pointless advice thread (as requested by MoP)

Mishra

Mishra teh pownz: woah you're online
PR JeSS 0 2: i kno
PR JeSS 0 2: i got a new comp.
Mishra teh pownz: good, what kind?
PR JeSS 0 2: dell
PR JeSS 0 2: lol
PR JeSS 0 2: who's brokenllamas?
Mishra teh pownz: huh
Mishra teh pownz: it's a non-functioning mountain animal from central america i think
PR JeSS 0 2: rite
Mishra teh pownz: why what's he doing
Mishra teh pownz: i dont really molest pigeons
Mishra teh pownz: thats a nasty rumor that's going around
PR JeSS 0 2: why are ur stupid friends talkin to me?
Mishra teh pownz: because they're jerk faces
Mishra teh pownz: i accidentally gave it to them
Mishra teh pownz: totally not on purpose
PR JeSS 0 2: uhuh
Mishra teh pownz: no seriously, i was showing my failed wooing attempt
PR JeSS 0 2: uhuh

LATER THAT DAY after my friends decide to take it upon themselves to woo her for me

PR JeSS 0 2: well be a man and admit it
Mishra teh pownz: we're just all in an msn chat
Mishra teh pownz: admit what, that i fancy you?
PR JeSS 0 2: yea
Mishra teh pownz: yes well i do
PR JeSS 0 2: y?
Mishra teh pownz: why not?
PR JeSS 0 2: well wat do u like?
Mishra teh pownz: you seem like a very fun person
PR JeSS 0 2: thats y?
Mishra teh pownz: amongst other things
PR JeSS 0 2: like...
Mishra teh pownz: to be frank you have very beautiful eyes
Mishra teh pownz: so yeah.
1) you seem fun
2) you have nice eyes
PR JeSS 0 2: lol..thanks
PR JeSS 0 2: thats it?
Mishra teh pownz: no there's more
PR JeSS 0 2: like..
Mishra teh pownz: you make an excellent target for clay, as demonstrated in today's history class
Mishra teh pownz: but seriously i'm not articulate when it comes to talking about feelings
PR JeSS 0 2: well i am and i like for ppl to be honest with me
Mishra teh pownz: i am being honest, i just cannot articulate properly
PR JeSS 0 2: well try
Mishra teh pownz: you seem funny, active, pleasent to be around, and you're attractive

(motherfucking use ACTIVE as a compliment. ACTIVE ffs, ACTIVE)

well it ended up with her logging off and leaving me worrying about an akward day at school tomorrow. this has been a lesson from mishra.

[from my friend's conversations with her]

Triboro913: so anyway do you CYBAR
PR JeSS 0 2: yea all the time
Triboro913: omg slut

brokenllamas: ok if you answer this question, in all complete honesty, I will never talk to you again
brokenllamas: deal?
PR JeSS 0 2: ok
PR JeSS 0 2: whats the question?
brokenllamas: do you find jonathan:
a) attractive and a guy you could see dating and possibly even taking things "further" with?
or
b) a nasty boy that spends to much time on the internet and probably shouldn't be giving your sign in name out to complete strangers that could be who the hell knows what kind of people?
brokenllamas: I want complete honesty.
brokenllamas: jessica please just answer the question and I will go away forever = /
brokenllamas: a or b
PR JeSS 0 2: y would u wanna kno something that has nothing to do with u?
brokenllamas: jessica I am close friends with jonathan so it has everything to do with me.
brokenllamas: come on now, we made a deal. you answer and I go away forever :-)
PR JeSS 0 2: well maybe i dont want u to go away forever
brokenllamas: o
brokenllamas: well thats good :-)
brokenllamas: jessica honestly I never thought we would be this close =-O
PR JeSS 0 2: well now u kno
brokenllamas: *hugs*

