Jerkobots -- Flash Animated Cartoon Finaly Done!
polycounter lvl 18
Well folks, it's been quite a while since i've been posting. the reason is i've been out of the 3d thing for a good year, except for work of course. my friend and I have been putting together a cartoon, and we're FINALY done.. (something i sometimes didn't think was possible) anyway we're hoping to take this thing really big. the more popularity and publicity we can get, the better, obviously.
have a look for yourself
http://www.jerkobots.com/
actual link to the cartoon:
http://www.jerkobots.com/watch.htm
(and if any of you like it enough to pass it along to your friends, i won't complain, but i'm not just here to spam it out, either
cheers!
have a look for yourself
http://www.jerkobots.com/
actual link to the cartoon:
http://www.jerkobots.com/watch.htm
(and if any of you like it enough to pass it along to your friends, i won't complain, but i'm not just here to spam it out, either
cheers!
Replies
I add the link in my site to this if u want.
The animation quality is quite good though... maybe the audio could be improved a little, but overall it is looking good on the technical side of things.
cheap- i feel the love. bless your heart
[email="Por@szek"]Por@szek[/email] - cheers man
JKMakowka - thanks about the animation. yah, the audio is a little weak, isn't it? we've got a few friends who are talking about doing an audio track. anyway don't shy away from the negative feedback, we're totally fine with it (and we know the hate-mail will start comming in sooner or later)
Edit: After watching the psychiatrist scene, yes, this is most definately retroscripted. Shine on, you crazy diamonds.
heres my impressions on the story-
The plot and setting lost me a little bit I have to say, it felt slightly random and I didn't really understand why half the characters were doing things.. if you look at southpark even though it seems random sometimes, its always pretty easy to pick out and identify with each characters reasons for doing what they do. also each southpark episode usually has some kind of satirical point behind the story, but I couldn't quite work out what this jerkobots episode was 'about'- who or what was being mocked I'm not sure.
I think you lost a little potential impact with the church being a front for snakemen to bum kids.. it might have been funny to give the viewer some clues/let them in on it to produce some tension, so you know what the deal is but the characters don't and you're anxious to see how it resolves.
anyway feel free to ignore my rambling I might just not 'get' what you're aiming for, theres definately a lot of potential here
Things to focus on in the future:
Writing: most of the dialog here is stuttered rambling or cussing because dirty words are funny. Uly made a good point bringing up Home Movies, since Brendon Small has built a career of comedic rambling dialog (see: everything hes done).
When you write lines for characters, put in small tells of them character and plans, especially when you initially introduce them. For example, when first introduced to the snakeman atheist, he just talked about taking a shit, but later his agenda took a turn towards pedophilia.
The whole principal of the school scene was confusing as well, since he appeared to be a pedo, then the other group of characters were too. I can confidently say, you should have cut the principal and mayor scenes, and had a story that made a lot more sense.
Acting: There was little to no acting present in this cartoon. Characters and plot were driven completely by actions or announcing their actions. Lacking the subtleties of acting with dramatic pausing and facial expressions confuses the audience because they dont understand how thing make the character feel (take Roosters impressions for example). Try experimenting with completely telling your story with no dialog at all. This will force you to pure acting and emoting. Easy way to add subtle acting are using dramatic pauses with smiles, frown, blank expressions and eyes looking at characters, away from them, and down at the ground. Southpark, Family Guy, and the Simpsons make powerful use of this. If you havent already, buy all those DVDs and listen to all the commentaries.
Anyway, as someone who loves comedic writing, I could go on all day, but I think you guys did a great job, and learn a lot from this experience. With time, you could really turn it into something good.
Uly- yahp. retroscripted it is (i didn't even know that word existed)
my sense of humor (i played the reverend, principle, mayor, and father) is a lot more flow oriented ranting, and mostly self-sacrificial. i adopt a persona and then make it ridiculous enough for people to get a kick out of it. in that way, the sense of humour of the cartoon is extremely disassociated.
Rooster + cholden - i think you guys have a good point about being more expressive about what the motivations of the characters are. it is week at best. Mike and I wanted to stay away from over-telling everything, because normaly, i can't stand watching it on most animated stuff i see on tv, but as it turns out, we probably took it a little too far. I disagree on cutting out the principle and mayor scenes however. like i said, the comedy style is disassocited. it's less about the story and more about the characters/situations.. now, weather that's a good idea or not......
we appreciate the crits, anyway, and we're giving a good strong honest listen to all of them
I liked the Mayor scene, I really cracked up when the cardboard cutout fell down but it kind of dragged on a bit after that. Maybe split the therapist scene off and play it a bit later or better yet, have it play during the credits.
i think you are trying way too hard to be extreme, and hard,
is everyone in this cartoon a pedo?
oh,, why are they robots? the lip sync is pretty good some of the voice acting was pretty good.. some was not,,
the mayoy at the shrink was going way too far. the cardboard gag was funny when it was happening,, but definatley not funny for as long as you thought it was.
summary
animation was good, especialy the mouths,
dialogue and writing needs a lot of work, rambling is funy in parts, but not every line. the word "shit" is not the comedic gold mine most 12 year olds think it is
kinda makes me want to work more on hte cartoon i was working on a few months back.
i was thinkin it may be cool your style, but with real photo backgrounds
I did find myself tuning out on some of the long rambling dialog espeically the dad, the church leader and Pete Wilson praying. Some of the jokes dragged on farther than they should have.
Mayor in the shrinks office was too long of a time investment for the gag delivered. Maybe the mayor should have just gone over to the phone to make an appointment with the shrink and the shrinks appointment person delivers the pockets joke over the phone, very short quick and no cutting to another scene thinking the joke is over but finding out its not.
The stammering dialog is funny in some cases but I think it was over played. I might have been funny to have Pete Wilson get quite and mumble some of those prayers and have another Christian ask him "what was that Pete I don't think God heard you, could you speak up?". Maybe it could take it down a different funny jag about god hearing prayers and one Christian claiming God is deaf because god hasn't given her a penis yet. I just think the shock-prayer joke isn't as funny as it is long.
I think foreshadowing could help que people up to laugh when the final punch line is laid on them. And an underlaying running gag could help also. Maybe have a news cast talk about a missing cat/dog/gerbil epidemic. Then later the church leader instead of stretching the beef and "shitting" jokes as long, you could have him ask the kids to round up small mammals, then changes his mind and switches to the evolution idea and pushes them to do that instead. You could also have a blind crazy hobo guy with a sandwich board claiming the Christians are lizard people and they ate his dog and his leg(has both legs) "I seenz it with my owns eyes!". He could stop the kids or the dad on the street and yell his crazy theories at them as they blow him off or shove him an alley.
In short, more laughs in a shorter time, I know it can be hard to come up with stuff but I don't think stretching out a gag is a good way to fill time.
Good stuff, keep up the good work
many thanks
Going to get part 2 happening after work.
MOOAAARR!
-caseyjones