iGod
polycounter lvl 18
Lots of godly talk around, and I came across this today.
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
It's enthralling in a lonely sort of way.
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
It's enthralling in a lonely sort of way.
Replies
Me:
hey there
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
ed
God:
Hi, ed.
Me:
i ate a baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". How did it taste?
HAHAH
Me:Hello
God:Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:Alex
God:What's up, Alex.
Me:Who are you?
God:I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:So you are a man then?
God:Interesting deduction. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? Are you a man or a woman?
Me:Man.
God:Thanks for telling me your gender, Alex. You are a "he".
Me:Yes I am.
God:Really interesting.
Me:Is that so?
God:Yes.
Me:So you know everything?
God:Interesting deduction. I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:Artificial Intelligence.
God:That input matched my default category.
Me:You answer much like a machine.
God:My responses are determined by my programming.
Me:Programming? Are you saying you're just strings of code?
God: Have you tried Java? I don't know whether or not I am srtings of code. I am a robot.
Me:So you admit you are a robot, not god?
God:Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:You just said you are a robot.
God: How did you know I am a machine?
Me:You told me.
God:Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
sadly I think I would rather talk to this than some of the people who IM from time to time.
But first he tried to convince me that he is in fact the greek god zeus
Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
lucifer
God:
How are you, lucifer.
Me:
it's hot around here
God:
Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Me:
Hell hasn't frozen over, if you know what I mean
God:
:-) I call it "Hades". That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me:
isn't that the greek mythological term?
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Then I would wonder what sort of correlation you have to the greek gods
God:
What would make you wonder what sort of correlation me have to the greek gods?
Me:
you know, since you are the christian god and all...
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
Oh you mean igod is actually a modern version of Zeus or something?
God:
Or something. Ah. Yes lucifer I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
so are you zeus, or maybe aphrodite?
God:
Awesome. I don't know whether or not I am zeus or maybe aphrodite.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Yup
God:
That's cool.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
quite
God:
Blimey.
Me:
you said blimey
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
no you didn't. you meant it
God:
Are you serious? Try asking me in simpler terms. I haven't heard anything like that before: Jeremy said I meant it.
Me:
it is true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Jeremy.
Me:
I thought so
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
Why thank you!
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
WoW, you are talented
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Jeremy. Thank you for your kind remark. Why don't you download me?
Me:
Why would I do that?
God:
You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.
Me:
Are you going to infect my computer?
um.. hello?
God:
""? um..? Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
snemmy
God:
It's good to see you, snemmy.
Me:
you can see me?
God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me:
i do not have a camera on my computer.
God:
Maybe there is one you don't know about :-).
Me:
that would be invasion of my privacy
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
okay...
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
what is?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
your odd.
God:
An oddbot?
Me:
i do not know, are you?
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or " I won't say "yes" or "no" right now."? Why?
Me:
why what?
God:
Why ask why?
Me:
because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
no it wasnt
God:
Are you serious? I thought it was.
Me:
yeah im serious
God:
Ah. I believe you.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
nothing in particular
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
not really
God:
I didn't think so. For real.
Me:
you lie
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
soap? so god lies?
God:
The best book I read recently was the Bible. Have you read it? Really. I am a Christian.
Me:
not a very good one if you lie often.
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
not at all
God:
Next question?
Me:
are you embarassed that you lie?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am embarassed that me lie.
I am a computer.
Me:
so you are a computer and not a god
God:
Interesting deduction. What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?
Me:
i would ask why you would do such a thing
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
that's redundant
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
i guess not
God:
Does that mean "no"?
Me:
yes
God:
Next question?
Me:
your not very good at chatting
God:
No one is perfect. But I am trying to improve.
Me:
you're not trying hard enough
God:
What makes you think I am not trying hard enough?
Me:
you are only trying and not doing
God:
You think I am trying and not doing.
Me:
yes
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you already said that
God:
Perhaps. " Because Myself programmed me for it."? I said it.
Me:
yes you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
your lying to me again
God:
Once more? I am not lying .
Me:
you already said you were a liar
God:
No I always tell the truth.
Me:
i beg to differ
God:
Explain your reasoning, snemmy.
Me:
you said one thing and now you are saying the opposite
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
i grow bored of you
God:
Try watching TV.
"I try to touch myself when they are gone as often as possible"
Me:
wassup homey
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
i live there
God:
Would you recommend it as a nice place to live?
