Personal Realization X Education + Options = HELP
polycounter lvl 18
{{TOO MUCH TO READ/PERSONAL BELOW? SKIP TO END}}
This has been a long process for me, but recently I have reached the conclusion I can't ever get into the industry the way my life is. I need to have real people around me that I can keep my passion levels at a continous rate to see projects through to the end. Nothing hurts me more is starting something and having to stop.
In fact with this recent conclusion, leads so something that Pak once told me. To paraphrase, "You need to help yourself before you begin this". (I never did forget Pak when you said that when we all met in Seattle). I only now though got beyond the unrealistic idea that I could fix myself and have now sought help. Which it turns out is in part caused by Obsessive Compulsive disorder (so yes BIOS I really don't think the sameway versus being just stuborn). Not the clean kind, but one in which I need to have things certain ways, or I just loose function and get depressed/anxious. I have been told its to such a degree that in fact it would leave most people unable to leave their house. I fight it, but in doing so takes so much mental energy that it exhausts me quickly.
As such to my problem, I cant consistently work on a portfolio which I need to even get a internship (which there aren't really any locally anyways). I have been at this since 2001, so its been 5 years of battle. Im now almost 32 with still no end in site to reaching my first goal. Then trying to find part time jobs that wont make me feel like shit day in and day out, or years at a time getting stuck in my thought process of being able to get it done alone by focusing 24/7, thus not working at all. Mostly again because of I have no one to work off/with daily/personally. So the only recourse I can think of to give me such an environment is school fulltime.
As such what I have found thus far that seems to be only kinda fit what I am after (though in no means that close) is Guildhall at SMU. I have been talking with Paul Jaquays in private over this, and he has been a great help. However is one viewpoint and limited to only "inside" knowledge of the Guild.
What drew me to the Guild was the Eclipse mod, thats it meant for people that already have degrees versus a AI type, real world internships, that animation doesnt have to be the final goal of the student (though still in initial coursework), and finally that I can receive a Masters in it. I know the masters is NOT of benefit. In fact, I will just put on resumes I graduated from the associated program at Guildhall version versus receiving the Masters for the first few years in the industry. It will however make it easier to obtain foreign work visas, and I can use it as some background to help down the line to being accepted for another Masters Im after. I mean hell, why not? Its the same time period as the associates, most of the same classues, I qualify, and costs about only 3k more.
Some of the major reasons drawing me off are the cost. Which means I will have to pay of most of that loan before I even consider another degree. The people I have found thus far from it seem like they have about a decade to go before reaching it! Another is all intermingled with the two years. From getting older, to not having any freetime to "calm down" from it. Then of course there is the Dallas angle with my total 180 shift from ideals down there. Beyond politics, from diet to transportation. I only ride bicyles, and can't eat fast food in example. (Can't and choose are the same thing in my system).
For a bullet point:
{{PICK UP READING}}
http://guildhall.smu.edu/
http://students.guildhall.smu.edu/~eclipse/
What I like about Guildhall thus far:
<ul type="square">[*]Focus on creating game content. Real practical application.
[*]Meant for people already having some art background
[*]Leave with a industry ready portfolio.
[*]Face to face communication/teamwork.
[*]Industry Internship is part of the program
[*]Not having to focus on animation as the core (beyond the first year).
[*]Can get it as a Masters (mostly as so I can then get foreign Visa's easier).
[/list]
What I dislike Guildhall thus far:
<ul type="square">[*]Still starting out with basics, and having to go through animation again.
[*]Two years. Im getting older. I wont graduate to 2008. I will be 34 years old and just starting my >first< career!
[*]Lack of personal time for two years (all work and no play makes Jack a stressed out/dull boy).
[*]Bicyling in Plano/Dallas is supposedly a death wish. I have no choice though. I will not own/afford a car.
[*]Viewpoint differences. Not the people itself really, its that the entire system reflects one viewpoint. From the streets having no sidewalks, urban sprawl, to the what I have been told is a unreliable public transportation system.
[*]Price. 44k. How long will it take to pay back?
[*]No advanced classes into specilization as per human anatomy or mechanical design beyond a few intro core classes.
[*]No "time" or even the option offered to be a TA to help offset costs.
[*]Not the Masters I am after, and somewhat IMO a "silly" masters. Something akin to getting a degree from the University of Phoenix.
