Swine Flu confirmed to bring people back to life after death...?

odium

This is f***ing crazy shit... Actual REAL zombies...? I need to find my cricket bat...

BBC News | Europe | EU quarantines London in flu panic

Lord McMutton

I laughed at what it says at the bottom.

Have you been affected by the zombie strain of swine flu? You can send your experiences using the form below.

odium

Pretty funny hack/copy/paste tbh, even if the typing is worse than mine in places

Xenobond

Rens

"The Netherlands confirms its first case of zombie swine flu,"

yeah!


why do zombies allways attack and want people dead, why cant they just make weird movements and drew on themselfs..

makes the story fail right away

Jesse Moody

*loading shotgun now...

This is awesome! All those hours of dead rising and preparing I'm ready. Now if you can excuse me. I'm off to the mall! lol

Quaggs

if this was actually true, it would really make my day. I've always wanted to see a zombie apocalypse. but alas, my dream shall have to wait.

Matthew Blake

Damn, it had me fooled.

|Buddy|

I like this photo.

seforin

I was already going to go and buy a motorcycle and some rations and some chainsaws to strap to the sides of it.......

(heh this should be a "how would you plan to survive/ fight the zombie thread" )

MRico

When I read that in the other thread it honestly got me...I got all freaked out and shit. Felt so stupid afterward though, lol.

Thegodzero

Where would you go in the case of a zombie outbreak?

Me id be at my local Costco. Its got a low number of doors, high ceilings with high shelves to make into a ewok like village(just in case they broke in(this relies on the myth that zombies can't climb)), lots of food and water, and LOTS of things to use as weapons.

TheMadArtist

I'd head to my job. I work for a company that does military simulation software and games and we literally have a storage closet in the building filled with ammo and weapons. Plus we're on the side of a big bayou, so the zombies would only approach one way.

nrek

I would definetely head to the local Menards. That way I have all the supplies needed to brick up the doors and windows, make various weapons, and even build a mini civilization within the lumber department. Bring it on.

seforin

why does everyone board themselves in the citys is what I dont get?

I never see zombies frolicking in a field ever!


why not grab enough rations// supplys (lets say enough for camping) and head towards a area on a motorcycle FAR FAR away, I know trying to escape citys is usually mass panic via cars since cars a big and bulky, but motorcycles are smaller and a bit easier to navigate around and are a faster method, why not board up some supplys on a harley, and head for the furthers cabin the woods you can find?



(unless animals can turn into zombies to, then my idea is fucked as soon as a bear zombie shows up..)

nrek

Isn't that pretty much what happened to the people in 28 weeks later during the first part of the movie? I thought they were in a house that was like out in the country and then BAM the place is crawling with zombies. I think people with house boats have the right idea to be honest.

Jesse Moody

Yep steal a nice big ass house boat.

Thegodzero

hmmm house boat... a boat in general would be great. Just so long as the zombies don't climb up your anchor.

BTW wouldn't zombies float? they are decaying after all so they would float theoretically so they would just float up to your boat and get on.

Jeremy-S

That's exactly right, Godzero. They would fill up with gas under the water, bloat, and float right to the surface, and bite you. That's why offshore oil rigs are the best places ON SEA to stay. Of course, the supplies on those will run out eventually, which makes them not THE best place to stay in a zombie outbreak.

The best place to survive a global zombie outbreak, is in the mountains. The higher the better. You can build a shelter, you can make your own weapons for hunting food, and while there's not a lot of edible vegetation, the zombies can't climb that high, so you're safe from them. Even if the could climb that high, the temperatures would freeze them solid. Just be careful of the warmer months when thaws could become a hazard.

JasonLavoie

No air in them... and its all technically "dead" weight... GET IT!! Har har!

Has someone made a Lobo yet... thats all i need

Edit: Best place to live is up north actually, in the winter those mofo's freeze (World War Z anyone, ha ha)

PolyHertz

No way I'd want to be on a boat when the zombie apocolypse hits, cause then you know theirs going to be zombie sharks and whales coming after you.

Jeremy-S

Yeah, there's no air, but the dead and rotting body parts create gases that are trapped before the undead take to the waters, where those gases can not escape, and eventually cause a "life jacket" effect, where the zombie will float.

