confident, and realize its just because there are a finite number of people who use them, and many more people that don't, which require some good old fashioned gentlemanly like charm and not looking like a schlub.
I spent a lot of time dressing however i wanted to, not cutting my hair, not shaving, blah blah... and I felt i didnt get noticed when being out in the world. Stay healthy, get a tan, cut your hair, wear something other than slayer shirts, shave your face, man-scape, work out, blah blah blah... much success! I can still listen to black metal and play video games, i just dont look homeless when I do it
Treating yourself better will make you more confident, and that isn't something a dating site can do, but will work more in your favor elsewhere. Most of the time the photo will go unnoticed unless you're showing your abs.
Not sure why, but Moose's post reminded me of an interesting factoid I just learned.
The "common sense" is that women don't like spontaneous sex (with a new person they just met) as much as men do. But this is actually because they think many of them would be bad in bed. The man says "wanna have sex?" but the woman hears "I want to have an orgasm".
When the study adjusted for the men that women thought would be lame in bed, the women in the study (and mind you this was done in the US) were just as up for spontaneous sex as men.
Now I'm probably the worst person in the world to give advice on how to come across as good in bed to a woman, but if you ever find out what attitude and phrases show you know how to give a gal just as good a time as you will have, your ability to "score" will go up (if that's what you're after).
i have never met a girl on the internet or even looked, there are so many just walking around. take an art class, goto a coffee shop, a bar, i even met a girl at the laundr0mat.. i guess i just dont understand the need for meeting people online when i meet so many people all the time. i understand if you have some diper fetish or like to inject childrens blood in your anus, you might have to find a special forum for that, but if your just looking for a date you dont have be brad pitt or anything, just start talking to people, and get out from behind your computer and start walking around the real world.
i have never met a girl on the internet or even looked, there are so many just walking around. take an art class, goto a coffee shop, a bar, i even met a girl at the laundr0mat.. i guess i just dont understand the need for meeting people online when i meet so many people all the time. i understand if you have some diper fetish or like to inject childrens blood in your anus, you might have to find a special forum for that, but if your just looking for a date you dont have be brad pitt or anything, just start talking to people, and get out from behind your computer and start walking around the real world.
This bears repeating, who says we haven't? There seems to be a bit of presumptions of who and what internet dating includes.
One thing another friend (a woman) and I were talking about with these dating sites, and success - is that you have to be persistent for real success. Most women on them do not have to do much work (ones with the "good photos"), they have hoards of men mailing them, and you're just one in their inbox. She said there was a point where she just ignored every mail she got, and only paid attention to those she sent stuff to. Who knows if that is a norm, but if thats the case firing & forgetting mails to people on them doesn't work :P
When I used match.com, I'd fire out a ton of mails, and see what came back. If nothing, id wait a week and fire off a ton more mails. Got to the point where it felt impersonal tho I had one date, and it never went beyond one date.
As for the quality of results, the people I know who've been successful with them have been with okcupid, and match.com.
So much of the dating-site world revolves around your photo, i never assumed there were businesses that cropped up to author them... but i found at least 8 in a quick google search haha.
The things I really like about OKC are the customized profiling: you get to answer questions and pick which answers you are interested in as well as how important the particular question is to you.
And the oktrends blogs on the statistical analysis of differing things across their user base.
From one of those: if you want to know if you should even try for a first date bedroom hookup with a female, ask if she likes the taste of beer. There is a high correlation between women who answered they like the taste of beer and who also answered they would be willing to have sex on the first date.
When I used match.com, I'd fire out a ton of mails, and see what came back. If nothing, id wait a week and fire off a ton more mails. Got to the point where it felt impersonal tho I had one date, and it never went beyond one date.
Apparently that kind of tactic is called the shotgun approach. Girls usually figure that out and since it feels impersonal for them they usually ignore those mails. It would be different if they would find you very attractive though. That's one of the things I really don't like about dating sites. It comes down to looks which is a real shame. People look at the pictures and if the girl/guy looks cute enough they read the presentation text or whatever to get a sense of what the person is like, what he does for a living, where he's from and so on.
