[WIP / Finalized] Chains of Fate
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Greetings, my fellow entries and esteemed judges! I am Conor, or Sol, whichever you prefer. I also go by the name of Furor Nexis in the League Community. I am hobbyist writer who enjoys creating worlds to get lost in, even if it takes me a while to get there.
I've been insanely passionate about the Lore of RuneTerra since discovering League of Legends two years ago, but nothing has left it's mark on me since the day I discovered the character Varus. I was enthralled by his story and background. I've always felt that he could have the greatest tragedy as an established character who's already living heavily on a borrowed existence. I decided to write a piece featuring my favorite Ionian archer and I hope I'll be able to dignify and honor his character within my piece.
Since last night, I have recently prepared my first Draft piece. I already knew what sort of story I had wanted to do before I even sat down to type, and thus as of this initial post my draft first draft piece is finished. I overshot my goal of 1000 words, landing on a totaled limit of 1353 words. However now that I know what exact story I am telling, I'll be looking to improve it over the next coming days / weeks before creating a final submission. I would appreciate any and all feedback as I work to improve my piece and progress it towards being something worthy of the narrative standard of Riot.
I also would like to extend my hand forward to other entries to wish them luck, and to have fun! It's gonna be a wild ride!
EDIT - 23/01/2018 - 5:46 AM GMT Time
In addendum to the very first version of Chains of Fate, I have also included the finished, and finalized draft of Chains of Fate.
I've been insanely passionate about the Lore of RuneTerra since discovering League of Legends two years ago, but nothing has left it's mark on me since the day I discovered the character Varus. I was enthralled by his story and background. I've always felt that he could have the greatest tragedy as an established character who's already living heavily on a borrowed existence. I decided to write a piece featuring my favorite Ionian archer and I hope I'll be able to dignify and honor his character within my piece.
Since last night, I have recently prepared my first Draft piece. I already knew what sort of story I had wanted to do before I even sat down to type, and thus as of this initial post my draft first draft piece is finished. I overshot my goal of 1000 words, landing on a totaled limit of 1353 words. However now that I know what exact story I am telling, I'll be looking to improve it over the next coming days / weeks before creating a final submission. I would appreciate any and all feedback as I work to improve my piece and progress it towards being something worthy of the narrative standard of Riot.
I also would like to extend my hand forward to other entries to wish them luck, and to have fun! It's gonna be a wild ride!
EDIT - 23/01/2018 - 5:46 AM GMT Time
In addendum to the very first version of Chains of Fate, I have also included the finished, and finalized draft of Chains of Fate.
Replies
As of this current post I now have 3 separate version of Chains of Fate, with the third version being worked on currently. I wish to show you my progress along the way and also offer some thinking as to why I made some changes along it.
For the first iteration of Chains of Fate I overshot my goal of 1000 words, landing at 1353 words instead. Straight away this is something I wanted to reduce as much as I could as it nullifies my submission in entirety. I admit that the prospect of being able to tell a believable story that could fit into the universe of Riot's narrative, as well as being at an optimal word length would be a challenge for me. With the updated 1.1 version I still overshot my goal, I managed to reduce the word count. Version 1.1 sits at a totaled 1068 word count. This is the absolute maximum I have achieved with the story I want to tell. For me, that isn't good enough. Version 1.1 has shown me that if I truly want to reach my goal, I'm going to have to change up my story. The story as it is doesn't reach the limits I wanted to set on myself for this challenge, and so it'll be chopped down and renewed with proper and direction.
Another aspect I changed was how the violence was portrayed within my short story. I want to present Varus as a complete kick-ass kinda guy, with all the fury and vengeance that comes with him but with a small hidden aspect of terror / horror from the powers he has thanks to the corruption he released. The initial violence and gore presented was way over the top. I toned down heavily, as I don't find the over-detailed violence to be necessary to the story. While the initial image is still present, I've found that I've managed to succinctly deliver the same effect without causing someone to read it to throw up their breakfast / lunch / dinner. Enough to gross out readers a little bit, but to give them that small feeling of shock and horror at the brutality of the corruption.
Another thing I want to impact on is how I've felt that the focus on Varus himself wasn't strong at all, in both Ver.1 and Ver. 1.1. While re-reading through the two drafts the story felt heavily focused on the captured creature. One-third of my total word-count is dedicated more towards this creature than to Varus himself, which felt heavily shallow. I was just writing a story on this creature, featuring a surprise appearance by the corrupted bowman.
