I just heard about the suicides in the US, very sad.
What sort of world is so pointlessly self destructive that we allow children to be victimised so badly that hey see no alternative but death?
Gay - straight whatever, they are kids and deserve to be protected well above the petty ignorant believes of others.
I hope at the very least some kids will be more secure in themselves after so many people have opened up to them in such a selfless manner.
But what about the non-gay people? Do you find that they're more tolerant after highschool compared to before?
And I also wonder if that change is because of the age of people in highschool, or society in general changing? For some of us it's been 15 years or more since highschool. Maybe society has changed since then. But it could just be an age thing.
I can only speak to my personal experience, but from what I've observed, it's that the bigots don't move, and the enlightened people do. So the bullies stay behind to bag groceries and paint houses in whatever small town you grew up in, and the people who had to turn inward and want to grow and develop then go out into the world, and those are the people you meet in university, in large cities, etc. People who have broader horizons. So no, the bullies didn't become more tolerant (thought maybe some did). I know some people from my HS that are just grown up versions of who they were in HS.
I just heard about the suicides in the US, very sad.
What sort of world is so pointlessly self destructive that we allow children to be victimised so badly that hey see no alternative but death?
Gay - straight whatever, they are kids and deserve to be protected well above the petty ignorant believes of others.
160,000 US kids stay home from school every day to avoid bullying.
Awesome vid Ben and really great cause. Its amazing how rough highschool can be for so many and how other kids are a large part of that problem. Most of the people I know from high school be it popular, unpopular, gay, strait, what have you, found highschool to be the lowest point in the lives.
Really great movement! I am excited to see such a positive response from this too. Great job Ben! I hope and pray that your message is heard and listened to.
Great video, dude. High school is a dreadful place for anyone who is different, more so if there is generations of bigotry towards that particular difference. I really never understood how people can take offence to the intimate private lives of others. If its because they don't know how to explain it to their kids, they really are a bunch of selfish idiots.
I don't mean to detour the thread (u know i appreciate what u did), but the ones who need the "educational" videos r (his) parents. They r the ones who influence the youth most prominently and r responsible for a) not communicating with their obviously distressed children (assuming most bullied-kids show some external discomfort) and b) creating some bully themselves. They should get a "how to make it better" video.
I don't mean to detour the thread (u know i appreciate what u did), but the ones who need the "educational" videos r (his) parents. They r the ones who influence the youth most prominently and r responsible for a) not communicating with their obviously distressed children (assuming most bullied-kids show some external discomfort) and b) creating some bully themselves. They should get a "how to make it better" video.
I agree, but there are people out there doing just that. The problem is that the kids who will have it worst, have parents least likely to listen, so they need a bit of hope.
Great video, its really improtant in people's formative years, and afterwards, that they realise their world doesn't end in what other people think and say. Kudos.
Really moving stuff man. Becoming a teenager and just discovering who you really are can be difficult alone as it is. Having people not be accepting of who you are at a crucial time in your life like that most of been a bitch. Glad it did get better for you though.
Very noble contribution to society sir. My high school experience seems not at all as shitty and abrasive as most peoples, but that's probably because for my local area it was all preloaded in the prison-like mental disorder factory known as Harrison Middle School. Glad to see somebody spreading the message to adolescents that no matter what flavor of teenage hardship and bullshit they're going through that life doesn't stay that way.
I'm glad the people i'm with in highschool are pretty respectful. we have about two gay guys (one very openly) and i dont think he has ever been specifically bullied for being gay. Although he has had problems at home for it....
I never got picked on in highschool. My trouble was in 3rd-4th grade. This asshole (Fernando) knew taekwondo and thought it would be fun to beat on me several days a week, for no reason. Since he always found me in isolated areas, nobody ever saw, so he never got in trouble for doing it. I had to tolerate that for over a year. Every time I tried to fight back, everything was countered, or he'd leg sweep me or something. That took a lot of mental strength to get through. I wouldn't resort to extreme violence (believe me, I wanted to jab a compass in his neck from time to time), nor was I weak minded enough to harm myself. In situations like this, it really does feel like you're the only one in the world it's happening to. It's great that you did that video to help out, Ben. Knowing that you're not alone, that others are dealing with the same thing, will certainly help some young people out.
That's a great video Ben. Hopefully the project will reach those who need to hear those words of reassurance. It's unfortunate that this kind of out reach is necessary at all and shines a light on the fact that we are producing human beings that are seemingly incapable of empathy. Bullying is a product of bad parenting and there are a lot of inadequate, shitty parents out there. Raising a good and decent person is a challenge but that's where we need to start if we want to change things for the better of mankind. There are a lot of great parents out there too and hopefully outreach like this will inspire people to do better.
ps: this initiative should be covered on Oprah or Ellen, maybe someone could send them the links to the site so they could do a story on it.