From what I've heard from girls they apparently get a lot of dirty mails from guys. Some even send them pictures of their penis so in a way I can understand why they get a bit cocky and ignore most of their mails and/or don't reply to them.
Tips for the straight dudes here because us gay dudes got it together apparently:
Don't think of it as online "dating" -- because it's not. The actual "dating" doesn't start until you meet at a (safe) public location in real-life. It's more like online "networking," like any other site.
Think about how limiting it is to only date people when you randomly happen to meet at the same location. Don't be an idiot -- at least just setup a profile, then walk away and let people come to you. Free dates. It's just a supplement to you already being an awesome suave playa at the clubs, blah blah blah.
On OkCupid, you appear in feeds when you update your profile substantially. Add another paragraph / upload a new picture every now and then and they'll come visit.
After 5-8 messages between the both of you, ask to meet for coffee or tea or something. It'll take 20 minutes. If it goes well, then go get something to eat or get a drink. If not, then say bye and move on. Done.
Funny thread.
All this talk of trying to date is making me miss being single.
Seriously, stop worrying about meeting the right person and just enjoy the journey. Because that's very much so, a fun part of the process.
All you can do is have confidence and throw caution to the wind, and once you do that, there's nothing to worry about.
Dating sites seem to be the new thing though. Did try it for a bit. But found it weird and superficial. I'm sure there's the odd catch on there though.
Unless you're in your late 40's.....there's no rush....
If you're in your late 40's, and a millionaire, then that could be good. I can still dream though. 20 years for that to happen (come on mega bucks game art career).
Funny thread.
Seriously, stop worrying about meeting the right person and just enjoy the journey. Because that's very much so, a fun part of the process.
All you can do is have confidence and throw caution to the wind, and once you do that, there's nothing to worry about.
to everyone who sits there and says "it's all about the picture... why does that matter? blah blah blah".
i have GOT to ask this question:
at what point in your life have you ever been in a bar/club/park/restaurant, looked across the room at anyone and said "i bet she's a lovely person with a great personality"?
at the end of the day, almost (and i stress the word almost) every relationship starts with the spark of physical attraction. the few that don't, are usually started between mutual acquantance... you know "hey i know a guy/girl who'd be great for you".
it's just the way it is. i think the only real exception to this is when someone finds another person attractive and starts up a conversation with them, and the other person would usually ignore the first but the conversation is engaging enough for interest to be sparked.
but really, complaining that people won't talk to you if they don't like how you look is about as futile as fishing without any fishing gear. think of online dating as exactly the same thing as real life dating, except people can be even more picky since it's harder to ignore someone who's actually stood in front of you.
also, the whole "you can meet someone anywhere, under any circumstance" is pretty true... i met my current girlfriend by selling her an xbox 360 to give her kids for christmas (i worked in retail), i'd moved in with her about 6 weeks later, and we've been together over 2 years now. we just "clicked".
Yeah, really, I'm not sure.
My last girlfriend heard about me from her friend and facebook-messaged me. I had no idea who she was at the time, despite going to the same school, but we ended up dating for like 2 years.
...Then she broke up with me for moving across the country.
Then some weird chick came up to me at a cafe near my college and started talking to me.
Then some weird chick at Borders books approached me and wanted to hang out sometime.
Then the cafe chick wanted to hang out.
Then the borders chick friended me on facebook
Then the cafe chick friended me
Then the Borders chick was too busy with work when I wasn't in class,
then the cafe chick and I started dating.
Thus: Changed relationship status.
Haven't heard from the Borders chick since then. Pretty hilarious, really. Like she just wanted me to get some Male-tail. Psh.
Now, dating that cafe chick.
Then some weird chick at best buy came up to me and asked for my number.
And I felt bad saying no, but I did. And she told me this long story about her life being single since her boyfriend just broke up with her, or something. Sad.
But trust me, I'm no Leonardo DiCaprio. These things happen, if you walk around in public often enough. Even if you do it fully clothed.