[/list]
My knowledge currently leaves me with no real places to go at my level to begin with. I have taken Animation courses before enough to realize I think animation is one of the most tedious things. I want to go into advanced modeling and texturing processes while I focusing on character design/anatomy. I realize most people in the industry start out as environmental artists, and I dont mind that. I want however to have that character background now, as later down the line when I do have the industry experience, I can eventually into a character/creature modeler position. Once Im in, picking up such a skill after the fact will be very difficult.
(Im not a concept artist, so I mean the modeler portion of the process. Hell, maybe with enough knowledge to correct anatomical flaws from the concepts while modeling)
So anyone know any graduated from Guildhall? Both those that did and did not obtain a industry position. Can you ask them what they though, and sorta a before/after of their work. That, and like are they still paying off the loans (and for how long)?
Otherwise, suggestions for other recourses. Its silly really. Im seriously considering spending huge amounts and taking more time out of my life just so I can go for the companionship in a way. However, I see no other recourse to obtain it regularly on a daily basis (net doesn't work). Im sure an internship would work towards helping this "stalling" Im encountering, but you already have to have a portfolio that is in many cases at or beyond industry entry.
If I had my way for education, the below is what I want.
What I really want:
<ul type="square">[*]A one year or less intensive program that would focus on advanced 3d
modeling and texturing. Meaning they realize people are coming in with at least some basic knowledge of the field.
[*]You leave with a portfolio ready for submission to companies.
[*]If animation involved, just enough to get some good boning and cloth physics. So that I can make the animators job easier and without the model folding in on itself.
[*]Cheaper is good. Since I realize the specialization creates greater cost, someplace at least I can still apply for government subsidized loans. This rules out Canada/Vancouver.
[*]Cheaper place to live (not an Island [SF]).
[*]Cars are not "required". I choose to bicycle.
[/list]
Lastly, I know I can do fine once I did get in and settled into a good company. You really aren't understanding what I am saying if you go on about how I cant fit into the system. So any person who thinks they are being a "help" or realistic in telling me to just go find another life focus do not belong in here. In fact, I would argue its your own limited self conclusions that make this true... for you.
This has been a long process for me, but recently I have reached the conclusion I can't ever get into the industry the way my life is. I need to have real people around me that I can keep my passion levels at a continous rate to see projects through to the end. Nothing hurts me more is starting something and having to stop.
In fact with this recent conclusion, leads so something that Pak once told me. To paraphrase, "You need to help yourself before you begin this". (I never did forget Pak when you said that when we all met in Seattle). I only now though got beyond the unrealistic idea that I could fix myself and have now sought help. Which it turns out is in part caused by Obsessive Compulsive disorder (so yes BIOS I really don't think the sameway versus being just stuborn). Not the clean kind, but one in which I need to have things certain ways, or I just loose function and get depressed/anxious. I have been told its to such a degree that in fact it would leave most people unable to leave their house. I fight it, but in doing so takes so much mental energy that it exhausts me quickly.
As such to my problem, I cant consistently work on a portfolio which I need to even get a internship (which there aren't really any locally anyways). I have been at this since 2001, so its been 5 years of battle. Im now almost 32 with still no end in site to reaching my first goal. Then trying to find part time jobs that wont make me feel like shit day in and day out, or years at a time getting stuck in my thought process of being able to get it done alone by focusing 24/7, thus not working at all. Mostly again because of I have no one to work off/with daily/personally. So the only recourse I can think of to give me such an environment is school fulltime.
As such what I have found thus far that seems to be only kinda fit what I am after (though in no means that close) is Guildhall at SMU. I have been talking with Paul Jaquays in private over this, and he has been a great help. However is one viewpoint and limited to only "inside" knowledge of the Guild.
What drew me to the Guild was the Eclipse mod, thats it meant for people that already have degrees versus a AI type, real world internships, that animation doesnt have to be the final goal of the student (though still in initial coursework), and finally that I can receive a Masters in it. I know the masters is NOT of benefit. In fact, I will just put on resumes I graduated from the associated program at Guildhall version versus receiving the Masters for the first few years in the industry. It will however make it easier to obtain foreign work visas, and I can use it as some background to help down the line to being accepted for another Masters Im after. I mean hell, why not? Its the same time period as the associates, most of the same classues, I qualify, and costs about only 3k more.