brokenllamas: hello
PR JeSS 0 2: hi..whos yhis?
PR JeSS 0 2: this*
brokenllamas: just a random person from the world of the interweb
brokenllamas: how are things?
PR JeSS 0 2: well i dont wanna have a conversation wit sum1 i dont kno
brokenllamas: ok then
brokenllamas: hi my name is john
PR JeSS 0 2: how old ru
brokenllamas: 17
brokenllamas: and you?
PR JeSS 0 2: 16..where did u get my sn?
brokenllamas: just randomly found truth be told
PR JeSS 0 2: bye john
brokenllamas: wait
brokenllamas: one question
PR JeSS 0 2: wat
brokenllamas: are you hot or not?
PR JeSS 0 2: not
brokenllamas: really
brokenllamas: that sucks
PR JeSS 0 2: yea
brokenllamas: = /
PR JeSS 0 2: i kno
brokenllamas: Im sure there is a man out there that will except you even if your not. :-\
PR JeSS 0 2: i kno
brokenllamas: look Im going to be honest
PR JeSS 0 2: ok
brokenllamas: I dont know who you are but Im so into you.
brokenllamas: please be my friend
PR JeSS 0 2: um....y r u so into me if u dont even kno me?
brokenllamas: because I have mind powers
brokenllamas: I bet I could even guess your name
PR JeSS 0 2: ok
PR JeSS 0 2: um..its on my screen name
brokenllamas: sara
PR JeSS 0 2: lmao...who is this?
brokenllamas: its not sara?
PR JeSS 0 2: how did u kno my name is sara?
brokenllamas: I didn't, you just told me baby
PR JeSS 0 2: ....anyways....bye
brokenllamas: its probably jessica
brokenllamas: or something
PR JeSS 0 2: ya
brokenllamas: so I suppose we cant go on a date then? = /
PR JeSS 0 2: I DONT EVEN KNO U
brokenllamas: I know jonathan though
brokenllamas: *insert drama*
PR JeSS 0 2: y is it that everyone IMin me is mentionin johnathan?
brokenllamas: I cant speak for anyone I dont know
PR JeSS 0 2: y r u so annoyin?
brokenllamas: why wont you just go insult someone else, mrs. Im going to insult everyone and not talk to jonathan about cars ever >: (
PR JeSS 0 2: ok
brokenllamas: he likes cars you know
PR JeSS 0 2: ok, i didnt ask u
brokenllamas: bit harsh arn't we >: (
brokenllamas: someone have a bad day at school?
PR JeSS 0 2: omg, leave me alone
brokenllamas: we can talk about it
brokenllamas: well fine
brokenllamas: but I'll have you know, because of this, we are never going on a date EVER >: (
brokenllamas: oh and jonathan molests pigeons = /
PR JeSS 0 2: thank god
PR JeSS 0 2: good for him
brokenllamas: not good for the pigeons more than likely = /

Thegodzero

I would have gone with, "because your human, a female as far as i can tell, your alive, you dont smell bad, you can move, you have all your teath, you have hair, and you dont seem to be a zombie." Never fails to get them for me.

jzero

Uh, yeah. You ARE horrible with women.

1. You don't use IM to get to know a girl, or have her get to know you. It's too abstract, and as you well know, things can be so VERY misinterpreted. You get to know her in person, and THEN you can IM each other.

2. You don't put your foo friends on her trail like bloodhounds. I say bloodhounds because it's a good metaphor. Bloodhounds are dumpy and slobbery and they bark like they're in pain. See above.

3. Never combine 1. and 2.

4. Never, ever post IM logs like that.

Next Monday (14th!) would be a great day to woo whatever girl you have in your sights now. Find out something that she REALLY likes, and get her a present based on that. That sends the invaluable 'I like you, and I care enough to find out what you like' message. Good luck, Jim. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

/jzero

JKim3

What did you learn from all this?

