Bit of a different pimp - Game Proposal Document

Tulkamir

Hey, was hoping I could get some comments and critiques on this document, as I am pitching it to a teacher tomorrow. Basically, we design the prototype of a game for our school, however my quarter has more than the usual amount of teams formed, so I'm expecting that there might be some culling. To ensure that my team doesn't get cut I'm proposing my game to some of the key staff members. Any help anyone can give would be great.

Thanks.

http://introspect.frih.net/concept.pdf

[edit]Oh, and all of the art is placeholder right now until my artists start giving me more stuff. It's mid terms right now though, so I don't know that I'll be gettin any. :P

snemmy

your link's not working for me.

Tulkamir

Doh! Accidently made a typo, should be going now. Sorry about that. :P

Rick Stirling

I not sure on your choice of games that you included for reference - I think it sounds like Manhunt and Max Payne as well as Myst and Alice but without the guns, and a much better game to compare it to would be the excellent Psychonauts. Likewise film wise Dreamscape and The Cell would probably describe the mood better.

Why is it set in a school? Because he went to school once, or because you thought there enough interesting environments?

A sanity bar? You are proposing a game set in the mind of a mentally disturbed man, confronting his demons with paint, but you have a sanity bar? Have a think on what would be a better way to represent his sanity. The palette is alos taking up a valuable amount of screen real estate since you only use one colour at a time.

The corners of the document - page1 for example - is a paint to read because of the background image which begins to obscure the text.

Tulkamir

Hmm, yea, you're right, my market research section could use some work. I'll have to try to look into it some more, thanks for the suggestions.

And it's set in the school because the way the game as a whole will progress is that he'll move back in his life working out his problems that he never solved until he gets to the point where the original trauma occurred (his friend dieing on a kayaking trip with the gym class). To get to that point he first has to work his way through his school, where he was bullied a lot and had many problems with his classes and teachers. He has to confront those problems in his school before moving on to his friend. The school is the level we chose for the prototype we'll create. (We thought it'd be good because it happens at a climatic point in the story, and because many people can relate to schools and having problems in them). Does this seem like a bad choice to you?

For the sanity bar... yea, that's a good point. The thinking behind the sanity bar is that rather than actually physically fighting him the demons attack him through his mind, basically scaring him or causing him mental distress. When too much of that distress happens he basically blanks out and reverts to a safe place in him mind. (One of the safe areas. So basically the player dies and goes to a check point). Is it better explained like that? Also, do you have any suggestions for it?

And yea, good point with the background, I'll have to change that as soon as a can.

Thanks a lot Rick, great critiques. Keep em comming.