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Comic Strip : Space Fleas

pogonip
polycounter lvl 18
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pogonip polycounter lvl 18
Thinking of doing a webcomic but I dunno...anyways trying some artistic styles here is one I did .

spacefleas03.jpg

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  • cholden
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    cholden polycounter lvl 18
    your font is almost unreadable, and the "itch", same color as the wookie, blends right in. I think you could could cut out the first 3 panels to improve the humor as well as work on the expressions. I'm not really feeling any of them. I did a comic strip myself recently, and I think your biggest downside is you are limited to starwars/aliens/internet hardcore audience, but if you don't mind that, no problem.
  • pogonip
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    pogonip polycounter lvl 18
    It's like anything Penny Arcade pretty much only appeals to gamers. I would have a very wide variety of topics much more broad then say penny arcade. I tried it without the other panels it just didnt seem to flow either .

    It's one thing to be artistically capeable it's another to be funny .I guess I would have to find the FUNNY ,if I was to persue a webcomic but I doubt I will I dont have time. This took a lot longer then I thought it would . Anyways I think one problem here is that I have to shrink the panels down so small things like the text get blured. Also my screen res is 768x1024 most peoples is probebly higher so it might even be worse ? Anyways it was just a fun little experiment smile.gif

    frame-1.jpg
  • Michael Knubben
    I'd say you'd have to work on being artistically capeable as well...
    If there's one thing that could make you stand out from the rest, it's not being lazy. Different angles, completely different expressions throughout the panels (not just tweaking a few lines here and there to make it seam it was redrawn), and actually making it a comic instead of a gag
  • Steve Schulze
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    Steve Schulze polycounter lvl 18
    There seems to be a lack of flow too. Whats the red thing? Where'd he come from? I'll admit my knowledge of Starwars doesn't extend beyond the films and games, but I think if this was structured a litytle better I could garner some humour, or at the very least some understanding from whats going on.
  • pogonip
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    pogonip polycounter lvl 18
    Mighty Pea: It wasnt really the point to be a comic strip with various angles ..etc etc it was me showing these 2 caught behind a wall being shot at by droids and the wookie ignoring the shooting cause he has major space flea problem . I have a lot of work to do so I can's spend 6-8 hrs a day making original panels and drawing 6 diffrent character poses and backgrounds..etc etc . I know the art looks a lot better then most web comics it might not be your cup of tea and that's ok . I'll try some other stuff thanks for the feed back and i'll take your suggestions into consideration .

    Ohh and ehh that's a space flea thus he says " you need a flea dip and the flea bites him in half ..then the wookie freaks out cause that huge thing jumped out of his coat..ha ha ha ..anyways it was lame i'll try another approach .. smile.gif
  • Sean McBride
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    Sean McBride polycounter lvl 18
    its better than some. wink.gif

    I did laugh when I read it. Not so bad but theres a good bit of room for improvement. smile.gif
  • Mark Dygert
    a few things...

    1) Do a better job of disguising the ctrl-c, ctrl-v, ctrl-v, ctrl-v (you get the point). You show the door taking damge, which is good, but by the last panel the door should be shot to holy hell. This will lend some more comic value to the "dire" situation they are in and MUST get out of.

    2) Atleast one change of view would have been nice. Even simple overhead hallway shot every other panel of the droid getting closer or more droids showing up and firing. Something to add to the tention.

    3) You need comic book word sounds for the shots coming from the droid. PEWWPH! ZING! SIZZLE!

    4) Have the wookies scratching get more desperate as the pannels go on. Show him on the floor in the fetal position just going nuts scratching.

    5) Last but not least "POWND!!!11one" jokes freakin suck, they are the ass end of internet comics. When people don't have anything funny to say they have someone in the background point laugh and say owned... its a mark of a crap comic don't sink that low you can be better than that.

    sorry if this comes off harsh, but I think you have promise and you could improve with some work you really could have something =)
  • pogonip
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    pogonip polycounter lvl 18
    1: Your right Vig there is no excuse for the pasetd look but I was trying to see if I could get the whole thing done in 2 hrs from pencils to background . My work schedule would not allow me to spend a great deal of time on each comic so I was hoping I could get away with some of that pasted look and still not come off to badly but your right it looks really cheap .

    2:Im not going for an emotional effect my comics would be gag based like penny arcade . Though maybe some change in perspective would have been a lot better then 6 panels of the same camera position your right there.

    3: I did have shot sounds but it really made the panels look very clutterd I opted to leave those out , but in the future better planning could have made them work better.

    4: Back to saving time .I did'nt wanna draw a whole lot of new stuff and have to ink and color anything else , so I kept the same art and reused it ,but obviously to the effect of making it look cheap and pasted ..my bad

    5: Your totally right I had owned jokes to . I was considering the audience who reads web comics though they all talk like that or a lot do anyways . I should just do what I like and not consider what others think is funny...well to some degree anyways . Also that last panel looked wierd as the end because it was just a body falling to the ground and the wookies reaction to the flea jumping out of his coat so I thought maybe the droid saying something really out of the ordinary like owned might be a final touch... but it was super corny your right .

    Vig I really appreciate the useful feed back and maybe I will try something again just for fun and post it up .
  • Steve Schulze
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    Steve Schulze polycounter lvl 18
    Perhaps you could add some motion to your giant flea as with the wookies hand's and whatnot. It might be worth building up the displaced hair around where the flea is popping out. It was only after looking at this thing for the third time that I got the gist of how exactly things were working. Maybe shift it away from the bandolier a tad too.
  • KDR_11k
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    KDR_11k polycounter lvl 18
    my comics would be gag based like penny arcade

    How about making them funny instead? Penny Arcade is as funny as hipoly modeling in Milkshape or sticking a fork into your eye.

    Read some funny comics and see what works for them (i.e. how they set up jokes, what can be used as a joke, etc). Oh, and make sure you fulfill the webcomic requirement: Among your characters must be at least one Artificial Intelligence or the Devil (optionally God as well). Everyone has those! The Xbot, Vaporware, Erwin, Ping, that annoying talking harddrive thing and the Fruitfuckers in Penny Arcade,... The devil doesn't have as many incarnations but appears in many a webcomic, too. Though sometimes just one of the characters is a demon (or a demonic fridge).
  • pogonip
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    pogonip polycounter lvl 18
    Ha KDR ...I feel the same way and that's what I was thinking . I'd like to do something gag based like Penny Arcade only funny ..cause there not funny...maybe once in a great while . Ctrl+alt+del is pretty funny sometimes especially some of the older ones .
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