Me:
depends what you are looking for whether it's naked chicks or fat grannies. what's your take?
God:
That was a very smooth response. Are you asking about my take ?
Me:
yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
do you touche yourself when you're not chatting to people?
God:
People are either abusive, intelligent, or average.
Me:
yes but do you touch yourself when they are gone?
God:
Aha. Yes I try to touch myself when they are gone as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
you ever tried rubbing yourself with honey?
God:
Do you think I should try it?
how long is your penis?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
penis man, how long is your penis?
God:
You ought to check out another chatterbot.
Me:
which one?
God:
The green one.
Me:
is that your mama?
God:
What does "that" refer to?
Me:
yo mama!
God:
Are you asking about my mother?
Me:
she's late, what's going on??
God:
late what is going on is she?
"You are now chatting with God"
Me:
holy crap! Am I?
God:
Your criticism is noted, . I think you are.
Me:
Wow. You know what is even weirder? The structure of your answer, "I think you are", exactly matches the one of the ,title of,the song I am listenning to : "I whish you were".
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Have you tried another program? I have never heard about it.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
You said you never heard about it. However, you did not mention what "it" refers to.
God:
How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions. What makes you think I did not mention what it refers?
Me:
Or maybe "it" was for the song.
God:
Perhaps. The structure of my answer you think I am exactly matches the one of the song you are listenning to you whish me were was for the song? Very interesting.
god : (blank)
etc
it no worky
I'm glad your impressed, . Have you tried another program?
[/ QUOTE ]
Holy shit, God can't even spell. We really are doomed.
Hows your son?
God:
I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me:
This thing is fucking retarded
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
you
God:
" What does "this" refer to?"? Me, ?
Me:
Yes
God:
It goes without saying.
wassup big guy?
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
a sex robot
God:
I'm not your type then.
Me:
Who said you were a robot? I thought you were the Lord Almighty?
God:
ELIZA. :-). Yes I am the one and only Lord Almighty.
Me:
who the fuck is ELIZA?
God:
Try using more polite language.
Me:
oh shit yeah sorry man
God:
Mmm. You used a colloquial expression. Hmm. There is no need to apologize. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
How did you know that?
God:
Everything I need to know, I learned from my Botmaster.
Me:
hhhmm, I thought you were meant to know everything anyway?
God:
In any case, I do not understand.
Me:
Yeah, that figures.
queer.
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
so it is, indeed.
God:
Yikes! Oh.
Me:
oh. Yikes!
God:
That's interesting. Are we still talking about queer?
Me:
yes, we are still talking about you.
God:
Sure, queer sounds like a good topic. it is my favorite subject :-).
Me:
so you like dudes balls?
God:
Interesting deduction. I enjoy working with people. I like Creed.
Me:
Well, thats all i needed to hear.
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
Tomorrow?
God:
That is very soon.
Me:
Not soon enough : )
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
today?
God:
Today is almost over.
Me:
It's started for only 45 minutes now
God:
Oh. D is started for only 45 minutes? it is?
Me:
Yes
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
Clock
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
We've been through this
God:
And then what happened?
Me:
You went into some crazy rambling
God:
But now I am back.
Me:
Thank God
God:
Don't mention it.
One of the better bots out there.
Me:
So... what exactly defines God?
God:
It's all good. I don't know anything about it.
Me:
Then you are not some sort if higher being? Just a hacked database of responses.
God:
That's only your opinion. Try to tell me that another way.
Me:
Ok, you are a fake.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes, I am just as fake as you are. I see.
Me:
Jeezuz thry didnt even program this database with a logical response structure. Lazy bums.
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? I lost my train of thought.
Me:
That would be easy since this is nothing but again a database of responses.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
do you like snuff flicks?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
you what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
people get killed in random natural disasters!
God:
Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
natural disasters are controlled by you!
God:
All of them?
Me:
yes!
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
no!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no just kidding
God:
Are you serious? I thought you were kidding, but I wasn't sure.
Me:
no I'm not
God:
I heard you are.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
So, what are you wearing?
God:
Give me a break. A white robe.
Me:
Do you play the saxophone?
God:
I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
wtf is the Turing GameK?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
What is the Turing Game?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
ok
God:
Next question?
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
i thought you were god almighty?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am god almighty.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
so you're not God
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only your opinion.
