putting down the mouse

Justin Meisse

I'm officially putting down the mouse for a while, for some reason I thought it was a good idea to put my life on hold while I try and get a nice portfolio together.

My dad came down with a strange sickness shortly after I graduated from college. It turned out to be pancreatic cancer and he died about 14 months later.

I only realized this morning that there was a dividing line in my life where art was fun and flowed through me to now where at best opening maya or photoshop induces mild stomach cramps to anxiety attacks at worse.

I guess I'm posting this because I have trouble talking to people, in person or on im. Maybe I'm posting to make it official, I tried working on some textures today despite my decision and the familiar dread flowed over me. Maybe it's an apology to everyone who's been helping me and encouraging me for the last 3 years.

I'm going to get help and turn my life around and hopefully I'll make a comeback down the road.

Weiser_Cain

Hey, do what you think is best. Nothing is more important than your health and happiness.

thomasp

this kind of thing happens if you can't hold the balance. sorry but it's a totally stupid idea "to put life on hold" for a while.

you can't just sit there for ages, doing nothing than 3d. that's the best way to burn out really fast. even worse: surround yourself mostly with videogame-freaks, play games all the time and on top of that use them as your main source of inspiration.
if you want to do this for a living and for longer than one product-cycle, you should make sure to stay fresh and motivated - by pursuing other interests that do not require a computer nearby, for example.
ohn, and do sports regularly or your health will suffer inevitably (eye sight, carpal tunnel, etc). not to mention that you'll start to grow posable breasts

you know, everone who posts one of these "i'm out"-open letters is guaranteed to resurface within weeks anyway. take the time and get your life back on track.

aesir

Yea, Im with thomas. Everything in moderation is always the best path.

However, going on a break from anything computer related for a few months can also be extremely helpful, especially if you have been spending far too much time on it lately. So, go get some perspective on your life, maybe travel a little, relax, and have some fun.

HonkyPunch

I don't have much a life to get back on track, myself. My school work has always been slipping (since I developed my own concious and fell out from the borg, that is), etc.
Do what you will, I should probably go and GET a life.

thnom

Justin I don't know you personally but you seem like a nice guy. Just go into every situation iwth a person as if you know them and you like them. Talking to them is simply saying hello as if you know them. It can to be tough when you don't meet new people but go to your local pub and meet people. Play some pool, darts whatever. Having a social life is great - you don't need to see your friends every day to have one. Having trouble talking to people on IM is pretty weird - but I think as soon as you get your social life sorted IM is just a tool much like your voice. I hope you come back to art because something must have gotten you to try it out and stick with it up until now so I think you need to re-find that flame. If you wanna talk I'm on msn (thnom@msn.com). I aren't a socialite or anything but I go out quite regular on weekends, you just need to find some friends that you can communicate with and feel safe around. As soon as you find people who you're comfortable with you can feel comfortable in any situation because you have them to "fall back on".

JKMakowka

Do a nature camping trip just by your own for a week or two... it really does wonders (to me atleast) to simply relax and 'disjunct' from society and everyday habit&stress.

Prs-Phil

fair play, seems like there is alot going on in your head at the moment. Thomas is right allthough he layed it down quite agressivly and probably your situation goes further than gameart allthough it is showing evidently there.

I think it is a good idea to lay it down for a while until you personally feel it is what you wan't to invest time in.

You will have enough time then to increase your awareness for yourself and the happenings around you and moments like the morning where you decided to do this will come more often. Moveing outwards is an interesting journey.

KRakarth

See you on your return....

Mark Dygert

Sad news indeed. We'll leave the door cracked open so you can sneak back after you are done getting over the funk

My view on my own mortality took a swift hit when my dad died 4 days after my 20th birthday. I serriously evaluated what I was doing with my time and how I spent it. I'm pretty sure that's normal? I know art has changed for me over the years but I always come back to it wishing I had never taken a break. Which is silly because I feel like I have to step away from it to get a fresh grasp on it.

Anywho... I hope you find a way to unwind (you sound pretty tense) and find the pleasure of art, life ect.

Ninjas

I've taken years off of art. You know, art is like that. You can't force it.

hawken

major slump here but it's my job, breaks not allowed.

rooster

hang in there man, I'm sure most people here have some related experience to what you're feeling. Take a break, maybe try doing some art with traditional mediums, big bold messy stuff you know? Come back when you're refreshed and have some new ideas

thomasp

[ QUOTE ]
Thomas is right allthough he layed it down quite agressivly

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah i know i am not a born diplomat.
i've been in the same situation though and know that you can't take that stuff too lightly. it's just meant as a wake-up call.
i've seen quite a few who made it into the biz and came out totally , burnt out, etc. better to learn how to manage "it" beforehand.

PaK

wrapping up your confidence in something that is not under your direct control is dangerous. For instance...getting a job in this business.

If working in games has taught me anything it's that there are 'many many many' reasons why an artist gets passed up for a job. Most of the reasons are completeky out of the artists' hands. IMHO most hiring managers don't even know what they need.

base your confidence on something that is real, and sustainable. I think it's good to unplug for a while, and while you do it be sure to find out what makes you feel worth your own weight in spit. it made a huge diff to my life when I did that.

-R

Smirnoffka

Jason, I dont really know you, I dont really know much about you but I feel for you. here are a few facts.

1. Fix your god damn life. make some friends. Have some fun.
2. Don't drink TOO much, it doesnt help. Beleve me.
3. 3D modeling is somthing that stays with you, like riding a bike. You can come back to it, and I have seen some of your stuff, and you are very talented.
4. In the end, it is your decision, and nothing I can say can change it. Just know that I am going thru some rough times, and I needed somone to talk to. I am here for you, (in AUSTRALIA anyway) anytime you need. Send me a PM if need be, and call whenever. It may be the middle of the night where I am, i dont give a fuck.
5. Dont think twice about what you are going to do, and have confidence in your decisions. Noone knows yourself better than you do.

Ruz

perhaps you need to have a rest.take a holiday and try and relax.
you may find ists not really the 3d stuff that is making you anxious, but that you just need to get your head together a bit.
I am actually lucky in that i am composed entirely from pure stress energy and therefore am immune from these things.

Justin Meisse

thanks guys, I'm going to see a counsilor on Monday and look into some other therapy options as well. I'm going to focus on getting my life together, hopefully by August I can get back to the portfolio, worst case this time next year I'll be able to quit my job and put my all into my portfolio.

I also placed an order for "Getting Things Done" I'll see if that can help me quantitize and manage everything.

Mike_Carlyle

im here for u man, if u need anything u know how to get in touch with me...