Cover Letter Critique Request: Art Production Intern Telltale Games
high dynamic range
Hey Polycount:
I was wondering if I may ask for critique for this cover letter I want to send to Telltale Games for their Art Production Intern position? (position listing can be found here) It's been a while since I've had to write one, so I definitely feel a bit rusty in this area.
And for additional cross reference, my resume can be found here:http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/36888768/Brian%20Choi%20Resume.pdf
The body of the cover letter is as follows:
To whomever this concerns:
I am writing to express my interest in the Art Department Intern position with Telltale Games. My previous years of experience helping visually create, craft, and illustrate worlds on a variety of fantastical games as a game artist, and range of development team experiences matches the qualifications you describe for the position.
A commitment to utilizing the interactive medium to bring life to amazing worlds is an ideal that I have been striving for, and an endeavor that I respect Telltale Games for. As a games artist on several world lush projects, Ive been inspired by the visual storytelling of adventures games Ive played as a child, from The Day of the Tentacle to The Walking Dead. Ive been able to bring my strong sense of gameplay-supporting and readable character to the visuals Ive been able to direct or personally construct, from The Maestros to Tales from the Minus Lab.
Ive always strived to find like-minded developers that I could bake cookies for, helping out when I can, where I can. Being able to work with a developer family, not only a team, is something Ive been looking for constantly, and I see Telltale Games as that tight-knit family. To be honest, for me its been less a about not only creating an awesome, immersive experience, but going on that journey with an amazing group of multi-disciplinary engineers, designers, artists, and others. Working on a skeleton crew of artists to leading a 15-person art team, I would be able to bring a strong sense of agility, teamwork, and baked goods to Telltale Games.
I welcome the opportunity to discuss the position at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance for considering my application.
Sincerely,
Brian Choi
ENCLOSED
I was wondering if I may ask for critique for this cover letter I want to send to Telltale Games for their Art Production Intern position? (position listing can be found here) It's been a while since I've had to write one, so I definitely feel a bit rusty in this area.
And for additional cross reference, my resume can be found here:http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/36888768/Brian%20Choi%20Resume.pdf
The body of the cover letter is as follows:
To whomever this concerns:
I am writing to express my interest in the Art Department Intern position with Telltale Games. My previous years of experience helping visually create, craft, and illustrate worlds on a variety of fantastical games as a game artist, and range of development team experiences matches the qualifications you describe for the position.
A commitment to utilizing the interactive medium to bring life to amazing worlds is an ideal that I have been striving for, and an endeavor that I respect Telltale Games for. As a games artist on several world lush projects, Ive been inspired by the visual storytelling of adventures games Ive played as a child, from The Day of the Tentacle to The Walking Dead. Ive been able to bring my strong sense of gameplay-supporting and readable character to the visuals Ive been able to direct or personally construct, from The Maestros to Tales from the Minus Lab.
Ive always strived to find like-minded developers that I could bake cookies for, helping out when I can, where I can. Being able to work with a developer family, not only a team, is something Ive been looking for constantly, and I see Telltale Games as that tight-knit family. To be honest, for me its been less a about not only creating an awesome, immersive experience, but going on that journey with an amazing group of multi-disciplinary engineers, designers, artists, and others. Working on a skeleton crew of artists to leading a 15-person art team, I would be able to bring a strong sense of agility, teamwork, and baked goods to Telltale Games.
I welcome the opportunity to discuss the position at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance for considering my application.
Sincerely,
Brian Choi
ENCLOSED
Replies
To Whom It May Concern <--- sounds more professional
Break this up. "I am writing to express my interest in the Art Department Intern position with Telltale Games. " Next paragraph..... "I believe I would be a good fit for this position because my previous years ...."
You have a few grammar mistakes. Second paragraph "for me its been less a about not..." You dont need that "a" before the "about". But to me those two paragraphs dont really have their own story to them, or their own thought. Like, I don't get why they are separate paragraphs. Really, a cover letter should be pretty simple. 4 main paragraphs.
1) Find out the HR person's name. Look on their website, stalk the company LinkedIn page, whatever. You can be reasonably confident that will be the person reading your cover letter, and in my opinion addressing your letter with a nice "Linda --" or what have you will help you stand out. Won't work for every industry, of course, but I think it would be appreciated.
2) Keep it short. They have to read a lot of these things, presumably. Say what you need to say and say it well, but cut anything you don't need.
Okay, well that's all well and good, but what DO you need to include, then? What's a cover letter even for, in essence? Well I'm sure there are multiple schools of thought on this, but I'll tell you as it was explained to me.
