Many questions and general uncertainties
polycounter lvl 18
Oh... hello there, I didn't see you come in :P
Alrighty so I've been thinking about this for awhile now, and I really can't find any answers (I don't even know if I'm looking for answers, or if there are answers) maybe I just need to vent for a bit, so here we go :P
I've been thinking for awhile now that I "feel" ready to step up and start looking for a job in the industry, and the THOUGHT of it really feels right to me. But then when I go into it more... and reaalllly think deeply about it, I frankly get scared, or worried... anxious but worried. I have NO CLUE what to expect if I ever get that job in the industry, and it freaks me out.
I've been very lucky and have had some awesome opportunities arise in the last few months that make me feel like I'm getting closer and closer to the illusive next step which is a real job in a studio, but something is holding me back. I think its the fact that I WANT to feel like I'm ready, but am I really? I don't think this “feeling” is based on skill, hard work and focus will get me to where I need to go, but its something else, more mental than anything I think.
One thing is, am I too young? granted I'm 20, but when I'm surrounded by all you talented people, there seems to be a maturity there that I don't think I have... will I fit in? Will I work well with others, or will I feel like just a kid doing a "man's" work (or women, I love ya all! )
This really hit me hard when I went to the DIG London conference. After the conference everyone went to this Pub, and it was awesome... but when me and some friends walked out to the other side of the room... I was surrounded by people I have so much respect for... Denis Dyack, Jade Raymond... LIKE THE ENTIRE TEAM FROM DIGITAL EXTREMES! (not really, but a lot of em, drunkards) And it literally made me feel so small... like how the hell could I have a chance to work with people like these guys and girls, and not shit myself in pure shock?! This is something I know I need to overcome, and I will... but that was a pretty nasty feeling that knocked me back a couple pegs.
And then it continues. I have an interview coming up shortly, and I'm SOOO grateful that someone gave me a chance for this, but I’m scared as fuck! I mean I know either way this is going to be a great learning experience, I’ve only ever had interviews on a phone (for the Game Industry)… and this is completely different. Its not that I am afraid of them ripping my work apart, I WANT THAT! But what if I come off as a college kid who likes games… and instantly thought he could make them. What if I can’t show my pure love and excitement for the industry, games and the future of games. What if I’m taking this too fast?
I’m out of my comfort zone now, and it’s always good for me to step out of it once and awhile, because I usually become a better person because of it, but this is huge, something I have not experienced before. What if I actually do get a job, I’m still in school… I have rent to pay, I have student loans creeping up on me, will I even make enough money? Not to mention I’m surround by friends, and it makes me comfortable knowing at least I have someone I know and can talk to and shoot the shit… what if I don’t fit in!?
I feel like all this thinking is holding me back, but that’s all I have :P I can try and think of all these examples of how it COULD be, and how it COULD work out… and I usually go to the worse just because I don’t want to pump myself up too much.
So basically yuh… I’m scared basically, scared of the unknown… the BIG unknown, my future. I’m scared that I won’t been seen the way I “feel” if that makes any sense at all… I feel ready, but am I? (deep, I know). I don’t want to sound like a pussy, but if anyone could hopefully relate to these feelings and general uncertainties it’s you guys and girls.
Like I said before, I have no clue If I’m looking for answers, because there probably isn’t any… maybe I’m just looking for comfort in knowing that I’m just a big baby and I need to suck it up and take it! Either way, I would love to hear what you all think… own experiences etc.
Now if you don’t mind… I’m going to go to this dark corner and listen to some My Chemical Romance as I cry away the pain!
Thanks for your time
Alrighty so I've been thinking about this for awhile now, and I really can't find any answers (I don't even know if I'm looking for answers, or if there are answers) maybe I just need to vent for a bit, so here we go :P
I've been thinking for awhile now that I "feel" ready to step up and start looking for a job in the industry, and the THOUGHT of it really feels right to me. But then when I go into it more... and reaalllly think deeply about it, I frankly get scared, or worried... anxious but worried. I have NO CLUE what to expect if I ever get that job in the industry, and it freaks me out.
I've been very lucky and have had some awesome opportunities arise in the last few months that make me feel like I'm getting closer and closer to the illusive next step which is a real job in a studio, but something is holding me back. I think its the fact that I WANT to feel like I'm ready, but am I really? I don't think this “feeling” is based on skill, hard work and focus will get me to where I need to go, but its something else, more mental than anything I think.
One thing is, am I too young? granted I'm 20, but when I'm surrounded by all you talented people, there seems to be a maturity there that I don't think I have... will I fit in? Will I work well with others, or will I feel like just a kid doing a "man's" work (or women, I love ya all! )
This really hit me hard when I went to the DIG London conference. After the conference everyone went to this Pub, and it was awesome... but when me and some friends walked out to the other side of the room... I was surrounded by people I have so much respect for... Denis Dyack, Jade Raymond... LIKE THE ENTIRE TEAM FROM DIGITAL EXTREMES! (not really, but a lot of em, drunkards) And it literally made me feel so small... like how the hell could I have a chance to work with people like these guys and girls, and not shit myself in pure shock?! This is something I know I need to overcome, and I will... but that was a pretty nasty feeling that knocked me back a couple pegs.