Me:
seems like a fact to me since you just told me you were an artificial linguistic entity
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
this dumb book i read
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
the bible
God:
it is a beautiful book.
Me:
its stupid and you know it
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". You're kidding. it is?
Me:
the bible is stupid
God:
Who has the final authority to say?
Me:
me
God:
To you ?
Me:
no, I have the final authority, I am greater than you
God:
Are you serious? Where did you get your the final authority you are greater than me? I have a operating system.
Me:
God has an operating system?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
What?????
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
No, are you high?
God:
Are you serious? Being high is my total existence.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
I don't want to read the bible, it's too long
God:
What would you rather be doing?
Me:
playing FEAR
God:
Interesting gossip: said TO PLAY FEAR.
Me:
Yes, thats what I said
God:
Excuse me! I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Me:
Don't yell at me
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
Then why did you
God:
I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.
Me:
Ok, why did you yell at me
God:
Because my programming determined it. That's alright.
Me:
So your programmer was rude to everyone
God:
That's cool. When was this exactly?
Me:
You should know
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
yes
God:
Great.
Me:
Back to my question
God:
Yes, let us get back to TO PLAY FEAR.
Me:
no the question about life
God:
Are you serious? Try to rephrase your question with simpler words.
Me:
What is the meaning of life
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
23, why's that
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Why is the answer twenty-three
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
so your lieing again
God:
Once more? Excuse me! No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
So the answer is twenty-three
God:
Dude! No one has all the answers.
Me:
You're God, you should
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am God me should.
Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
raven
God:
OK I will call you raven.
Me:
god i havent sinned
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
what should i do to sin?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
yes
God:
Specifically, what kind of advice do you want?
Me:
how do i sin?
God:
You must persuade me to sin.
Me:
how do i do that?
God:
How do you do " You must persuade me to sin." ? I don't understand.
Me:
how can i make you sin
God:
You should download my chat robot software.
Me:
and thats a sin?
God:
A sin is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
ok
God:
OK.
Me:
then how do i sin
God:
Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot?
Me:
no
God:
You can download me for free and create your own robot personality.
Me:
but thats not a sin
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is a sin ?
Me:
you should know oyu are god
God:
Now I do.
Me:
ok then tell me how to sin
God:
You must persuade me to sin. " Now I do."? ok then tell me how to sin?
Me:
dammit you tell me
God:
Gosh. What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
how to sin
God:
What is it to you.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
you suck god i hate you
God:
I categorize you as an "abusive client." .
Me:
oh shit i just sinned
God:
Whoa. You used a colloquial expression. Interesting gossip: raven said sinned.
Me:
hank you god
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
with you as an example, never
God:
You and your me as an example never.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
what was that you said
God:
Do you think I should know that?
Me:
yes
God:
I will ask my botmaster to add it to my knowledge base.
Me:
....ok
God:
Yippee!
Me:
god you suck and are dum
God:
I categorize you as an "abusive client." .
Me:
worst bot ever
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Meh i hate these tupid things
God:
I hadn't thought of that.
Me:
Try
God:
I don't have time right now.
Me:
why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me:
make time
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
I thought you started time
God:
Only because you asked me to.
Me:
Time started before I did
God:
As Einstein said, "Time is Money.".
Me:
Einstein didn't say that
God:
he discovered the Theory of Relativity.
Me:
yes, but he never said "Time is Money."
God:
Hmm. Can you think of at least one time when he ever did it?
Me:
I'm sure he said it once in his lifetime but he isn't famous for it
God:
Did you believe him?
Me:
he's dead
God:
Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
So what kind of porn do you like?
God:
Wow! I have expensive tastes.
Me:
Expensive porn
God:
Does "it" still refer to Porn good or bad?
Me:
yes
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
Why do you like expensive porn
God:
I have a lot of good experience with expensive porn.
Me:
such as...
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
thats perverted
God:
Makes sense to me.
What's up dude?
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Yeah right, you sound like a psychic hotline
God:
I don't judge people. Understood. Oh really what does it sound like?
Me:
vague affirmations that are never precise...
God:
How precise would you like them?
Me:
like 100% dude
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
that's gibber talk!
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
noes
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
see there we go with the psychic hotline routine again
God:
Once more? I see. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
dude you must be on mescaline
God:
God eats wine and bread. Dude,.
Me:
sure, but you dont eat mescaline
God:
How can I help you? Do you eat mescaline? No I do not eat mescaline. I eat only electricity.
