A very short live action commerial
polycounter lvl 18
http://thisstrife.com/features/spam.wmv
Crits and Comments welcome.
I'm more interested in the editing side of things then the horrible acting (or lack there of)
Edit: Also, I only realised it was an LCD after we finished the post production work. I guess this LCD is made of safety glass?!?
Crits and Comments welcome.
I'm more interested in the editing side of things then the horrible acting (or lack there of)
Edit: Also, I only realised it was an LCD after we finished the post production work. I guess this LCD is made of safety glass?!?
Replies
Editing is actually not bad at all. a little tightening up upon his return to the apartment, slightly shorter cuts to build tension, (and there is one "axis jump", that comfused things, as it was not mirrored in the person :eaving" the apartment. the shots should be a "mirror" of the events as he left. and you have one extra shot, you could even lose a few more, to buidup time for the slow fade.
I have those same crappy speakers on my Home machine.
Scott
1. you start with a jump cut. the problem is that the first two camera shots are way to close together. it gives the fealing that someone bumped the camera, and feals awkward. if you have any way to fix this it'd be a very good idea.
2. i think some of your shots could be faster. it isn't nessisary to show every little thing that happens... more on this later.
3. i like the concept you have going for the elevator button shot, but im not sure if it's working. the composition seems very strange. anyone have any ideas how to fix this?
4. the sccond shot with the key doesn't need to be so long. we've already shown that. all that would be nessisary would be to show the key going into the door, and that's it. everyone know's what that means.
5. you've flipped the axis when he's going into his house. when he approaches the door and inserts the key, he's going from screen left to screen right. in the next shot he's going from right to left. you HAVE To keep stuff like that consistant, or you'll totaly fuck up your whole audience.
the shot after that where he's closing the door is unnessisary. i dont even know what door he's closing. i'm assuming that it's the door to the room with the computer in it, but because of an establishing shot of the room he's in (which would be pointless) it feals confusing. i'd cut this shot completely.
in fact, it MIIGHTT be possible to go from the key in the door to the P.O.V gun shot.. hm. maybe not.
also, the first set of shots when he leaves suggests that there's only ONE door between his computer and his apartment. the end isn't congruent to that, as he walks through an extra room.
why does he get up with a baseball cap, and leave with a tuque (or a winter hat, as it's known in other parts of the world, so i'm told)
the whole peice just feals dis-jointed and scattered.
in addition to that, almost every single shot looks like it wasn't put through white ballance before shooting. the lights are blown out, and there's a yellow tinge. make sure you take a peice of white paper to every shot and do a white ballance if your camera supports it.
it'd also be helpful to take the footage into a program like after effects and color correct every shot for congruency.
i'm not sure how much you care, or how much you can go and change, but i highly reccomend going through your storyboards (you do have storyboards, don't you?) and cutting this commercial down to the ABSOLUTE SMALLEST it can be. don't be frustrated. telling a story visualy in the smallest posible time (a comercial heheh) is difficult and usualy takes experience. check your composition, and shot congruency.
if you need any help, or more ideas, you can always hit me up for them. i enjoy this sort of thing.
anyone else have any ideas?
This film was fairly low budget and production. Since it was just the 2 of us we didn't bother white balancing, which we noticed after reviewing it in premier really messed things up. And with the weak computer it was done on (the same one that was shot) the rendering times even on the shot 40 seconds of film were incredibly long.
Alot of things you guys have pointed out I didn't notice until reviewing it just now. That axis thing is something that didn't even cross my mind. :P
I would have liked to have panned out from the the monitor shot, but it was created in photoshop from a safety glass image so it would have looked really fake to crop and zoom out from the image.
This was our first true production and first finished project so you know how it is, first is worst! I'm going to print out this page and send it to my comrade.
Hopefully our next work (sometime in spring) will have a plot dialog and actors, etc.