I hope for all those people that post can also remember you can be a bully on the internet too.. Just remember the poor Star Wars kid, we all watched that video and laughed, it was on the internet and then it was even comedy shows, and then spoofed on comedy shows. The Star Wars kid "had to endure, and still endures today, harassment and derision from his high-school mates and the public at large" and "will be under psychiatric care for an indefinite amount of time"
We need to remember that is also bullying too. We all play a part in internet bullying by even watching some of these things, and some of the folks in this thread can seem a little hypocritical in what they've posted as they seem to be perceived as bullies themselves online. So, my take on this is make the change you want to see, start with yourself, try to have a little more patience and understanding of those that have different opinions and backgrounds than yourself (instead of resorting to name calling and country bashing, and bullying just because they aren't clones of you) and then do this with your friends, coworkers, etc and see if you can make the change you want to see. You'll be a better person and those around you will as well.
Hopefuly, there is a difference between laughing watching the star wars kid, and insulting/humiliating him on comments and stuff.
Well that and it's pretty easy to delineate between someone doing comical behavior and then being laughed at/mocked and someone being laughed at/mocked just for "being" black/gay/asian/female/etc. Neither is ok and both feel shitty, but one can cause much deeper seated issues because it's something you cannot help.
I doubt the "Star Wars" kid was doing 'comical behavior' in his mind.. he probably thought it looked awesome in his head like we all did when we were his age. It just so happened it was taped and left in public at school where a few classmates found it and put it online.
Would you have found it nearly as funny if he was good looking and in shape? You were laughing at his awkward chubby ninja moves. It was because of this you enjoyed it, if it was a nice looking/guy/girl doing this it wouldn't have seemed nearly as funny. That's the point.
What's funny is the contrast between him, his moves, clothes... and the actual movie, not the way he looks itself. In facts, he looks pretty average.
There was a commercial for a car, with an "average" guy fighting against a sumo. What was funny was the contrast, and the fact the guy didn't stand a chance, not that the guy was average.
Now i don't know the story of this vid. It's sad if people have put that online without his permission.
Sorry to get a bit off subject. I understand kids bashing each others, it's certainly not smart, but it's about testing limits i presume. Now with internet it becomes even more dramatic because informations spread widely and get rarely lost. So, matter of education
Are you saying that nothing an attractive person does can be considered comical in it's clumsiness? You have no idea if a "star wars kid" video of a super model would be found as funny or gone viral, you're projecting.
The problem is that you are trying to conflate generic bullying, which is wrong in real life or cyber form, with the point of the thread and the current social debate, which is specifically anti gay bullying, which is a large enough problem that a higher percentage of GLBT kids choose suicide than the general populace, based on the fact homophobia is a multiplier on top of normal cruelty. It's then confounded by the fact that a fat person can become thin or learn dance moves, but a gay kid can't turn straight, and being forced to pretend causes even further problems down the line. For every one star wars kid (and he didn't kill himself) there are a hundred more GLBT teens facing mocking both irl and cyberspace. Trying to conflate the issue is a common tactic of people who hate that GLBT are getting any attention or possible protection, so if you find yourself taking that tract, you might want to do some self examination.
There is already specific teacher information on how to deal with bullying, but their hands are tied, mostly by republicans and the religious right from mentioning anything GLBT related, resulting in ineffectual results when trying to deal with anti gay bullying, and many times they don't even want to help because they are homophobic themselves. A trend in these "it gets better" videos are parents going to the schools and the administration making apologetics for the bullying, trying to make it sound like it's the kid's own fault for being gay.
as far as the star wars kid, his parents got him psychiatric help. Which is something imortant to consider, if you're thinking of suicide, get help.
What do you do when your parents are the reason you are feeling suicidal and you live in a country without socialized mental healthcare and you're 15 with no job to pay for a psychiatrist?
This just shows how different it is. If you are bullied for racism, you can come home to your family of the same race for comfort. If you are fat, your parents most likely love you anyway. If you are gay and facing homophobia at school, it's much more often you come home to face it as well.
Bullying is bullying, it's not a gay or straight issue at all though. Straight kids commit suicide from bullying as well, the percentage might be lower, but still any suicide from bullying is one too many. I can think of a handful that made US headlines in the last year as well.
Ugly kids might not 'become' pretty either. Your point is moot. Fat kids, can't lose weight, and awkward kids can't become awesome in the time needed to stop the bullying after being bullied, after they've been bullied their self esteem is already shot. It needs to stop before they are bullied. Everyone needs to understand they are unique and have the right to not be bullied. Now this is 'specifically' for Gay and Lesbian kids going through tough times, and I applaud it and hope it's effective and helps save kids lives going through the toughest times in their lives. I just hope it can also reach those kids not gay and lesbian who are also going through tough times being laughed at and mocked because of their perceived flaws from their peer groups at school. In my opinion I don't see why the GLBT doesn't see this and pick up the mantle for 'everyone' and be the moving face for equality for all instead of limiting bullying to gay and lesbians, since the issue doesn't stop at gay and lesbians. It could be a force to help change people's perception of a gay agenda if they would include everyone as well.