It's proven fact. Ask Max Brooks (RE: The Zombie Survival Guide it's all in there)

danr

a shelter in the mountains won't protect you from flying zombies armed with missiles.

And floating zombies have little outboard motors in the small of their back. And rudders for hands

all true

Jeremy-S

That is very true, danr. If there's flying zombies armed with missiles, we're all fucked. There's no getting away from those.

Mental_Hernia

Anyone know a good recipe for Molotovs?

JesterBox

You can go into the freezing cold mountains, but you need a shit load of supplies.

Oh, and then there's Zombie Yeti, your fucked.



I would stay they hell away from any store that sells food, it will be crammed and eventually someone will come in who has the virus, and "turn" inside the store, then chaos, nobody know who's infected and who's not, a sea of angry faces running in random directions, It'd be easy to mistake a human for one of them.

Plus the government would send out death squads, bombing all major cities as a contingency plan. So you need to get the fuck away from highly populated areas as fast as possible, only to return once they are bombed to scavenge for food, and survivors.

And remember there's always the secret goverment bio-weapons that will escape due to outbreak.

SlappyBag

Jeremy-S wrote: »

That's exactly right, Godzero. They would fill up with gas under the water, bloat, and float right to the surface, and bite you. That's why offshore oil rigs are the best places ON SEA to stay. Of course, the supplies on those will run out eventually, which makes them not THE best place to stay in a zombie outbreak.

The best place to survive a global zombie outbreak, is in the mountains. The higher the better. You can build a shelter, you can make your own weapons for hunting food, and while there's not a lot of edible vegetation, the zombies can't climb that high, so you're safe from them. Even if the could climb that high, the temperatures would freeze them solid. Just be careful of the warmer months when thaws could become a hazard.

I take it you've been reading the mandatory survival guide

Mental_Hernia

Jester's got a point. Plus, I think we're forgetting that the biggest risk is that the virus can spread through the air, and not just through physical contact from the Infected. If an Infected came into your grocery store while everyone was stocking up on food, a couple deep coughs = teh suq.

A boat will run out of gas at some point. Parts will break down, not to mention limited space for food storage. Way to much maintenance and possibility of problems, especially when you don't know how long you're going to be in the water.

We need answers people!

That is very true, danr. If there's flying zombies armed with missiles, we're all fucked. There's no getting away from those.

Where the hell did the flying abilities and missiles come from?

Thegodzero

Mental_Hernia wrote: »

Where the hell did the flying abilities and missiles come from?

Nazi's!

JesterBox

Everyone says they'll go to the mountains, or get on a boat, but chances are you don't know anything about living in the cold, or operating a big ass boat, besides anyone with a boat most likely already sailed away, only to be eaten when they return to land for supplies.

Not to mention how would you get to these remote places without your precious Google maps. Power is out folks.

You need to be immune, have survival skills/instincts, to stay calm in the face of sure fire death, and be proficient with some type of firearm to even have the slightest chance of survival, not to mention be able to run faster and longer than an adrenaline filled mob.

THAT'S WHY THERE ARE SOME MANY ZOMBIES. Because not becoming one is really fucking hard.

Nazi's!

He's right after all, they engineered the virus.

seforin

it gets worse gentlemen Ive been playing plants versus zombies today, apparently they have mechs as well!


this is really causing a issue in our plan for survival now that they have access to our giant robot technology

JesterBox

If you ever died in a video game with zombies in it, you will not survive the real ones, maybe for a short time, but you will probably be reduced to zombies doo-doo, in a matter of weeks at best.

Thegodzero

JesterBox wrote: »

If you ever died in a video game with zombies in it, you will not survive the real ones, maybe for a short time, but you will probably be reduced to zombies doo-doo, in a matter of weeks at best.

FUCK!.... Well then i'm a dead man...

00Zero

after reading the zombie survival guide, the best place to go after a zombie outbreak is a remote deserted island. you can go there with a few people and make a fortress with fairly high walls. zombies cant swim or climb. the only way they might infect you is if they fall into the ocean and are carried by currents allt he way to the island and wash up on the beach. but by then you should have walls up. then all you have to do is wait a few decades until the zombies bodies disintegrate and then you can have mad sex and repopulate the world.