Really. Just walk places. I have never approached a girl I didn't know to say hi. I'm really shy. I've been told I'm not easily approachable. So, I don't know what the Hell it is. Good karma? Anyway, yes, just go places. Let people meet you, if you don't want to go meet them.
Nope best places to find meaningless sex/ new friends, which can turn into a relationship, that or go to the park do social things ect.
~With new firends go to there parties, meet nice people expanding friends, eventually find someone for you.
The people that I know have been very successful with internet dating sites have been on 5+ sites spamming. numbers is the way to go, the more you expose your self to many the more result will come. usually nothing happens but when you send out hundreds of requests or whatever the chances rise.
u need a bro who can throw you some catchwords...
like you can fire some funny stuff to him, he back and so forth, as girls (at least where i live) tend to not have the right answers ready if you do a joke with them, but are open for a good laugh...
also girls tend to cluster together here, so its better to not be alone...
to everyone who sits there and says "it's all about the picture... why does that matter? blah blah blah".
i have GOT to ask this question:
at what point in your life have you ever been in a bar/club/park/restaurant, looked across the room at anyone and said "i bet she's a lovely person with a great personality"?
at the end of the day, almost (and i stress the word almost) every relationship starts with the spark of physical attraction. the few that don't, are usually started between mutual acquantance... you know "hey i know a guy/girl who'd be great for you".
it's just the way it is. i think the only real exception to this is when someone finds another person attractive and starts up a conversation with them, and the other person would usually ignore the first but the conversation is engaging enough for interest to be sparked.
but really, complaining that people won't talk to you if they don't like how you look is about as futile as fishing without any fishing gear. think of online dating as exactly the same thing as real life dating, except people can be even more picky since it's harder to ignore someone who's actually stood in front of you.
Sure, looks do matter but it's not just looks that make you find someone attractive. The person's behavior, manner and accent(let's say at a party with no loud music) for instance can affect you a lot. Some of those things are part of a person's personality. You won't be seeing any of that in a static image. Don't forget that an image can be misleading too. You might be satisfied with your presentation image where the light is all wrong, your face is all pale because of high fever and more but others find it really ugly.
The people that I know have been very successful with internet dating sites have been on 5+ sites spamming. numbers is the way to go, the more you expose your self to many the more result will come. usually nothing happens but when you send out hundreds of requests or whatever the chances rise.
This makes sense, but at the same time women get so many messages that I'm not convinced spamming is the most effective tactic. But if you just want to meet someone, anyone, then sure, why not?
I went with a more focused approach involving a carefully written profile and targeted messages to people who I found intelligent and interesting (and yes, physically attractive). Life is full of compromises and I wasn't looking for perfection, but I don't have the time or inclination to date just anyone. My profile is alternately silly and sincere and gives a good sense of my personality. The main picture is a blurry photo of me dancing abroad in public like a crazy person, and the introduction stated that I was mostly looking for people to kidnap mariachi.
Weird? Totally. And I know my experience is the exception to the rule because I pretty much broke all the rules. Sure, I didn't get a lot of attention, but the people who responded did so because they liked my sense of humor and personality and I had interesting conversations with several of them. I met up with one in person and it went really well... we've been dating for a few months now. Not nearly long enough to prove online dating is some magical way to meet people, but enough to convince me that if you know yourself and you know what you want, and you communicate that clearly, you can narrow down your search much more quickly than just hanging out in bars or clubs.
That said, the advice in this thread is really good. Online dating is not a substitute for social interaction and a healthy social life involves doing things with other people, away from the computer, without feeling as if you HAVE to find someone.
Sure, looks do matter but it's not just looks that make you find someone attractive. The person's behavior, manner and accent(let's say at a party with no loud music) for instance can affect you a lot. Some of those things are part of a person's personality. You won't be seeing any of that in a static image. Don't forget that an image can be misleading too. You might be satisfied with your presentation image where the light is all wrong, your face is all pale because of high fever and more but others find it really ugly.