Now, so what about the kids that get picked on that aren't gay or lesbian? What about them? For the record, I am in total agreement with you about gays and lesbians being targeted more often and that should certainly be stopped nobody should go through life being bullied, but bullying doesn't stop there. As we've seen posted lots of folks went through school and got bullied and it's not cool at all. It kills self esteem, grades, it alters personality, loss of self worth, kills creativity, depression and just to try and be part of the norm instead of being an individual. I have no problem with the movement, I just think it could of had a tremendous impact if it wasn't just a movement for gay and lesbians being bullied and had included everyone.
I don't have a lot of "fag hags" and I dont like shopping, I don't listen to Lady Gaga or techno dance,
I find this funny, because I do have/ do all that (and yes Madonna too) but I'm basically straight.
Guess I took your share.
Edit: Jeremy, I think, as Ben has mentioned, that this movement hasn't just been created "for everyone" as just about any other subset of people who may be bullied have some form of support network available, while many a GLBT youth finds enemies even in their immediate family.
The movement very well could expand to tell everyone it gets better, but starting out I think it's just getting a place and way to tell these kids that they aren't alone and there are people who really have been where they're at, who know the suffering, but who have made it through, and know "it gets better".
Further edit:
Just watched some of the front page videos.
Sounds like the message is there that the project isn't JUST for LGBT youth though they are a focal point.
Guy in the first vid says, "whatever you're going through...you can make it better".
Awesome thread. I love communities like this, for reasons like this.
School sucks. Being bullied for simply existing while at school really sucks. Being bullied at school, which already sucks, only to return home and STILL feel like you suck, well that really REALLY sucks. And a lot of people don't have anyone to turn to. Leaving high school - leaving home - being able to make your own choices and go your own way, that's a great feeling and it's a real shame anytime someone decides to take their own life in lieu of looking to the future.
I remember one time in middle school (when I was around 15 I think), there was a kid who'd come out as being gay. Got teased quite a bit. Every day. But he was a good guy, always nice, polite, tolerant. One time in speech class, our teacher came up with this stupid assignment where we had to do a pretend "radio" show, and it had to be something controversial. I got assigned a group, and they came up with the idea of a show - we'd each call in and pretend to be some random citizen with an opinion on the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I wound up being the guy who'd pretend to call in who really hated gays.
As part of the assignment, I wound up saying (pretending, but still, I said it) right into a microphone, "...and I HATE GAYS!"
Everyone in class thought it was funny, except for that gay guy, I think his name was Andrew. And I really didn't think much of it at the time. But when I walked out of the little booth I realized I'd totally made the kid feel like shit. I didn't even have anything against gays, I just happened to be the guy who was supposed to oppose the subject. I never wound up apologizing to him for it, though.
I really wish I knew where that guy was at these days. I'd like to call him up, or see him, and apologize for that - let him know that he was always a nice guy. A much better person than most others I ran across. As much shit as he went through, I don't imagine I helped matters at all. I didn't even stand up for him at all when I saw him getting bullied, though I very well could've. Even though I never really knew much about him, I'm real sorry for that.
Unfortunately I have no idea where he's at these days, I imagine he did the smart thing and moved on.
Anyway, enough of that - suffice to say, great thread with a great cause.
Being a fatty my entire life, this really hits home. Life isn't fair, and those of us who make that blatantly clear on a daily basis to those dealt a losing card in life, as perceived by society, are monsters. People can't stop being gay, I can't stop my genetic tendency to be fat, I can eventually stop being fat yes, but at much greater lengths and work than other people with skinny genetic tendencies.
People continue to judge others on things they have no control over.
I don't care about the size of your tits, your dick, your skin color, your race, your defects,your weight, what attracts you, your disease, your hair color, eye color. I care about who you are, and the choices you make.
TBH I never really though the Star Wars kid video was terribly funny, nor understood why it was such a big deal other than it being a way for people to laugh at a fat kid while he flails around or something.
I'm a much bigger fan of videos where some assjockey-sonuvabitch-jerkwad gets his due, or the like.
I can't say that I don't judge people based on how they look, that comes with living in a small town and what society ingrains into your mind with television/social cliques and the like, but I certainly give people the benefit of the doubt, and I know for a fact that I am more accepting than a lot of people I know.
Seems many in this thread went through bullying in High School or, school in general. I'm glad to see it's turned much better for most, I turned 22 recently and thought about this thread and how much things had changed. Honestly, they have changed a lot, but not so much for the better.
Don't let what others say stick with you and affect your life even when they're not there.
