Life is Grand
polycounter lvl 12
Ok, he's another one you guys probably aren't expecting to see on these forums 
I consider writing an art, any way. Feel free to crit this or bitch me out for posting this at the wrong website 
A tall man looked down at his son. The child looked puzzled, so his father said happily, Isn't life grand?
Still puzzled, the boy asked, Why is that so?
The father eased his stature and kneeled down onto his knee. He turned his gaze to the forest they found themselves in, and his eyes began to follow a bird that flew across his vision. He already had the answer, as he contemplated it before.
Life is grand, because we are alive. A frown crept over the boy's face as he heard the answer. He was not satisfied. The father saw this and was concerned. If his answer was not sufficient, then what would be?
They began to walk until they reached a pond. Moss covered the landscape, and the basin glowed with the shimmer of emeralds. The trees around them stood tall and mighty coated in a white bark. The man looked up to the sky long beams of light could be perceived but as to where it came from, he couldn't tell. Once again, he looked over to his son with an answer.
The world around us is beautiful... He stopped for a minute to collect his thoughts after observing his surroundings. He continued, and that, is why life is grand. Once again, the child was unimpressed.
His son replied, That cannot be why you thought life is grand before, because you just thought of that right now. With careful thought, he reasoned his son was right. The honesty and understanding of the boy stunned his father. He began to look deeper into himself for the answer to help his child understand.
For seemingly hours they continued to wander the forest, together, in silence. Every reason he could think of, every answer he contemplated, he knew would never be enough. He searched his mind for the deepest joy of his life. He felt the answer at the tip of his tongue, but out of his reach; and for hours, he could not grasp it.
Lost in thought, he forgot about his child who trailed behind him. He turned around and looked at his son's face one last time, with a smile. He knew the answer.
He told him, Life is grand, because of the love we share for each other. And with the last word, his eyes opened. It was only a dream.
Birds sang from his windowsill as light from the sunrise began to pour into his room. He took one long breath. Laying on his bed, he looked over to his nightstand. There lay only a lonely picture of a child, who wore a large, tender smile. The man rolled over in his bed and wept.
I consider writing an art, any way. Feel free to crit this or bitch me out for posting this at the wrong website A tall man looked down at his son. The child looked puzzled, so his father said happily, Isn't life grand?
Still puzzled, the boy asked, Why is that so?
The father eased his stature and kneeled down onto his knee. He turned his gaze to the forest they found themselves in, and his eyes began to follow a bird that flew across his vision. He already had the answer, as he contemplated it before.
Life is grand, because we are alive. A frown crept over the boy's face as he heard the answer. He was not satisfied. The father saw this and was concerned. If his answer was not sufficient, then what would be?
They began to walk until they reached a pond. Moss covered the landscape, and the basin glowed with the shimmer of emeralds. The trees around them stood tall and mighty coated in a white bark. The man looked up to the sky long beams of light could be perceived but as to where it came from, he couldn't tell. Once again, he looked over to his son with an answer.
The world around us is beautiful... He stopped for a minute to collect his thoughts after observing his surroundings. He continued, and that, is why life is grand. Once again, the child was unimpressed.
His son replied, That cannot be why you thought life is grand before, because you just thought of that right now. With careful thought, he reasoned his son was right. The honesty and understanding of the boy stunned his father. He began to look deeper into himself for the answer to help his child understand.
For seemingly hours they continued to wander the forest, together, in silence. Every reason he could think of, every answer he contemplated, he knew would never be enough. He searched his mind for the deepest joy of his life. He felt the answer at the tip of his tongue, but out of his reach; and for hours, he could not grasp it.
Lost in thought, he forgot about his child who trailed behind him. He turned around and looked at his son's face one last time, with a smile. He knew the answer.
He told him, Life is grand, because of the love we share for each other. And with the last word, his eyes opened. It was only a dream.
Birds sang from his windowsill as light from the sunrise began to pour into his room. He took one long breath. Laying on his bed, he looked over to his nightstand. There lay only a lonely picture of a child, who wore a large, tender smile. The man rolled over in his bed and wept.
Replies
as for the writing, it's stilted and awkward.
if you told me a robot wrote it, i'd believe you.
the overall sentiment is nice, i suppose, but the ending is horribly contrived and lacks the emotional punch i think you were looking for.
Life is grand because our children die?
...I enjoy the idea, but I just can't seem to accept that ending. This is the sort of thing that seems like it almost must come from real life experience, have you taken the walk in this writing? It does sound like something that might provoke some good stuff.
Just try not to give your readers the proverbial finger by presenting them with an M. Knight Shamalan-esque "twist"
We're artists here. We're not known for a our literacy skills. I think you'd do far better to hunt down a creative writing forum, of which I'm sure there are plenty, and post your story there.
Its a nice piece. It just needs a the guiding hand of someone who knows how to string words together to make it great.
edit: construction wise, i would add some subtle allusions to death or illness somewhere in the story.. it feels a bit like *bam! then the kid died! I didn't feel what you were wanting me to because it felt like the story was promising something else. I felt more short changed than emotional