I was just surprised, thats all. Out of curiousity, what was stopping you doing this with a woman you happened across in the real world first?
Life, more or less.
When I signed up for Match.com, I was 30 and working as a full-time freelancer. Nearly all my friends were married or in long-term relationships, and there weren't many "lets get the boys and hit the bars" opportunities. I was alone in my house all day during work hours, so I wasn't meeting anyone through my job or through work friends, either. I did meet people, playing in co-ed soccer leagues and the like, but it was still not presenting me a lot of chances and I obviously wasn't getting any younger.
Rather than be passive about it and hope I bumped into a girl I wanted to spend my life with, I decided to actively try to find someone. I joined the site, talked with some girls, etc. I set up three dates in one weekend and two of them went very well - one of the two is now in the other room getting ready for bed
I can understand if people don't feel online dating is necessary, especially if you're in school, have a very social job or lots of single friends, etc. But if that's not the case or you're just not finding the kind of person you wanna be with, I can't fault anyone for expanding his options.
The people that I know have been very successful with internet dating sites have been on 5+ sites spamming. numbers is the way to go, the more you expose your self to many the more result will come. usually nothing happens but when you send out hundreds of requests or whatever the chances rise.
That's exactly the opposite of what I did. I only contacted girls I was genuinely interested in, and I made an effort to be as interesting to them as possible. No 'winks', no generic "hey, what's up?" messages, but thoughtful (and hopefully funny) comments about their profiles, the things they had written, etc.
I'd say I got replies from about half the girls I contacted. Granted, I'm one handsome and charming motherfucker, so there's that But every girl who did reply really responded to the things I was talking about - taking a real interest in them got them to take an interest in me.
Replies
here's what I learned:
- don't chat for ages (weeks) before meeting up (helps with the spontaneity thing maze mentioned, and its weird if you do that and don't click IRL)
- don't go to their house with flowers (sorry kab :P)
- do meet up first for a 'non date' which is just to hang out. Make sure you both know its not a date and there's no 'romantic pressure' to make things click. ideally, go to an event or something which you can enjoy/talk about even if you don't click, so you can have a good time out either way.
maze: I don't think it has to be like the way you're imagining. Its like Geezuz says, if you have absolute turn-offs like smoking or owning 5 ferrets or something like that, its good to know that stuff. I totally agree you don't want to know every little thing before meeting, or what's there to talk about?
ps, also if their pic is taken holding their phone from above cropped to their face- probably avoid
lol call me old fashioned, it failed and i laughed about it. Don't really care much for it, I have a great gf now of almost 2 years now so its not too bad.
and...
wat r u doing on polycount, you should be out like...Dr. Phillin!! you'd make way more dough!
blah.
I met my girl at swing dance classes. Best advice I'd give you, is go where the girls are.
I know too many guys that try to pick up strippers, the waitresses at sportsbars/hard rock clubs, and the gym.... all places with 90/10 guy/girl ratio, or at least 50/50.
Go places where it's 10/90 guy/girl ratio.
Heck, I have straight friends that are batting near 100% by going to gay clubs.
Pics
This kind of attitude doesn't make any sense to me. What makes meeting someone online any worse than being set up on a blind date or approaching random strangers in a bar or cruising the produce aisle hoping to bump into a decent match? I've 'resorted' to an attractive, successful wife, with whom I now own a nice house in a good neighborhood and with whom I'm awaiting the arrival of our first child. I mean, what could anyone possibly expect out of a first date that's better than that?
I did that once. I had a date with a woman who turned out lied about her age. I've got nothing against 40 year old women really, but as a 28 year old that wasn't what I was looking for at that time. The situation just got really uncomfortable and I had to leave so I made the phone-call excuse. It was the one and only time I've ever done it and I felt really bad...
Internet dating is good if you're lazy and don't feel like going out to meet women and stuff(like me!), or if the opportunity to meet a nice girl doesn't happen often.
Internet dating is definitely not comparable to meeting people irl though since a presentation text and pictures can only tell so much.
Good luck with your dating, oxynary.