I think the most important thing anyone can learn is to not let pessimism from others have any effect on you.
I always wondered why there weren't any "be yourself and love yourself for who you are no-matter what!" classes in school, seems learning something like that would be more important than algebra..
Also echoing Ben on that Gay-youth really have less people to turn too if you think about it, unless you're lucky and got accepting loving parents, you've got nowhere to go. It's probably much the same with those who are mentally unsound, where as they feel they have nowhere to turn and no one "gets" them.
Hmm this got off topic, in any case: I saw a bunch of celebs joining this campaign, great stuff. Hopefully it will spread and get the word out to more and more people.
I always wondered why there weren't any "be yourself and love yourself for who you are no-matter what!" classes in school, seems learning something like that would be more important than algebra..
To be honest, that does sound like a bullshit class. I don't see how that kind of stuff would help, but that's just me. It's more of a "let's all hold hands and live together" kind of mentality, when in reality we see bullying because people have a tendency to single out people who are different.
The only useful class I can think of is an asskicking class. Seems to me like that's the only sure-fire way of stopping that kind of behavior. Kinda doubt that the "tough guy" at school will continue to make fun of the gay kid after getting his ass kicked by said gay kid.
Of course, that's easy for me to say. I was 6'5" and over 200lbs by the age of 13. And in my school, nobody was allowed to mess with anyone or they'll get their ass kicked. And I gotta say, it worked incredibly well. Sure, you still had people and cliques who excluded others. But they were always respectful.
I honestly think a little bit of pain never hurt anybody, if you catch my drift.
To be honest, that does sound like a bullshit class. I don't see how that kind of stuff would help, but that's just me.
Often the bullies where once picked on or made fun of and told, "just toughen up, suck it up, be a man, don't be a pussy" and so they do. They set about proving how much of a man they are by embracing everything their little minds think are manly, power, strength, rage, anger, dominance.
I don't think its a waste of time teaching kids a little empathy, if you ask me its the #1 skill that people need to function in a group. Even before school we continually put them in groups and expect this to spontaneously appear with very little guidance or encouragement outside of the occasional "oh hold on someones bleeding, BE NICE... don't shove! So as I was saying Meridith..."
A little empathy early on, does wonders and sets kids up so it doesn't need to be driven into their 50 inch thick skulls by a freight train over and over again fight club style. Kids are normally selfish little buggers that need to be shown that there are benefits to empathy, instead of being punished when they are selfish little robots.
At the heart of the program are classroom visits by an infant and parent. Through guided observations of this loving relationship, children learn to identify and reflect on their own thoughts and feelings and those of others (empathy).
It's sad that they have to get this kind of training from school but as you can see they don't always get the best examples at home ("suck it up, be a man") so a little counter weight has to be put on the other scale. It's sad that schools also have to teach basic human interaction and functionality in society.
heh.. well its nice to see a thread like this on polycount.
its pretty much the last places i expected to see this kind of stuff.
i can fully relate, i've been the odd kid out for pretty much as long as i can remember. school was torture. i got picked on, assaulted, frozen out, harassed.. and to this day, i've had people in the streets randomly shouting "fat bastard" as i walked past, and kids
ringing my doorbell, throwing rocks at my window, and yelling "fat bastard" at me.
Anyways, Poops done something wonderful thats going to inspire young people going through hell to keep going, which is pretty much all that can be done.
its human nature to want to find people you can relate to, and reject people you don't relate to.
As somebody who grew up in Boston and witnessed the amount of work a few friends and a family member had to go through, I've got a lot of respect for the gay community and the amount of crap they have to put up with just to be treated like normal people. Props to you Ben on making the video.
heh.. well its nice to see a thread like this on polycount.
its pretty much the last places i expected to see this kind of stuff.
But I know this is one of the places were people really don't hate on each other, we make fun of ourselves and other people all the time, but its always in good fun, we may say some crude remarks are post offensive pictures, but I really believe no one here wishes harm on anyone else.
I don't get why people are cruel to overweight/obese people, I guess they are targeted because there's a "its "bad" to be big" mentality in the USA. I wont ever mock or hate anyone personally for who they are, maybe that's how they are raised, maybe they were just delt a bad maybe, but its their own decisions or doing, but it really shouldn't matter to anyone.
Respect that you did this, it really shows you are confident about yourself as who you are right now and I hope the 'kids' can see that as well and hopefully let go of some of their insecurities about life.
Great video Ben,when i was in high school for the way i looked and it affected how well i did in school at the time. I think when your that age being in a situation can seem hopeless and with no real way out. A friend of mine summed it up perfectly by saying " In high school i learned to hate"
But once your out,how refreshing it is to learn that high school in no way a reflection of real life. The great thing is the life or lack thereof you had in school you can leave behind and find somewhere in this world in which you are accepted,loved and welcomed.