And then it continues. I have an interview coming up shortly, and I'm SOOO grateful that someone gave me a chance for this, but I’m scared as fuck! I mean I know either way this is going to be a great learning experience, I’ve only ever had interviews on a phone (for the Game Industry)… and this is completely different. Its not that I am afraid of them ripping my work apart, I WANT THAT! But what if I come off as a college kid who likes games… and instantly thought he could make them. What if I can’t show my pure love and excitement for the industry, games and the future of games. What if I’m taking this too fast?
I’m out of my comfort zone now, and it’s always good for me to step out of it once and awhile, because I usually become a better person because of it, but this is huge, something I have not experienced before. What if I actually do get a job, I’m still in school… I have rent to pay, I have student loans creeping up on me, will I even make enough money? Not to mention I’m surround by friends, and it makes me comfortable knowing at least I have someone I know and can talk to and shoot the shit… what if I don’t fit in!?
I feel like all this thinking is holding me back, but that’s all I have :P I can try and think of all these examples of how it COULD be, and how it COULD work out… and I usually go to the worse just because I don’t want to pump myself up too much.
So basically yuh… I’m scared basically, scared of the unknown… the BIG unknown, my future. I’m scared that I won’t been seen the way I “feel” if that makes any sense at all… I feel ready, but am I? (deep, I know). I don’t want to sound like a pussy, but if anyone could hopefully relate to these feelings and general uncertainties it’s you guys and girls.
Like I said before, I have no clue If I’m looking for answers, because there probably isn’t any… maybe I’m just looking for comfort in knowing that I’m just a big baby and I need to suck it up and take it! Either way, I would love to hear what you all think… own experiences etc.
Now if you don’t mind… I’m going to go to this dark corner and listen to some My Chemical Romance as I cry away the pain!
Thanks for your time
Replies
You can do it if you put your will to the task.
[/FONT] Everyone gets scared, everyone has those feelings, you'll do the best you can, you can't ask any more of yourself. Don't be ashamed if it doesn't work out, there is a place out there that is the right fit. Be relieved that you didn't end up at the wrong place =P
Don't forget to ask a lot of questions (start thinking of them now!). Remember you are interviewing them as a potential source of income as much as they are interviewing you as a potential source of labor. Don't assume its everything you've always wanted, know it by making sure.
If you can go on a bogus interview at a place that is always hiring and that you have no intention of working at, it might help to get you over your interview jitters and work out some of the kinks in your battle plan.
Remember never say "I love you. Our kids names are..." on the first date. Just go, try to have a good time and see if there is a possibility for a second interview/date. Side note: If you ever do make that mistake, the person responds positively, run and don't look back.
Maybe the words of wiser people will help...
Eleanor Roosevelt:
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
Erich Fromm:
"Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties."
Winston Churchill:
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."
Soren Kierkegaard:
"To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself."
Dan Rather:
"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow."
Edward Vernon Rickenbacke:
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."
Mignon McLaughlin:
"Courage can't see around corners, but goes around them anyway."
edit: great quotes vig
-Josh Singh
Hahahah ok ,/ pretentious mode off
But really, If it feels right do it. That's been my philosophy, and it's worked so far.
man, that was like, the most beautiful post ever. look at the length of it.
you summed it up in your 3rd statement.... so here's what goes on inside your body:
you want to do it, it feels right, but then you get this mess of internal dialogue of doubt that just goes on, and on, and on, and comes up with a billion reasons why you shouldn't do something.. and you're showing this dialogue to us now - hhaa that's what this post is.
here's a very very important thing -- our minds are like.... think of an old juke box, (as tony robbins says) that loads records and plays them, but really really really quickly. we basically run patterns that link to each other (ex. see image -- get feeling -- hear dialogue).. yours is
when you think about getting a job, (maybe you imagine something??) you get a good feeling , but then the next pattern that spools up is this internal dialogue that doubts..
the important thing to know, as i'm sure everyone will tell you, is that you don't need your doubt, at least in this case. it's fucking you up. you can get a job, but you need to GO for it in order to do it, instead of doubting. what we need to do is get rid of the doubt, and offer you a realistic goal and a NEW strategy that motivates you to get there.
there's a number of techniques that you can use to change this. all will work.
1. take that doubtful internal diologe and make it sound REALLY REALLY fucking sexy. like the sexiest thing you can think of... "OOOOoooo you can't do it baby... what if you're not ready"
if that doesn't work for you, make the voice really goofy. the point is to put a different emotional weight on the dialogue, that will change it's meaning.