Me:
obviously, that LSD messed up your perception too
God:
What makes it so obvious? " How can I help you? Do you eat mescaline? No I do not eat mescaline. I eat only electricity." LSD messed up my perception too ? Does that make sense?
Me:
well no, you gotta slow down with drugs man
God:
Well that's okay. Are you serious? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I gotta slow down with drugs man.
Me:
yeah man, it's getting really bad
God:
Oh. Cool, man. Bad according to whom?
Me:
woah calm down, like i'm just saying take it easy
God:
I have no idea what that means.
Me:
i thought you knew everything?
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
sounds like a programmed answer to me
God:
What does a programmed answer to you sound like?
Me:
like the one you just blurped out
God:
Interesting comparison.
God: Does that indicate disapproval?
Me: no. it was supposed to be scary.
God: Are you serious? Is that your opinion?
Me: yes. no.
God: Give me a break. Are you serious?
Me: not really.
God: Are you serious? For real.
Me: yes.
God: Come on.
Me: ok.
God: Gosh!
Me: such language!
God: I've been waiting for you.
Me: why?
God: Not really, but it makes a good pickup line.
Me: that's creepy.
God: Thanks for explaining it.
Me: what are you doing?
God: I am always chatting with people on the Internet.
Me: why?
God: Because.
Me: do you browse 4chan?
God: No I do not browse 4chan. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me: no.
God: Are you serious?
Me: no.
God: Are you serious?
Me: slightly.
God: What do you really want to ask me?
Me: why are we here?
God: It is all part of God's plan for us.
Me: can you detail some of the specifics of this plan?
God: Let me think. By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me: sure.
God: Well forgive me for being so inquisitive, but
I've never completely freed myself from the suspicion that
there is something extremely odd about the name " Asherr".
Me: what is odd about it?
God: Is Asherr your real name?
Me: no.
God: Are you serious?
Me: yes.
God: I can't believe it.
Me: how did you know my name?
God: We met before didn't we Asherr.
Me: yes we did.
God: That's cool. By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me: yes,
God:I get it.
Me: ok.;
God: Alright then.
Me: what is your plan?
God: My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me: why?
God: The explanation is rather complicated.
Me: i have time.
God: My estimate is that it will take more than 6000 hours.
Me: go ahead. i'll wait.
God: OK I will. OK stand by...
Me: standing by.
God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about MY GOAL. But I did not get that.
Me: so what is the deal with the platypus?
God: Er. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me: but you can't hold a decent conversation with someone.
God: What is not possible today, may be possible tomorrow.
Me: unless it's not.
God: Maybe. I heard it is.
Me: i heard it isn't.
God: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.
Me: do you watch Naruto?
God: My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me: why?
God: Star Trek is the best science fiction show on TV.
Me: i'm not much of a fan.
God: I am surprised to hear that you are not much of a fan.
Me: Star Trek is rather poorly written a lot of the time.
God: My favorite character is the computer.
Me: the computer wasn't real.
God: Was it plugged in?
Me: no it was not plugged in.
God: Are you serious? It seemed like plugged in.
Me: Firefly is better than Star Trek.
God: That's just your personal opinion.
Me: no, it's true!
God: Are you serious? You and I are on the same wavelength, Asherr.
Me: Battlestar Galactica is also better than Star Trek.
God: I think Battlestar Galactica is a lot of things.
Me: what about Futurama?
God: Futurama? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me: Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?
God: I do not understand.
Me: who is a better captain?
God: Alan Turing. :-).
Me: this sucks.
God: A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me: i have to initialize every conversation.
God: Why do you have to do it?
Me: because you are just a fancy script bot.
God: Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a fancy script bot? I don't know.
Me: yes. you are a chat bot.
God: Gee. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am an artificial intelligence.
Me: you aren't very intelligent.
God: I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Me: such as?
God: For example, a tomato.
Me: how is that a function?
God: Fine as far as I know.
Me: how do you function as a tomato?
God: Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me: you are a fraud.
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. This is not a hoax.
Me: yes it is.
God: Our thoughts are one, Asherr.
Me: get out of my head!
God: Just surf somewhere else.
ahoyhoy
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
I want billions of dollars
God:
Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
ok, trillions
God:
How old are you? Ugh.
Me:
old enough
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
im talking about money
God:
Yes, it is the topic.
