Dealing with Burnout
polycounter lvl 13
I haven't posted here in a long time and I'm not entirely sure this is the right place to be doing this, but I'd like to get some perspectives from others in the game industry. I'm not really trying to use this for therapy or anything. I mostly want to get an idea of if I'm alone in this and how others are dealing with it because I've yet to come up with a good solution. I've been in the industry for almost 11 years now ,I've held senior positions at multiple studios, and I've worked on several well known games. However, for quite a while now, I've been dealing with symptoms of burnout. It's impossible to focus, I've lost the joy I had for my job, I've felt more cynical. It's affected my life outside of work and definitely impacted my job performance as well as my feeling of self worth on the job.
I know that a lot of it is a result of the switch to work from home. I HATE working from home. Most people I talk to about this tell me how great working from home is, so I have to wonder how alone I am in this. The convenience of it is great, but that's the only part of it that I actually like. My first job was a remote position as a contractor and I swore I'd never do it again. One of the biggest draws of my career was getting to work alongside a bunch of fellow nerds. I'm an introvert who gets most of my social interaction and meets most of my friends through work. All of that's gone now. I tried switching jobs during the pandemic to go to a hybrid studio, but that turned out to be a nightmare and most of the company still never came to the office, so I was just alone in a different place (and honestly a worse company). Now I'm at a better company, but still I feel isolate. We're not a team, just people working on the same thing. My coworkers are faces I see in meetings with no personal connection. Even when we try to talk, it's just not the same talking through a screen. A casual conversation feels like a formal meeting when the setting for both is the same. We recent had an on-site event where they flew everyone in and it was the first time I met most of them in person and it felt great. I left feeling energized and ready to actually do something, but that faded almost immediately, and actually got worse after. Now I'm to the point I can barely function and I've started randomly having panic attacks.
I know working from home isn't the only cause. I felt some of this before, being pushed to meet deadlines, always trying to keep up with new tech/software, constantly feeling like I had to prove myself or earn my job. I put everything else on hold for years just to climb over the mountainous barrier to entry in this industry, then I was already tired by the time I made it. I've worked on several big projects now, and each has taken its toll, but until the pandemic I was able to manage it. I had close friends I saw every day and a sense of satisfaction celebrating with them when we had releases or saw reactions online. Now it feels like I'm part of an assembly line and I work in a bubble where I feel constantly uninformed or just apathetic to what I'm doing. It feels like I'm a terrible employee and even mild critique feels like a deep cut at my ability to do the job.
I've considered looking into studios that have gone back to the office full time, but many of them are places with poor reputations for how they treat employees or they're in locations where my partner and I wouldn't be happy moving to. I've considered quitting and taking 6 months to a year off, but that leaves me uninsured and without an income at a time when cost of living is skyrocketing. Taking time off also runs the risk of having a difficult time getting back into the industry and stalling my career. I've also considered leaving the industry entirely, but then what do I do that could even remotely let me maintain my standard of living? Any career change would take time and training and put a burden on my partner, who's dealing with very similar problems, as well. This is why I want to know how others have handled burnout. I've seen plenty of articles on it, but none that feel applicable to my situation or provide an option that feels realistic.
I know that a lot of it is a result of the switch to work from home. I HATE working from home. Most people I talk to about this tell me how great working from home is, so I have to wonder how alone I am in this. The convenience of it is great, but that's the only part of it that I actually like. My first job was a remote position as a contractor and I swore I'd never do it again. One of the biggest draws of my career was getting to work alongside a bunch of fellow nerds. I'm an introvert who gets most of my social interaction and meets most of my friends through work. All of that's gone now. I tried switching jobs during the pandemic to go to a hybrid studio, but that turned out to be a nightmare and most of the company still never came to the office, so I was just alone in a different place (and honestly a worse company). Now I'm at a better company, but still I feel isolate. We're not a team, just people working on the same thing. My coworkers are faces I see in meetings with no personal connection. Even when we try to talk, it's just not the same talking through a screen. A casual conversation feels like a formal meeting when the setting for both is the same. We recent had an on-site event where they flew everyone in and it was the first time I met most of them in person and it felt great. I left feeling energized and ready to actually do something, but that faded almost immediately, and actually got worse after. Now I'm to the point I can barely function and I've started randomly having panic attacks.
I know working from home isn't the only cause. I felt some of this before, being pushed to meet deadlines, always trying to keep up with new tech/software, constantly feeling like I had to prove myself or earn my job. I put everything else on hold for years just to climb over the mountainous barrier to entry in this industry, then I was already tired by the time I made it. I've worked on several big projects now, and each has taken its toll, but until the pandemic I was able to manage it. I had close friends I saw every day and a sense of satisfaction celebrating with them when we had releases or saw reactions online. Now it feels like I'm part of an assembly line and I work in a bubble where I feel constantly uninformed or just apathetic to what I'm doing. It feels like I'm a terrible employee and even mild critique feels like a deep cut at my ability to do the job.
I've considered looking into studios that have gone back to the office full time, but many of them are places with poor reputations for how they treat employees or they're in locations where my partner and I wouldn't be happy moving to. I've considered quitting and taking 6 months to a year off, but that leaves me uninsured and without an income at a time when cost of living is skyrocketing. Taking time off also runs the risk of having a difficult time getting back into the industry and stalling my career. I've also considered leaving the industry entirely, but then what do I do that could even remotely let me maintain my standard of living? Any career change would take time and training and put a burden on my partner, who's dealing with very similar problems, as well. This is why I want to know how others have handled burnout. I've seen plenty of articles on it, but none that feel applicable to my situation or provide an option that feels realistic.
Replies
I had similar feelings running through 2022 and considered quitting completely. I was fortunate enough to be able to take a break at the beginning of this year and it definitely helped me reset, reassess my priorities etc. but it hasn't solved any external problems that were frustrating me.
The obvious answer is that If you don't like the working environment you need to change it - easier said than done obviously, but this sort of thing can completely wreck you.
Do you have the means/opportunity to perhaps rent an office in a shared working space? I've worked at a couple of startups that used those and ended up getting to know the other people renting offices fairly quickly. The change of scenery and smell of the herd might be all you need
Also
Don't just automatically believe rumours about a studio's reputation for treating people poorly, talk to them (and current staff) yourself and form your own opinions. Things change, people move on and you always have to account for the fact that some people posting on Glassdoor are just whining, entitled pricks.