The career and Women
polycounter lvl 18
I've been wondering about marriage. I got a few things to share and some questions, I'll try and be short.
-Did any of you compair new girls to old flames? Tell me about that.
-Does anyone have vastly different world-views than their wives? Describe plz.
-What is the difference between a genuine unhealthy clash of personalities, and just being unreasonably picky. I don't think I understand the difference.
I get sick and tired of women too fast. I think I judge them too quickly, and harshly.
I'm so irritable and judgemental all the time concerning the women I meet.
Any thoughts or stories to share?
-R
-Did any of you compair new girls to old flames? Tell me about that.
-Does anyone have vastly different world-views than their wives? Describe plz.
-What is the difference between a genuine unhealthy clash of personalities, and just being unreasonably picky. I don't think I understand the difference.
I get sick and tired of women too fast. I think I judge them too quickly, and harshly.
I'm so irritable and judgemental all the time concerning the women I meet.
Any thoughts or stories to share?
-R
Replies
1) I constantly dump girls because they dont compare to ( and scarily simply 'are not' ) my one true love from a few years back. It's a problem in my life.
2) Not married so cant answer
3) You will know the difference If you and your partner are in a room with other people making conversation. If the things she says start to really annoy or embarrass you, then thats the start of the slippery slope.
That stament sounds a bit sexist PaK to say the least, but Im not sure you meant it to sound that way. You get sick and tired of women too fast or people?
I had a date 2 weekends ago. Everythings going fine but she wasnt striking me as the sharpest tool in the box. At one point I say something like "so, what was he like in that respect?" and she replies with: "respect? Oh he respected me allright yeah".
Now, she may have misheard me I dont know for sure. But that comment along with a few others made me realise that I was looking for someone with a bit more intellect and I lost interest. Funny, I wouldn't have given a shit about that in my twenties ;-p
I dont really compare one girl to another because each is different and they each do something different that I like(d). I think you tend to remember the best parts of people and remember them when you're with someone else. Memories aren't bad as long as you dont try to conform the person you are with into somebody else.
I've had different views then my girl friends before. one of my gf's was kind of religious and I used to play devil's advocate with her just to see her views and challenge them. we never fought but we had some pretty interesting conversations. One of my ex's who i dated for 5 years and I were complete opposites but meshed together very well. She liked to be with people and go out because she was socially conditioned to. I'm more reserved so I like to stay in or relax with a few close friends rather then lots of people I kind of know. She was a city girl and I was a country boy. We worked together I think because I was her relaxation and somebody she didn't need to put up a front around and I appreciated her for her fiery nature (italian), opinions, ability to get me to go do stuff that was fun, and ofcourse beauty.
If you have a clash of personalities you'll know it because you will be miserable. Unreasonably picky would be not giving someone a chance because of a slight flaw. Everybody has something wrong with them and sooner or later you realize your dream girl doesn't exsist because nobody can live up to those standards. Relationships are about compromise and you should be willing and able to do that within reason. I for one will not date a girl who burps on purpose. I think it's disgusting and embarassing and rude. That's something I wont compromise on. I wont date a girl who picks fights just to see how mad she can get you because she thinks it's cute. And I wont date a girl who has lots of drama with her friends and/or talks to much about her looks. I just like em secure, literate, and mature.
I can understand why you're frustrated with women because honestly they are a huge pain in the ass. That said it's something you have to deal with. The moods, the double standards... it's all part of the deal. Maybe your not ready to have a relationship right now. I haven't dated in the past year because of school and the knowledge that when I'm done here I most likely wont be staying in florida. Also I'm really skeptical that anybody i meet at this age (20) is going to be worth my time.
Maybe you just need to sit down and think about what it is you're looking for in a person within reason and then try to put yourself in a position to meet someone like that. If you know what you're looking for you'll be able to find it a whole lot easier. It's the little imperfections that make the person who they are so celebrate them instead of obessing over them.
How do you juggle the demands of a needy women with a job that demands more than 9-5?"
I know of a few married guys who have wives that are attention mongers.
-R
I've had difrent social and world views than almost everyone i've ever met, one of the closest persons i have met with the same views would be astrozombie.. tho we disagree on a lot also. I guess I could marry him.. but he doesnt compaire verry well to my ex wife.
yes it is bad when a girl constantly embarrases you in publicc, or when you are with friends, sometimes this is the fault of the girl for being an anoying childish bitch, or could be your fault for thinking she does not meat some imaginary standards that you have set for her in your self centered stupidity (been there on both ocasions)
ond the question about the 9 hour day, it is essential that your girl have friends and a life of her own, if she sits around the house all day waiting for you, you will have one bitter beeootch
-Did any of you compair new girls to old flames? Tell me about that.
A little bit of this is natural. Too much of it is unhealthy. You sort of have to decide for yourself if you are doing this too much.
-Does anyone have vastly different world-views than their wives? Describe plz.
