I think it's all about sacrifice / compromise. A lot of people have regrets, particularly with their career / relationships.
If I was in that position, personally, I'd take the job, rough it out with the LDR, come out having no regrets and potentially be in a better position to support your partner once the projects are finished. Nobody can judge someone who has the guts to work away from home to try to make a better life for themselves and the ones around them. You both sacrifice your time and ultimately (hopefully! ) end up better/stronger because of it.
I read an article last month on the subject of love. It made me see things in a new light and somehow brought a sense of calmness and acceptance... don't know if it will help you OP, but it may be worth a read if it helps clear the fog in your head http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21410275
Benji I'll be sure to read it, gotta run off to dinner with my mom for her birthday!
@Andreas, that actually might be a less terrifying solution that could eventually lead to a more permanent situation. Thanks for that
I pretty much agree with everyone about going the LDR route and giving it my best shot, doing everything I can to make it work to progress myself and our relationship. I guess I'm just scared to do the LDR thing because I don't want to go without her...blah, anyway, have to go, but I'm loving this thread. The input everyone has is really interesting, and I wish I had time to address each person
The resentment will eat you to the core. She and the kids will always be the reason you never followed your dream. This will destroy you and your relationship. If you can do long distance try it but giving up on your dream for them will only lead to bad things.
I suppose the greatest issue is, do you want to be tied down where you live until the kids graduate high school? What if the industry in your area has a down turn, will you want to freelance for a living?
To break it down there are 3 strings here:
* Industry
* Kids
* Gf
Industry : Looking at how it seems, there are two types to enter the industry, starters who got lucky somehow and people who are just really good, if you are of the latter you will probably get other opportunities.
Kids: sorry man, I know its cold but I'm with the guy who said that eventually you will want to have kids of your own and then what? both my parents are divorced and I have extended family yet even if I wanted to I can't say I love them the same way I love my biological family. so this whole setup only works in your favor if you can't have kids and must adopt anyways.
Love: -Evil cold calculating analysis:
She has 3 kids, it would be really hard for her to find another unattached guy who would be willing to share the burden without bringing burdens of his own, so it probably makes it so she is afraid to lose you because like all people she doesn't want to end up alone and having to hit divorced singles parties circuits.
You don't want to lose her because you are afraid you are not going to find anyone else like her, but if and when you realize that it is not so you won't be able to go back in time. So basically you are both just playing it safe and I wonder how much of it is really about love.
-Good kind-hearted analysis:
Jobs in the industry will find you again if you are really that good and meanwhile you can go freelance/indie.
Kids is not so bad, if you ever feel like having your own legacy running around in the world is missing go to the sperm bank and maybe you will get a surprise visit 20 years later
You are important to your GF and she is important to you, maybe it will last forever maybe not, you have to give it a chance.
Can't be bothered to read all of this, but, my opinion:
and a life-long dream of an amazing career.
You mean, work on a project and be fired as soon as it's over?
I'd stay with her.. The game studio isn't going anywhere.. can always apply later.. if it is, there's plenty to replace them.
And if it's one of those (Has an opportunity to work on a big title don't want to miss it) Then at least imo.. the bigger the title.. the crappier it is to work on them in the long run.
Can always try the inbetween and go for freelancing as well. Just my thoughts
I'm in a 4+ year relationship with my girlfriend, and with that relationship came her 3 kids. we now have a 7 month old baby together as well.
we've already decided that (due to the kids) we will only relocate to other english speaking countries, and preferably we will stay put and i'll commute to whatever job i have. in terms of in-house, that limits my job choices a little. but as i'm freelance right now we don't really have any of those problems.
she would never ask me to stay, if it meant not moving forward in my career. but i would never move forward with my career if it meant leaving them behind. in all honesty, i would work in a sewer if it meant staying with them.
and in all seriousness, given the state of the industry at the moment, are you really willing to risk any kind of lasting relationship with someone you say is so wonderful, for a job that will in all likelihood end prematurely and/or without warning, because the industry doesn't care about you as much as she does.
Replies
If I was in that position, personally, I'd take the job, rough it out with the LDR, come out having no regrets and potentially be in a better position to support your partner once the projects are finished. Nobody can judge someone who has the guts to work away from home to try to make a better life for themselves and the ones around them. You both sacrifice your time and ultimately (hopefully!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21410275
Benji I'll be sure to read it, gotta run off to dinner with my mom for her birthday!
@Andreas, that actually might be a less terrifying solution that could eventually lead to a more permanent situation. Thanks for that
I pretty much agree with everyone about going the LDR route and giving it my best shot, doing everything I can to make it work to progress myself and our relationship. I guess I'm just scared to do the LDR thing because I don't want to go without her...blah, anyway, have to go, but I'm loving this thread. The input everyone has is really interesting, and I wish I had time to address each person
To break it down there are 3 strings here:
* Industry
* Kids
* Gf
Industry : Looking at how it seems, there are two types to enter the industry, starters who got lucky somehow and people who are just really good, if you are of the latter you will probably get other opportunities.
Kids: sorry man, I know its cold but I'm with the guy who said that eventually you will want to have kids of your own and then what? both my parents are divorced and I have extended family yet even if I wanted to I can't say I love them the same way I love my biological family. so this whole setup only works in your favor if you can't have kids and must adopt anyways.
Love:
-Evil cold calculating analysis:
She has 3 kids, it would be really hard for her to find another unattached guy who would be willing to share the burden without bringing burdens of his own, so it probably makes it so she is afraid to lose you because like all people she doesn't want to end up alone and having to hit divorced singles parties circuits.
You don't want to lose her because you are afraid you are not going to find anyone else like her, but if and when you realize that it is not so you won't be able to go back in time. So basically you are both just playing it safe and I wonder how much of it is really about love.
-Good kind-hearted analysis:
Jobs in the industry will find you again if you are really that good and meanwhile you can go freelance/indie.
Kids is not so bad, if you ever feel like having your own legacy running around in the world is missing go to the sperm bank and maybe you will get a surprise visit 20 years later
You are important to your GF and she is important to you, maybe it will last forever maybe not, you have to give it a chance.
You mean, work on a project and be fired as soon as it's over?
I'd stay with her.. The game studio isn't going anywhere.. can always apply later.. if it is, there's plenty to replace them.
And if it's one of those (Has an opportunity to work on a big title don't want to miss it) Then at least imo.. the bigger the title.. the crappier it is to work on them in the long run.
Can always try the inbetween and go for freelancing as well. Just my thoughts
we've already decided that (due to the kids) we will only relocate to other english speaking countries, and preferably we will stay put and i'll commute to whatever job i have. in terms of in-house, that limits my job choices a little. but as i'm freelance right now we don't really have any of those problems.
she would never ask me to stay, if it meant not moving forward in my career. but i would never move forward with my career if it meant leaving them behind. in all honesty, i would work in a sewer if it meant staying with them.
and in all seriousness, given the state of the industry at the moment, are you really willing to risk any kind of lasting relationship with someone you say is so wonderful, for a job that will in all likelihood end prematurely and/or without warning, because the industry doesn't care about you as much as she does.