To 3d, or to be happy(ish)?
Im faced with a dilemma, and I would like to hear from anybody who has ever been in a similar position.
I fucking hate my job. Well, not so much my job as the place I work. For now Im stuck in the architecture end of the 3d world. The work isnt very exciting, but something that Im pretty good at. My boss, and the environment I work in, however, make me want to drive my car into a tree just so I dont have to be there. Im so miserable at work that its starting to affect my personal life and health (I was just diagnosed with stress ulcers). Honestly, I feel like my creative soul is dying from the inside out and its causing me to freak out a little.
*I left out most of the specifics because I dont want this to turn into a rant about why I hate my boss - god knows theres enough of those out there already, and it really accomplishes nothing*
Ive been trying to hang on untill I score a job in the game industry (or really ANYTHING at this point), but its looking like that might be a much longer wait than I originally anticipated. Believe me, Ive been looking for work, but other than minimum wage jobs, theres nothing to be had in this area. Sure, we have all had bad jobs, but I just dont know if I can keep trudging along untill I find a way out of where I am now.
"Why dont you quit?" Well, the pay is better than what I can get from Wal Mart, and I feel like it would be a foolish move to leave a job without one to go to in this economy - And Im not the only person who relies on my paycheck.
So do I take a step off the deep end and quit, or suck it up and keep dealing with it all?
Ive never written a post like this anywhere before, because Ive never been so lost before - Im kind of embarrassed to even post this. Im sure some of you have been in similar positions, and I would love to hear how you got through it... Or if Im just being a whiny bitch, please let me know.
-N?
I fucking hate my job. Well, not so much my job as the place I work. For now Im stuck in the architecture end of the 3d world. The work isnt very exciting, but something that Im pretty good at. My boss, and the environment I work in, however, make me want to drive my car into a tree just so I dont have to be there. Im so miserable at work that its starting to affect my personal life and health (I was just diagnosed with stress ulcers). Honestly, I feel like my creative soul is dying from the inside out and its causing me to freak out a little.
*I left out most of the specifics because I dont want this to turn into a rant about why I hate my boss - god knows theres enough of those out there already, and it really accomplishes nothing*
Ive been trying to hang on untill I score a job in the game industry (or really ANYTHING at this point), but its looking like that might be a much longer wait than I originally anticipated. Believe me, Ive been looking for work, but other than minimum wage jobs, theres nothing to be had in this area. Sure, we have all had bad jobs, but I just dont know if I can keep trudging along untill I find a way out of where I am now.
"Why dont you quit?" Well, the pay is better than what I can get from Wal Mart, and I feel like it would be a foolish move to leave a job without one to go to in this economy - And Im not the only person who relies on my paycheck.
So do I take a step off the deep end and quit, or suck it up and keep dealing with it all?
Ive never written a post like this anywhere before, because Ive never been so lost before - Im kind of embarrassed to even post this. Im sure some of you have been in similar positions, and I would love to hear how you got through it... Or if Im just being a whiny bitch, please let me know.
-N?
Replies
Also, if your local economy is soo poor. It sounds like you might want to consider moving as well to a place with more opportunities.
I suppose there are different avenues with 3d and perhaps it would be wise to move in to an area where you are a bit more comfortable.
In the mean time you could put in for a holiday for a few weeks , get things in perspective.
I had the ulcer thing a few years back ,but mine was only the helicoid bacteria, which causes ulcers. luckily I got rid of it with medication. damned uncomforatble though
good luck with everyhting anyway
@ oXYnary - Man, I wish I could pack up and move. Thanks to Uncle Sam Im totally wiped out atm (Im 1099 at my current job). Im scraping together what I can so that if I get a job worth moving to I can, but I feer its a trick Im only going to be able to afford to pull once, so I want to make it count. I really appreciate the input tho.
Gonna sleep on it - hopefully the light of day will bring strength.
-N.
You reap what you sow. And to second EQ, suck it up buttercup.
it really sucks right now cause it hard getting a job at any studio most of the really good talent has been laid off and comapnies are picking them up.
it might be a long while till people like me and you get jobs but all we can do is hold are heads high a plow through some 3d art :P
Really, as much as the job sucks. Be thankful that you even have a job that pays you what you need.
Some of us havn't exactly landed our first gigs yet in a real studio, nor have been paid for the work we have done 'professionally' (like myself). Yet i'd be happy to find myself in retail if it was currently even possible. Instead of living on my own funds that are hardly in existance in my account to pay the bills.