Gav

Not me, I've beat every zombie game ever made unscathed. Co-op with me, TGZ...and we'll kill those loveable, brain eating, Z-words.

JesterBox

00Zero wrote: »

zombies cant swim or climb.

Zombies can't climb? Sense when? Tell that to the left for dead type zombies. A bloody zombie flailing in the water is a zombie that will soon get eaten by a shark, BAM!, shark and whale zombies, Hope you've got the know how to drive a big enough boat. If you can get to a desert Island, or even know where one is your probably someone who works on a boat, so if your in the coast guard I'd say you have a much better chance, granted you not tasked with evacuating citizens from land, then your boned.

Ya gotta really think about this zombie survival stuff guys, it's the only way we are gonna survive the Swine Flu. No seriously what the hell are we gonna do!?

I know my best bet is to get to my friends house who has a crap load of hunting guns, granted his family hasn't formed a tribe-like group excluding outsiders that might be infected.

Even though surviving the zompocalypse will be a difficult hell-like experience, I CAN'T WAIT! It's still gonna be awesome, who knows maybe being a zombie is fun.

@Gav, But can you run fast?

Jeremy-S

I've been playing plants vs zombies as well today. We need to find out where to get some of those plant seeds. But if the virus really IS airborne, there's no way we'll make it. We're all dead. Unless we can make space suits, and colonize a new planet!

Gav

I don't have to...they run from me.

JesterBox

Gav wrote: »

I don't have to...they run from me.

BOULDERCRAP! A single zombie would run headlong into and army of elephants strapped with rocket propelled chainsaws!

Jeremy-S

Oh JesterBox, you're starting to sound like a defeatist. Any plan anyone comes up with you gotta find some way to shoot it down. Wait.... You're one of THEM aren't you!!

nrek

I got dibbs on this place, http://dvice.com/archives/2007/07/buy_yourself_no_mans_land_fort.php

Thegodzero

Gav i have my own method to keep alive, i'll just act and sound like one... hey it worked in Sean of the dead.

JesterBox

Jeremy-S wrote: »

Oh JesterBox, you're starting to sound like a defeatist. Any plan anyone comes up with you gotta find some way to shoot it down. Wait.... You're one of THEM aren't you!!

I'd like to find a plan with no holes, but it's friggin hard. Now why don't you come over here and you can share all your human plans with me. The ones you keep deep in your juicy fat brains.

....4....Itchy....Tasty......

...Oink

Vrav

The good thing about a zombie apocalypse is that, even if you die, you at least get to come back as a zombie. I expect it could happen when mankind's quest for immortality goes horribly wrong. Sure, you escape death once... but then you've got to watch out for the chainsaws, you know.

In the event of a REAL zombie apocalypse, I think we'd be, if not for all the media on violence vs zombies, tempted to dispatch them in the most humane way possible. What would that be? A clean decapitation, or..? I guess it depends on the manifestation of the outbreak. I'd like to think it infuses each cell it reaches with a sort of immortality, meaning even if you kill the head, the body keeps on truckin'.

skankerzero

I'm not going to question the article at all.

I'm just going to start shooting people that sneeze.

Jeremy-S

Nice JesterBox! Out of all the responses I was expecting, that wasn't any of them.

Rens

you need to think big... go into space, glass the planet..

Lord McMutton

Pshaw. The zombie apocalypse won't last long. Cause we got the ultimate weapon:

Joshua Stubbles

Groovy.

achmedthesnake

Bruce Campbell?


orr the boomstick?


mannn just imagine if if was Chuck Norris and Mcgyver vs the zombies........fkkn epic!
(chuck could destroy their heads with ka-ra-tey and McGyver could make a fortress out of pine cones and a rubber band :P )

Malus

New Zealand

- High mountains
- Cold as hell down south
- A lot of good farm land and fishing
- Clean running water everywhere
- Island, pretty remote
- sparsley populated with only 4 million people in the entire country, so less zombies
- Lots of sheep for company .. er .. food
- Gandalf, he has magic and shit, zombies hate that crap