The only thing my high school years did for me is incrase the desire to leave my hometown and never look back..
Personally, I think suicide is for the weak. The fact that you care SO much of what people think of you to harm yourself and eventually kill yourself.
It's a laughable thing, to me. Feel free to argue.
I really really really can't understand how someone can be so pissed off at gay people that they'd murder, beat up, bully, whatever.
How does it affect "you" that the guy over there is doing a guy?, in private. "You're" not involved in it... man, jealousy maybe? insecurity? Seriously. It's not like they run around raping "you".
I mean. Fuck...
Hell. If some other dude hit on me I'd be all "Oh yeah, thanks but I'm not gay" and be happy that someone hits on me at least (It has happened but that was a long time ago now. I was mainly thinking guys here but eh. )
Yeah, Wahlgren. Actually I read a lot that it's to do with the fact that the "sheep" like to make fun of something that isn't the norm so they can try and feel big.
It scares them, they don't understand it.
Personally, I think suicide is for the weak. The fact that you care SO much of what people think of you to harm yourself and eventually kill yourself.
It's a laughable thing, to me. Feel free to argue.
It's not really about caring what people think about you, it's way beyond that on so many levels, it's come to a point where every waking moment basicly has you tormented by demons on the inside and outside.
Couple that up with chemical imbalances in your brain, which pretty much every artistic people has had to wrestle with.
It's never as easy as trying to imagine how the inside of someone elses brain works.
In school someone always picks on someone, better start picking on someone before you are the one picked one. If you are afraid, thats what happens and its how bullies are made. As Taylor says, its usually someone who is different in some way that takes the bullet.
It's not really about caring what people think about you, it's way beyond that on so many levels, it's come to a point where every waking moment basicly has you tormented by demons on the inside and outside.
Couple that up with chemical.
Hm, yeah.
@Winter Lord
I was an "Emo", "Goth" and now I'm a true-metal head and I'm Seventeen, in college. It does get better but I was constantly bullied, people saying stuff like "Look at him... he should just hang himself" It used to get to me when I was around fourteen in my attention seeking emo stage but I'm desensitized.
So Eld, I was "tormented" and came out better.
Kids will be kids. The real annoying thing is when you have to say that.
When you act and feel about ten years older than the people who were in your High School.
Suicide has nothing to do with being strong or weak, it's a cost benefit assessment. The people that commit suicide aren't thinking "well if I can just get through this, everything will be alright." They're thinking this is it, this is the standard that is now set for the rest of their lives. That the minimal enjoyment they get out of life is going to be counterbalanced by the pain of being isolated and victimized.
They aren't thinking that if they can just not let shit bother them, if they can man up and be harder people, they'll be alright. They're staring down the end of a tunnel that doesn't have a light at the end of it and wondering why bother?
That's the whole point of this project. To tell people who can't yet see it that things do get better.
Depression is a strange thing. It can make a person defy the instinct of self preservation in order to escape from the psychological torment they go through every day. You can say "suck it up" or "ignore what they say" or "go do something about it". People need to understand how severely ones own mind can damage oneself, some people even fall so deep into depression they can't even kill themselves, and when they get anti depressants they are "brought up" enough to carry it out, hence the warning on it.
When the world around you is nothing but hate, and all of it is directed at you, sooner or later you start hating yourself. Suicidees don't kill themselves out of pity, they kill themselves out of hatred. The hate from others infects them, takes control over their mind.
Soon they hate everything about themselves, hate that they live, hate that they have to exist in a world where everyone turns their back on them, they start feeding themselves with self created hatred, even when no one bothers them any more. A vicious circle is created and the victim cannot escape it no matter what, everything is just darkness and hatred.
Some may be so long gone that the only way to start saving them is by force, others might still be where slivers of light can get in and plant the seed that makes it better.
Telling someone getting bullied or going through hard times that it gets better is important and all, but backing it up (like these videos do) with a real story or even having a talk with the victims is even more important.
A complex depressed mind will dark up and get nothing out of little, give it context and it has better effect.
Also more on topic:
In the past few months, Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase, Billy Lucas, and Cody J. Barker took their own lives, driven to such extreme measures through endless violent bullying at their own homes and in their schools because of their sexual orientation.
On Facebook and other social networking sites, an unofficial day has been claimed with thousands of people and more everyday in honor of these and and countless others who've committed suicide from this kind of abuse.
On October 20th, they'll be celebrating "Spirit Day," where they'll wear purple to signify their support (purple meaning spirit on the LGBTQ flag).
Replies
What sort of world is so pointlessly self destructive that we allow children to be victimised so badly that hey see no alternative but death?
Gay - straight whatever, they are kids and deserve to be protected well above the petty ignorant believes of others.
I hope at the very least some kids will be more secure in themselves after so many people have opened up to them in such a selfless manner.
Good on you man.