Just find alternatives in you're leizure activities and when you're on the job. Just think to yourself "It's easy" and nothing else. Afterall you're boss is just another human, like you.
So nothing is really trivial as it really seems.
Definitely find a new way to get money... as long as you're willing to do that. bust your ass and find another way of getting money.
quite frankly, if you're getting ulcers, you need to leave. here's the problem..
people have various ways of getting needs met, like working a job for money. this is referred to as a "map". the difficulty comes when we've got a shitty map. it's scary for someone to make a change, even when their map is hurting them, as the case is for you.
the good news is that there is tons of ways of being happy and making money and you don't need to use your shitty map. just grow a pair, move out of your comfort zone and do something new. if you need help, get a good NLP coach or a therapist... or find someone who's living the life you want and do what he does.
My wife appreciated that I was an Artist and a Nerd and knew that I would never be happy unless I was in a job where both those thing were assets
I spent the next 8 months trying to migrate my skills, build a portfolio, and apply for jobs like mad. After 3 months I applied at every Game company I could find and got nothing but rejections (most of the time no response at all)... After 3 more months I started getting a couple calls for art tests....A couple months after that I was doing art test and some interviews....and a couple months later I was doing a number of interviews and got a single Job offer across the country.
So I packed up my wife and my life and moved out here for the job and been working for the last year in the most challenging yet most fulfilling job I have ever had. I would say to you, identify your dream and be prepared to spend a long time and lots of sweat to have that dream realized...Its worth it in the end, I promise.
I dont know your financial situation, so I can't really say you should quit if you've only got 1k in the bank. However, if you're sitting pretty on a little stockpile that can last you a year or more, then I'd say quit.
You've certainly gotta do something that will get your life right, but if you quit and you've got no money, and can't find a job, well, the stress definitely won't be going away.
You've got a lot of options. There are all sorts of jobs, part time and full time out there. You can quit and get some contract work, or take a manual labor job you might find to be a nice change of pace. Weigh your options and do SOMETHING.
On a side note, I've found that a lot of times when I'm getting unhappy with life/work, one simple thing I can do that boosts my mood is work out. A lot. It's like taking anti depressants.
That being said, I know how you feel. I was working at a place doing technical renders of laptops and such. It was the most mind numbing job. I hated the drive, didn't like the work, didn't like the environment, etc. But I kept at it until I found my current job and after they made the offer and I accepted I left without even giving them 2 weeks notice, as the other place needed me ASAP. Not the most professional thing in the world I know, but I was in the same boat as you, I couldn't WAIT to get out. I let my boss there know how I felt in an email and the new job situation, and oddly enough, he understood.
But yeah, like others have said, personal happiness is the most important thing. I left the job doing technical renders and took a huge pay cut, but it was so worth it. Even if it's not 3d, are there any other interests you have that could translate into jobs at the moment until you land another industry gig? If you're that desperate to get out, that is.
Fuck that shit.
Seriously, bullshit. If you are so unhappy and stressed because of a job that it causes physical sickness, quit that shit. Period. Health is worth more than money.
In a job that bad you won`t be able to get another job properly lined up anyways, because the stress will be blocking you from searching for a job properly. Quit the job, and use the extra time and energy constructively to look for something better. If money is an immediate issue get a job at starbucks or walmart or as a McCook. Or, look into Employment Insurance. I know in Canada that if you can prove that you were working in unhealthy conditions or had good reason to quit you can still get EI.
If you are smart about how and where you spend your money you can make it by on a fairly small amount. Live like a student for a while when unemployed or working a low-wage job, and use the extra time and energy to find a job you like.
The company environment was really lame (a bit worse than "Officespace" movie.)
The bosses treated me like a VIP but the job and labor was much more like film industry (re-iterate over and over until the client was happy). But the job was better than retail!
The best part I can remember about that job though was that I could make fun of everyone on the job, and the women liked me because I wasn't some tech boring solar dork. I brought more flare to work which kept everyone in check who i ran into. :P
Very noble, but health alone doesn't pay your rent and electricity bills.
move.
Yes, but on the opposite end. A health hazard position like what this person is dealing with can be detrimental in the long run.
Here in America, the number one form of bankruptcy is from Medical Bills. In fact BOTH my housemates have had this happen, one more than once!
As far as sucking it up...
:P
[ame]
If it's an ulcer I'd start by quitting pop, coffee, oj, anything acidic. Stop smoking and drinking if you do. These are all major causes of imbalanced stomach acid.
