I hate myself need help
polycounter lvl 4
Hello
It's been over a year since I graduated and I haven't had the chance to improve my portfolio on my own. Which is why im looking for a course to do to improve. The problem is I know I can model, texture and render properly now after learning from past mistakes but I need something to keep me on edge so I can study and develop without my parents bothering me.
You see, my parents have been not been entirely supportive of me studying art but in the end they paid for it, I studied in the UK for 4 years to get my degree but in the end they called me back home right after a few days after graduation, leaving me in loop. I've been forced to go to my dad's office to deal with business while they know I have no interest in it. I waste more than half of my day doing nothing because my dad says that I "cant work on his scale yet" and that I have look at how he works all day. They even titled my degree as "fun and meaningless" and according to dad I wouldnt be able to earn as much as him.
I really really want to get a job which I cant get at my current state and that is why I need a course so I could study as a means to have an excuse to getaway from wasting my life and be what I want to be. I'm 26 and dont have a grip on my life. Living in Pakistan as a 3d artist is pretty grim. I dont know if I should be blaming myself to dream that I could work on games and probably have an interesting life. I've been rejected to everwhere I applied over the year on just applying. I hate myself for not pushing myself and that Im not good enough to be called an artist.
I could use some guidance on my portfolio too, someone that could help me what I should really be doing.
It's been over a year since I graduated and I haven't had the chance to improve my portfolio on my own. Which is why im looking for a course to do to improve. The problem is I know I can model, texture and render properly now after learning from past mistakes but I need something to keep me on edge so I can study and develop without my parents bothering me.
You see, my parents have been not been entirely supportive of me studying art but in the end they paid for it, I studied in the UK for 4 years to get my degree but in the end they called me back home right after a few days after graduation, leaving me in loop. I've been forced to go to my dad's office to deal with business while they know I have no interest in it. I waste more than half of my day doing nothing because my dad says that I "cant work on his scale yet" and that I have look at how he works all day. They even titled my degree as "fun and meaningless" and according to dad I wouldnt be able to earn as much as him.
I really really want to get a job which I cant get at my current state and that is why I need a course so I could study as a means to have an excuse to getaway from wasting my life and be what I want to be. I'm 26 and dont have a grip on my life. Living in Pakistan as a 3d artist is pretty grim. I dont know if I should be blaming myself to dream that I could work on games and probably have an interesting life. I've been rejected to everwhere I applied over the year on just applying. I hate myself for not pushing myself and that Im not good enough to be called an artist.
I could use some guidance on my portfolio too, someone that could help me what I should really be doing.
Replies
What was the question though?
I was also thinking of applying to Gnomon next summer so I have an opportunity to apply to work while I study there.
That sounds like a really tough situation. I'm guessing you are saying the problem is you have little time to work on your portfolio around work? Do you not have time on the weekend to work on it? I do think it's good that you have your dad's business to fall back on rather than shop work or waiting work which is a struggle when paying the bills. I find it a bit sad that your parents don't want to support you in following your dream. Looking at your portfolio - I'm assuming you are aiming to be an Environment Artist? What I'd recommend is possibly taking a couple of months out do an Environment Art mentorship with Ryan Benno https://gumroad.com/ryan_benno. I've done this myself and it's helped me progress a lot in my work. Keep in mind though it will take a lot of commitment and hard work. You need to be working on it 8 to 10 hours a day to really make it worth you taking time out of paid employment.
While I wouldn't personally recommend a school as expensive as Gnomon, they do have some of the best instructors who could offer you the right connections to get into the industry.
Its not absolutely necessary, but you could get the same result with gameartinstitute,
https://www.gameartinstitute.com/p/environment-bootcamp-part-time#tuition
Again a lot of what is taught there is available for free here and elsewhere on the internet. But you could get more specific connections
However the deciding factor to work in the USA is getting the permit/visa to work there, which is far more difficult than simply getting a job in the USA.
Any chance of immigrating to the UK? If not you are mostly limited in on site work opportunities to South Asia, so I would recommend creating a strong body of work to gain freelance opportunities.
That could translate to on site work at some point in your career.