Mishra

no, it wasn't meant to be a big wooing thing, just a chatting thing. i didn't mean to get them on her trail, i was just showing how horrible i was at e-wooing.

i learned that getting my friends to talk to my other friends simultaneously can have fantastically hilarious results. even if i don't get the girl this situation was still worthwhile due to the pure funniness of the situation.

MoP

lol

what jzero said, with ketchup. don't use IM to talk to girls. unless you have absolutely no other alternative.

make use of valentines day

Mishra

no i dont really want to woo her that much, just it would be nice if we got together sometime. i've heard some not so good things about this girl.

MoP

er, so you just want to be her friend? then you shouldn't have a problem, if you just act like you're not trying to get into her pants or anything.

rawkstar

mishra.... I always thought u were a chick....

this was some funny shit, jzero is right ofcourse... but man... this was some funny shit.

ElysiumGX

did you learn a single fucking thing from the last thread? stop being a computer geek and just ask her out to a movie or something. if you don't really want her, and you've heard some bad things...then why the hell are you wasting your time? apparently you act like a hopeless fool around her, so you have SOME strong feelings for her.

she knows you like her. she wants you to say it, so just say it. obviously you fucked that up, so maybe she deserves someone better. reason being, you can't fucking NOT articulate in a text conversation. it's text. stop hating yourself and go get the damn girl...in person. and don't tell her she has pretty eyes, that line can be used on any girl to get in their pants. tell her why she's attractive to you and you alone, dork! and use complete sentences. the slut wants romance. write it down if you have to. but not on your palm, you sweaty bastard.

Mishra

no yeah i did ask her out and she was all no.

and i did say it.

pogonip

Why don't you just save up your money and get a hooker kid , that's my advice

Ohh and that was pretty fuckin entertining ..like watching retards run a marathon ...yay me !!

TomDunne

Yeah, you really wooed the crap out of that chick, mate. An epic bloodbath of wooing, such that even John Woo would be proud. Maybe you'll do better tomorrow.



Or possibly not. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

sonic

[ QUOTE ]
did you learn a single fucking thing from the last thread? stop being a computer geek and just ask her out to a movie or something. if you don't really want her, and you've heard some bad things...then why the hell are you wasting your time? apparently you act like a hopeless fool around her, so you have SOME strong feelings for her.

she knows you like her. she wants you to say it, so just say it. obviously you fucked that up, so maybe she deserves someone better. reason being, you can't fucking NOT articulate in a text conversation. it's text. stop hating yourself and go get the damn girl...in person. and don't tell her she has pretty eyes, that line can be used on any girl to get in their pants. tell her why she's attractive to you and you alone, dork! and use complete sentence. the slut wants romance. right it down if you have to. but not on your palm, you sweaty bastard.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nicely put!

Also, if you ask her out over the phone I'll hunt you down and kill you. If you drive, do this :

Drive near her neighborhood, and call her. Say "Hey I'm goin to Wal-mart wanna go?" She'll say yes, then you both go to Wal-mart. Proceed to entertain her. It works every time.

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW THAT FIRST PART SHOULD HAVE GONE!
Mishra teh pownz: omgwtfbbq
PR JeSS 0 2: i kno
PR JeSS 0 2: i got a new comp.
Mishra teh pownz: badass, what kind
PR JeSS 0 2: dell
PR JeSS 0 2: lol
PR JeSS 0 2: who's brokenllamas?
Mishra teh pownz: huh
Mishra teh pownz: some douche ass
PR JeSS 0 2: rite
Mishra teh pownz: why what's up?
PR JeSS 0 2: why are ur stupid friends talkin to me?
Mishra teh pownz: you're calling my friends stupid? fuck you

There. Lesson 2: unless your friends are complete asshats, never take a woman over them.

Steve

Heh, "E-Wooing" indeed..back in my day we had to be a clumsy tongue tied fumbling muppet IN PERSON!!!

like, in real life and that..up close,none of yer semi anonymous AIM nonsense, harsh reality where she can see how scared,nervous and generally crap you are at that particular moment, if she says yes you're likely onto a good thing, if it's a firm "no" think of it as character forming or something, "That which doesn't kill me.." etc

I dunno, you kids these days etc

/insert "when I were a lad..." rant ( music from "Hovis" ad in background..)

