Fbx works best in centimetres as a rule but the unit conversion stuff on import generally works ok.
If its scaling up after you reset xforms then its got a scale on it somewhere - could be from a parent or could be due to forced unit conversion. The wireframe thing is almost certainly due to the same scaling.
Assuming there's nothing untoward (scaling) in the maya scene i'd suggest leaving all the unit conversion settings on automatic at export and on import into max.
I routinely go back and forth between the two using cm in max and metres in maya with no issues so it can be done smoothly.
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If its scaling up after you reset xforms then its got a scale on it somewhere - could be from a parent or could be due to forced unit conversion. The wireframe thing is almost certainly due to the same scaling.
Assuming there's nothing untoward (scaling) in the maya scene i'd suggest leaving all the unit conversion settings on automatic at export and on import into max.
I routinely go back and forth between the two using cm in max and metres in maya with no issues so it can be done smoothly.