I graduated with a BA Hons. Computer Games Design from the University of Huddersfield. As for connections, I dont really know but I have friends that graduated with me and got instant jobs in Rockstar etc and I am friends with the instructors that taught us over the years.
As for immigration, I have no idea how to immigrate on my own and without a work permit will make it hard to apply for work.
You should get in touch with your friends and instructors in the UK and see if they have opportunities for you.
Also if you do intend to immigrate, I would recommend Canada over the US simply because it is easier.
Toronto game industry is too saturated, but there more opportunities in Montreal, Vancouver. (Locals are preferred)
Use this points calculator to see if you qualify for permanent residence.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/skilled/crs-tool.asp
Have to keep improving on the art though (I can give some portfolio critique if you're okay with that.)
- Also don't hate yourself!
Working in this industry is many things but not worth hating yourself over.
I'm still looking for places but I just can't find the right group especially those that would deal with my time constraints.
I used to be so optimistic back then and now I'm in a state of uncertainty. Especially if you are in a place where there are no game companies to work with, it makes it tough to get a job abroad.
Right now I'm torn between CGMA and GAI's Environment Art Boot Camp. I need to learn Maya first for CGMA though.
Do you know one thing you can do? Re-route your emotions. Every day every time i get frustrated at work or being tired of this shit i tell myself "im gonna home, im gonna work hard on 3d as much as i can, so that i can leave this shitty lifestyle as fast as i can"
All the energy you spend feeling frustrated, can be put into creating 3d art and building up your skills.It has worked wonders for me.
Truth is that they will never take your profession seriously because there's little to no job prospects about this field, no established industry in places like this and people pursuing similar careers around them are nearly zero. Earning money from game-art is the only thing to make them take your profession serious a little bit.
It's kinda harsh but you need to get over all negative aspects of your situation, work hard and prove yourself employable by studios or by freelance. Take as much as your waking hours for this target. It would solve many problems about you and your family relations.
@Ashervisalis
On starting the mentorship program I mainly wanted to improve my buildings and foliage. You choose what you are wanting to focus on and the project that you do with guidance from Ryan. I've quickly listed what I learnt below – although keep in mind I wasn't a complete beginner at some of this but Ryan helped me take it all to the next level.
What I learnt:
Conceptually: what makes an interesting environment
Buildings: how to easily create a bevelled edge look on all mesh, normal mapping techniques for trims, how to create different types of trims – such as trims with alpha, trims to go on buildings, what makes a good looking building in games, creating buildings with modular pieces, architecture choices, up to date in-engine techniques currently being used in games such as world-space mapping, when to add more detail.
Garden: how to make foliage – grass, plants, trees, using splines with mesh, how to layout and group objects and foliage
Post-effects – Volumetric Fog, AO
Lighting – creating variety in the lighting – pools of light in places, creating a mood within the scene using lights
This isn't totally up to date but you can see the project at:
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/ry1JO
*Before starting with Ryan I had made a couple of environments before – I was mostly good at modeling and texturing props start to finish and making tileable textures before this project. I feel very confident in making environments from scratch myself now without the need for concept art.
A mentorship still requires a lot of self-learning and exploring your options. The more work you produce – the more feedback can be given on it. If you are stuck Ryan can let you know what techniques are out there for what you want to achieve. In a sense it fast-tracks you as you don't slow down from not knowing what direction to take. Along with this Ryan has a great deal of knowledge on the latest techniques being used currently in industry. I don't think I could have progressed this much in this short a time-frame if I was going it alone or even doing a class. When doing a class, you work at the speed of the rest of the class and you don't get that one on one time where you get to focus on what you want to learn and what your weaknesses are.
I'm 25 and dont have a grip on my life either
Im in Malaysia working as a 3d Artist. I thought I had a decent idea of how my career was going to pan out over the course of time but how stupid, young and naive I was back then. I understand your feelings, Its super hard to work on your portfolio and keep pushing forward when you spend tons of energy day to day or even hour to hour, just trying to keep yourself from breaking down emotionally. And i can't imagine how it must be without a supportive family.
