[Submitted] A Scar From Eternity

ElementalKoopa

Before the contest ends, I want to put a second entry in for the narrative contest. Unlike my first entry "The Search for Sentience" which is a character study on the League champion Twitch, this one will focus on the relationship between the invicible shurimian brothers Nasus and Renekton as well as the unintentional effects of ascension. I would like to start out by saying that Renekton was my first main in League of legends and his updated lore, along with the Shurima update, was the reason I grew so interested in League lore. One thing that caught my eye was how Renekton was perceived to be more brutal and ferocious after the ascension, yet in Azir's story, Renekton was the one ascended that was trusted to teach the emperor's children about war strategies and the art of battle. He seems rather unfitting to be a teacher compared to someone like Nasus. We also don't know much about the characters of the 2 brothers before the tragedy since the fall of Shurima was significantly tramatic for the both of them.

My story wishes to look at both the reasoning behind the emperor's choice as teacher and characterization of Nasus and Renekton before the tragedy as well as the idea of how Renekton became a lot more savage after the ascension in the first place. With that said, I like to present you with the first draft. Feedback is immensely appreciated (especially on the dialogue between the two brothers). I hope you enjoy.

First Draft Word Count: 1000

ElementalKoopa

Made my first edits with the first draft. They're substantially small. Here are the edits so far:

• Edited wording of the parallel at the end to make it more clear to the reader
• Some syntax edits to make the flow of conversation more natural (Specifically abrupt interruptions) 

Here's the second draft if you want to read! (998 words)

ElementalKoopa

Made my edits with the second draft. A lot of it is clarification and wording on the more important parts of the short story such as the scar and Renekton's condition with some grammar fixes.

Third Draft Word count: 996 words