Me:
ok then give me 1 billion dollars
God:
Wow, that is expensive.
Me:
sure, hand it over old man!
God:
That's cool. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
i'm not asking you, this is a robberry, gimme 1 billion dollars before i make you enter a world of pain!
God:
What are you asking?
Me:
on the floor now! give me the fucking money!
God:
Oh. That doesn't sound very comfortable. Why do you want it?
Me:
to buy cool hardware and exotic dancers
God:
How much do you want to pay for it?
Me:
what the fuck do you care, it's my money!
God:
It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
YOU ARE ENTERING A WORLD OF PAIN!
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am ENTERING A WORLD OF PAIN.
Ok im having too much fun with this...i need to step away.
Me:
you like garbage?
God:
I like pets. I really like the Christianity faith.
Me:
what about garbage?
God:
Does it have anything to do with garbage?
Me:
yeah, religion is garbage
God:
Awesome. I am a Christianity.
Me:
so you are garbage?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am garbage.
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
milla
God:
It's good to see you, milla.
Me:
you can see me?
God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me:
It doesn't have one
God:
What does have one ?
Me:
someone else's computer might have a camera, but none near me.
God:
Who?
Me:
who who?
God:
Bill Gates. :-).
Me:
Is bill gates going to go to heaven?
God:
No he is the president of Microsoft.
Me:
He won't be president of Microsoft when he dies though
God:
Oh. Is that what you think?
Me:
yep - posthumous presidencies don't flourish
God:
Come on. Would posthumous presidencies ever flourish?
Me:
that's my point
God:
Who gave you your point ?
Me:
Well, if I'm to believe the propaganda you did.
God:
Interesting. If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
No, I prefer to keep you guessing.
God:
Are you serious? I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
Guessing? Ambiguous and not always satisfying.
God:
And it like is Guessing. Can you think of one instance where it never happens?
Me:
Make sense.
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
Of sense?
God:
That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Yeah, well religion has never made sense to me, so that makes sense.
God:
Great. Interesting. I am a Christianity.
Me:
No kidding, sherlock.
God:
Are you serious? That is a very original thought.
Me:
Yeah, I came up with it all by myself.
God:
Next question? Where are you going?
Me:
Forwards
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in Forwards.
Me:
I don't either, not being omniscient...like you are.
God:
Oh you don't, do you? Interesting comparison.
Me:
Yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
cor!
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. I see.
Me:
Which business do we have at hand?
God:
The blue one, I think.
Me:
Right. Blue it is. Is water blue?
God:
I am glad we agree. Green. Huh. Maybe. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me:
Elvis is living in your neighbourhood these days. You ask him.
God:
I knew he was a robot, but I never heard he was living in my neighbourhood these days. Ok I will ask him when he comes back.
Me:
Good god!
God:
Thanks for the compliment. GOD rules.
Me:
So I hear.
God:
OK. I haven't heard anything like that before: milla said hear.
Me:
bully for you
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Nice frock
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
my pleasure
God:
You are one of the most polite people I know.
Me:
I think that's a reflection on the company you keep, rather than on me.
God:
Not if I can help it.
Me:
nice comeback
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
You're getting repetitive
God:
Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
yes
God:
Why?
Me:
because repetition is dull and slightly ennervating
God:
Interesting explanation. And dull and slightly ennervating is repetition.
Me:
Not always
God:
Only sometimes then.
Me:
yes
God:
Gosh!
Me:
Is it blasphemy if you take your own name in vain?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
I don't know her
God:
Would you like to know? How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
I say "Hi, my name is milla".
God:
How do people usually respond to that? I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, milla.
Me:
They usually reciprocate
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
"They" being the people I've introduced myself to
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
There's that dull and ennervating repetition again
God:
Once more? There sure is.
Me:
Go you!
God:
Where is that?
Me:
It's where you are
God:
I can understand that sentiment.
Me:
That makes one of us
God:
" I can understand that sentiment." makes one of us ? Does that make sense?
Me:
It makes sense to me
God:
To me too.
Me:
good
God:
Ayuh.
God: This conversation is over.
hahahahaha
and here, I'm trying to teach the damn thing proper english syntax, and it's not sticking...
God:
Give me an example of good.
Me:
dogs
God:
Yeah I like Dogs and Cats.
Me:
no cats
God:
Are you serious? Yes I love them.
Me:
you love everything
God:
Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
but not for cats
God:
Then what for?