I can only speak to my personal experience, but from what I've observed, it's that the bigots don't move, and the enlightened people do. So the bullies stay behind to bag groceries and paint houses in whatever small town you grew up in, and the people who had to turn inward and want to grow and develop then go out into the world, and those are the people you meet in university, in large cities, etc. People who have broader horizons. So no, the bullies didn't become more tolerant (thought maybe some did). I know some people from my HS that are just grown up versions of who they were in HS.
160,000 US kids stay home from school every day to avoid bullying.
I agree, but there are people out there doing just that. The problem is that the kids who will have it worst, have parents least likely to listen, so they need a bit of hope.
Hopefully they get the message thousands are putting up so they don't feel alone, to each his own.
ps: this initiative should be covered on Oprah or Ellen, maybe someone could send them the links to the site so they could do a story on it.
We need to remember that is also bullying too. We all play a part in internet bullying by even watching some of these things, and some of the folks in this thread can seem a little hypocritical in what they've posted as they seem to be perceived as bullies themselves online. So, my take on this is make the change you want to see, start with yourself, try to have a little more patience and understanding of those that have different opinions and backgrounds than yourself (instead of resorting to name calling and country bashing, and bullying just because they aren't clones of you) and then do this with your friends, coworkers, etc and see if you can make the change you want to see. You'll be a better person and those around you will as well.
robioto: Ellen was on it last week: http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/09/an_important_message_from_ellen_about_bullying_0930.php
Well that and it's pretty easy to delineate between someone doing comical behavior and then being laughed at/mocked and someone being laughed at/mocked just for "being" black/gay/asian/female/etc. Neither is ok and both feel shitty, but one can cause much deeper seated issues because it's something you cannot help.
Would you have found it nearly as funny if he was good looking and in shape? You were laughing at his awkward chubby ninja moves. It was because of this you enjoyed it, if it was a nice looking/guy/girl doing this it wouldn't have seemed nearly as funny. That's the point.
There was a commercial for a car, with an "average" guy fighting against a sumo. What was funny was the contrast, and the fact the guy didn't stand a chance, not that the guy was average.
Now i don't know the story of this vid. It's sad if people have put that online without his permission.
Sorry to get a bit off subject. I understand kids bashing each others, it's certainly not smart, but it's about testing limits i presume. Now with internet it becomes even more dramatic because informations spread widely and get rarely lost. So, matter of education
The problem is that you are trying to conflate generic bullying, which is wrong in real life or cyber form, with the point of the thread and the current social debate, which is specifically anti gay bullying, which is a large enough problem that a higher percentage of GLBT kids choose suicide than the general populace, based on the fact homophobia is a multiplier on top of normal cruelty. It's then confounded by the fact that a fat person can become thin or learn dance moves, but a gay kid can't turn straight, and being forced to pretend causes even further problems down the line. For every one star wars kid (and he didn't kill himself) there are a hundred more GLBT teens facing mocking both irl and cyberspace. Trying to conflate the issue is a common tactic of people who hate that GLBT are getting any attention or possible protection, so if you find yourself taking that tract, you might want to do some self examination.
There is already specific teacher information on how to deal with bullying, but their hands are tied, mostly by republicans and the religious right from mentioning anything GLBT related, resulting in ineffectual results when trying to deal with anti gay bullying, and many times they don't even want to help because they are homophobic themselves. A trend in these "it gets better" videos are parents going to the schools and the administration making apologetics for the bullying, trying to make it sound like it's the kid's own fault for being gay.
What do you do when your parents are the reason you are feeling suicidal and you live in a country without socialized mental healthcare and you're 15 with no job to pay for a psychiatrist?
This just shows how different it is. If you are bullied for racism, you can come home to your family of the same race for comfort. If you are fat, your parents most likely love you anyway. If you are gay and facing homophobia at school, it's much more often you come home to face it as well.
Ugly kids might not 'become' pretty either. Your point is moot. Fat kids, can't lose weight, and awkward kids can't become awesome in the time needed to stop the bullying after being bullied, after they've been bullied their self esteem is already shot. It needs to stop before they are bullied. Everyone needs to understand they are unique and have the right to not be bullied. Now this is 'specifically' for Gay and Lesbian kids going through tough times, and I applaud it and hope it's effective and helps save kids lives going through the toughest times in their lives. I just hope it can also reach those kids not gay and lesbian who are also going through tough times being laughed at and mocked because of their perceived flaws from their peer groups at school. In my opinion I don't see why the GLBT doesn't see this and pick up the mantle for 'everyone' and be the moving face for equality for all instead of limiting bullying to gay and lesbians, since the issue doesn't stop at gay and lesbians. It could be a force to help change people's perception of a gay agenda if they would include everyone as well.
