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Confused about moving forward

DeathstrokeFTW
polycounter lvl 4
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DeathstrokeFTW polycounter lvl 4
Hello
I'm having a tough time thinking about my current problem. I finally got a job at Quixel which opened up in Pakistan but I really want to move out of my country and apply to other places, I like working there but the fact that making plants over and over is kind of becoming less challenging as it was before. What my current problem is I have no idea where I want to go and where I want to work, like I have no goal or dream at all. This whole year I have been super depressed with my predicament and I have no clue what I should be doing. It seems the depression I was suffering from all those years ago has completely wrecked me, my hobbies are affected and I cant seem to enjoy almost everything I do.
Now I even have problems deciding what I want to model in my spare time but I end up not doing anything. I picked up watching anime to distract myself from my problems and ended up starting drawing again. I feel like I want to study again but not by doing a degree. I really want to get out of my country and experience things differently, I was thinking maybe I should learn more 2D and 3D art in Japan but I am not really sure if I should be doing that. And no I dont want to the courses online because I couldn't manage things while working as a full-time 3D artist.
I really want to move forward and I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I really had to get it out of my system.
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  • TheGabmeister
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    TheGabmeister interpolator
    DeathstrokeFTW said:
    What my current problem is I have no idea where I want to go and where I want to work, like I have no goal or dream at all. This whole year I have been super depressed with my predicament and I have no clue what I should be doing.
    Take a break and meditate on what you really want to do in life. I've experienced something like this several years ago, and I think everybody enters a phase like this sometime in his/her life. My advice for you is to discover what keeps your fire burning. Maybe there are only certain aspects of 3D that captures your interest. Try out different things, explore new stuff.

    I read your previous thread. It ended in a positive note with you recovering from what you went through. I'm not exactly sure why, after about 1.5 years, you seem to still be in a slump.
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  • DeathstrokeFTW
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    DeathstrokeFTW polycounter lvl 4
    After I got my job, things were going pretty good but at some point after that a lot of my personal issues just kept multiplying and my parents started causing trouble for me which kind of caused my depression to resurface again. My dad still wants me to quit my job and makes these arguments that make me guilty. They say they want best for me but I don't understand why ruining my life and career would be so beneficial for me. They are not up for discussion either.
    And honestly cant take a break even if I wanted to. About in late April, I was supposed to be on vacation but ended up in the hospital the night before and had to get an emergency surgery because of a perforated appendix.
    Honestly if I don't find a way to fix this mess I'm in, I'd probably lose my mind. If by going far away to study again helps, I'd do that plus a change of scenery will get me motivated again.
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  • garcellano
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    garcellano greentooth
    That's a tough one. Hang in there. Do what you can. I don't know what the schedule's like for Quixel, but hopefully it's flexible. I use to go through something like that. When you think about it, everyday, everyone's moving around, getting ready and doing stuff in the house and out. To them, they probably just don't understand what's going on or what you're doing, by the computer for hours, maybe? Maybe it'll pay off in the long run. Hopefully they'll understand. And, congrats on the Quixel job, that's awesome. 
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  • ChrisFraser
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    ChrisFraser polycounter lvl 5
    I always used to think that I "Just need to get to this point" or "I just need to move here" or "Once I have this thing" then I'll be happy but when the day came that I got to that point, got the thing or moved to that area, the payoff was fleeting and quickly went away, leaving me feeling as I did before and then the cycle began again.

    It sounds to me that you might want to seek some outside help from a professional. By that I mean a therapist, counsellor or the like. One of the things that has helped me tremendously in my life and focus is to see a counsellor regularly. They are experts in dealing with exactly what you are going through.
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  • DeathstrokeFTW
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    DeathstrokeFTW polycounter lvl 4
    ChrisFraser said:
    By that I mean a therapist, counsellor or the like. One of the things that has helped me tremendously in my life and focus is to see a counsellor regularly. They are experts in dealing with exactly what you are going through.
    I've tried getting help but honestly that didnt help me. I just felt more terrible afterwards so I started to go back to my isolated self and I'm kind of stable for now.

    I know what you mean by cycle but I believe a change of location would help me a lot. As artists we dont usually stick around at one place for too long. For me I need this so I have more options in the future.
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  • NikhilR
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    NikhilR polycounter
    DeathstrokeFTW said:
    ChrisFraser said:
    By that I mean a therapist, counsellor or the like. One of the things that has helped me tremendously in my life and focus is to see a counsellor regularly. They are experts in dealing with exactly what you are going through.
    I've tried getting help but honestly that didnt help me. I just felt more terrible afterwards so I started to go back to my isolated self and I'm kind of stable for now.