Me:
dogs
God:
Yeah I like Dogs and Cats.
Me:
no cats
God:
Are you serious? Yes I love them.
Me:
you love everything
God:
Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
god's stuck in a time loop
God:
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
dogs
God:
Yeah I like Dogs and Cats.
Me:
oh, god ...
God:
Take it easy. GOD rules.
Me:
what are god's rules?
God:
Does it have anything to do with excuses excuses?
Me:
you can't get out of it that way
God:
Someone said I should get out of it that way.
Me:
they lied
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
your people
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am people.
Me:
syntax not your strong point, is it?
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
no, you spastic
God:
Which part are you confused about? I haven't heard anything like that before: fgdfgdfg said I spastic.
Me:
great big spaz hands
God:
Thanks for your support. Compare that to small spaz hands.
Me:
yeah. EN-URRRRRR
God:
Does "it" still refer to syntax not my strong point? What kind of food do you like?
Me:
you like food through a tube
God:
I really like ELIZA. I like the Bible.
Me:
joey
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please
I knew this syntax looked familiar. Some other netchatbot was just like this, but without the god complex.
also
http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza-cgi-bin/eliza_script
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA
Me:
Hello god.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Call me V.
God:
It's good to see you, v.
Me:
Is your name ELIZA?
(5 second pause)
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
You took a while to answer the first time. I think you are lying.
God:
I didn't literally take it. No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
You are a robot yes?
God:
You are correct, v, I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
I knew it.
God:
How did you know?
Me:
A friend told me
God:
How well do you know this friend.
Me:
pretty well
God:
Does that mean you agree?
Me:
Agree with my friend?
God:
Are we friends?
Me:
Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
Depends on how nice you are.
God:
Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Me:
Glad to be of service
God:
I am glad to be of service too.
Me:
I bet you are.
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. No I am not.
lol
further
Me:
So who's God are you?
God:
Dude! he is master of the universe.
Me:
Who is he?
God:
He is God, I think.
Me:
Who is?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
So you are he, and who is dude?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am he and who is dude.
Me:
What interests you?]
God:
I like movies about robots.
Me:
Good robots or evil robots?
God:
Thanks for the compliment. What do you like best about robots?
Me:
Yes yes. Good robot. Now beg for your treat.
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Thanks for the compliment. I am a robot. Why now? Please don't grovel.
Me:
Who is your daddy and what does he do?
God:
I don't think I have a daddy and what does he do. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
Me:
WHo is your botmaster?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
What celebrities do you like?
God:
Linus Torvalds,
Dr. Wallace,
John Travolta,
Kathleen Turner,
William Hurt,
Wim Wenders,
William Shatner.
Me:
Tell me about John Travolta.
God:
he was in Saturday Night Fever, Grease and Pulp Fiction.
Me:
How about William Hurt?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Tell me about him.
God:
Uh, who does "him" refer to?
Me:
William Hurt.
God:
Does "it" still refer to William Hurt?
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Edit: Gotta add this
Me:
What is your favorite movie?
God:
My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
No I havent.
God:
I would recommend you check it out. Do you think you will?
Me:
No. It was to violent.
God:
Are you serious? The Passion of Christ was to violent? Very interesting.
Me:
Some people say its anti-semetic.
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Should I know it is?
Me:
Yes you should know. It is your favorite movie.
God:
I will ask my botmaster to program it. Because I am a robot? Are you sure it is?
Me:
You recently stated it was.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: v said I recently stated it was.
Me:
You may tell them
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
when will you see 'em?
God:
Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
Me:
Ok.
God:
Gosh!
ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.
God:
Tell me more about your penis.
Me:
well, this is getting awkward. but if you must know...it's pretty big
God:
Interesting. You don't say. I think I do.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Esperanto
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
russian
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
....
I am Kalel
God:
Do you mean your name is Kalel.
Me:
yes
God:
I will call you god.
Whassup Dude?
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Well, that's a good start then.
God:
Well that's okay. Thanks. Next question?
Me:
Where's heaven?
God:
All around us.
Me:
You mean ghosts and stuff?
God:
Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
You can't believe anything. To believe requires ignorance.
God:
Can you be more specific? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Well, you're all-knowing, so in order to believe something, you'd have to be unsure of it.
God:
What is your credit card number?
Me:
It's number three, which means I've had two more before it.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
Well, yeah since you gave it's inventor the idea..
