You could probably cut off the first 3 or 4 seconds and I think it would still get the message across that this is a stealthy takedown from above. As far as the jump goes, the action you're goign for is spot on, it just needs to happen a little faster. She almost seems to float down, and if the intention is to knock this guy out or kill him I think she needs to come down with a little more force. Keep at it!
In terms of composition, I would maybe look at reducing the amount the camera moves when you cut. Its currently moving about 180 degrees from the first shot, and this means that the jump starts with the character moving screen left to screen right, but then you cut and they are moving screen right to screen left. If you rotate the camera less it will carry the action more, and be less confusing for the split second following the cut.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2DqEHWqR1Q
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