Well, we have hugely different views on religion, and even more disturbing, my wife doesn't like video games. She thinks they are stupid and pointless and a waste of time. BUT she knows how much a part of my life they are, and has been very supportive of my attempt to change careers and move into an industry that she doesn't understand or care about. You and your significant other don't have to agree on everything, as long as you can respect and support your better half's opinions and beliefs. If you are a rabid meat-eater and your girl is a vegan and she thinks all meat-eaters are horrible murderers who whould be punished, and she's constantly trying to change you...well that's probably not a good match. Some people can't respect another person's right to believe differently, and if you are with someone like that (or you are that way yourself) and your views are totally opposite, that's just going to lead to misery.
-What is the difference between a genuine unhealthy clash of personalities, and just being unreasonably picky. I don't think I understand the difference.
Would you agree there is such thing as "reasonably picky"? Breaking up with a girl because you are a non-smoker and she can't or won't kick her smoking habit would be justifiable (in my opinion - I'm sure others would disagree). Breaking up with a girl because she likes to put the toilet paper on the roll with the paper curling under instead of over, THAT is unreasonably picky. If you fight all the time over stupid little things, that's probably a genuine personality clash. It's a worth at least a try to sit down and talk things out and try to figure out if there's an underlying reason for the bickering. Then it's kind of up to the two of you to figure out if it's worth working on.
For me personally, I can't STAND drama and fighting in a relationship. I'm pretty laid back and easygoing. My ex liked to pick fights and argue all the time. She once told me I was too nice and boring. Well guess what? My current wife really appreciates all the little things I do for her and I'm much much happier now, even though it meant going through the pain of a divorce to get where I am today.
-How do you juggle the demands of a needy women with a job that demands more than 9-5?
I'm fortunate that my wife understands I can't just clock in and clock out like you can in some jobs. Now, if you are working 80+hours a week every week for months on end, that's a genuine concern for her. However if she's nagging you because you stay an hour late or so every day or have to work a couple of late nights every week, then that's probably a recipe for misery. In my opinion a spouse/significant other should be understanding and supportive of their counterpart's career as much as possible. This should go both ways too.
Hope that wasn't too vague, the truth is there are now hard and fast rules to relationships. Ever one is as different and unique as the two people involved, and it can be very trucky. People say relationships are hard work. IMHO if you have to work too hard at your relationship, you'd be better off with someone else. Yes you do have to put some effort into it, but it shouldn't be a full time job.
Oh and I agree with Mojo2k about she needs her own friends and interests. It's not healthy for ANYONE to just sit at home all day waiting for their significant other to get home from work. The person at home feels bored and lonely all day and wants to go out, and the person who just came home from a long hard day at work probably just wants a nice quiet evening at home. In the long run that kind of thing will destroy a relationship.
I heard something recently about love - something along the lines of, what you really love about someone is who you get to be when you're around them. Might sound a bit selfish in a way but I think it's true - when someone brings out the best in you and you recognize that, that's when you've found something great. (not to say of course that you should depend on someone else for your own happiness
So you could have someone whose views you totally differ with, but the question is, what kind of reaction do you have to those views? Do you find yourself getting in horrible arguments with her and just being pissed off, or do you come away feeling like you got a chance to look at your beliefs from a different perspective or some other positive stuff?
-Choirboy
I think that you need to have a good balance in what you have in common and where you differ. But everybody has things that they feel strongly about and that are non-negotiable and those you should have in common I believe. For me it's very important to have my own hobbies and my own set of friends besides our mutual ones. I don't like to share those with a partner because I need my own space in that area.
Comparing my wife against my past grilfriends I have never done (much). At least I never though of my wife to be or have less than my past grilfriends. That would definetely be a sign of trouble on the horizon for me.
Certainly, all the other girls I dated were all cuntz compared to my wife.
-Does anyone have vastly different world-views than their wives? Describe plz
Dont know what you actually mean by world views i.e. politics, religion or morals?
I am pretty much in sli with her on most stuff, cept violence and video games and fantasy & pron.
-What is the difference between a genuine unhealthy clash of personalities, and just being unreasonably picky. I don't think I understand the difference.
Id say picky is an o.k. word. Id be very picky at your stage. Also if you fight quite a bit now or during engagement it will prolly only get worse once you married. Married life to me, is much more stressful and dating.
Also Id suggest you not even get invovled Pak until you establish yourself some where semi-permanent and stay with a job for a few yrs if possible.
Hope this helps.
f.
When I was in my early 20's, I was engaged to a girl that I went to high school with, and everything seemed perfect, but it wasn't. It was however, the deepest in love I'd been at that point of my life. I then spent the next 10 years comparing every single woman I met with her, and self destructing in every relationship that was good, or ending every relationship in which the girl did not measure up.
I actually think that this is not just normal, but if you want a marriage to last, it's necessary. You never want to settle. If you think that the person you are with doesn't measure up to your "truest love" in a previous relationship, than you are probably settling.
When you find the right girl, the only comparing will be comparing your "old flames" to her, in a nostalgic way perhaps, but non of them will measure up to the "right girl".
-R