Alright so...hmm, where do I even start with this
I am realistically (not counting my chickens before they hatch but I still have to set things in motion regardless and think about things) facing a move due to a potential new job (cross your fingers!) It's a great opportunity, a dream come true, and I couldn't be more excited
...it does however, come with a catch that I've only created for myself. This probably will be long, so I apologize in advance
To save time, I won't go into the backstory. Instead, I'll start with the present. I am in a FANTASTIC, WONDERFUL, AMAZING relationship with a beautiful woman who quite simply has ever trait I could ever ask for in a woman. I've had my hardships, I've had my mistakes; I am a very, very passionate person who is more than willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt and overlook flaws that ultimately would affect me. I know this, because I've been in an unfortunate marriage. However, I've gone into this relationship very skeptical of myself, looking for any signs of "You're not really this great!," and I've been careful every step of the way. She has also been through hard times, and has been very skeptical of herself. This woman is absolutely everything I could want...She loves me in the same way I feel for her, we constantly support each other, have an amazing line of communication, yadda yadda yadda...While I am very passionate about my career and what I do, love, is also very, very important to me. I've always been the romantic, and as a child while others were dreaming of being astronauts and the like, I was dreaming of falling in love (true love, not the fake shit). I truly, 100% believe I have found it in this woman, my soulmate, and it's a dream I've had my entire life. I don't know what the future holds, but she is worth any effort, trial, and hurdles I have to endure.
If you haven't already realized where this is going yet by the subject matter, yes, I am sort of faced with a decision between a life-long dream of love, and a life-long dream of an amazing career.
She has 3 kids, is still somewhat civil with her ex, and they share the kids. I get along very well with her kids. While she wants to come with me, and would not allow me to reject the opportunity(I know this because I told her I would), we don't know how this can realistically work. She is determined to do whatever is in her power to make it work, without it drastically affecting her family, but it could take her anywhere from months, to a year, or more? to get out to the new job location with me. I can't, and I will NOT ask her to leave her kids(I know what she would say anyway, even if I did want to)...I also cannot ask her to rip her children away from her father...I honestly feel like there is no right answer, no solution to this problem, and I never would have thought I would have had to choose between love and career. I feel like no matter what, I have to hurt someone...whether it's myself, her, the kids, their father...how the fuck am I suppose to be able to provide an answer that all parties agree with? I guess just fuck me for falling in love and choosing this career right?
It's so frustrating to know that, before the age of 30, I have practically been presented with two dreams that anyone would kill for, but I can't have both. And people have already made comments to me that they would love to be in my position, but it's an awful, awful position to be in. The amount of guilt and fear I have is stupid, and I know, despite her attempts at being stronger for me, I've caused her a great deal of stress and guilt with this situation too. If I were to pass this up, even if I could GUARANTEE her I would never resent her, she would still feel guilty every waking moment.
I don't expect anyone to give me an answer, that is for me to decide. What I'm looking for is if anyone can relate, and what advice they can give about the situation. I feel like there has to be someone here who can offer some insight.
I am asking that you could please, please, be open minded and think about this before you respond. If you feel "leave her and follow your career idiot, there are tons of women who will S a D" is the option or in ruder words, well I guess that's your opinion and I guess I'm asking for it, but I'm really looking for sincere, relate-able experience.