Working for peanuts, feel trapped.
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Sorry for the long rant, but I need some situational career advice.
Long story short, I started learning 3D art full-time 2.5 years ago, compiled a decent portfolio and felt ready so I moved across the country to Los Angeles in the Fall of last year to "chase the dream" and finally, after 3-4 months of non-stop job searching, constant stress and much self-doubt, landed a 3-month unpaid internship with a small VR studio that just ended at the beginning of June. Afterwards, the studio liked me enough - and the feelings were quite mutual - that they offered me a paid project to be completed in three separate phases, which was to be completed by early October. I can't discuss the details of the project, as I signed an NDA, but suffice to say, I am recreating a large-scale environment based off a real-world location from American history using whatever reference images exist from that time period.
I am about a month into the project, I spend about 12-14 hours a day (finally took my first day off yesterday) and I am feeling extremely burnt-out and feeling like I made a huge mistake. The pay situation is honestly quite terrible, it's paid in "phases" and is barely even enough to pay my bills over the course of one month - let alone the 3-4 months it will take me to finish - and my financial life is turning to complete ruin as a result. My mental health is also severely declining, despite all my efforts to treat it, and there are some days where I just feel like giving up because I struggle to find the positives in life after everything I've been through recently, not to mention I now feel trapped by my low-paying professional situation which I sacrifice hobbies, family and friend time for - and for what? This idea that somebody somewhere will see that I have four months of professional experience under my belt and decide that that's a strong reason for hiring me?
At the time the studio offered me this project, my life was in check and I had a plan for how to get by the next few months despite the shitty pay. It was a sacrifice/investment I was willing to make in order to gain the experience of working in an official capacity with a studio which would hopefully pay off later down the road. Literally later that same week, my personal and financial life unexpectedly fell apart completely and I suddenly felt completely lost - and still do. I've since had to move back home to live with family for a few weeks while I try to picky myself back up and establish a new plan for my financial demands, whilst working remotely in the meantime, which the studio has been really cool about. The studio in general is composed of very cool people which I have taken a strong liking to - and thus it hurts me deeply to have these feelings of walking away from the opportunity given to me. At the same time, I feel like I'm somewhat being used and should be focusing these next couple of weeks on finding a better career opportunity, and improving the quality of my current state of mind.
I don't know what I expect from any of you here, I guess I just need an outsider's opinion on what I should do. Yes, I signed a contract knowing the shit pay that I would be compensated in return for my work, but that was before everything else fell apart. And honestly, it was just nice to feel recognized for once after months of rejection. Now I feel stuck and want out so I can try to put my life back together, but I don't want to be a shitty human being by abandoning a group of people who have been nothing but nice to me. I don't know if I am being unreasonable and selfish with my thinking and should just stick through it, or if I should just stick up for myself and move on and accept that I may be an asshole for doing so.
Long story short, I started learning 3D art full-time 2.5 years ago, compiled a decent portfolio and felt ready so I moved across the country to Los Angeles in the Fall of last year to "chase the dream" and finally, after 3-4 months of non-stop job searching, constant stress and much self-doubt, landed a 3-month unpaid internship with a small VR studio that just ended at the beginning of June. Afterwards, the studio liked me enough - and the feelings were quite mutual - that they offered me a paid project to be completed in three separate phases, which was to be completed by early October. I can't discuss the details of the project, as I signed an NDA, but suffice to say, I am recreating a large-scale environment based off a real-world location from American history using whatever reference images exist from that time period.
I am about a month into the project, I spend about 12-14 hours a day (finally took my first day off yesterday) and I am feeling extremely burnt-out and feeling like I made a huge mistake. The pay situation is honestly quite terrible, it's paid in "phases" and is barely even enough to pay my bills over the course of one month - let alone the 3-4 months it will take me to finish - and my financial life is turning to complete ruin as a result. My mental health is also severely declining, despite all my efforts to treat it, and there are some days where I just feel like giving up because I struggle to find the positives in life after everything I've been through recently, not to mention I now feel trapped by my low-paying professional situation which I sacrifice hobbies, family and friend time for - and for what? This idea that somebody somewhere will see that I have four months of professional experience under my belt and decide that that's a strong reason for hiring me?
At the time the studio offered me this project, my life was in check and I had a plan for how to get by the next few months despite the shitty pay. It was a sacrifice/investment I was willing to make in order to gain the experience of working in an official capacity with a studio which would hopefully pay off later down the road. Literally later that same week, my personal and financial life unexpectedly fell apart completely and I suddenly felt completely lost - and still do. I've since had to move back home to live with family for a few weeks while I try to picky myself back up and establish a new plan for my financial demands, whilst working remotely in the meantime, which the studio has been really cool about. The studio in general is composed of very cool people which I have taken a strong liking to - and thus it hurts me deeply to have these feelings of walking away from the opportunity given to me. At the same time, I feel like I'm somewhat being used and should be focusing these next couple of weeks on finding a better career opportunity, and improving the quality of my current state of mind.
I don't know what I expect from any of you here, I guess I just need an outsider's opinion on what I should do. Yes, I signed a contract knowing the shit pay that I would be compensated in return for my work, but that was before everything else fell apart. And honestly, it was just nice to feel recognized for once after months of rejection. Now I feel stuck and want out so I can try to put my life back together, but I don't want to be a shitty human being by abandoning a group of people who have been nothing but nice to me. I don't know if I am being unreasonable and selfish with my thinking and should just stick through it, or if I should just stick up for myself and move on and accept that I may be an asshole for doing so.
Replies
Anyway, I talked to my boss this morning and had an honest heart-to-heart and he was extremely warm and accepting. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest and now I can focus on getting healthy and pursuing the next adventure! Thank you for the replies.
Hopefully a salient lesson learnt. The art of astute, succinct negotiation skills whilst communicating terms contractually would often times forestall these adverse situations from arising in the first place and as an aside no role or indeed amount of compensation is actually worth compromising one's overall health, otherwise what's the point.
You going to LA kind of reminds me a bit of me going up to Seattle, Washington for the first time. There's that honeymoon phase where you want to explore around, and when something from the job suddenly happens, it kind of just turns into a domino effect on everything.
Focus on your health and get back to where you want to go.
LA's always going to be there. And on top of that, LA's not the only option out there.
I'm still up in Seattle. First time here was fun exploring the scene. Second time here was just catching up with everything. After working at a studio for quite a while, and seeing the scene here, I'm kind of just keeping it open on where I might go next. I'm sure it's a thing, for some developers here, to go to some studio in LA, Texas, NY, or outside of the country, for maybe a contract gig or depends on how long, and then move back to Seattle lol. Might be the same for any other city.
What I'm trying to say is, hang in there. The work you do will help in the long run. I'm sure, when you come visit LA again, that you won't feel that same shock as you did before. You'll be alright.