I am creating an animated series that I plan to get on TV. Please have a look and let me know what you think. Any advice or crits are much appreciated. Thanks so much.
That's some really niche humor you've got there, I kind of liked it. There were times when I got the joke far before it really ended, maybe the pace could be increased somehow. Good luck with your goal of getting it on TV though I'm not sure if TV is the right market for Dungeon Force as it is right now.
It was kinda funny, too many long sections of nothing though.
Alot of the humour seems to be along the lines of family guy, lots of the same eye movements, situations of awkward pauses and gestures. Even the main guy looks like he's been taken straight out of family guy and given some wizards gear.
yeah pretty funny man, which is a big accomplishment already
like ben says one or two times you could see the joke coming. sometimes thats funny, and you can play around with when the punchline is finally delivered- I think you have another oportunity though to set up an obvious joke and play with the expectations of the viewer- turn it on its head somehow
Very funny. The animation isn't great, but I think it suits it (kinda like several Adult Swim series).I thought part 4 was poor though. The rest were funny. Can't wait to see more!
Im a fan- although I felt the series got weaker as it went along. there were some parts like the huuuuge list of wizard that seemed kind of out of place / not funny-
I agree with RobG about the family guy stuff too-
the music was one of my favorite parts.
JasonLavoie: Glad you liked it. Yeah, I am a big Tim and Eric fan. It's funny that a lot of people compare my stuff to family guy. Tim and Eric has had a much bigger impact on my work.
Blenderhead: Part 4 not so good? I hear you. If I end up putting them together into a film I will work on that part.
warby: I will make the titles shorter on the next one. About the actors speaking up...that's a good point. A lot of stuff on TV goes too far, imo...so maybe I have overcompensated with my desire to not have it come off as "jokey" and loud.
Rooster: If you have examples of what jokes are obvious before the punchline I would love to hear. I try to be aware of that as much as I can...but I don't catch everything.
RobG: Family guy, huh? Oh man. That's tough to hear...lol.
Oh come on man, Family Guy is awesome! And I agree with Rob it is a bit similar but very original in the setting and characters (from what I've seen anyway). Can't wait for episode 6!
The intros are my favorite parts! I actually enjoyed the list of wizards, with the orator and his prissy voice, although I agree there wasn't anything funny abou the writing itself...it just keeps laying mild silliness on you til you can't help but laugh
I can't stop watching the barbarian!
The music is great, did you perform that yourself?
Pseudo: That's very true. In fact it is an honor to be compared to Family Guy. I may not watch the show, but I do have a lot of respect for Seth Mcfarlane and the success he has built with FG.
John Warner: That means a lot, John. Btw, good luck with Raycatcher. I hope you sell millions of copies.
Snowfly: Yeah, the music is mine. I am an artist first, so it was a real struggle to make music I was happy with. I'm glad to hear you like it.
I would advise against having family guy looking characters if you really want this on TV. You want to find your own style or you'll just be scoffed as a copycat. That wizard guy really is distracting in his family-guy-ness and in fact doesn't match anyone else in the world so far. I would really look at redesigning him to be more in your own style, as well as putting focus on making a unified style throughout. All things that will come with time i suppose.
Also, something that'll help a lot of those "too long" moments : throw in more close ups of whoever's talking once in a while, just to keep the eyes entertained for those longer parts. Alternatively, you can focus on the person being spoken to, giving them funny facial expressions (sarcasm, impatience, whatever) to play off what's being said to them so there's more of a 2 person dynamic.
*edit* i see in the later episodes, you did start doing that more, cool.
this stuff is so funny, I think your audience watches Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, its your dialogue, and odd use of characters that keep the show fresh and funny. your animation doesn't have to be good. I would definitely watch this on T.V. if it aired.
I laughed pretty good at some points, like when he picks up the goblin on a stick. I also find it pretty funny how much leg the wizard reveals when he bends down. It does feel like you're playing the death card a little too often but you did bring Toby back so...
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On a side note it sort of reminded me of Knights of the Dinner Table [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmzWd0eik44[/ame]
Alot of the humour seems to be along the lines of family guy, lots of the same eye movements, situations of awkward pauses and gestures. Even the main guy looks like he's been taken straight out of family guy and given some wizards gear.
like ben says one or two times you could see the joke coming. sometimes thats funny, and you can play around with when the punchline is finally delivered- I think you have another oportunity though to set up an obvious joke and play with the expectations of the viewer- turn it on its head somehow
I'd watch more though
-love
i laughed out loud multiple times
Good luck man
"nice balls" reminds me of stuff from tim and erik... you a fan?
Nice voiceacting
I agree with RobG about the family guy stuff too-
the music was one of my favorite parts.
JasonLavoie: Glad you liked it. Yeah, I am a big Tim and Eric fan. It's funny that a lot of people compare my stuff to family guy. Tim and Eric has had a much bigger impact on my work.
Blenderhead: Part 4 not so good? I hear you. If I end up putting them together into a film I will work on that part.
warby: I will make the titles shorter on the next one. About the actors speaking up...that's a good point. A lot of stuff on TV goes too far, imo...so maybe I have overcompensated with my desire to not have it come off as "jokey" and loud.
Rooster: If you have examples of what jokes are obvious before the punchline I would love to hear. I try to be aware of that as much as I can...but I don't catch everything.
RobG: Family guy, huh? Oh man. That's tough to hear...lol.
I can't stop watching the barbarian!
The music is great, did you perform that yourself?
Pseudo: That's very true. In fact it is an honor to be compared to Family Guy. I may not watch the show, but I do have a lot of respect for Seth Mcfarlane and the success he has built with FG.
John Warner: That means a lot, John. Btw, good luck with Raycatcher. I hope you sell millions of copies.
Snowfly: Yeah, the music is mine. I am an artist first, so it was a real struggle to make music I was happy with. I'm glad to hear you like it.
Also, something that'll help a lot of those "too long" moments : throw in more close ups of whoever's talking once in a while, just to keep the eyes entertained for those longer parts. Alternatively, you can focus on the person being spoken to, giving them funny facial expressions (sarcasm, impatience, whatever) to play off what's being said to them so there's more of a 2 person dynamic.
*edit* i see in the later episodes, you did start doing that more, cool.
So far I really like it I hope you do a lot more.
very cool.