hmm , things aint going to well
polycount lvl 666
well what can i say , since my missus let last year my life has been going crap. when i a doing my artwork i feeel good , butI miss my old life. things don't seem to be getting any better thse days. Whenever i bet a new job I feel good for while then all my motivation goes out the window and I get the urge to leave
I often think what the heck am i doing here , because when i come back 'home'.there is no one waiting .i have gone from being a contented middle aged geezer to a bloke living in a travel lodge
on the one hand i love my life as an artist , but miss the security of a relationship. nothing worse than going out by yourself. anyway , self indulgent rant
most guy my age have kids ,family etc, but I am pretty much on my own and that sucks so much. I can't even seem to talk to people these days for some reason, like some kind of autism or something
hhm, there is some one playing a drum outide my hotel room ha ha
I often think what the heck am i doing here , because when i come back 'home'.there is no one waiting .i have gone from being a contented middle aged geezer to a bloke living in a travel lodge
on the one hand i love my life as an artist , but miss the security of a relationship. nothing worse than going out by yourself. anyway , self indulgent rant
most guy my age have kids ,family etc, but I am pretty much on my own and that sucks so much. I can't even seem to talk to people these days for some reason, like some kind of autism or something
hhm, there is some one playing a drum outide my hotel room ha ha
Replies
Think of it not as a loss, but as an opportunity. Newfound freedom! Its rare for life to genuinly "go crap", but common for an individual. Try to shake up your routine. Going out by yourself is, again, an opportunity to make new friends! Try new things, etc. Long story short, look on the bright side of life.
yeah i am 38 now, not too old, but oldish
.i have gone from being a contented middle aged geezer to a bloke living in a travel lodge
on the one hand i love my life as an artist , but miss the security of a relationship.
[/ QUOTE ]
Shit dont say that mate. I've pictured your life as being just like Alan Partridge now!
If the relationship wasnt meant to be mate, it wasn't meant to be. No sense dwelling on it. Thats ironic coming from me, since I wasted years and years wallowing in my own self pity over a broken relationship, but now I sorely regret it. The thing is mate, the grass is always greener! Now I'm in a relationship again, I'm pretty happy, but it doesn't mean i don't get occasional selfish pangs for the time I used to wake up on my own on a saturday morning with absolutely no other human being to be concerned about other than myself.
How long do you think you'll do the hotel thing for? Not having a stable home can make one feel pretty rootless and depressed. I think if you figure that out the other stuff could more easily fall into place.
bTW travel lodge bar is sooo crap.yea I feel bit weird living in a a hotel, bit of a gypsy really. i go home to my mums in durham on weekends , but I am really not my happy self right now. hopefully thngs wil change
I am on the 3rd floor right now , amd i can get free broadband which is cool, but its a no smoking floor grr
BUT yeah i think i am oo dependent but I somehow like being alone. its a weird mix really
ah well I have spewed enough tonight time to sleep
And yea, like scooby said, finding a more permanent residence might help you to feel more rooted.
And of course, playing a whack load of video games is always good for the soul.
Anyways, hope ya feel better soon man. Sounds like rough times.
perfect opportunity to quit smoking...
[/ QUOTE ]
I was going to suggest the same thing.
Ruz, Chin up dude. Take what happened as a positive, the longer you spend thinking how shit things have become. The more you will come to believe that and the harder it will be to get yourself back on track.
You're a lot older than I am, so you've obviously been through more than I have. But I have gone through a minor depression stage in my life, which sounds really similar to your situation at the moment. I virtually became a hermit and on the odd chance I went out I would never enjoy myself.
I eventually got over it and realised what a waste of time that whole experiance was. You just really need to accept what you have and be greatful for it. Once you appreciate what you have, whatever else comes your way is a major bonus.
Now for the cliche part... "There's plenty more fish in the sea".
-caseyjones
anyyay thanks for the advice guys, hopefully things will get beeter soon
Ninjas did mention a really good thing that helped me a lot. TRAVEL! I took 3 months away from everything and went to Europe and USA. I met new people, saw the possibilities of what I could be doing with my life, it was great! After 3 months of travel, I was glad to be home.
Having met a girl on the trip boosted my confidence for meeting other girls, which eventually got me a involved in a great relationship.
But yeah, an actual social group (which you can physically interact with) would be your best bet to keep your motivation up.
Find a solid place to live, a place to actually call home!
-caseyjones
As casey said, "the longer you spend thinking how shit things have become. The more you will come to believe that and the harder it will be to get yourself back on track." I know it sounds crazy to think of the break as a positive, and I certainly did my fair share of snapping at my friends when they would feed me that line, but eventually you do start seeing the bright side of things, after you start meeting people, not having to worry about somebody else's mood, just being able to focus on yourself. Don't dwell on what happened; instead, focus on what you can do now that life as you know it has changed so drastically.