Some of the major reasons drawing me off are the cost. Which means I will have to pay of most of that loan before I even consider another degree. The people I have found thus far from it seem like they have about a decade to go before reaching it! Another is all intermingled with the two years. From getting older, to not having any freetime to "calm down" from it. Then of course there is the Dallas angle with my total 180 shift from ideals down there. Beyond politics, from diet to transportation. I only ride bicyles, and can't eat fast food in example. (Can't and choose are the same thing in my system).
For a bullet point:
{{PICK UP READING}}
http://guildhall.smu.edu/
http://students.guildhall.smu.edu/~eclipse/
What I like about Guildhall thus far:
<ul type="square">[*]Focus on creating game content. Real practical application.
[*]Meant for people already having some art background
[*]Leave with a industry ready portfolio.
[*]Face to face communication/teamwork.
[*]Industry Internship is part of the program
[*]Not having to focus on animation as the core (beyond the first year).
[*]Can get it as a Masters (mostly as so I can then get foreign Visa's easier).
[/list]
What I dislike Guildhall thus far:
<ul type="square">[*]Still starting out with basics, and having to go through animation again.
[*]Two years. Im getting older. I wont graduate to 2008. I will be 34 years old and just starting my >first< career!
[*]Lack of personal time for two years (all work and no play makes Jack a stressed out/dull boy).
[*]Bicyling in Plano/Dallas is supposedly a death wish. I have no choice though. I will not own/afford a car.
[*]Viewpoint differences. Not the people itself really, its that the entire system reflects one viewpoint. From the streets having no sidewalks, urban sprawl, to the what I have been told is a unreliable public transportation system.
[*]Price. 44k. How long will it take to pay back?
[*]No advanced classes into specilization as per human anatomy or mechanical design beyond a few intro core classes.
[*]No "time" or even the option offered to be a TA to help offset costs.
[*]Not the Masters I am after, and somewhat IMO a "silly" masters. Something akin to getting a degree from the University of Phoenix.
[/list]
My knowledge currently leaves me with no real places to go at my level to begin with. I have taken Animation courses before enough to realize I think animation is one of the most tedious things. I want to go into advanced modeling and texturing processes while I focusing on character design/anatomy. I realize most people in the industry start out as environmental artists, and I dont mind that. I want however to have that character background now, as later down the line when I do have the industry experience, I can eventually into a character/creature modeler position. Once Im in, picking up such a skill after the fact will be very difficult.
(Im not a concept artist, so I mean the modeler portion of the process. Hell, maybe with enough knowledge to correct anatomical flaws from the concepts while modeling)
So anyone know any graduated from Guildhall? Both those that did and did not obtain a industry position. Can you ask them what they though, and sorta a before/after of their work. That, and like are they still paying off the loans (and for how long)?
Otherwise, suggestions for other recourses. Its silly really. Im seriously considering spending huge amounts and taking more time out of my life just so I can go for the companionship in a way. However, I see no other recourse to obtain it regularly on a daily basis (net doesn't work). Im sure an internship would work towards helping this "stalling" Im encountering, but you already have to have a portfolio that is in many cases at or beyond industry entry.
If I had my way for education, the below is what I want.
What I really want:
<ul type="square">[*]A one year or less intensive program that would focus on advanced 3d
modeling and texturing. Meaning they realize people are coming in with at least some basic knowledge of the field.
[*]You leave with a portfolio ready for submission to companies.
[*]If animation involved, just enough to get some good boning and cloth physics. So that I can make the animators job easier and without the model folding in on itself.
[*]Cheaper is good. Since I realize the specialization creates greater cost, someplace at least I can still apply for government subsidized loans. This rules out Canada/Vancouver.
[*]Cheaper place to live (not an Island [SF]).
[*]Cars are not "required". I choose to bicycle.
[/list]
Lastly, I know I can do fine once I did get in and settled into a good company. You really aren't understanding what I am saying if you go on about how I cant fit into the system. So any person who thinks they are being a "help" or realistic in telling me to just go find another life focus do not belong in here. In fact, I would argue its your own limited self conclusions that make this true... for you.
Replies
I could imagine that such an 'work enviroment' could become difficult to deal with (not only for you as a special case).
Also along the same line: You have been out of school for more than ten years? Are you prepared to go back to something similar?
As for the whole school thing, I can understand the self-discipline dilemma. I would recommend checking out Henry Cogswell College up in Everett, its a nice small setting and as the program grew during my time there, it has become more and more game-oriented. As for internships, personally I think the school just handing out internships is kind of a cop-out, if you want to meet people in the industry and weasel your way into an internship, or whatnot, you should be the one going out and doing that.