Now, so what about the kids that get picked on that aren't gay or lesbian? What about them? For the record, I am in total agreement with you about gays and lesbians being targeted more often and that should certainly be stopped nobody should go through life being bullied, but bullying doesn't stop there. As we've seen posted lots of folks went through school and got bullied and it's not cool at all. It kills self esteem, grades, it alters personality, loss of self worth, kills creativity, depression and just to try and be part of the norm instead of being an individual. I have no problem with the movement, I just think it could of had a tremendous impact if it wasn't just a movement for gay and lesbians being bullied and had included everyone.
Here's a couple examples:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-03-30/inside-the-mind-of-a-bully/
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-5130512-504083.html
There's tons more just research it.
Guess I took your share.
Edit: Jeremy, I think, as Ben has mentioned, that this movement hasn't just been created "for everyone" as just about any other subset of people who may be bullied have some form of support network available, while many a GLBT youth finds enemies even in their immediate family.
The movement very well could expand to tell everyone it gets better, but starting out I think it's just getting a place and way to tell these kids that they aren't alone and there are people who really have been where they're at, who know the suffering, but who have made it through, and know "it gets better".
Further edit:
Just watched some of the front page videos.
Sounds like the message is there that the project isn't JUST for LGBT youth though they are a focal point.
Guy in the first vid says, "whatever you're going through...you can make it better".
School sucks. Being bullied for simply existing while at school really sucks. Being bullied at school, which already sucks, only to return home and STILL feel like you suck, well that really REALLY sucks. And a lot of people don't have anyone to turn to. Leaving high school - leaving home - being able to make your own choices and go your own way, that's a great feeling and it's a real shame anytime someone decides to take their own life in lieu of looking to the future.
I remember one time in middle school (when I was around 15 I think), there was a kid who'd come out as being gay. Got teased quite a bit. Every day. But he was a good guy, always nice, polite, tolerant. One time in speech class, our teacher came up with this stupid assignment where we had to do a pretend "radio" show, and it had to be something controversial. I got assigned a group, and they came up with the idea of a show - we'd each call in and pretend to be some random citizen with an opinion on the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I wound up being the guy who'd pretend to call in who really hated gays.
As part of the assignment, I wound up saying (pretending, but still, I said it) right into a microphone, "...and I HATE GAYS!"
Everyone in class thought it was funny, except for that gay guy, I think his name was Andrew. And I really didn't think much of it at the time. But when I walked out of the little booth I realized I'd totally made the kid feel like shit. I didn't even have anything against gays, I just happened to be the guy who was supposed to oppose the subject. I never wound up apologizing to him for it, though.
I really wish I knew where that guy was at these days. I'd like to call him up, or see him, and apologize for that - let him know that he was always a nice guy. A much better person than most others I ran across. As much shit as he went through, I don't imagine I helped matters at all. I didn't even stand up for him at all when I saw him getting bullied, though I very well could've. Even though I never really knew much about him, I'm real sorry for that.
Unfortunately I have no idea where he's at these days, I imagine he did the smart thing and moved on.
Anyway, enough of that - suffice to say, great thread with a great cause.
People continue to judge others on things they have no control over.
I don't care about the size of your tits, your dick, your skin color, your race, your defects,your weight, what attracts you, your disease, your hair color, eye color. I care about who you are, and the choices you make.
I'm a much bigger fan of videos where some assjockey-sonuvabitch-jerkwad gets his due, or the like.
I can't say that I don't judge people based on how they look, that comes with living in a small town and what society ingrains into your mind with television/social cliques and the like, but I certainly give people the benefit of the doubt, and I know for a fact that I am more accepting than a lot of people I know.
Don't let what others say stick with you and affect your life even when they're not there.
I think the most important thing anyone can learn is to not let pessimism from others have any effect on you.
I always wondered why there weren't any "be yourself and love yourself for who you are no-matter what!" classes in school, seems learning something like that would be more important than algebra..
Also echoing Ben on that Gay-youth really have less people to turn too if you think about it, unless you're lucky and got accepting loving parents, you've got nowhere to go. It's probably much the same with those who are mentally unsound, where as they feel they have nowhere to turn and no one "gets" them.
Hmm this got off topic, in any case: I saw a bunch of celebs joining this campaign, great stuff. Hopefully it will spread and get the word out to more and more people.
To be honest, that does sound like a bullshit class. I don't see how that kind of stuff would help, but that's just me. It's more of a "let's all hold hands and live together" kind of mentality, when in reality we see bullying because people have a tendency to single out people who are different.
The only useful class I can think of is an asskicking class. Seems to me like that's the only sure-fire way of stopping that kind of behavior. Kinda doubt that the "tough guy" at school will continue to make fun of the gay kid after getting his ass kicked by said gay kid.
Of course, that's easy for me to say. I was 6'5" and over 200lbs by the age of 13. And in my school, nobody was allowed to mess with anyone or they'll get their ass kicked. And I gotta say, it worked incredibly well. Sure, you still had people and cliques who excluded others. But they were always respectful.