    I know what you mean by cycle but I believe a change of location would help me a lot. As artists we dont usually stick around at one place for too long. For me I need this so I have more options in the future.
    Honestly, the only company with the means to relocate you at this time would be quixel. 
    How long have you been with them? Talk to their HR and inquire if they have any way to send you to offices overseas for short contracts maybe to sweden? 
    Once there, you'd have more options to become permanent, if anything its a way forward.
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  • DeathstrokeFTW
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    DeathstrokeFTW polycounter lvl 4
    NikhilR said:
    DeathstrokeFTW said:
    ChrisFraser said:
    By that I mean a therapist, counsellor or the like. One of the things that has helped me tremendously in my life and focus is to see a counsellor regularly. They are experts in dealing with exactly what you are going through.
    I've tried getting help but honestly that didnt help me. I just felt more terrible afterwards so I started to go back to my isolated self and I'm kind of stable for now.

    I know what you mean by cycle but I believe a change of location would help me a lot. As artists we dont usually stick around at one place for too long. For me I need this so I have more options in the future.
    Honestly, the only company with the means to relocate you at this time would be quixel. 
    How long have you been with them? Talk to their HR and inquire if they have any way to send you to offices overseas for short contracts maybe to sweden? 
    Once there, you'd have more options to become permanent, if anything its a way forward.
    Been over 1.5 years. Thing is the thing they hired me for is required in my current location. So don't think a transfer is an option.
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  • NikhilR
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    NikhilR polycounter
    DeathstrokeFTW said:
    NikhilR said:
    DeathstrokeFTW said:
    ChrisFraser said:
    By that I mean a therapist, counsellor or the like. One of the things that has helped me tremendously in my life and focus is to see a counsellor regularly. They are experts in dealing with exactly what you are going through.
    I've tried getting help but honestly that didnt help me. I just felt more terrible afterwards so I started to go back to my isolated self and I'm kind of stable for now.

    I know what you mean by cycle but I believe a change of location would help me a lot. As artists we dont usually stick around at one place for too long. For me I need this so I have more options in the future.
    Honestly, the only company with the means to relocate you at this time would be quixel. 
    How long have you been with them? Talk to their HR and inquire if they have any way to send you to offices overseas for short contracts maybe to sweden? 
    Once there, you'd have more options to become permanent, if anything its a way forward.
    Been over 1.5 years. Thing is the thing they hired me for is required in my current location. So don't think a transfer is an option.
    I would still inquire, perhaps you could convince them to send you abroad for further training? 
    You can negotiate something based on your salary, i.e put a portion of it to cover the cost of relocating you.
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  • DeathstrokeFTW
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    DeathstrokeFTW polycounter lvl 4
    NikhilR said:
    I would still inquire, perhaps you could convince them to send you abroad for further training? 
    You can negotiate something based on your salary, i.e put a portion of it to cover the cost of relocating you.
    The salary is too low to cover anything of the sort. They pay is better than the other so called studios in my country but it's not enough for that.
    Only thing I can do is keep working till something happens.
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  • Frankythebeast
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    Frankythebeast polycounter lvl 4
    Hey how are you doing its been almost a year since you posted this , i hope everything is going well now , let us update about current situation of your life and career 
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  • DeathstrokeFTW
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    DeathstrokeFTW polycounter lvl 4
    Frankythebeast said:
    Hey how are you doing its been almost a year since you posted this , i hope everything is going well now , let us update about current situation of your life and career 
    Hey sorry I havnt been on lurking on Polycount for a long time. Update is I still work there but they moved me to another department thanks to COVID. I'm still depressed and burnt out though. I cant focus on personal projects and I just look at other people's art and help where I can.
    I try to look at something to work on but nothing clicks, not sure what to do.
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  • Frankythebeast
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    Frankythebeast polycounter lvl 4
    One way to keep working on personal project is to do a Collab project with other artists , that way you don't feel alone working on a project and you have other people with whom you can stay in touch while working and it also keeps you going with the project even if in some days you lack motivation to work  , like I'm currently working on a Collab project with 3 other artists , there were some days when I didn't felt like working but I still had to work because I had to report back to the team about the progress so yea it helped me with procrastination.
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