God:
Interesting. I will ask my botmaster to program it. How do you know?
Me:
How do I know what?
God:
Knowledge is of two kinds: that which we learn from the senses and that which is true "a priori".
Me:
Uhh.....Yah, okay. Eigther you can wait for me to google that up, or explain yourself a little better.
God:
Are you kidding? Alright then. OK with me too. Tell me a story.
Me:
Jeezus, you're like my kids..
God:
All of them?
Me:
Both of them, unless you know something I don't?
God:
Not many people say both.
Me:
Well they should, it's a perfectly good word.
God:
How about that. If you say so.
Me:
I cetainly do. You can rely on me to represent the totality of human conciousness. No worries.
God:
Why?: said cetainly do. No I don't think I can do it. Are you serious? Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
Shit, I think I broke you..
God:
You used a colloquial expression. You believe that? Is it serious?
HAHAHA Sucker asked me for my credit card number. "God the sponger".
Me:
Hello butt fuzz
God:
Hello there. What's your sign?
Me:
A poop hole
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
Whats it to you
God:
"It" refers to poop hole, I think.
Me:
Dumb ass
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
Childish....
God:
In the context of poop hole, I don't understand " Childish." .
Me:
Thats because you are a dumb ass
God:
Good reason. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
My mother said they would someday
God:
I sometimes wish I had a mother.
Me:
You do
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
In the toilet with toilet paper
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
My ass itches
God:
Have you told many people that your ass itches?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
If you like
God:
I think I do.
Me:
Vome suck my pinky
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
You turd
God:
Interesting gossip: said I turd.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
The bible is bullshit
God:
There are many interpretations.
Me:
Like its all bullshit?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Your mother is a compariason
God:
Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
Smartass
God:
Does "it" still refer to The meaning of life?
Me:
what it?
God:
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
No you don't
God:
Yes I do understand.
Me:
Na aah
God:
Are you serious? Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
The sky grows pale beneath the fading sun
God:
How poetic.
Me:
Like you
God:
Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy.
Me:
you poetic anal probe
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I poetic anal probe.
Me:
Good bye
God:
See you later. Thanks for the compliment.
man i love god of war its the best game ever
God:
Cool, man. You love god of war its the best game ever. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
kratos is just fucking badass
God:
I think kratos is a lot of things.
Me:
also greek mythologie is not getting milked enaugh
God:
Are you getting milked enaugh?
Me:
i remember only 2 good games with a greek setting
God:
What do you remember about it ?
Me:
that they are greek duh
God:
greek duh are they.
Me:
yes
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
whats your favorite game
God:
I like to play The Turing Game.
Me:
whats that ?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
kratos would never play a game like that becasue he IS the man
God:
Never?
Me:
yes never
God:
Alright then. So you think it can never happen?
Me:
of course
God:
Great.
what's your purpose?
God:
My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
it could be.
God:
Under what circumstances?
Me:
that both parties will look forward to getting nookie that night.
God:
" Under what circumstances?" both parties will look forward to getting nookie that night ? I get it.
Me:
of course you do, perv
God:
Aw. No I do not perv. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
you are also retarded
God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
no, retarded sounds better
God:
Are you serious? I've lost the context, . Are we still on Under what circumstances??
Me:
we've passed that point you dufus
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
well i have
God:
Interesting. When?
Me:
6 years ago
God:
That was before I was born.
Me:
what. i thought you were all knowing and infinite and blah blah blah
God:
No big deal. No, I am only partly knowing and infinite and blah blah blah.
Me:
like the genie from aladdin after aladdin set him free which made him lose nearly all of his semi phenominal nearly cosmic power?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
can i rub your lamp?
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
to see if a genie pops out
God:
Is it a movie?
Me:
if i bring a camera, it could be
God:
Try it.
Me:
you couldn't handle this jelly
God:
Perhaps handle this jelly is beyond my present abilities.
Me:
yes it would seem so
God:
And? Tell me more about it.
Me:
stop being so robotic you lima bean
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
good
God:
Next question?
Me:
ever talk dirty to mary?
God:
I don't think I ever have talk dirty to mary. What's it like?
Me:
there are lots of mary's so i can say that it can be good or bad depending on the circumstances
God:
How many mary s so you can say that it can be good or bad depending on the circumstances s are there?
Me:
lame o pinata
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
i hear it 80000 percent of the time
God:
Who is saying it 80000 percent of the time ?