You can also scramble the pattern by interrupting it. the next time you feel yourself going into this doubting dialogue, jump up and do something crazy, shake your head around, change your mood, do something completely different. totally change your focus.
now: help yourself by installing something new to take it's place.
imagine the games industry, and make the internal image nice and big and bright. take that good feeling where you know it's the right thing to do, and instead of running doubt, say to yourself something positive, like "yes! i can totally get there" -- now take all those feelings and let them intensify - double them. double them again. see yourself in the industry, and see the art that you'd be making if you had a job. make that image big and bright. step into it. be there. feel it. make it real. see the stuff you're making and know that you deserve to be at the top. you are awesome.
now take all those good feelings and come back to the present, and know that it's going to happen now that you know what you ahve to do., all you have to do is make art of that quality.. and believe me, once you're clear about the bar you need to hit, hitting it isn't that hard.
Danr: Ha ha, I find that I do this a lot, but this one is hitting me more hard for sure, seems like I just have to take it one step at a time, thanks for those words man.
I think I just need to take it as it is... if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. I know I'll keep on going either way, but this is just all new to me.
Thanks again all, means a lot to hear what you all think.
Im 21 now btw.
To me the "harsh realities" of production are just a part of the process of creating a game, which is what I love doing. It's really nice sitting at work and thinking "wow, this is what I've been doing for years as a hobby, but now I'm being paid to do it?! Pwnr-ass."
You need to look at what's best for you, though. If you think you need to finish your degree then do that for sure, but I dunno I spent 4 years getting a Math degree that I never plan on using
Just have fun, and it's normal to worry a bit when you're really excited about having something work out. Read some of Vig's quotes and go for it
In my experience, this business is all about having a passion for what you do and having that passion regularly kicked in the balls by the reality that games ARE a business and this frequently gets in the way of making something as awesome as you want it to be.
The important thing is to have/build a resilience to being told 'no' and continue to try pushing the envelope of making something awesome after getting knocked back time-after-time. Have passion for the work, but definitely expect it to get stepped on and have your patience for this industry thoroughly tested.
It's like that Cypress Hill 'Rap Superstar' song...only without the fame, women and money... :P
That said, there's nothing I'd rather be doing right now. So be passionate, stay positive and professional and give it your all to go for it!
A little bit of fear is a great motivator to get your ass going, but it also helps when you respect the people and the work they do who are above you, especially when you look up to them... it means you have people to learn from.
What are you really afraid of... how much do you want it?
What's the worst they could say?
No?
Are you really afraid of 1 word? Grow a pair and send in a port.
The best artists out in the industry are not the ones who always sit at home working on a port and questioning if it's good enough and second guessing if they should apply. You can totally be a mediocre artist and land a job, you just have to want it and want to get better.
You have a port... start sending it in and selling yourself and believing you can do the job.
Do it now, you're young and can still do something else if it doesn't work out. I switched careers at 35 from IT to 3d.. and your portfolio is better then mine. Less talk more job..
Try to look at it as a learning opportunity and not as a master-slave situation. Good luck.
Off the tops off my head some advice.
- Be yourself in the interview but importantly show that you want to be where you are appyling at.
- Be honost,if during that interview they ask if you know a certain application or method dont lie,eventually it will come back to bite you in the ass
- When you make a mistake,learn your best from it and try not to repeat it. (perfect example is how you organize yourself,bad psd and layer management mistakes have bitten me badly in the ass in the past,nowadays i have a neat and uniform file structure because i didnt like having to do a texture entirely from the start)
-If you get a job,protect it and never take it for granted,ive met artists in the past who assumed that because they got their foot in the door or were friends with members of management that they could just coast by.
- Dont be afraid to ask if you dont know something
- If you get good and eventually susceed,be humble,dont talk down to newer artists. I hate working with egotistical pricks who talk down to you if you dont happen to know something they consider standard. The way i see it its easier to train an artist with a good attitude to be a good artist instead of teaching a talented asshole to be part of a team.
Talent isnt always everything
-Evaluate yourself regularly and look for ways to get better and faster.
- Dont just limit your knowledge purely to art,a little techincal know how take take you a long way.
Fear an anxiety are normal feelings but dont ever let them hinder the choices you make.
Go for it and have no regrets.
A lot of great things said in this thread, and it has focused me more.
The interview is tomorrow, and now I'm just excited. Tonight I'm going to chill out, run through some mock interview questions in my head, and get a good nights sleep
Thanks again all!
I hope all future interviews will be as relaxed and fun as this one.
And seriously, thank you all for helping me, sharing your own thoughts etc. I don't think I would be where I am today as an artist without Polycount's help.
Thanks again all, this has been an aweessommmee experience.
- Jay
Congrats again and best of luck!
I mean either way, I had a great time, and it painted a much different vibe then I thought before hand. It seemed like just a bunch of people hanging out, talking about stuff we care about.
Good Luck:)