One is the loneliest number...
polycounter lvl 18
So from the results of the thread on marriage. It looks like about 60+% of us cant commit or find someone(s). So for the people here whom have lucked out.
How? Share your stories of how and where you met your SO and approaches etc.
Further, for the single of us willing to step forward, maybe give our situations and see if new ideas to meet others we would be attracted to come forth.
Example:
What about peoples out of school and in work environments where there either isn't enough choice or sexual harassment looms? (And on a completely personal note, whose hobbies are unfortunately geek or redneck, and who does not drink nor dance and rarely goes to shows).
Who tries online dating, and in the 5 years of trying only 1 date came out of it. While 80% of the people who contact you are overweight (when you are not) to the degree of unattractiveness. Or Bi couples just looking for another partner. While the people you find attractive are unresponsive, or stop after a initial contact.
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Yep, PC is being redefined again and now alse a dating suggestion forum for geeky artist and programmers.
How? Share your stories of how and where you met your SO and approaches etc.
Further, for the single of us willing to step forward, maybe give our situations and see if new ideas to meet others we would be attracted to come forth.
Example:
What about peoples out of school and in work environments where there either isn't enough choice or sexual harassment looms? (And on a completely personal note, whose hobbies are unfortunately geek or redneck, and who does not drink nor dance and rarely goes to shows).
Who tries online dating, and in the 5 years of trying only 1 date came out of it. While 80% of the people who contact you are overweight (when you are not) to the degree of unattractiveness. Or Bi couples just looking for another partner. While the people you find attractive are unresponsive, or stop after a initial contact.
:::::::::::::::
Yep, PC is being redefined again and now alse a dating suggestion forum for geeky artist and programmers.
Replies
I'm not going to be very helpful in this thread, I think.
I think its all my fault really.
I went to school outside my own town, so i grew up without any real friends here.
Then it kinda started in highschool. Here there are no real groups or what not, we just helt our breaks, fun and what not. People connected with people very well, but the people were totaly different from who i am, so i lost interest. (a bit of the i act like i got money and are better then you types)
So from the start i had no friends to go out or do stuff with. So you dont meet new people and it kinda stops there.
Then when i took up this study there were hardly any girls, and when there were some it was kind of dissapointing. I got some good friends there though, but only one i actualy visit, and funny enough he's a die hard gamer and kinda the same story.
So yeah i ended up sitting in my room 99% of the time, making art, enjoying music, or doing silly stuff.
I do go out for coffee alot, and the girls there start to know me well enough that, when i walk in i dont even have to ask, they make it
I have no problems with going somewhere, and just starting a converstation of some kind. Mix in and talk away about crap. I seem to be quite accepted into the social groups but its my lack of interrest, or feeling better alone that i dont continue and built on these things.
There is also this, i like older people for some reason. I can connect much better with them because they care much less about the "what can he offer me", they're just having a good time, sharing stories. So thats may be why i leave most people of my age alone, (20)
Also i want to get a job in the us or canada, so i really keeping myself from socialising, dont get too attached to things.
Its frustrating now and then, seeing people having fun, experiencing shit i've never, but then again.. fuck it, really.
oeh to compleet it,
[ame]
Not everybody feels the need to define themselves through a significant other. As great as companionship can be there is also happiness and fulfilment to be had in other pursuits. Don't feel inadequate because everyone around you seems to be happy and in relationships. Very often our perception of the way things are can be out of proportion with reality. Just my rambling thoughts.
Good song. =]
I'm in the same position. Cause' I'm 16. Lol.
(It also in Magnolia the movie- One of my favorites)
[ame]
Smile, nod, get back to drawing.
If you're feeling really smooth, write your name and number along the edge of the drawing and leave it with 'em once you're done. But please don't leave your email address; that reeks of desperation.
I've been single for a few years now. now that i'm sorta.. getting back on the train and going out and searching for ms. right(s), I can see that the last few years have been a choice, in a sense.
if you're a hopeless dork, then go get Ross Jefferies.