Like aesir said, exercise does wonders. Best way to reduce stress.
And it's never a good idea to quit a job without another lined up unless you're cool with moving back in with your parents if it doesn't work out.
Not sure if this is a serious question or not.. but a 1099 is an independent contractor, the 1099 comes from the form that employers use to report the money that was paid to the contractor to the government, like a W-2.
Ah thanks for clearing that up, I am from Europe so that term isn't used here :P If that was his wage I'd be shocked, thats why I was wondering if that's what he meant.
Try not to focus on the negative. It's probably really hard to smell the roses when you're marinating in so much crap but every job even the dream jobs have some hang ups.
just curious, what's up with the 1099? are you really under contract or is it so they don't have to pay you benefits? what's the story here?
keeping a positive attitude is key. your job that you have now should be nothing more than a job that is a paycheck, and you need to let the rest of the dog slop that bothers you just fall off your shoulders. it is a job, and nothing more. if you change your attitude about it, it may be easier to bear. and also, if nothing is available at a different position you would be interested in, then stop looking. only dedicate a short amount of time, once or twice a week to looking for a new job and the rest of your free time to working on your portfolio. you will feel better about making some sort of progress that will help you get outta dodge than constantly looking at a wall of job ads that don't have your name written on it. focus on you and making yourself feel better without the idea of getting out of your current job and things will start to turn around for you.
Serious? Yeah, well the stress is going to get even worse when bills start to stack up and you have no job to be able to pay them. If someone is sitting on a big nest egg, then maybe, but if not, it's completely irresponsible to ever quit a job without one lined up.
Don't ruin your happiness with the pursuit of happiness.
Every job is going to have some crappy component to it. That can either eat you alive and keep you from enjoying the good stuff or you can flow around it, minimize it and not dwell on it. Celebrate the good stuff and don't give the bad stuff the satisfaction of letting it to continue to eat at you.
You almost have to look at this like fighting cancer. That's all it wants to do, is continue to gnaw at you and spread. So don't give it what it wants, starve it out, minimize it until its so weak you can cut it out. If its a huge part of you, its going to take a while to shrink it down, but your survival is at stake here.
I'm sure stress has a lot to do with what you're going through, but also look at what you're taking in.
Do you drink more coffee, soda, energy drinks, even juice then you do water? That crap mixed with poor diet will chew a hole through your stomach pretty fast. I know how it feels, it really sucks and it seriously effects your mood and outlook on things.
I didn't have a problem with that stuff until I was horribly sick:
- Prescribed aspirin. It eats holes in your stomach, hopefully everyone knows this now...
- Stomach flu/food poisoning. Not sure which, I was pretty cleaned out by the time I ended up in the ER.
- A parasite that didn't like me being sick and loosing weight 230 to 175lbs in 3mo, don't eat at roach coaches kids...
3 years later I can sort of eat normally (developed a food allergy) weights back up too. But it doesn't take much to tear down what I've built back up. My stomach is a fragile thing, too much of the wrong stuff and I'm hurtin. Listen to your body and take care of it the best you can.
Gotta deal with that stuff before it deals with you.
Damn right. I'm between jobs again, and fighting off bill collectors with a stick. The reason i racked up medical bills was due to stress, and my job situation months ago.
If your job is affecting your health, leave. Be prepared to work small jobs until something good comes along. Be willing to move where the opportunities are, if they pay well enough.
Thanks so much for everybody who shared advice and opinions. For those who said it, your totally right that sometimes it is very tough to see the good things in life when all the bad are piling up in front of you... For me anyway.
Just to clarify the 1099 thing - I WISH that was my paycheck - I wouldnt be bitching at all if that was the case. 1099 means that Im kept as a contractor which means I get no overtime pay, no benefits, no vacation time, no retirement plan, and I have to cut a huge check to the IRS every year because my boss doesnt pay any of my taxes in. This year I just sent in around $12,000, which constituted 95% of my savings.
@ CrazyMatt - Your right dude, I really do need to try and be more thankfull that I at least do get to work (kinda) in the industry
@ John Warner - I like that map analogy... very good advice!
@ Canadian Ink - Sounds like you went the exact path Im hoping to take. The 'stuck in a rut' comment is very much how I feel, but your story gives me hope that if I keep working at it, good things will happen.
