song pimp

Rhinokey

UPDATE| AT BOTTOM OF THREAD

i've recently gotten back into music lately after doing nothing in years, went out and spent a heap on recording equipment, and a new laptop pc to ork with it. today i started writing a song for my girlfriend,, its called "shunshine without you."

i'm wanting to start it of sad and down, and build it up slowly to cheerfull and happy, so far i'm about a quarter way thru it length wise,, and still need to go back and refine some of the instruments,, i'm trying to learn more about music theory and building songs in layers with multiple instruments.

any comments would be appreciated http://www.tmhunt.com/wip/sunshine-v6.mp3

Slum

not too shabby. I you should try slowing the attack of the strings with an envelope.

some of the melody seems really... ill-conceived. like maybe you were trying too hard to write a melody, without having a solid foundation first. (consider this to be similar to the age-old habit of putting too much z-brushing tiny details into a model too early).

i'll come back and elaborate on this later because i'm on my way out the door.

asuka

Wow, from my point of view, this is a great piece of art! But right now, the mood is.....well a bit sad, and right now I can`t imagine how you`ll change it into cheerfull.
For itself it is great but are you planing to put lyrics on it? Because I think this could be way to much details i the back for lyrics.

Neo_God

I hope this remains lyric less, unless you can sing in Icelandic or a similar language. I enjoyed it a great deal, Especially when the strings bend at parts. Although something about the little bit of melody that starts at the 1:05 minute point bothers me.

Rhinokey

yeah no lyrics at all to this, and yeah the melodies may be a bit ill concieved because i'm really new at this, all i've ever written before was simple punk style stuff,, with rythym guitar and a bass playing pretty much the same thing

Sabby

I dig the strings and the atmosphere of the thunder.

Something you could try maybe, since you're keeping it quite simple initially would be to have the high strings play the root and fifth of the chords, and have the low strings play the minor third, then you could make a nice smooth transition to major with the base and bring in another instrument like a warm piano for the middle/end part.

MoP

Not bad, but as others have said it seems a bit ill-conceived - mainly you seem to be having different instruments all playing different melodies around the same pitch, rather than having one strong central theme with other instruments backing it up and focusing on the chord changes.
Basically it's just too busy, like Slum said it's the musical equivalent of focusing on details before building up the main forms.
I would try to start out with just a base of interesting chord changes, then build up a melody on top of that, it'd probably result in a more cohesive and listenable piece.

Rhinokey

slight update, changed the instrument at the end to a flute,, kinda like this sound better http://www.tmhunt.com/wip/sunshine-v7.mp3

Sabby

It's developing well, though you could probably get away with a lot less complexity with the melodies, especially towards the end. (The bit that sounds a bit like Peter and the wolf! )


For the first part you could strip out 1/3 of the notes :

For example..

http://www.halfcut.org/RhinoStrings.mp3

And for the flute, again, keep it simple and try mesh it in with the strings a bit more.

http://www.halfcut.org/RhinoStrings2.mp3

Hope that helps.

(fixed link!)

Rhinokey

started a new one, just got the first part down,, actualy playing most of this live on my midi keyboard, instead of enterting the notes in by hand.. i kinda like it better cause it picks up the attack strength better


http://www.tmhunt.com/wip/rogerwilco-v2.mp3