When will I give up?
polycounter lvl 2
This is just a platform for me to express myself, if you have similar thoughts or opinions, even if you don't, please feel free to say anything that comes to mind.
I started this program at my school very determined and I had everything together in my mind. What school I would transfer to after I had gotten my associate's degree and where I would live. Everything. Life was peachy!! But what I did not realize is that I lacked drive. I had the determination but I did not have the DRIVE to execute it. I am feeling the repercussions of that right now.
To go in depth, for almost the entire two years of life at college, I have been working two jobs and going to school full-time. I don't think there was an issue with that as I am going to go back to working two jobs after I graduate. But the problem was that I rarely practiced. I did not practice what I learned in class when I got home. Or when I did practice it was rushed, I never took the time to fully understand what I practiced. Days where I would go to work right after school I'd go home and crash and burn. It was great though (so I thought), I felt independent from my mom and I could take care of myself. So I continued working.
But then I realized how little I was focusing on my dream. I was pulled this way and that way because I love to be the "Yes-man". So here I am today, now that I don't have two jobs anymore I kind of feel burnt out. Yesterday I skipped out on a day of class just to make up for lost sleep but I don't really feel like myself. I guess It's because of the few changes that happened.
Every-time something throws me off I just want to go back and do it all over again. So that's what I'm doing now. Re learning everything and teaching myself things that I wasn't taught in class. I haven't told my teacher about how I feel I don't know if that is wise. I just hate that come May 2018 I may look at my work as a 2 year student and feel ashamed because I focused on other things except for the one thing I wanted to do the most.
I'm off to my public speaking class now but I just wanted to vent and I also wanted to share my story for anyone else that may be experiencing this or has experienced this. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I look at these awesome creations that all of you created and it's like I get jump started again.
So will I give up? No. Is it hard not to? Heck yeah! But if I gave up I'd be miserable thinking about what 'could have been' and I think that would make me feel terrible. Don't give up on your dreams. Try to reignite them. If your passions change that's okay. We all live and grow through things.
Have an awesome day.
I started this program at my school very determined and I had everything together in my mind. What school I would transfer to after I had gotten my associate's degree and where I would live. Everything. Life was peachy!! But what I did not realize is that I lacked drive. I had the determination but I did not have the DRIVE to execute it. I am feeling the repercussions of that right now.
To go in depth, for almost the entire two years of life at college, I have been working two jobs and going to school full-time. I don't think there was an issue with that as I am going to go back to working two jobs after I graduate. But the problem was that I rarely practiced. I did not practice what I learned in class when I got home. Or when I did practice it was rushed, I never took the time to fully understand what I practiced. Days where I would go to work right after school I'd go home and crash and burn. It was great though (so I thought), I felt independent from my mom and I could take care of myself. So I continued working.
But then I realized how little I was focusing on my dream. I was pulled this way and that way because I love to be the "Yes-man". So here I am today, now that I don't have two jobs anymore I kind of feel burnt out. Yesterday I skipped out on a day of class just to make up for lost sleep but I don't really feel like myself. I guess It's because of the few changes that happened.
Every-time something throws me off I just want to go back and do it all over again. So that's what I'm doing now. Re learning everything and teaching myself things that I wasn't taught in class. I haven't told my teacher about how I feel I don't know if that is wise. I just hate that come May 2018 I may look at my work as a 2 year student and feel ashamed because I focused on other things except for the one thing I wanted to do the most.
I'm off to my public speaking class now but I just wanted to vent and I also wanted to share my story for anyone else that may be experiencing this or has experienced this. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I look at these awesome creations that all of you created and it's like I get jump started again.
So will I give up? No. Is it hard not to? Heck yeah! But if I gave up I'd be miserable thinking about what 'could have been' and I think that would make me feel terrible. Don't give up on your dreams. Try to reignite them. If your passions change that's okay. We all live and grow through things.
Have an awesome day.
Replies
lotzoh said:
To go in depth, for almost the entire two years of life at college, I have been working two jobs and going to school full-time. I don't think there was an issue with that as I am going to go back to working two jobs after I graduate. But the problem was that I rarely practiced. I did not practice what I learned in class when I got home. Or when I did practice it was rushed, I never took the time to fully understand what I practiced. Days where I would go to work right after school I'd go home and crash and burn.