But at the end of the day. With that all said and done. The only way to get out of your rut is to put all those emotions in a bag, keep it aside and soldier on and bust your ass on that folio. Plus, from what you have said, it seems to me you might be going through some depression. If it is a feasible option for you, I would recommend perhaps seeing a therapist just so you can clear your head and move on from whatever you are feeling right now. I myself have battled with depression (and still am) and it is the best advice i can give.
Some advice that hasn't been posted here, that I could learn to use more myself, is be a big fat slut. Use everybody you know, your uni tutors, your old classmates, even the people who are responding to you on here. Message them, ask for feedback, ask how it is to work at their employment or their experience themselves. Don't forget to thank them for their time. Most probably won't respond, but it might be that one person who does, that one connection that you make, that might get you the job.
Keep on going bro. We will get there.
Just pick a random concept and execute on it until it is finished. In the game industry you are going to be assigned work you are "meh" on or not even into sometimes. It is never going to be awesome shit 24/7 and an essential skill to develop is the self discipline to power through and finish work, no matter if it is really singing to you. With all the dope art content on art station or here on polycount, just pick a smaller object/scene/prop etc and hammer on it until it is done. the sense of accomplishment and confidence you get from actually finishing something will help power you through the next one.
That is a big thing that separates a pro from a student, working on something till it is done, even if they dont feel like it. Fall in love with the process of creating art and not just the end result and you will have a far more enjoyable journey. hope this helps.
Moving out of the country would be your best option. But still you could start a freelance operation of some sort.
Also look into this,
https://www.dawn.com/news/1311447
The guy behind it is from Karachi, pretty prolific fellow. Maybe you could assist him with your knowledge. Might be the start of something.
When there is no industry it may open an opportunity for innovation.
I myself got a masters degree from the UK. Returned home, been working hard on my portfolio and it is paying off. I have been able to make very good friends and associates as well. I am still trying to land a fulltime job in the UK which is very difficult atm because of sponsorship and all.
I know the feeling of working in a third world country but if you work very hard, people will notice you and contact you. Try to find time to create good art. For me, sometimes I stayed up very late just to get reasonable amount of work done.
@NikhilR Are there companies in Canada that are willing to offer fulltime jobs to people outside Canada without work visa? From what I understand the company has to prove that they couldn't find someone in the country that meets the requirement they are looking for. Yet I gather that 3d art is among the special jobs they give visa for especially under the Federal skills program.
The LMIA process involves the company proving the they couldn't find a local (permanent resident/citizen) for the role. The employer has to apply for this and it is usually difficult to get a positive LMIA for more entry level - junior roles.
If you get a positive LMIA then you get a work visa that is employer locked for duration of the contract.
There are 3 workarounds to this.
1. Join a publicly funded college/university, complete your program and then apply for a work permit of equal duration.
As this is an open work permit, you can then be more flexible in getting work (not always easy, because certain provinces provide companies incentives to hire locals/diverse candidates under affirmative action initiatives, in this case your portfolio doesn't matter that much, but the job probably doesn't either lol.)
Use the work + education + language skills to gather enough points to apply for permanent residence.
Once your a PR you don't need a work permit.
2. Access your existing qualifications for additional points
https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/immigrate-canada/express-entry/become-candidate/eligibility/education-assessed.html
if you have sufficient points you can apply for Permanent residence and then come to Canada and look for work as a local. (diversity/affirmative action criteria still applies, but atleast now you are kinda Canadian)
3. Marry a Canadian (with intention to stay married after - Don't ruin peoples lives) Use the marriage to get a spousal work visa. Eventually apply for permanent residence.
Points needed for PR are much lower now than before, but the job market for CG jobs in canada is challenging.
I think I will focus on my archviz freelance work and handpainting textures skills which has been fun so far. These processes are in place for a reason and it's only normal that a company will go for a highly skilled person if it is required.
@DeathstrokeFTW Keep at it. You will get there. What you need is patience and high quality work. Remember quality over quantity.
Currently I'm tackling the Blizzard environment art contest. Looking for references.
I was assigned to model this:
Here's my High-Poly (slightly outdated picture :P):
Low Poly (still working on it - also outdated image):
http://polycount.com/discussion/198073/wip-harris-falcon-radio#latest