3) A cover letter is for showing your interest in the company. Use the cover letter as an opportunity to make yourself stand out by showing how badly you want to work there. Be professional, of course, but show that you've done your research and are genuinely interested in working at the company. Mention your interest in a current project of theirs or say how excited you would be to be working at a studio that is so adept at --whatever the studio is good at--. The worst nightmare for anyone hiring is to hire someone who doesn't want to work there. The cover letter's job is to assuage this fear. Whatever excites you about working at that place, let it shine through.
4) This is the weird one-- Don't sell yourself. I wasn't sure how I felt about this when I heard it, but the idea is, that's what your resume/CV is for. You want to sound enthusiastic, passionate, knowledgeable, and prepared, but if you start listing your qualifications, you're A) making the cover letter longer and maybe boring and
Instead, just get them really excited to READ your resume.
Let me know if any of that helped, or what you think about it in general.
I think you want to be careful how you talk about your experience. If you say, '...it's been about going on a journey...', that makes it sound like you're looking back at the past rather than ahead to the future. That doesn't really make sense if you're applying for an internship position, and someone with a lot of industry experience might think you sound silly. Does that make sense? It's important that you make sure they understand you still want to learn.
There are still parts that are kind of awkward grammar-wise or maybe just too complicated. Fixing that is just a matter of reading and re-reading and thinking to yourself, "Do I really need this part? How could I say this better? What am I trying to say? Could it be simpler?" Do that and you'll know when it's better than what you had before. Also don't be afraid to make it short.
Another example of cutting things shorter. This:
"A commitment to utilizing the interactive medium to bring life to amazing worlds is an ideal that I have been striving for, and an endeavor that I respect Telltale Games for."
Could become: (well as long as it still means what you want)
"I am committed to utilizing the interactive medium to bring life to amazing worlds and I respect Telltale games for doing the same."
Also what interactive medium are you talking about? There are a lot of them; I was always taught it's good to be specific. I rarely give critique so I hope it's not too much and that it helps. Good luck on your cover letter!
I'd suggest you try to be notable rather than professional. You're not applying to be an accountant. Don't be too colloquial but give it a little bit of personality.
And don't fret too much about it - your portfolio is what's going to get you the interview.
3ds Max is not called 3DS, 3DSMax, 3d Studio or something, just "3ds Max"
Unity is not called Unity3D, it'S called "Unity" ( Unity3d is just their website )
3D-Coat is the correct name (AFAIK), not "3Dcoat" etc
I did'nt notice more wrong nameings, but there might be others...
Yeah, there was a poll recently and "Dear hiring manager" was the "most acceptable" salutation if you dont know the name.
Better yet, if theres a number, call them up and ask who you should address the application to. That way you show interest at the same time.
"Oh yes, thats the guy and called up to ask a few questions about the place, i remember him"
http://www.develop-online.net/news/devjobfail-the-worst-game-job-applications-ever/0188181
well that certainly beats generic barrels...
Here is a quick break down of how I personally would go about it, I also quickly rewrote your first paragraph to explain what I was trying to get across.
(WHERE you are now)
I am writing to express interest in an Art Internship within Telltale Games. I have spent the last few years working on multiple independent projects (explain a little more) Through these projects I did (insert what you did, make it quick and snappy) these experiences have been stepping stones for me to follow my passion of working professionally within the industry.
(Where you WANT to go)
*insert text*
(WHY you want to join Telltale)
*insert text*
Another issue you have in your current version is prolonged wording to sound more descriptive. This really isn't necessary and only makes it sound even more long winded. Example bellow.
Your current version
I am writing to express my interest in the Art Department Intern position with Telltale Games.
Quick rewrite
I am writing to express interest in an Art Internship within Telltale Games.
EDIT: Also just to add, your CV is frustrating. You go so far out of your way to oversell each project I have no idea what it actually is. What platform? School or Independent? Mod or Indy? Remember your position your applying for and talor your CV and Covering letter to that. You are not the Art Director of *insert big company* and your not applying for that position so don't pitch yourself as it.
In my experiences the CV and Covering letter I used to break into the industry was vastly different 6 months later once I had professional experiences. Then a few years later it evolved again and again. Its all based on the position you are in and where you are.
Here is Draft 03. Is it better? Am I close and good to go?
I am writing to express my interest in the Art Department Intern position with Telltale Games. My years as a multi-role game artist on both large, intensive student game development teams to professional studios, matches the qualifications described for this position.
Creating meaningful, worthy experiences as a costume/fashion design focused character artist is my desired goal. As a games artist on several visually imaginative games, Ive been inspired by the visual storytelling of adventures games Ive played, from The Day of the Tentacle to The Walking Dead. I bring my strong sense of gameplay-supporting and readable character to the visuals through art direction or asset creation on games like the puzzle-platformer Tales from the Minus Lab.