@ aesir - I have been thinking about taking a break from professional 3d all together. I used to be much more inspired when I worked in a whearhouse... Made the time I could do 3d seem much more special. Your not the first person to suggest working out. My best friend / coworker Josh has been telling me that for years. Working out really makes that big of a difference huh?
@ ebagg - you and me both. Im the dumbass who bought a house - oops.
@ TheMadArtist - Ive been trying to find something else, but in this area its tough. Most of the industry down here is either financial related, or engineering. Ive had a couple offers to do photoshop work for various companies but nobody wants to pay over $10 / hr, which is well below my min I need. It is funny how an easy job that pays decently can be so much worse than a low paying job with challenges tho, isnt it?
@ Tulkamir - Living like a student is definately on my plans for the immediate future. Saddly, I really cant just all together stop working (mortgage + mouths to feed), but maybe I can cut back my hours... interesting idea....
@ CrazyMatt - That sounds like an interesting gig, animating for a power company... were you doing their advertisements or something?
@ Blenderhead - I sure hope your right. Despite all I dislike about this place, I have learned a hell of a lot about architecture, and 3d production in general.
@ MoP - I sure wish good health did pay the bills. Not many healthy homeless out there.
@ oXYnary - LOL - man, I forgot about that bit. Its funny because its revelant :P
@ TWilson - good advice, monitoring my diet was the doctors primary suggestion as well. I really got to get on the exersize bandwagon too.
@ lefix - Id love to be a pro freelancer, and for a while before the economy took a crap I was doing some decent freelance. Since all my connections were architecture tho, the freelance has pretty much dried up for the time being.
@ Firebert - You nailed it - the 1099 is so my boss doesnt have to pay out benefits of any kind. The real bitch of it is that according to the federal labor laws, Im technically being treated as an employee, which means I SHOULD be on W2. My boss is very aware of the fact hes *technicaly* paying us illegaly, but the last person who made a big deal about it got fired, so I consider it a dead issue. I like your advice about the job hunting too. It pretty much does consume most of my free time, but perhaps taking a step back for a while will help lower my stress over the entire thing.
Thanks again everybody - I already feel better about it. Im thinking Ill see if I can negotiate an extra day off a week or something - I cant quit till I have somewhere to go, but perhaps only having to be here 4 days a week will help me focus on my portfolio, which is what will help me get the job I want someday.
If I ever get to meet any of you in person, I definately owe y'all a beer.
-N!
QFT
we crazy canadians call it pop... down south, they call it soda :poly142:
I'm actually in a fairly similar situation with the OP, I hate my current job in mobile gaming, it wouldn't be so bad if the company weren't so rough around the edges, and getting rougher.
The problem is, my port currently isn't strong enough to get out, and even it if was, I'm unlikely to get picked up because nobody is really hiring... that's going to change in the next while with the ubisoft news, and that's huge for me in about 12-18 months I think, which is hopefully my timeline to get through my current project and into the portfolio. So I can totally relate right now.
Anyways, you've got a paying job that I hope is somewhat (or is) secure at a time where people are being laid off everywhere in most industries. You need to look at it a little differently, you will probably still hate your job and what you do currently, but you need it for now and all you need to do is relax.
You can't do anything about your boss so don't worry about him. Unless you don't get paid for revisions and he's being a prick and sending shit back all the time, but if you're following his instructions every time and he keeps changing his mind, you need to say something about it, because that's your time he's wasting and he's not paying for his indecisiveness.
As the other guys have said, it's unwise to leave a job if you have no backup, so I would recommend picking up a hobby that DOES stimulate your creative mind and keep you occupied. Tolerate the BS at work to get to your free time to do what it is that makes you happy. Forget games and junk like that, I'm talking finding something you want to do that's productive, games are a great distraction, but they don't really go to stimulating the muse unless you turn it into inspiration and actually do something productive after the gaming is done.
Now if things are really that bad, then you do have to leave, but make sure you come up with a plan, if you go into walmart, does it pay the bills, keep a roof and food in your stomach? If it doesn't, then you'll be in a worse situation because those bottom feeder jobs (no offense to anyone actually working there) will rot your mind even more.
No easy answers here. But it doesn't sound like your job is going to get any better, so start making plans to find a new one. your current job sounds like a really shitty work environment and you need to make a switch, pronto.
Moving to a area with more opportunities may be your best bet, but I know how difficult that can be with a family.
Also, stop drinking coffee, Mountain Dew, alcohol, and stop smoking it you do. Get some exercise in your day (maybe go for a stroll at a park or something).
