I think I'm burnt out along with other things...
polycounter lvl 3
Hello! To start, a bit about me! I'm currently 42 and started working in games about 7 years ago when I was 35. I had been dabbling in 3D for about 10 years before that always wanting to work in games, but the city I live in had little to no game studios. So my options were to either move or work other 3D type jobs not related to gaming. I never moved and stuck it out, convincing myself I was happy working in non-gaming 3D related fields. At 35, I landed a job in my city working in games with a brand new indie studio that opened. It was incredible. I was the happiest I had ever been in any career at the "old" age of 35. Over the next few years that studio would close and I would transition to working remote jobs (thanks to Covid) at other game studios. I've had some great experiences and have met some friends I know I will retain relationships with for a very long time.
For some years now, I've been a Senior artist and most recently just finished working on a game that had a 3 year production cycle. I lived and breathed this game. But, somewhat recently, the production has come to an end and we've moved on to other things. Ive hit a bit of a depression I think due to a few things - maybe it was the long break at the end of the year for the holidays tied with the fact I had to stop production on a game that I poured myself into for years...or the fact I also feel like I'm getting older and feel somewhat of a disconnect with a lot of co-workers and the Environment Artist community in general. I'm the oldest person at my studio. Its a studio around 60 people. I have no idea where I'm going with my career. I have no desire to be a lead. I have no desire to be an art director. I just want to work on environments. But even then, for the last month Ive had no drive to do any work whatsoever. Especially no drive to start anything new work related, or personal. It all seems so daunting to me. Am I burnt out? I thought maybe so, but if I was still working on the game we just finished, I'd still be enjoying it, at least I think so. I've had to take a couple personal mental health days from work recently, which I have never done in my entire life for any job I've had.
I think all of this tied with the fact I feel like I never see Environment Artists my age has really hit me hard. I cant imagine myself 50 or 60 years old and working with other Environment Artists in their 20s unless there were also other people my age. I feel so disconnected a lot of the time. What happens to the older people? Do they leave and start studios? Do they leave gaming altogether for this reason? I was depressed working in 3D that wasn't gaming related for years, and now that I'm here for the last 7 years, while it started off really strong, I'm feeling all sorts of mixed emotions at this stage in my life. But is it burnout? Is it the fact that game I was working on just ended production? Or maybe the fact the studio Im currently at, the majority of the people are in the same country while Im halfway across the world? Im all over the place. Any help or advice would be appreciated.
Replies
How about your life outside of the industry, family and such? Hobbies, creative aspirations, any ideas for making your own game/creative projects.
I feel that helps balance out feelings of burn out.
What motivates you to work in the game industry. From my understanding you want to feel included and have a more challenging experience at work, where you can learn from other artists, i.e you feel mostly satisfied with how far you've come but you want to be around others of a similar established mindset?
Also is your work remote? Meaning you have no opportunity to interact with coworkers in person and the usual interactions you have are work related?
Usually from what I've seen older employees move over to managerial roles, atleast that is the anticipated career path, but some do choose not to.
You can certainly remain content with your exisiting responsibilities at work.
As far as not connecting with younger co-workers, that's also understandable and honestly they are likely looking at older co-workers as potential mentors.
Generally I've found the industry to be very accomodating (aside from perspectives on career/portfolio related matters outside of the studio)
Its good to start your own studio with the experience under your belt. Unfortunately in many studios projects can become stale and the work repetitive so you need to find a way to balance the routine with activities that are more engaging.
Usually most studios take care of this, at EA we had many events that allowed co-workers from several different projects to interact, so it was always very motivating regardless of what you felt about your work.
But certainly when you're older and there's a very discernable age gap, it can be a challenge to feel included. I would bring this up with your manager, perhaps they would have a way to resolve these issues with regards to opportunities at the studio you're currently with.
I definitely got burnt out in my enviro/prop artist role. Felt like depression, and there was a period where I was able to push through it by reminding myself of all the people who would kill to have a job where you get paid well to stay at home and make imaginary things...
What I've realised in retrospect was that at a point, the work stopped being mentally engaging - I was just doing the assembly line thing, and my skills weren't advancing because I wasn't pushing. The litmus test for me became 'can I watch youtube and still execute on this?' If yes, that was a bad sign.
After some conversation with leads, I started transitioning into a more tech art role. Still very much on the art side, but its been an amazing experience to learn a whole lot of new things. YouTube is not on anymore
So, to echo some of the advice above:
-Remember why you wanted to do enviro art in the first place. Mentor the juniors, feed on their passion like a vampire.
-Talk to your managers/leads - it sounds like you're a valuable part of the team and - if they're good people - will do as much as they can to retain you.
-Explore new tools and approaches to your art. For me, that involved learning Houdini, which has given me insight into better ways of doing things.