You see, i've been learning. One Dance Central song at a time.
I actually pulled out Dance Central moves at a New Years Party, I was pretty wasted. Didn't work out too well.
\m/ Sounds awesome. Congrats man.
I'm with you, I don't get the "resort to" mentality of it all. Sure, there are people out there that have just given up completely and wreak of desperation on these sites, but I look at it as simply another avenue. I don't prefer one to the other. They both present some good and bad.
My only problem with online dating is the fact that so many people set out to "find their mate". I was much more comfortable thinking of it as just meeting new people in a new area. I can say that the way my girl and I met was as natural as can be, given an online format. She simply miss-read something on my profile, and sparked up a funny conversation about it, and we hit it off. It all felt very natural. Though, this is probably a rare occurrence for most. Also, we were both only looking to "meet new friends". Not specifically hunting down a life partner.
Haha, on my first date (after a month of chatting) with my, now current, GF I gave her flowers and a box of Stove Top Stuffing at the end of the date... and she totally freaked out about the flowers... but took my damn stuffing! The Stove Top was a random joke/misunderstanding that ended up sparking our initial conversation. I'm now known as Stove Top to most of her/our friends.
I would say try it again, if you feel so inclined. I've heard plenty of horror stories, but so many more happy endings. *shrug*
As far as "where to get the best results in finding a date"....that's entirely up to you and the person you hit it off with. About a third of my dating experience has been through meeting people online thru all types of sites, just find someone who's profile seems promising to you, send a message to start a conversation (do NOT some generalized message that sounds like a spambot, make jokes and ask her about things she specifically has on her profile), and if things take off and lead to a date, great.
Like several have mentioned, the best practice is to date people you meet face to face to begin with. if you can introduce yourself to a stranger and start a conversation in person, then dating sites are fucking cake in comparison.
I was just surprised, thats all. Out of curiousity, what was stopping you doing this with a woman you happened across in the real world first?
As for real life. Whom says we haven't?
Here is a funny story. I was really interested in this woman teller at my local bank. Each time I went I tried to get to her window. She was easy going, funny, and cute. After getting on a first name basis, I finally got to the point of wanting to ask her out as I didnt see a ring.
I hadn't been to that branch in a bit, and I noticed she was getting a little fat. "No biggie" I thought. As otherwise she was still attractive. So we talk, I do my banking, and then I tell her I have something to ask outside of banking. So before I can ask. She says, "Oh you noticed?" "Yes, I'm pregnant".
I umm quickly changed to agreeing with her that was the question I had in mind.
I think dating sites are a great way to supplement real life, not replace it.
You can run into the same problems out & about, but i think after a certain point you may exhaust your options on the dating sites. Important point then would be to not give up, stay confident, and realize its just because there are a finite number of people who use them, and many more people that don't, which require some good old fashioned gentlemanly like charm and not looking like a schlub.
I spent a lot of time dressing however i wanted to, not cutting my hair, not shaving, blah blah... and I felt i didnt get noticed when being out in the world. Stay healthy, get a tan, cut your hair, wear something other than slayer shirts, shave your face, man-scape, work out, blah blah blah... much success! I can still listen to black metal and play video games, i just dont look homeless when I do it
Treating yourself better will make you more confident, and that isn't something a dating site can do, but will work more in your favor elsewhere. Most of the time the photo will go unnoticed unless you're showing your abs.
The "common sense" is that women don't like spontaneous sex (with a new person they just met) as much as men do. But this is actually because they think many of them would be bad in bed. The man says "wanna have sex?" but the woman hears "I want to have an orgasm".
When the study adjusted for the men that women thought would be lame in bed, the women in the study (and mind you this was done in the US) were just as up for spontaneous sex as men.
Now I'm probably the worst person in the world to give advice on how to come across as good in bed to a woman, but if you ever find out what attitude and phrases show you know how to give a gal just as good a time as you will have, your ability to "score" will go up (if that's what you're after).
This bears repeating, who says we haven't? There seems to be a bit of presumptions of who and what internet dating includes.