Thats a little bit oversimplified and makes many assumptions. Your entitled to your opinion on the rest of us though.
lol
Me and a friend were sitting in the mall sketching people once, and this dude, looked middle eastern noticed my friend was drawing him so he comes over, looks at the drawing then points at the page and exclaims "YOU'RE DRAWING ME!, your bloody drawing me". Me and this other guy are just sitting there bewildered and not sure what to do, he then starts exclaiming to everyone around us that we were drawing them, noone seemed to care. He then told my friend to erase the drawing, but it was in pen and he refused anyway. It gets so bad that he eventually calls over the mall guards, and they have no idea what the hell to do. Finally my mate tore the drawing out of his sketchbook and handed it to the man and he tore it up and threw it in his face and stormed off....
So no not everyone likes getting drawn and its not really a problem of it being a bad drawing of him as the dude is one of australias top concept artists...
My problem with women is that im too picky, and all the ones i do like already are taken, and im not the sort of dude to go after a woman already with a man as if they are willing to leave somone for you, there is always the chance that they will leave you for somone else.
Oh and i have trouble relying on people, that probably has to be a big part of it.
Do it, sucka!
It's tough if you're not in school or workplace that has a lot of females. I had very few girls in my classes as they were all interior design majors and wouldn't talk to me. We have maybe 3 females at my workplace so I feel bad for my single guy coworkers.
Good luck dude!
"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect_%28psychology%29
They lack the naturalness at that point if they know you are doing it. Worst is doing it on a bus. Enviably someone parks their fat ass head (or worse behind) in front of whom you were drawing. That or the bus's crappy suspension fails to cushion a pothole so they no longer had the pose you were doing (and you have a nice scraggly line across your page
It's soooo fun, though.
Point 2: Realize that getting into a relationship IS like hunting, and there is usually a game to it all, no matter how much people of every gender and orientation say they hate the game.
The key point to all that is you can't hunt where there isn't game. You won't bring home deer from the middle of the Sahara, and you wont find a partner in your living room (room mates notwithstanding).
Go to coffee shops and order Tea instead, learn to dance, ie figure out what kind of people you like, then go where they are and do things they're interested in. This is part of the game, and you may find out you do like activities like these when you have the right company.
If you truly and honestly can't be arsed to put out even that modicum of effort, try OkCupid. Its free, its scientific (matching via weighted statistical analysis of questions), and you'll likely find people you'd at least like to have as friends. Yes you'll still have to put out some effort to get to the talking and meeting part, but most of that happens at your computer, and we're all right there already right?
point 3: DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF FRIENDS! especially if those friends are of similar gender and orientation to what you desire. Of all my girlfriends since early highschool about half of them have been set up with me by a mutual female friend, on top of that it was also a female friend who I had a thing for but never got into a relationship with for whatever reason. My legal primary was one of these setups, and I found my second through a different friend but wasn't set up, the relationship just grew on its own.
As far as maintaining a relationship once you start in on one (and yes I do mean from the first date on), honesty and good old love (putting their desires/needs/wants a bit ahead of your own) will take you about as far as you want to go. And always remember that no matter what title you and your other(s) may wear they're another complete being just like you, and what attracts them to you and vice versa was qualities of person, not utility. Don't start playing the role of "boyfriend" once you get the title, your SO will notice, and the relationship will start to go downhill from there, even if neither of you can name exactly why. (girls this goes for you too)
it helps if you feel completely out of depth with the whole thing, it will also make you more comfortable , and as friends you will learn boundaries and relationship building.
second most important thing is to also have fun and it can be hard to do at times when all you think about is getting your peanut polished.
confidence is the key in all of this you cant go buy it off ebay and is hard to fake, if you're out having fun making friends it will come naturally in time.
lastly dont give a fuck about what other people think
My advice to any lonely studs out there: Don't worry about looking for the perfect mate, instead work on making yourself the perfect mate (or as good as can be expected), and you'll be better off for it.
What good is it to meet the woman of your dreams only to be someone that she wouldn't be interested in? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying for anyone to change who they are, only to improve who you are (which should be a goal of all of ours, no matter what) and prepare yourself for a relationship through maturity and responsibility. Basically, stop acting like a dumbass kid.
I'm trying to build up my career because I plan on heading over to Europe/US/Canada for work and don't really want to force the girl I'm with to drop everything and leave her family and friends for me.
Having said that, I still go out with girls and if something kicks off, then I'm not going to stop it. But I'm not purposely going out of my way to find this perfect partner.