It's little wonder after holding down two jobs coupled with fulltime study, I should think there was scant time for practise, lack of motivation notwithstanding...
"Days where I would go to work right after school I'd go home and crash and burn."
I've witnessed firsthand the subsequent repercussions in relation too the above quote had on many of my international service paying student friends went through. They particularly as I recall, were in every practical sense sleep deprived alongside a complete lack of concentration while attending lectures or class with, sad to say a couple of instances culminating in mental health issues.
So yeah even though I do empathise, it is indeed empowering to be self reliant independently building a future for yourself however a cautionary note. Take the time to reassess whether it may be beneficial, either to scale back your current course load or perhaps one of the two work commitments, which only you can determine, because I envision possible issues if not addressed soon. Anyways whatever you decide upon, all the best.
I think now my problem is just time management I can give up everything for this but it's just now that I have free time im really just trying to enjoy that. Im lazy now. When I was busier I wasn't as lazy cause I rushed to get things done.
This weekend im gonna just hack at it though!!! You guys cheered me up a bunch and also @Knyttet there's a book called "The Art of Saying NO" by Damon Zahariades I can recommend to you as a fellow people pleaser haha. I just got it but it's really connecting with me!
@sacboi thank you so much I'm definitely going to do a lot of thinking over this weekend and I'll try to find the love that made me join in the first place. If there are things that need to be halted than so be it. I used lurk on this site so much. I thank both you and @Knyttet for the experiences you shared.
Because I KNOW I wasn't alone but it's easy to feel alone. I just want to be great cause a lot in my life wasn't so I know that's part of the reason I pushed so much at first.
Everyone should always keep their mental state in check at times of pure stress. Stress can be positive or negative depending on how you look at it. Thank you so much!!!
The program is called Simulation and Game Development.
I was also in a similar place with you @lotzoh i was working 9:00-21:00 and didn't have time to do what i loved. I think it is better that you quit one of those 2 jobs to give yourself some time to relax and focus on what you want to do in the future. More times than not, we get sucked up to the system's requirements forgeting what is important.
For a couple of days/months you will still be tired, after pushing yourself that much, it's only natural that you will not have alot of motivation to do this. But after sometime you will eventually find your rythm and be able to get your hands on 3d as much as you want. First things first, do whatever pleases you, and when you feel that you don't want to sleep/go out with friends anymore, you can start learning. Do not force it, let it come naturally to you, and try to increase the time you spend on it, gradually. This will transition 3d modeling from hobby, to full time job and you will be happier :P
But I did not realized that I would be exhausted from all of that, in my mind I was like "Okay, I'll leave the job and then I'll focus all of my extra time on school!" But it didn't work out that way at all! I'm working on it right now though, I went out and bought anatomy books and concept art books so I'm ready to be a hermit and soak up a lot of knowledge.
Oh and one big thing I noticed is that it's best to surround yourself with people that enjoy what you do. People would ask what I was going to school for they wouldn't understand it or they'd brush it off. I enjoy this field and I actually met some of the most down to earth people at game conferences. I felt like I was living in a dream, so that's what has kept me going through all of this, the feeling that I had when I went to the game conference and also that competitiveness that comes with being in class
In my case, I am saving up money for online classes next year. Meanwhile I should be concentrating on my family business and 2D drawing skills, which comes naturally to me. Rather than pushing myself to the unrealistic level, I should be doing what I am good at for a while to build up discipline, skills, and motivation.
I make everything about gaming even though I love a lot of other things in life as well. I have a public speaking class but I have an informative speech that I am writing about the benefits of gaming. So that helps me try to stay doing things within this field.
But if you can find time to keep practicing until you save up to go to school that should help. You can participate in free monthly challenges to help you with your skill. Or join a game jam to help you with the motivation. Sorry if I'm way off base just let me know I'll try to think of something but there are a lot of great artists that were self taught. I feel like the hard part would be getting over the procrastination and I struggle with that but I'm getting better.