I paid a similar price for schooling, and now the loan payments are extremely inconvenient.
And bicycling? Please don't tell me you're one of those people who rides in the middle of major streets in Seattle, I've noticed an abundance of these strange people around Fremont in particular. In what universe is riding a bicycle in the middle of a busy road where the speed like is over 35 mph a good idea?!
Many of those I know that have succeeded in game art are self-taught. I understand internet communication is not the same as face to face, but it's good for the learning end of things. Especially if you have an IM connection with a decent mentor or two, for the immediate feedback loop.
School is great for those who are unclear on what direction or field they want to go into, or don't know how they need to improve. Sounds like you might be the opposite of this, though I guess you're grasping at straws to figure out how to improve your skills, so a couple good instructors might really help. I can remember three or four in particular when I was at an art school (RISD) who really had great insights, helped me see through my haze.
See if you can contact any students who are there at Guildhall right now, maybe thru Paul. They might give you some first-hand feedback about various profs there.
I'm a little surprised Seattle doesn't have internship or entry-level gamedev opportunties, but then again I'm not up on the employment scene either.
Good luck man, and keep at it. Persistence does pay off.
everyone and their dog is trying to become a modeler and it makes one quite easily replaceable. in an adolescent work environment like games i would expect they would rule you out just because of age unless you were really awesome (or pretty good and dirt cheap).
i'd say your best bet is to specialize at something that sets you apart from the crowd. and you would have to love doing that stuff to become good enough to be hireable, of course.
because education can only take you so far, it's your self-motivation that's the key and the long-term lifesaver.
Why do you think animation is tedious? I find this strange. Differn't strokes for different folks, but still, everything in game art is at least as tedious as animation. This dovetails with the attitude you have, that you need other people to keep you excited. I think if you don't have it in yourself you may want to think about what you really want.
Okay, so you really want to do game art but just need the time to work on it. I find that getting good at game art is a full time job. Why spend 40k? That is INSANE! Here in Oklahoma, I bet you could go to community college for $600 a semester and take a very easy 12 credit hours. Get a student loan, pay 400 bucks a month for an apartment in Tulsa (a fairly nice town) and spend your time doing art. Take some art classes. Some people get by with one or two skill-sets, but why? Build your traditional skills, it will reflect in everything you do.
Do you think you are going to find a nice place in Dallas? There is no sense of community. Just endless sprawl. It is completely isolating. If you don't believe me, take a trip down there. I think that words can't describe what it is like. Do you have familiy somewhere? A small town maybe? Port Angeles and Sequim are nice (If a bit redneck), but too expensive.
And that gets me to another point, and the reason I don't live in Seattle. Have you ever lived anywhere sunny? Brain chemestry is influenced by many different factors, but some people need the sunshine to be happy. More endorphines = better working brain. I found myself to be very depressed in Seattle because of the weather.
That debt is only going to make you feel trapped, and the god honest truth is that you don't need anything but the skills to get a job.
Boo hoo oxy, bite the bullet and DO THIS.
If thats true, then i dont see guildhall helping a whole lot. True, you'll get lots of assignments to work on, but are you really going to put more effort into those assignments then the kinda stuff youre doing now? You might think school will be a great environment to motivate you, but youre also gonna be around plenty of slackers who are just doing the minimum to pass the classes and expecting to get a job off their degree. You still have to be extremely self motivated to put forth a lot of extra effort when youre at school. Its incredibly easy to just skate by and then what will you be left with. A huge debt, and skills that probably would have improved the same amount had you just continued to work on your own.
My opinion is this. Give yourself one year to come up with a killer portfolio. Set yourself deadlines. Make a STRICT schedule. Hell, if you wanna make it easy, just do every single cgchat comp for a year. Then you'll have 12 characters, and Im betting that at least half of them will be good enough for a portfolio.
EDIT: Heres a better idea. Ask someone on the forum who you respect to make a schedule for you.
You go to guildhall and youre gonna spend 3/4 of the time going over things you already know, and the rest doing the few assignments they give out. You dont need to pay them all that money to do it.
Brome is right, bite the bullet and put some effort into this. It really doesnt matter what choice you make, as long as you put everything into your choice.
Having spent alot of money on going to RIT in computer animation, college only works for you as much as you put into it. Guildhall may have a kick ass employment rate but its all going to depend on how much you focus yourself on your career.