MoP

Steve: Yeah!

sundance

ROFLMAO @ this whole thread.

if you want to woo her say: i find you attractive as your body is pleasingly curvy and frankly, it's rediculous to have interlocking bodies and not interlock.

oh, and if you have an exotic accent, she'll go all buttery in the nether regions.

Redlemons

Sundance - that's really disturbing man because I imagine these two as twelve year olds, looking like Charlie Brown characters. *Shudder*

But good onya Mishra, just hop offline and go over her house and speak to her in person. Normally if a chick is saying 'Why do you like me?' it's a sign you should run like he'll because she's an insecure nutbag but in this case I think she was justified in asking why you were interested. 'To be frank you have beautiful eyes'. Lovely

Mate get off the computer and talk to her in person, don't let her trod on you but come up with something better than 'Why not?' when someone asks why you like them.

All these problems are solved by getting off the net and seeing her in person.

Muppet lol

NoSeRider

Eh, when you're in your teens and twenties, you're usually a bunch of lying manipulative SOB's anyway.

I don't see how you can trust anybody over the internet?

TomDunne

haha - an ABT2 fan, eh? I picked that one special, due to the enormously high cheese (and rice) factor. Lets just hope Mishra isn't so traumatized by these events that someone has to force-feed him until he comes to

Asthane

I will never, ever understand people who butcher their language of choice over the internet.

Yes this is a completely useless, argumentative post that totally ignores the point of this thread and should probably be ignored, but I felt someone had to say it

As to the situation at hand, I have to agree with what most said: Trying to start a relationship over the net is like trying to have a conversation in morse code (and yes, I speak from experience)

Actually one of my friends is now engaged to a guy she met online, but they met in person before going anywhere with it, even though that meant him visiting her in CA from Quebec. If you can't do that, look locally Me though, the only people online I know of that are in NC are Kirin and ElysiumGX... They're nice guys, but... No. Just no =P

ElysiumGX

[ QUOTE ]
the only people online I know of that are in NC are Kirin and ElysiumGX... They're nice guys, but... No. Just no =P

[/ QUOTE ]

You sure you don't wanna get together sometime? Maybe a nice dinner, catch a movie? After that, we can just see what happens. I have a nice collection of farm tools in the basement.

sundance

in case no one realised, i was not advocating under-age sex, nor am i seriously suggesting anyone attempt to chat up someone with that line unless you happen to be xander and anya in buffy the vampire slayer.

Mishra

no yeah, i don't know where she lives. she ignored me all day today, so i'd like to thank my friends for that one.

ScoobyDoofus

I think you've got yourself to blame for this one pardner...
and I thought I was bad with girls. Yeesh!

Mark Dygert

Lets just delete this thread and never speak of this again...

Mishra

yeah so i talked to her earlier today, she said she wasn't "ready for a relationship yet," but she did say i was funny which is a plus i suppose.

ElysiumGX

12 yr olds are usually not ready of a serious relationship

Mishra

well not voluntarily anyway

Bronco

Mishra face to face is always good man,soemthing todo with facial exspressions and eye-contact,plus its prove ya aint pissing about....Also girls are not aliens most will feel exacly the same as you if the boot was on the other foot.