Best of luck.
Sounds like we are in the same boat with that one. Out of 50+ applications, I have only received 1 rejection letter. Im sure its because there are tons of seasoned pros with vastly more impressive portfolios applying for the same positions as me. I really wish I had realized game 3d was what I wanted to do 3 years ago when anybody who knew 3d was getting snatched up. Oh well, Im sure we will have our time eventually.
-N!
I know this all too well. :poly127:
I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you as I'm in a similar situation and don't know what to do either (difference being that I was ok with the lack of benefits/good pay in the beginning, but now that I'm being put on projects that have less and less to do with 3D or any reason I applied for the job in the first place, they are becoming more of a problem). Well I do have a bit. If you have bills that have to be paid, and no savings to cover them, your best bet may be to only work as long as you need to at your current job (no unnecessary overtime) then spend some of your off work hours either recuperating as needed (so you only hate 8 hours of your day, 5 days a week, instead of all of it 24/7) or searching for a better job.
I'm in Houston and we have a a lot of engineering and oil and gas related 3d. A lot of my buddies from school ended up at places like that. Not game stuff, but it pays well here at least.
Take a look into military simulation software. That's what the company I work for does. We do home and arcade games too, but most of what we do is military training. It's still game art, no difference in what we do compared to what other gaming studios do. There's a big need for it right now as well, and I know a few of the bigger companies that do this have offices in various places, and I know of more than a few that let you work from home. Just something else to think about if you hadn't checked it out already.
@ TheMadArtist - thats a damn good idea man. I think there is a place in Orlando that specalizes in that kind of stuff. The only reason I never applied was because they require GC-4 clearance... its pretty low level, but a federal background check makes me cautious. I guess I *could* close down the grow-house and the meth labs for a couple months tho lol J/K
@ Illusions - Sorry to hear you are dealing with the same thing. I also was fine with no benes etc when I was fresh out of school, and just thrilled to be working in 3d at all, but like you, Im now expected to be the project manager, IT guy, and whatever else he can think of. Not so cool anymore. I think we need to write the all mighty Obama :P
-N!
i meant did you sign a w2 or a w9?
yea, damn moralities. Pretty sure I signed a W9, cant remember exactly (4 years ago). I havent seen a W2 since I was a forklift driver at a Sams club lol.
-N!
ROFL - thats some funny shit man... That commercial is classic. Usually I keep my headphones on all day even if Im not listening to anything just to avoid unnecessary conversations :P
@ sir-knight - Im pretty sure thats how it works everywhere. When it really comes down to it, artists are really just business expences in the eyes of the financial minded people out there. At least you Canadians get free medical assistance
edit: I realized this sounded trite, but they're sayings I take very seriously. I went from texture artist to environment lead at my last job because of my dedication and ambition, despite being a college dropout with limited experience. Nobody can plan out your life for you. If you want your life to be different, then take it and make it different. The bad news is that no knight in shining armor will gallop in and fix it for you, but the good news is that you can have far more control over your own attitude and situation than you might think.
We have an office that just opened in Orlando. Gonna talk to some people and see what's up with it. I know they were looking for some people to do content for a program we sell, but I don't know if it's art assets or scripting. I'll see what I can find and PM you.
Orlando is the hot bed for companies like us though. Maybe I can find some company info from some of our competitors as well and send it your way.
@ ZackF - I didnt think your comment was trite at all - Eyes on the Prize is exactly the name of the game I need to be playing. Obviously it has served you well thus far - I am going to really push to make my life different and better, just sometimes its tough to see the top while Im still working on the foundation.
-N!
it's definitely nice when it's there... but at 42k I probably pay 14k of that in taxes. Good lord if I ever had a broken bone for heaven forbid cancer or a hernia operation, I'll be laughing it up. Well... maybe not at cancer... cancer sucks nomatter how you look at it.
the healthcare is not so great when you are just sick... as opposed to REALLY sick. When you're sick or just need minor medical attention, there's not enough doctors because they get paid crap wages compared to the states. Wait time in the ER for my kidney stone was 8 hours for them to tell me it was a kidney stone. By the time they finally prescribed me something with morphine, my body had already adapted to the pain.
Then spend all your days in hell thinking about it, come home and work on it, and once you've got it done you'll have a new portfolio piece to show off, and you can start looking for a new job.
Your day job is what you make of it. If it sucks, disengage yourself from it. Think about other things at work and get excited by your new project at home.