Maynard found Jesus!
mod
from tool's website:
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You know the old saying, no news is good news, well that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film Sleeping Dogs Lie (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasnt Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasnt there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isnt. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, heres exactly what I was told: Maynard has found Jesus. This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed found Jesus and that, for this reason, hes abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I dont know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl thats all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who dont read the whole post), heres today's news: Maynard has found Jesus
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I'm not the biggest Tool fan, but I wonder how this will impact APC. I love APC.
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You know the old saying, no news is good news, well that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film Sleeping Dogs Lie (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasnt Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasnt there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isnt. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, heres exactly what I was told: Maynard has found Jesus. This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed found Jesus and that, for this reason, hes abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I dont know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl thats all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who dont read the whole post), heres today's news: Maynard has found Jesus
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I'm not the biggest Tool fan, but I wonder how this will impact APC. I love APC.
Replies
Maynard found Jesus!
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so, where is he?
http://headtochrist.com
But of all people.... Maynard? I'm roman catholic, and that scares me. But just in time, aparently the next pope is supposed to be the anti-christ, says some religious circles.
I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isnt.
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i don't buy this for a second. no need for a tool hoax to play by the rules of april 1.
Tool are known for having fun with their fans by making up the most ridiculous rumors, just to see how many fans actually believe them (for example, a search of the word "lachrymology" only results in finding Tool-related material... they made up the term).
This could be true (who knows, I thought Mitch Hedberg dieing was an April fool's joke
And I'm getting sick of all these jokes, they're not that good.
good times
"Maynard has found Jesus" i bet the Jesus is some mexican bum or something cause i think the name Jesus is still used in South America or whatever.
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Hey hey now, my real name is Jesus.
Hey hey now, my real name is Jesus.
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Nice to finally make your acquaintaince ... Jesus.
I am known by many names, by many peoples. As Losch, called the Betrayer, by the Fensir people of the glacier. As Nekh Huscep by the dead Kaph-Metheht people of the arid lands between the monoliths where my head and my hand are said to have been buried by Zar-Neht, May His Name Be Blotted Out. As Lyrig the Fair, the High, the Light-Scourge by those who lived beneath the great shadow of Mount Jerth. As T'ao-Sun-Di-Chun by the Dao Ming people who suffered eighty days and eighty nights by the soft tread of my burning feet.
And you ... are JESUS.
COMMENCE KUNG FU!
I'm pretty sure it's a joke but... you never know... Jesus moves in mysterious undead ways.
http://www.jesusdressup.com/
btw, I dont believe that news excerpt was serious.
...anything but Gospel music...
http://www.toolarmy.com/toolband/lachrymology/index.php
Theres a link to this page from toolband.com. See if you can find it.
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/underworld/rev2220.htm
pluss third eye and the whole lateralus album. this doesn't make any sense.
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1499613/20050405/tool.jhtml
07 Apr 05
"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"
As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."
"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynards extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.
"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."
BMB
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