and I had recent exspereince with a girl mate that acturally proved this:-

her name is Jess and I had a thing for her,anyway after thinking about it,I sent her text message on her phone saying soemthing like "hey i need to tell you about soemthing can i come over"....so we arranged a time and I went over and spoke to her....I was crapping msyelf cos im not good with girls and I was just so damn nervous...but I poured my heart out to her,exsplained why I liked her,how much of a cool personality she had and how attractive she looks..etc, she pretty much went to mush becuase she didn't exspect this from me and she just said how brave I was for telling her that and doing it face to face and how much of a sweet guy I was (ok im getting big headed now )....but I still got rejected because she has the same kind of crush on non other than my best mate(josh)...but she didn't know how to approach him.....so I took a step back and afew weeks later we all went to oxford for a drinking session as a group and her and Josh looked so close,in my own mind I had conceeded and honestly thought she had spoken to him and tehy were now dating...but afew days after that I spoke to josh and just mentioned it descreetly and he was just like "No I have no intrest in Jess"...so I waited with the mind set good things come to those who wait....then one saturday night Jess was bored and wanted to get out the house and I already had josh coming over to my place for some lannage on C&C Generals...so i invited her over as well (she's abit of a gamer chick) and so on my 3 hooked up PCs we blamme dthe AI and on time went,into the eraly hours of the morning we decided to shut it all down,I offered to Walk Jess home but she pulled me into the dining room and said,"josh i think is goning to walk me home and I want to ask him how he feels about me and to ask him out straight".....so I shook my mates hand,gave jess a hug and wispered good luck in her ear and off they went together...it wasn't for about a week and a half unti lI found out what had gone on becuase I went on holiday the next day..but I got online while on holiday and spoke to Josh and he told me what had happened and that he turned jess down....so I went out and bought her a teddy and waited afew weeks (for her to get over the initial rejection)I arranged to meet her face to face,and ride my luck by asking her out again along with giving her the teddy bear...she loves it,but still rejected me becuase of collge and the fact if we did go out we'd proberly split by this summer becuase she will be the other end of the country at university so we agreed it would be best just to stay mates....but the important point is she THANKED ME for giving her the courage to talk to Josh and ask how he feels about her,She thanked me for making her feel more confident about herself...

Now we are just close mates,call each other up from time to time,don't get to see each other much becuase she is at art college but we keep in touch and go out fro mtime to time just as mates and have a good time.


So theres my second story about my relationships taht were never really to be....The simple point is just keep things face to face and be honest both with her and with yourself and if shit hits the fan then be a man or in her case a tough cookie and take it.

John

TomDunne

A 25-line paragraph with at least a dozen ellipses and no actual periods? No offense, John, but I'm not reading through all this. Compose your thoughts, don't just dump them out; this looks like your word processor threw up all over my screen.

Daz

wow yeah don't let MoP see that...

MoP

Too late!

PaK

lol u guys are a riot. This place always makes me smile.

-R

swampbug

talking to girls on the internet..... ::shiver::;

RageUnleashed

I second what Vig said, and I want a refund on the last two minutes of my life back plz.

KeyserSoze

Don't be so harsh, Mishra seems like a cool enough guy, I can tell by his avatar. Zoidberg is the second coolest character of Futurama, behind Hypnotoad of course (the almighty Hypnotoad rules all).

Mark Dygert

[ QUOTE ]
yeah so i talked to her earlier today, she said she wasn't "ready for a relationship yet," but she did say i was funny which is a plus i suppose.

[/ QUOTE ]

This means your "in the hole" to use baseball terms. There is the "batter"; the current guy she wants, which just so happens to be someone who is not chasing her (most chicks want to chase, not be chased). Then there is the guy "on deck" warming up ready to spring when the current batter strikes out, he is pretty sure he can save the game with a home run if only the coach (her) would listened and put him in first. He is her back up guy. Then there is you, your in the hole, gripping your bat tightly waiting for a chance to step onto the field and start warming up.

So if her dream guy ever dies in a car wreck, and her back up guy gets hit by a freight train she'll start to come around. But by that time you have been her nutered "near gay" man friend for so long she will completely tell you what to do and you will basically work two jobs just to support her TV watching habbits. Until then the best you can hope for is a distant relationship as her guy b!tch. Which means you do alot of listening to her b!tch about the guy on deck and the current batter while you drive yourself nuts trying to "show her" (not tell her) that you are the right hitter for the job. Besides she sounds high maintenance and looks like she is ALWAYS fishing for complements, something you stop tossing out about 2 years in, it looks like she is the type that would leave you for it too...

