Critiques on this rifle model I am working on?

AustinLabarbera

Hey dudes, 

I was wondering if I could get some critiques on this model I am currently working on at the moment. Would like to have it in my portfolio for GDC!
The bayonet is based on a dagger concept art done by Chris Hayes. 

 
  
  
 
Brown or green bag? 

All feedback is welcome. Thanks for the help! 

Cheers, 
Austin

jvsoliva

Oh the green bag  
It feels more readable (if that makes sense haha) and fits well with the buckle.

Brian "Panda" Choi

How is that bayonet NOT falling out of the front?  It doesn't looks secure.

AustinLabarbera

Hi dudes, 

Thanks for the comments. 

I made some changes. I added another bracket to make the bayonet look like its about to fall off haha. I also decided to try making the bag a reddish leather. I liked the brown leather over the green last time but it really needed a change in values to not blend so much into the wood. Again any critiques or comments are totally welcome. Thanks everyone! 

 
 
 
 
 

Brian "Panda" Choi

That bayonet is going to fall off the gun; whatever change you made to make it work is not visible..  Just redesign it the clasp on it.

Alex_J

Given the overly large, stylized nature of the barrel, muzzle, and bayonet, I feel that the receiver group, scope, trigger group, and magazine should be equally stylized. 

Also, I understand this is a fictional stylization, but the way you have the bolt modeled with those big metal chunks behind doesn't make sense. How will you pull the bolt back?

I'd check some reference -- not for proportion and small details -- but enough to make sure that you have the basic working pieces so that this asset could be animated in a believable way.

Also, it's cartoony so everything doesn't have to make sense, but consider how that scope mount might actually clamp to the receiver, rather than having it glued to the wood stock. Adding in some small detail like that may give you a chance to make some fun stylized elements from your imagination, and it will show that you've got an understanding about how the things you are modeling really work.

About the texturing -- you've got pretty dull, matte colors. Those might fit a game like Arma well enough, but I think for a cartoon gun, you should edge closer to an extreme. Either colorful and shiny, or hilariously dirty and beat up. Maybe a little of both. But it seems the model is trying to be half realistic and half cartoony, but not melding the styles in a skillfull way.

Domslice

BIGTIMEMASTER said:

...you should edge closer to an extreme. Either colorful and shiny, or hilariously dirty and beat up. Maybe a little of both...

I'm going to echo this, as it's pretty much my big critique, with the addition of playing around with values/contrast.

I'm looking at images such as these in comparison (Fornite is the New Hotness atm): 
https://fortnite.gamepedia.com/File:Bullseye_weapon_art.png

Lastly, go for the green satchel - colour harmonies will help it pop!

AustinLabarbera

Hey guys, 

Thanks so much for all the feedback. 

I made some updates, and this is what I'll be bringing to the GDC Expo with me: 

 
 
 
 
Hope its a lot better haha. 

Thanks again! 
Maybe I'll see some of you at GDC!!!

MisterSande

great improvement after your critique! Some things that could really make this model better is to add some colour variation on the wood and add some more "edging" (paint the parts where planes meet, pay attention not doing it too uniform). Some scratches on the metal would also be cool. Overall I think you did a great job.