I suppose its tough to move on after being so close to someone for so long, but I will just have to get on with it I suppose.
you know what i would really lobve to do is go to film school in london, but tis sooo damn expensive
People who have lost their inspiration for life, just don't know where to look for it.
Unfortunately working in vid games does n't help as I am sat on my arse all day long.
And I might feel slightly ridiculous running at my current weight which nearly 17 stone:)
I happened to get back together with the person who left me. But looking back now. I would have ot say I loved myself more for getting through to being myself on my own. Now I'm back in the same rut. You might want to take this opportunity to be the very person you always wished you could be. Celebrate the freedoms you have now, and always cherish the love and time you did spend together. No one is going to take that from you, and it's yours forever.
I wish you well. Many of us know how it feels.
One thing I can recommend for getting your mind off of things is learning to rock climb. Not sure of your geography but climbing gyms are a good time and great exercise. Climbing isnt like working out but is a great workout. If you have the geography to get outside and climb your even more set! Sitting on top of a climb in the early morning watching the sun rise is very inspirational.
Climbing will work every muscle you got including the mind. Solving routes and problems is a game of planning ,strategy and strength.
If you want some links or info on getting started send me a PM. I teach climbing at a local health club for fun and a membership.
Also I should ad that Im 35 and climbing isnt just for young rubbery kids.
Running is great also! Try a local race after you get some miles under your belt or join a running club.
Sounds like youre at a turning point in your life and your recognizing its time for change and that sounds healthy. Just reaching out to this group of peers is good to get the healing process going.
Take Care Ruz
- Jesse
I appreciate the time you all took to post.
I think the exercise thing is important, but right now I am not up to it, but will get to it really soon (Thats probably next week Per128)
Moving in to my rented house on monday, so that will be a start. I will satrt with sit ups and press ups first.
Ironhawk, if I ws going to want to get seriously fit, then climbing sounds ace. i did some when I was 17 in the metropolitan police cadets up in derbyshire. I loved the climbing, something very artistic about it. I was only 10 stone though he he
Sledgy, i don't think quitting will be that hard really, i have quit before for 5 years and I found that fairly easy. Its just choosing the right time
it s interesting to read through the posts and find most of you have had very similar experiences, thought it was just me:)
Go out, have coffee in a nice place and draw. Make sure you sit at a table where more people can/are willing to sit. Now don't go on staring just at your artpad, but just doodle and look around.
You'll see most people are curious enough and before you know it you're in a conversation.
This way , A: you get to make some nice art, B, you get to have some chats, maybe even a friend or two!
I know it works for me
good luck ruz
he he, i remember at art college we were sketching out in public and these american tourists came past and I heard one of them say
'They have absolutely no grasp of perspective'
It was a fair point at the time.
Some good news today, my cat got the all clear for cancer scare today
He had 5 teeth removed and a huge cyst on his gums 2 weeks ago and he is fine now:)
They sent off the cyst for a biopsy and it came back negative
Nice one on the cat!
yeah the cat is great news. He is only 11 so should last a few more years yet
In terms of Americans, I lived in the US for 3 years when I was a younger lad. The funniest thing I could to over there was say words like "Tomato" and "Banana". They would piss themselves.
I just wanted top say that if I was in your position I would go wild with all the free time. I'd grab a cheap motorbike and hit the road on my days off. It's fun, and a great way to meet people. I'd hit the clubs too (even though I'm almost 40)and party all night.
It may sound strange, but I'm a bit jealous of your situation. I have a wife and 4 kids. There is no "me" time left anymore. Beleive me, it won't last. Relationships happen, and are almost impossible to avoid. If you don't find someone, they will find you. Don't be melancholy about being single, enjoy it for alll it's worth.
I am not really a club person but I always fancied a motorbike, but was a bit worried about the safety aspects. My grandfather was killed in a bike smash in the 1940's, hit a big lorry or something, but bikes are pretty cool.
I think when I get time I will try get away on holiday
It just been one of those crap years, lots of bad stuff happening. My mums partner of 14 years died of a stroke at age only 61, lost my job at frontier, cat got ill, missus left
Things tend to even out though and hopefully next year will be a better one.
My life seems to go in ten year cycles, ie blocks of life where i am in one situation in each block
Cheers Smirnoffka - The cat is still upset with me as I have to keep taking him back to the vets every Saturday to get check ups but he is well back to his old self now, trying to remove the wallpaper etc