Lesson learned, time to move on and play the next hand with more of a "you couldn't have me, and I don't care if you want me" tude. Bronco's post pretty much proves my point. They guy that couldn't care less could have had the chick... They guy doing the chasing, will always be doing just that.

AND WHY IS THIS THREAD NOT GONE! Why must we wallow in a fellow dorks pain! WHY!? Its like high school all over again... At least this thread has one positive thing, the Hypnotoad!

sundance

rofl, OMG, too much baseball analogy

rooster

/me strafes into an adjacent thread

Cthogua

I think she was beeing alittle pushy with the compliment fishing in that first IM log. Who the fu[k needs 400 reasons why a person likes them and can't just accept it. Then assumes your not being honest because your fumbling for yet another piece of ego-fodder for her. POOP on that, and everthing around it...like the splattery kind that gets all over the inside of the bowl and you gotta use like half the roll of TP to get your ass clean after.

peas
and DEATH TO THE FAKERS!

James Ball

Mishra

yeah, you're all probably right. i've stopped persuing that whole thing after she kept sending me pictures asking which one is better which seemed minorly egotistical

Rick Stirling

Her left one was better.

eepberries

Lol Mish you don't seem too bad with the female clan. She seems odd. Most girls know how to take a compliment and stfu about it rather than be overzealous and go back for more.

John Warner

bah. confused people act in a confusing way. eepberries is right. If she's too insecure and confused to take a kind, honest complement, by a guy who's got the balls to express himself, then you're above her, belive me

haha that's right sonic. never put up with a woman's bullshit. that's what everyone else does. you can't supplicate your way into women's hearts, no matter what 90% of retards will tell you in a couple days.

yes.. you're right.. my friends are losers.. and you're so pretty.. i can do so much for you... and... i just want to get a golden shammy with your initials in it and wash your car every morning..

hehe im not making fun of you, but it's funny how this is the general frame of relating between a man and a woman. what a piss off what our culture does to us. its.... terrible.

edit: bronco, that's a terrible story. how heartless when some bitch takes your expression and shoves it back at you, and then wants to be friends. don't put up with that man. you're accepting someone else's frame for the relationship. you've steped into a hypnotic identity where if you even FEEL a certain way you think "ah! i promised her i woudln't". you're limiting you're own feelings and actions by accepting her frame. that's called a hypnoslave.

wants your friend but when you want to go out with her she's too buisy. what a bunch of bullshit. talk about manipulation though using vauge language. my god.

Mishra

no i always call my friends losers and jerks. i always talk bad about everyone behind their backs. actually, from what i've heard, being a bit of a "jerk" to a woman can actually make them like you. sounds odd but it's true. if you do some such thing then they think about you for awhile afterwards.

John Warner

people who are jerks around women are basicaly just assholes. people, however, who are confident, don't put up with her bullshit, and don't supplicate to them, have got it right. unfortunately, nobody makes a fine enough destinction between a jerk and just someone who's got self respect. bashing your friends for her favor is being a jerk to your friends and suplicating to her. being a jerk to her would be to say what sonic suggested and tell her that calling your friends losers is bullshit, weither or not you agree with her or not. honestly.. what kind of person would openly just tell you that your freinds are all idiots..

Mishra

bah it's playful slander. i call my friends things to their faces and they call things to my face. generally racist things but still no offense is meant.

John Warner

for sure man! it's cool, i say terrible things to my friends. i'm just saying that weither you do that or not, or weither you acctualy belive it about them, doesn't change anything about what you said to her.

anyway i'm not trying to stress you out. don't think i'm trying to hound you hehe

MoP

I wish I could rename this the "pointless advice thread".

Mishra

what are you talking about mop it's fine as it is