Being able to join a developer family, not only a team, is what I want to do, and I see Telltale Games as that tight-knit family. To be honest, for me its been less about not only creating awesome, immersive experiences, but creating those story-rich worlds with an amazing group of engineers, designers, and artists that I look up to and bake cookies for. Working on a skeleton crew of artists at Reverge Labs, to leading a 15-person art team on The Maestros RTS, I would be able to bring a solid experience in agility, teamwork, and cookie-baking skills to Telltale Games as an Art Department Intern.
I welcome the opportunity to discuss the position at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance for considering my application.
Sincerely,
Brian Choi
ENCLOSED
@IChill: If I'm understanding correctly, you're saying remove the resume details that do NOT pertain the position I am applying for, correct?
I would try to smooth it out a bit to be slightly more casual, right now its super stiff and uptight. I used to do this all the time, going on about "oh how your games inspire me, blah blah blah." but found once I started just being more along the lines of how I would communicate with colleagues it helped me by leaps and bounds. I would also nix the providing art direction comment, if you are an intern/junior you dont have art direction experience and saying so is often a sign of someone who is going to be difficult to accept critique. its like when I see 18 year old "art directors" or "senior environment lead" from a UDK mod applying for jobs with over inflated egos due to arbitrary titles they have assigned themselves.
the whole "I want to joing a family" thing is pretty cliche and cheesy, I would go more along the lines of "from what I have heard about you guys is you have a pretty awesome culture that I can see myself fitting in well with." (trust me, game studios are so obsessed with having a cool "culture" that this will go miles further than saying you are gonna bake cookies for them)
You have done a decent job of editing your letter so far, a good rule of thumb is to write it out first draft and then find a way to cut it in half. people tend to feel the need to justify themselves for everything which leads to a lot of long winded, unconfident sounding emails/letters etc. what you have in terms of formatting with a quick listing of why you are interested and your relevant experience is great, just the wording comes off a little try hard and approval seeking. for example: your last line:
I welcome the opportunity to discuss the position at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance for considering my application
I would personally go with something like this:
Thanks for taking the time to check out my resume/portfolio,if you like what you see, I would love to have a quick chat and see if we are a good fit!
(remember its a 2 way street, a lot of people trying to get in the industry forget this and sell their souls for a job at a shite company and get burned out super quick. they gotta be a good fit for you too or you will be miserable, trust me on this one haha)
I usually aim for a vibe of humble, cool and confident. Its the game industry, I come to work in a t-shirt and make cool shit for a living haha. just be yourself and let it shine though the 100s of other "dear sir or madam, I am inquiring about the position i saw posted on your website. I went to art school and think video games are cool, I like your company, can I come be a robot and work for you please" letters they get every day, be genuine.
hope it goes well for you man, I will keep my fingers crossed!
@Pixel: Oof, man. That actually feels too casual to me and I don't know if I'm in a position against 2+ year veterans to puff my chest out like that/
Man, this balance between being a likeable team mate and a solid professional is tough while making sure the cover letter is catchy but contained.
The fact that your applying for the position must say you feel you have the skills. If that is the case then I wouldn't worry about competition. Be yourself and show your skills and what you can do. You can't change the "competition" but you can put your best forward and differentiate yourself.
Also remember your basically selling yourself to a company. Now that isn't bad, it's what it is and it can help to look at it that way. Of course you want the company to see you will fit their needs but, if possible, benefit them in other ways too. As I mentioned differentiate yourself, what skills and things can you do that someone else might not?
I bring that up because I only saw two, or three, sentences that actually said what you would bring to the company. Correct me if I am wrong.
Even if you don't have the years of experience, the experience you do have sounds good. Could be helpful if you expanded what you did in those experiences. For example what did you do while leading a 15 person art team? Then how can those skills benefit Telltale Games?
Lastly, if it helps, try to imagine this from the perspective of the person hiring. If you needed someone to do this job for you what would you want to know about them?
=========================================
Dear lovely HR staff,
I am writing to express my interest in your recently advertised "Art Department Intern" position.
My cumulative years as a multi-role game artist on both large, intensive student game development teams, and professional studios, match the qualifications described for this position.
My desired goals are to learn and develop my skills whilst at Telltale, and to contribute my skillset as a costume and fashion design-focused character artist to any future Telltale project I'm lucky enough to work on - It's not only contributing to awesome, immersive experiences that I'm interested in, but creating deep, story-rich characters with an amazing group of designers, artists, engineers, and HR staff that I will totally bake cookies for.
From working with a skeleton crew of artists at Reverge Labs, to leading a 15 person art team on The Maestros RTS, I would be able to bring my solid development background and cookie-baking skills to Telltale Games as an art department intern.
I welcome the opportunity to discuss the position at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance for considering my application.
Sincerely,
Brian Choi
ENCLOSED
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Hope you make some use of it. Good luck with your application!