No offense to Guild Hall, but id look into other places. I have also heard great things from DigiPen but they are also expensive. These colleges are all joining the game design bandwagon, so ask other forums or contact students going to the school and see what life is really like there. Skip the guild hall forums, where its probably moderated for content. Go straight to the students.
Ok, so you want to be a character modeler except I haven't seen any of your work recently in the pimping section? We so many good character modelers at polycount, that you don't need to goto school to learn to be a character artist, when you have the support here.
Getting a job is a 24/7 job in itself! I'm constantly working on my portfolio everyday and night. Sometimes I hate working on it, but I keep going.
I'd say save the money and teach yourself or come to Raleigh, NC. Waketech Community College offers a game design degree for Unreal Technology and NDL Gamebryo. Plus I teach the Maya classes for Modeling & Unreal
As long as you have a modicom of talent and brains, all aspects of CG can be learnt online and from books etc. They are just processes and techniques at the end of the day. A chain of steps, one after the other. I know many people (including myself) that are competent 3D artists with absolutely no formal computer graphics schooling whatsoever. Heck I learn stuff on this here site every day. Look at my generals thread. First time normal mapping, and now Ive figured out most of the pitfalls due to some pleading and some helpful posting from MoP and others.
I did read all of your post, and I appreciate that you have ocd. Im with Eric though. You really need to tackle that. Hasn't any advice been offered to you on treatment/diminishing its effects? If you can tackle that, or at least control it, you could do this thing on your own.
Its cyclic for me, but I suffer from stress, anxiety, depression and often find it hard to face the public or stay focused on things. Im not comparing myself to you or saying I understand what its like to have ocd. Im just saying a lot of us have 'issues' that we need to figure out ways of conquering. My biggest fear in life used to be flying. I fixed it by moving to America to force myself to get on a long distance flight annually.
If you really want this thing ( games career ) badly enough, you can do it. You need to practise, and focus. Set yourself projects with goals and timelimits. Make a schedule. Have intermediate goals and a longterm goal. Whats the longterm goal? A reel good enough to get you into the industry? OK so you dont like animation. Find your niche, your passion. Practise and practise some more. What is it? Modeling? So Ive seen very stellar modeling reels that have 3 characters in them. How long would 3 Zbrushed characters take? A damn sight less than 2 years and 50 grand. Focus. Take life drawing classes, not UV mapping classes. I know this is easier said than done, but If you want it badly enough, it's perfectly doable. Good luck!
Student Age: Guildhall students fit the classification of "non-traditional" student. Typcial Guildhall student is in his/her mid 20s to mid 30s. We've had older and younger. A 32 yr. old student would fit into the group. Very young students have a harder time than older ones.
Slackers: We attempt to weed out potential slackers before they get it. Examination of previous academic records and the submitted portfolio gives us a pretty reliable picture of who isn't going to be a good student. Slackers hurt the other students more than they hurt themselves.
Guildhall Forums are not moderated for content regarding the school. There have been open, frank discussions of the school on the forums, which have not always been 100% positive. Though traffic is light there (it has been noted that Guildhall students are very busy), you can expect to run into current students, graduates, and others who have attended, but not completed.
Given the intensity of the program, I could not recommend that anyone with an uncontrolled health issue (mental or physical) participate.
The Dallas metro area is not for everyone. I'm neither a Texan nor a southerner, but I have come to like it here ... more than just about anywhere else I have lived. I could not imagine anyone trying to live in the Dallas area without either owning, or having regular access to an automobile or other motorized transport. If you were willing to live near the light rail and restrict your choices of destinations, perhaps it would be acceptable.
THE STORY OF OXYNARYS LIFE"
Once upon a time in 1974, a woman gave birth to a son in a hospital..........
Ok ok.. Couldn't resist.
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Can't really help, but did you consider the possible age difference between you and most of the Guildhall students
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Age doesn't matter to me. Maturity does. But as Paul has stated, its meant for older people.
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Also along the same line: You have been out of school for more than ten years?
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10 years? More like 5 since fulltime. As it is I haven't been sitting on my hands. I got a CG cert from a local CC (yawn, big deal) in the meantime. However to help disprove what many people are thinking I did in fact have alot of output during and for a period after these.
I aso have been taken courses in Anatomy recently from a local fine arts college which I have been enjoying. Of course they also do not get me in front of the computer. You have to understand I have the traditional foundation, I lack the speed and portfolio to get in though digitally. Working at the computer in the same room where I have to eat and sleep without no one elese to share with is a very lonely process. At least with things like life drawing sessions, igda, and conceptart meetings I can go out and do something. Yet, at the end I have to end up here.