When I used match.com, I'd fire out a ton of mails, and see what came back. If nothing, id wait a week and fire off a ton more mails. Got to the point where it felt impersonal tho
As for the quality of results, the people I know who've been successful with them have been with okcupid, and match.com.
some interesting articles from okcupid on photos:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont-be-ugly-by-accident/
So much of the dating-site world revolves around your photo, i never assumed there were businesses that cropped up to author them... but i found at least 8 in a quick google search haha.
http://www.datingphotos101.com/
And the oktrends blogs on the statistical analysis of differing things across their user base.
From one of those: if you want to know if you should even try for a first date bedroom hookup with a female, ask if she likes the taste of beer. There is a high correlation between women who answered they like the taste of beer and who also answered they would be willing to have sex on the first date.
From what I've heard from girls they apparently get a lot of dirty mails from guys. Some even send them pictures of their penis so in a way I can understand why they get a bit cocky and ignore most of their mails and/or don't reply to them.
hahahahaha
Don't think of it as online "dating" -- because it's not. The actual "dating" doesn't start until you meet at a (safe) public location in real-life. It's more like online "networking," like any other site.
Think about how limiting it is to only date people when you randomly happen to meet at the same location. Don't be an idiot -- at least just setup a profile, then walk away and let people come to you. Free dates. It's just a supplement to you already being an awesome suave playa at the clubs, blah blah blah.
On OkCupid, you appear in feeds when you update your profile substantially. Add another paragraph / upload a new picture every now and then and they'll come visit.
After 5-8 messages between the both of you, ask to meet for coffee or tea or something. It'll take 20 minutes. If it goes well, then go get something to eat or get a drink. If not, then say bye and move on. Done.
All this talk of trying to date is making me miss being single.
Seriously, stop worrying about meeting the right person and just enjoy the journey. Because that's very much so, a fun part of the process.
All you can do is have confidence and throw caution to the wind, and once you do that, there's nothing to worry about.
Dating sites seem to be the new thing though. Did try it for a bit. But found it weird and superficial. I'm sure there's the odd catch on there though.
Unless you're in your late 40's.....there's no rush....
If you're in your late 40's, and a millionaire, then that could be good. I can still dream though. 20 years for that to happen (come on mega bucks game art career).
But I rather have a good friend...
Yeah, we all have our good friend - which we yank on when there's no one else too. Thank god for that.
Though perhaps I am posting this to the wrong industry people...
Pretty much this.
i have GOT to ask this question:
at what point in your life have you ever been in a bar/club/park/restaurant, looked across the room at anyone and said "i bet she's a lovely person with a great personality"?
at the end of the day, almost (and i stress the word almost) every relationship starts with the spark of physical attraction. the few that don't, are usually started between mutual acquantance... you know "hey i know a guy/girl who'd be great for you".
it's just the way it is. i think the only real exception to this is when someone finds another person attractive and starts up a conversation with them, and the other person would usually ignore the first but the conversation is engaging enough for interest to be sparked.
but really, complaining that people won't talk to you if they don't like how you look is about as futile as fishing without any fishing gear. think of online dating as exactly the same thing as real life dating, except people can be even more picky since it's harder to ignore someone who's actually stood in front of you.
also, the whole "you can meet someone anywhere, under any circumstance" is pretty true... i met my current girlfriend by selling her an xbox 360 to give her kids for christmas (i worked in retail), i'd moved in with her about 6 weeks later, and we've been together over 2 years now. we just "clicked".
My last girlfriend heard about me from her friend and facebook-messaged me. I had no idea who she was at the time, despite going to the same school, but we ended up dating for like 2 years.
...Then she broke up with me for moving across the country.
Then some weird chick came up to me at a cafe near my college and started talking to me.
Then some weird chick at Borders books approached me and wanted to hang out sometime.
Then the cafe chick wanted to hang out.
Then the borders chick friended me on facebook
Then the cafe chick friended me
Then the Borders chick was too busy with work when I wasn't in class,
then the cafe chick and I started dating.
Thus: Changed relationship status.