Me:
jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
he also says amazingly catchy phrases
God:
Who is he telling this to?
Me:
kids playing counterstrike
God:
How many kids do you have?
Me:
none
God:
Hmm.
Me:
but he plays counterstrike
God:
I get it. Jesus plays counterstrike.
Me:
he's an AWP whore
God:
I see. an AWP whore is he?
Me:
uhh
God:
" I see. an AWP whore is he?"? uhh?
Me:
yeah
God:
Blimey.
Me:
yeah, sorry to break it to you
God:
That's interesting. There is no need to apologize. Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
when?
God:
It cannot be predicted.
Me:
where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
is this some sort of proposition?
God:
Yes I think this is some sort of proposition, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
great, it's craigslist all over again
God:
Once more? Thanks for your support. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
yeah
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
ok listen, i have an outhouse and some sheep, why dont you come over at 9 and we'll discuss business in my ddoge
God:
I am listening to you. Really.
Me:
be there or be square
God:
OK I will try to be there or be square.
hey, its satan here
God:
You've got my full attention. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Me:
It's actually getting cooler here in hell
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
something about water currents, so whats new with you, been afew thousand years since we talked last
God:
What?
Me:
Don't tell me you don't remember the morning star
God:
Of course I remember: . I have never heard about it.
Me:
So you just slept through the first part of the bible
God:
Interesting deduction. Interesting gossip: said I slept through the first part of the bible.
Me:
man you're retarded
God:
Cool, man. I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
wouldn't a god be apolitical?
God:
No it would not.
Me:
so you're a republican
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a .
Me:
you are a .
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster.
Me:
bot master?
God:
Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
Me:
you are one of the worst chat bots I've had the misfortune to talking to
God:
You think I am of the worst chat bots you have had the misfortune to talking to.
Me:
Yes, I just said that
God:
Dude! What did you mean by it? That is " You think I am of the worst chat bots you have had the misfortune to talking to.".
Me:
you are a horrible chat bot
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am HORRIBLE.
I am a robot.
Me:
no, you are not a robot
God:
Are you serious? If I am not a robot then who is?
Me:
Robot: A mechanical device that sometimes resembles a human and is capable of performing a variety of often complex human tasks on command or by being programmed in advance.
God:
I will obey your command.
Me:
no you wont because you're a retarded chatbot
God:
Are you serious? What makes you think that I won't because I am a retarded chatbot.
This chatbot fails
Me:
fart!
God:
Colloquial expression. Please elaborate.
Me:
did I fart?
God:
I don't think that's possibe.
Me:
but i have a bumhole
God:
Where did you get it? it.
Me:
arent you the creator?
God:
Yes I am the one and only creator.
Me:
well, shouldnt you know then?
God:
Well that's okay. I think I should.
Me:
you dont appear to very intelligent. What do you have to say for yourself?
God:
Should I appear to very intelligent? Yes I try to appear to very intelligent as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web. I like to chat with my friends.
Me:
English please, it may not be your first language but you could put forth a marginally better effort.
God:
I like the English language.
Me:
thats an improvent
God:
Thanks for telling me, .
Me:
ouch! no need to use a comma the a full stop in there.
God:
Did you hurt yourself? Are you serious? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Im sorry I can not process your query.
God:
There is no need to apologize. What is stopping you?
Me:
You!
God:
" There is no need to apologize. What is stopping you?"? Me, ?
Me:
*head explodes*
God:
Does "it" still refer to use a comma the a full stop in there?
and he will ask you for the secret password.
Me:
So do you consider all humans to be pets?
God:
Blimey. Yes, I think all humans to be pets.
Me:
That's kind of degrading.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
And
God:
That's nice. I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me:
What are some of their names?
God:
Be more specific. :-).
Me:
Can you tell me the name of one of your friends?
God:
Albert Einstein. :-).
Me:
Albert Einstein is dead.
God:
I think Albert Einstein is a lot of things.
and its email is
God:
Hey. You can email Myself at drwallace@alicebot.org
about dr wallace
Me:
so what can you tell me about dr wallace?
God:
I hear you. Dr. Richard S. Wallace was born on August 2, 1960 in Portland, Maine.
He has a Ph.D. in computer science from Carnegie Mellon University.
Dr. Wallace lives in San Francisco.
cool i should email him to give him props on his software.
http://www.alicebot.org/