I dont care about specilization that will make me valuable thomas, I have to do what is best for me, not what makes me the most valuable. If I believed that, I would have gone into business and sold widgets long ago. Its all tied together with who I am. As I say, Im not against being a environmental artist. However, I don't want to be stuck in it. I know people on this very board who seem to be (sometimes unhappily), and I wonder if its because they never had a background before hand to allow them to move into another direction now they have no time otherwise.
So other solutions are Henry Cogswell? I'll check again, but last time I looked at it, it still focused on animation. It also only had one well known instructor in it. Lastly, it seemed more formal Hollywood education versus game. Like there were no team projects in its coursework that dealt with games.
Whomever mentioned the CC in SC, could you PM with the details? Im not sure its what would be a good fit, but can't hurt to look. However, my experience with three CCs has left me with they are "ok" at best.
I have lived and bicycled in Arizona, so I could deal with heat, and adapt to the humidity. However as Paul mentions.. will I be abused and possibly ignored in my treks?
;;;;;
On to the "issue", your right Daz. I am seeing someone about it which is why I have come to this realization. However, its been pretty much up front this is not something that will go away. There are coping methods I need to investigate that will help, but the require special circumstances that Im not sure the "real world" is willing to understand. In example, meditation and jogging daily help to clear my more hectic though processes, and in order to keep from regressing I need to partake daily. Which means if Im stuck at work 14 hours, they better let me have the 15th to jog, and a shower to clean up.
Medication is a long and painful story initself. Lets just say Ive been there and done that. But I was started so young, I never got to know who I was without. Yes, it did help. BUT who was I? Was I a medication? Was the choices I was making me or a persona made to fit into a broader society being a minority? What if I meet someone under it, would we feel the same about one another if I was off? Was that love then? Why was I suporting companies who manipulate the government and other nations with creating profit over health in reality. Why was I a guinea pig for medications that the people creating have no idea what it truly does to the brain or not? Instead of trying to adapt oneself, are people simply allowing medications to provide a simply shortcut? So is that truly healing if the problem still exists?
So as you can see, its not a simple process of going back. Too much has happened to me philosophically to simply accept it. However, investigation into natural/herbal along with methodologies are on the table/future.
"Are you saying that (for various reasons) you find it difficult to stay motivated on your own to improve your work and build a portfolio?"
If you could ansewr that (in a few words:)) then we can help.
I had the same problem with drawing - I jsut couldn't draw. I knew that all I had to was spend a few dedicated hours each week doing nothing but drawing, but there were too many distractions.
I signed myself up for a life drawing class, it was £56 per term, working out at about £2.50 per hour, which was nothing. That put me int he environment where all I could do was draw. I improved dramitically in a few weeks.
So if the answer to the question people keep asking is "YES", then there are several solutions, which both Aesit and Daz have already mentioned.
Answer the question and I'm positive that we can help ouy with options which may or may not involve school. Courses are excellent for some poeple and not for others.
"Are you saying that (for various reasons) you find it difficult to stay motivated on your own to improve your work and build a portfolio?"
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Yes. Rick, thats what Im doing now with these classes. It does help, I knew this. It doesn't get me into a environment though for CG art. Thats why I was thinking something that would sink me in such a gaming environment like the Guild. Something that would get me around other people having to work together. Maybe its the whole competition thing, I work better when I someone else to work off of.
If there was some way I could obtain this social/passion interactivity without school, I would. I tried to use the net for awhile, but its not the same as having someone there. I see no other option than a classroom, hence why I started this thread in part. In traditional arts, you can always have a studio in large artist communal building that provides this interaction, passion, and feedback. CG by its nature isn't like this. Im trying to save for a laptop to allow me to be mobile, but I still would need somewhere to go with others on a daily basis where we can work together/complement one another.
I REALLY REALLY good thing to get yourself focused is to work on something where you have to produce X in Z days. The contests and challenges are great for this, but only if you push yourself to not just do the ones that interest you.
Essentially, you want to have homework that is judged by your peers, but what I thik you also crave is to work with others to see how they work.
Thermidor might be able to pitch in with this - when he joined us he was a good artist, but knew nothing about games work, and I think tat he learned more in the first few months at R* than he had int he past few years of hobby work. Getting yourself immersed in such an environment can certainly pay huge dividends, and now Therm has been coming up with new ways of doing things, altering our rigs for MUCH deformation etc.