Version 1.1 is attached to this new post, should any followers feel interested in seeing the revisions I made and understanding why I'll be taking a new direction for this this story when Version 1.2 is finished and uploaded.
Two progress posts in one day! What a world!
With the uploading of Chains of Fate version 1.2, I've taken a redirected approach for my story. As highlighted in the end of my progress post, I felt that Varus' presence within the story was very minimal. I wished to change that while keeping some elements of the story that were core to my goal of providing an engaging narrative piece. On top of this, my previous versions also felt disjointed. I took another look at how to present my story. If I myself found it hard to navigate through, you readers certainly would have as well. I'm glad that I've managed to massively improve the flow of my piece tonight.
My word count is still shy of it's goal however. I am currently standing at 1020 words. The closer I get to my word goal, the more tantalizing it feels as it's merely a finger out of reach.
I'm also happy with the character I have given to Varus in his one-man-war on those responsible for reducing his life to ruin. I always imagined Varus to be the character who engaged in heavy guerrilla warfare tactics as he brings himself closer to those who had destroyed everything he held dear to him. The malevolent corruption as well as highlighting what he feels in it's presence as he struggles against his fate is perhaps one of my favorite parts of his character, and weaving that into this piece was something that I hopefully presented well to you, the audience.
As always, I appreciate any feedback and input to bring me closer to my goal of presenting a story that can be comparable to the stories created by Riot. Enjoy Version 1.2!
-"The ember glow of campfire illuminated a small troop of soldiers leaning against a circular bank."
I legitimately have no idea what "leaning against a circular bank" means. The first time I read it, I pictured all 12 soldiers leaning against the same wall. (the mental image made me laugh) I'm also not too clear on the tactical sense of camping next to a river; wouldn't that put your back against a metaphorical wall in the case of an ambush?
-When Varus begins his assault on the camp, the scene maintains the pace it had when he was stalking the troops. It's too slow for what you clearly meant to be a sudden ambush.
-"The arrow made a soft 'phwee' sound"
Onomatopoeia are generally a bad idea. This is definitely one of those times.
-If you meant this story to be told from Varus' perspective, it's not necessary to know why the Noxian scouts are there. It dilutes your story's focus.
In reference to your last point, I'm using this story from a third-person perspective. While I do want to use internal monologue between Varus & the ancient power, it's not straying into his character perspective.
Hey everyone, after reviewing feedback I had received from both here and from close friends who are also avid writers, I've returned with my latest revision, Especially towards HalfTangible's feedback. I've addressed a good majority of the points that have been made with Version 1.2 and I hope that with Version 1.3 I have addressed those adequately. Enjoy the read, and as always, I take your feedback seriously!
Another personal goal I would like to check off is finally reaching my 1000 word count limit. I have carefully pruned my piece to bring it down word-count wise, but hope to have vastly improved the flow of the story and hopefully my words will take you to a vivid scenario to enjoy!
EDIT: 11/26/2017
19:20 PM
Replacing my PDF with a more updated version. Mostly some small grammar corrections & wordplay to better suit the story.
Whelp the last week has been pretty wild. New Varus lore, new everything! I spent the last couple of days letting it wash over me as I got used to the new feeling of the lore, and considering my story is now well, out-dated, I figured it'd be more appropriate to change the story once again, to fit the new lore at the least.
Enjoy this new, updated draft version! As always I appreciate any & all feedback!
Edit 12/14/2017:
Updated the story once again. Trying to create some tighter pacing and focus.
Hey everyone! It's been a long time since I've last posted an update. Truth is I decided to take a break from the narrative piece as I found myself pruning over it a lot. I figured I'd have a fresh mind if I came back to Chains of Fate at a later time. I've worked out a few changes and implemented an idea that focuses much more on the conversations and interactions that take place between Valmar, Varus & Kai as I felt that conversation and interaction was lacking in my previous version. I was also unsatisfied with the conclusion to my narrative piece in 1.4, and I felt that this new ending leaves more for the reader to take away when they finish the piece.
As always, I hope you enjoy the latest read! I appreciate all and any feedback!
Hello again readers! Today, this post marks my last entry piece for Chains of Fate! While there's not a *large* difference between 1.5 and 1.5.1, there is some changes that over all helped increase the smoothness of my story. I removed some dialogue and changed others, as I've been finding the new iterations helped improve the flow of the story when read over as a whole. This will be the final edit for Chains of Fate, and I intend to submit this version within the coming days.
As a final note reminiscent of my opening post, I wish all of the other competitors luck, and to my readers, I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as I have!
- Sol