I honestly think a little bit of pain never hurt anybody, if you catch my drift.
I don't think its a waste of time teaching kids a little empathy, if you ask me its the #1 skill that people need to function in a group. Even before school we continually put them in groups and expect this to spontaneously appear with very little guidance or encouragement outside of the occasional "oh hold on someones bleeding, BE NICE... don't shove! So as I was saying Meridith..."
A little empathy early on, does wonders and sets kids up so it doesn't need to be driven into their 50 inch thick skulls by a freight train over and over again fight club style. Kids are normally selfish little buggers that need to be shown that there are benefits to empathy, instead of being punished when they are selfish little robots.
http://www.rootsofempathy.org/ It's sad that they have to get this kind of training from school but as you can see they don't always get the best examples at home ("suck it up, be a man") so a little counter weight has to be put on the other scale. It's sad that schools also have to teach basic human interaction and functionality in society.
its pretty much the last places i expected to see this kind of stuff.
i can fully relate, i've been the odd kid out for pretty much as long as i can remember. school was torture. i got picked on, assaulted, frozen out, harassed.. and to this day, i've had people in the streets randomly shouting "fat bastard" as i walked past, and kids
ringing my doorbell, throwing rocks at my window, and yelling "fat bastard" at me.
Anyways, Poops done something wonderful thats going to inspire young people going through hell to keep going, which is pretty much all that can be done.
its human nature to want to find people you can relate to, and reject people you don't relate to.
I don't get why people are cruel to overweight/obese people, I guess they are targeted because there's a "its "bad" to be big" mentality in the USA. I wont ever mock or hate anyone personally for who they are, maybe that's how they are raised, maybe they were just delt a bad maybe, but its their own decisions or doing, but it really shouldn't matter to anyone.
But once your out,how refreshing it is to learn that high school in no way a reflection of real life. The great thing is the life or lack thereof you had in school you can leave behind and find somewhere in this world in which you are accepted,loved and welcomed.
The only thing my high school years did for me is incrase the desire to leave my hometown and never look back..
It gets better.
use google translate on this:
http://www.aftenposten.no/nyheter/uriks/article3849864.ece
Personally, I think suicide is for the weak. The fact that you care SO much of what people think of you to harm yourself and eventually kill yourself.
It's a laughable thing, to me. Feel free to argue.
How does it affect "you" that the guy over there is doing a guy?, in private. "You're" not involved in it... man, jealousy maybe? insecurity? Seriously. It's not like they run around raping "you".
I mean. Fuck...
Hell. If some other dude hit on me I'd be all "Oh yeah, thanks but I'm not gay" and be happy that someone hits on me at least (It has happened but that was a long time ago now. I was mainly thinking guys here but eh.
It scares them, they don't understand it.
It's not really about caring what people think about you, it's way beyond that on so many levels, it's come to a point where every waking moment basicly has you tormented by demons on the inside and outside.
Couple that up with chemical imbalances in your brain, which pretty much every artistic people has had to wrestle with.
It's never as easy as trying to imagine how the inside of someone elses brain works.
Hm, yeah.
@Winter Lord
I was an "Emo", "Goth" and now I'm a true-metal head and I'm Seventeen, in college. It does get better but I was constantly bullied, people saying stuff like "Look at him... he should just hang himself" It used to get to me when I was around fourteen in my attention seeking emo stage but I'm desensitized.
So Eld, I was "tormented" and came out better.
Kids will be kids. The real annoying thing is when you have to say that.
When you act and feel about ten years older than the people who were in your High School.
But to me, a sign of strength is to not care.
It's also extremley great for character building.
They aren't thinking that if they can just not let shit bother them, if they can man up and be harder people, they'll be alright. They're staring down the end of a tunnel that doesn't have a light at the end of it and wondering why bother?
That's the whole point of this project. To tell people who can't yet see it that things do get better.
When the world around you is nothing but hate, and all of it is directed at you, sooner or later you start hating yourself. Suicidees don't kill themselves out of pity, they kill themselves out of hatred. The hate from others infects them, takes control over their mind.
Soon they hate everything about themselves, hate that they live, hate that they have to exist in a world where everyone turns their back on them, they start feeding themselves with self created hatred, even when no one bothers them any more. A vicious circle is created and the victim cannot escape it no matter what, everything is just darkness and hatred.
Some may be so long gone that the only way to start saving them is by force, others might still be where slivers of light can get in and plant the seed that makes it better.
Telling someone getting bullied or going through hard times that it gets better is important and all, but backing it up (like these videos do) with a real story or even having a talk with the victims is even more important.
A complex depressed mind will dark up and get nothing out of little, give it context and it has better effect.
Also more on topic: My purple scarf will keep me warm that day.