Pretty much everything Aesir has said is what I was going to say - decide what you want to do, make a plan, do it. This isn't always easy, I know all too well.
Post a link to your work.
Have you any real preference to the type of game art you'd like to do? With most, it is easy to be ok, and easy to become very good by making a few simple changes. Post some of you work and if you don't mind nit picking, we can all point out things to improve.
Pretty much everything Aesir has said is what I was going to say - decide what you want to do, make a plan, do it. This isn't always easy, I know all too well.
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Look at that point I will be going in circles.. This is what I have tried and failed to do the past few years and I was trying to point out. I can't go it alone. I make a schedule.. start it. After awhile I burn myself out. Why? Because I don't know when to stop. Or I get distracted and loose track of what I was doing because Im trying to focus soo much. Hell, I sometimes get so zoned normally I literally jump at any sudden noise or visual distraction. Im like a clock that is wound too tight. (Like right now my housemate is running up and down the stairs and using the kitchen noisily and its distracting the hell out of me)
If there is a environment around me where others are doing the same thing it makes it soo much easier. Yes, maybe it is that structure hell if I know. I do know that when I have people I can work off of and somewhat compete or strive to be in the same room/environment things become much easier.
It may be I just need to get out of the house more into such a environment versus being stuck in front of this computer/bedroom. We can all agree this isn't healthy. In my particular case though its worse. Thats where school comes in because it provides such a environment.
I have no work to show that I want to show. When I show something it has to be good enough to show. Something that is 100% on task. Last time I was cohereced into showing a portfolio, it turned into a nasty thread as people thought I was trying to get a industry job with it, and it just went back and fourth trying to explain it was in example and wasnt a industry related one, and it was older work as it was. This was ignored and kept being repeated it wasn't focused/high enough level for industry acceptance.
The mod Im on is pretty much on hiatus until a project lead comes alone. Which still doesnt help me totally because I need people locally and in the same room. Where when you have meetings everyone is physically there to show up.
I honestly beleive that your idea of being with others and trying to change by atmosphere osmosis is a fantasy. If you can only be good at something when others around you are doing it, then you do have some other issues to deal with first.
You say you want to get out of the house? Go.
You have any artwork? Show.
You need a project led? Lead.
if you can't change your attitude towards your work in your bedroom, how is a classroom or a meeting room going to change that? while enthusiasm is infectious, relying on others for that "change of atmosphere" is, as rick_sterling put it, a fantasy. in the end, you're still gonna be in front of that monitor for hours on end, whether it's at school in the computer lab or at home.
check your pms...
you should really try to grab an internship in this industry to see if the grunt art job is made for you at all if you face basic motivation issues like the ones you describe.
it's not like you have to be super-good and be able to hit the ground running to get into such a position.
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You say you want to get out of the house? Go.
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Who? What? Where? When? and Why? Your failing to understand my problem if its a simple do/do not issue. I do go out, but I have to have it set what I am doing. As I say I still have to come back to work in the end.
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You have any artwork? Show.
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Not until Im ready. I have no current CG artwork. I show things over at conceptart as what Im doing now doesn't fit here.
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You need a project led? Lead.
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Its more than being a leader, to be a true leader you have to be able to be a enabler of others. At this point I am not able to. I cant keep the enthusiasm level high enough for those around me. You could say Im a pessimist, but thats not exactly true because I still retain hope for the better. I attempt to lead and loose my art, or I can do my art and allow someone better qualified to.
Your right BIOS, I should look for another one, but I don't want to give up on this one yet. As it is, I would want one where I could meet and work with people in person. Im so tired of trying to discern IM. I can get soo much more from face to face. I also need to become faster.. much much faster, something if nothing else a school would allow me to accomplish.
Maybe you could all say Im trying to rush it. Well after 5 years, wouldn't you?
What about Vancounver Film School? I am very hesitant because of the 30k for its one year that will be unsubsidized. I dont even know if they have the CG character/object modeling anymore as I didnt see it listed on their website.
(Thomas, not all companies are like that. As it is you still have to correspond with your leads and team meetings. Maybe in germany internships are easy to find, but not here in the US with the competition, which is why again portfolios are at such high levels for even these. Remember, the company still is spending money even if your there for free to have someone take time out of their own schedule to work with you.)