I knew my bf for like a year before we even started dating, partially from the fact he was with someone at the time but we got along well enough that when I found he was broken up we started going together ourselves. It was a great match and has been so ever since, plus he's been very accomidating while I've been going to school and building my porfolio, don't worry its not all give and take.
Though the nights when I'm pulling an all nighter and he's making me food or coffee or just giving support it really teaches me the value of companionship.
What you don't want is someone that's bitching at you that your 3D work is taking up too much time for them. My bf's a gamer so he's just excited to see what I'll have when I'm finished. That will come in handy when I finally land a job and crunch time is creeping up.
But yeah you can´t go up to a girl and say "durr youre pretty hurr hurr hurr" although it did work with my latest girlfriend. Maybe says more about her than me though. It´s aong distance thing. Kinda sucks but it gives me time to become an awesome artist...
edit: But i guess we (lonely artists) could always go this route.
http://www.idonowidont.com/blog/second-life-cheating-ends-in-real-life-divorce/
The past few years I've gotten much more outgoing by going to bars, clubs, concerts, and house parties, and striking up conversations with women. Furthermore a few years ago I started hosting my own parties, and encouraging people to bring their friends, and it has evolved from a small 12 person gathering to a 80+ person shindig, with a good 50/50 ratio of women to men, this has introduced me to women and from there I'll meet a girl I hit it off with for a date.
Now dating just comes naturally.
au pairs dont count! There like a Gamble card man! Here being awesome one minute and then BOOM gone and somewhere in Europe the next!
is it a wonder this guy died of aids?.....what a pimp. such respect for the ladies :P
Oxy -- sorry, I wasn't trying to be judgmental.. this is how i see human beings functioning. it's not a personal thing... more of a belief about human behavior at it's core. here's how i see it:
maybe you don't meet people because you're shy or hesitant. --> meeting people = pain.
maybe you can't commit because --> commitment = heartbreak or something. pain.
maybe you can't attract someone similar to yourself because you think you're a loser --> self exposure = pain
I had a REALLY weird one where i didn't want to stop growing, so i didn't like to meet people who showed me myself "as i am" -- self acceptance = pain.
counter example --? -- really, if you break this for me i'd be happy. I mean seriously Oxy - why aren't you in a relationship? I really would like to know.
I guuuueesss I might agree that there are some things that maybe you could just be doing that are fucking you up.. but even the most pathetic, homely, gentleman in the world doesn't turn EVERYONE off. --- "be yourself" -- does it work or not?
also, you could certainly make the argument that you haven't met the right person.. Although I tend to find that you attract the right people into your life. I mean, I'm certainly finding that more and more and more.
I suppose it is possible to just look in the wrong place.
"Just BEE yourself!"
hah! I lol'd
lol because it's ridiculous.
Here we can easily extrapolate your idea further.
Darfurian war orphans starve to death because A) they don't want food badly enough, or
If you say A, well, we can all lol at you. If you say B then we can easily move back to the original situation and say there are times where someone both honestly would like a partner but cannot find a compatible one.
[ame]
and if that doesnt work, inform them that you're looking for some pussy, some cunt and some butthole.
If 'yourself' is an immature asshole or a petty jerkwad neckbeard, then no.
If 'yourself' is a 'insert interest here' nerd, then yes.
The benefit of being yourself is that you get what you need. If you're a dick, everyone will avoid you, which is what you need. If you're not, then the people who share your interests will want to be around you.
Opposites may attract, but similars have a more stable future and typically get along better.
Having a significant other significantly reduces your personal freedom. Not in a bad way, if you're in a place in life where you're ok with that. I like not having to coordinate my schedule with anyone. It also makes it a lot more difficult to flirt with girls at bars and coffee shops, etc.
Also, I've found you're much more likely to meet someone when you're NOT looking. Do you really want your girlfriend to be attracted to the "looking to get hooked up" version of yourself, or the normal you?
Chicks are crazy anyway.
Ummmm I fail to see how dating foreign women doesn't count as dating, a lot of au pairs stay in the states once they're done with the program. But personally I like dating them because they aren't interested in something long term!
-Stop looking. all the girlfriends ive had, i got when i stopped looking. When you stop looking, you start being yourself. Hard habit to break, i know. but its true. When you look, you change how you act around people you think you might have a chance with.
-when all else fails.... Liquid Courage. cant go wrong with alcohol!