Haven't heard from the Borders chick since then. Pretty hilarious, really. Like she just wanted me to get some Male-tail. Psh.
Now, dating that cafe chick.
Then some weird chick at best buy came up to me and asked for my number.
And I felt bad saying no, but I did. And she told me this long story about her life being single since her boyfriend just broke up with her, or something. Sad.
But trust me, I'm no Leonardo DiCaprio. These things happen, if you walk around in public often enough. Even if you do it fully clothed.
Really. Just walk places. I have never approached a girl I didn't know to say hi. I'm really shy. I've been told I'm not easily approachable. So, I don't know what the Hell it is. Good karma? Anyway, yes, just go places. Let people meet you, if you don't want to go meet them.
Online dating seems, er, sketchy.
Maybe if this thread was "best places to meet a lush".
~With new firends go to there parties, meet nice people expanding friends, eventually find someone for you.
True.
like you can fire some funny stuff to him, he back and so forth, as girls (at least where i live) tend to not have the right answers ready if you do a joke with them, but are open for a good laugh...
also girls tend to cluster together here, so its better to not be alone...
Sure, looks do matter but it's not just looks that make you find someone attractive. The person's behavior, manner and accent(let's say at a party with no loud music) for instance can affect you a lot. Some of those things are part of a person's personality. You won't be seeing any of that in a static image. Don't forget that an image can be misleading too. You might be satisfied with your presentation image where the light is all wrong, your face is all pale because of high fever and more but others find it really ugly.
This makes sense, but at the same time women get so many messages that I'm not convinced spamming is the most effective tactic. But if you just want to meet someone, anyone, then sure, why not?
I went with a more focused approach involving a carefully written profile and targeted messages to people who I found intelligent and interesting (and yes, physically attractive). Life is full of compromises and I wasn't looking for perfection, but I don't have the time or inclination to date just anyone. My profile is alternately silly and sincere and gives a good sense of my personality. The main picture is a blurry photo of me dancing abroad in public like a crazy person, and the introduction stated that I was mostly looking for people to kidnap mariachi.
Weird? Totally. And I know my experience is the exception to the rule because I pretty much broke all the rules. Sure, I didn't get a lot of attention, but the people who responded did so because they liked my sense of humor and personality and I had interesting conversations with several of them. I met up with one in person and it went really well... we've been dating for a few months now. Not nearly long enough to prove online dating is some magical way to meet people, but enough to convince me that if you know yourself and you know what you want, and you communicate that clearly, you can narrow down your search much more quickly than just hanging out in bars or clubs.
That said, the advice in this thread is really good. Online dating is not a substitute for social interaction and a healthy social life involves doing things with other people, away from the computer, without feeling as if you HAVE to find someone.
i said initial attraction is based on aesthetics.
Life, more or less.
When I signed up for Match.com, I was 30 and working as a full-time freelancer. Nearly all my friends were married or in long-term relationships, and there weren't many "lets get the boys and hit the bars" opportunities. I was alone in my house all day during work hours, so I wasn't meeting anyone through my job or through work friends, either. I did meet people, playing in co-ed soccer leagues and the like, but it was still not presenting me a lot of chances and I obviously wasn't getting any younger.
Rather than be passive about it and hope I bumped into a girl I wanted to spend my life with, I decided to actively try to find someone. I joined the site, talked with some girls, etc. I set up three dates in one weekend and two of them went very well - one of the two is now in the other room getting ready for bed
I can understand if people don't feel online dating is necessary, especially if you're in school, have a very social job or lots of single friends, etc. But if that's not the case or you're just not finding the kind of person you wanna be with, I can't fault anyone for expanding his options.
That's exactly the opposite of what I did. I only contacted girls I was genuinely interested in, and I made an effort to be as interesting to them as possible. No 'winks', no generic "hey, what's up?" messages, but thoughtful (and hopefully funny) comments about their profiles, the things they had written, etc.
I'd say I got replies from about half the girls I contacted. Granted, I'm one handsome and charming motherfucker, so there's that