LF Adults to help me frame what's going on in my career at the moment
high dynamic range
The Succinct Summary:
Can someone give me some reassurance, and a framing of what exactly is going on in my life at the moment? Or if this is the reality, or what IS the reality, of this career I chose? Because I feel somewhat lost in this small ditch of patience. And solutions if anyones got any.
[Word of warning, I'm going to be painfully open about myself, but when I'm here at Polycount, I assume I'm talking to people I can speak to in real life over a meal. GDC makes this painfully clear to me. And if I respect you guys, that should also mean I'm open to leaving myself open to ya'll. The following is also stream of consciousness, but REFER TO THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH for "the point."]
So its been a year since uni has ended for me, and Im back in my childhood home. Right now, the chief short-term goal I have in my head is to get back to Los Angeles proper and make my home there again. Four years at USC have made me warm up to the idea of being part of the community there, slowly ingratiate myself into the homelessness missions acivites there (though hopefully in an actually effective way), while contributing and working in the local game development commmunity. To live life there. I have this whole fantasy of making that home.
But I'm back at my parent's home because I have nothing guaranteeing I can pay for my existence in a small apartment in LA for any extended period of time. Nothing obviously negative is happening, just what I felt was coming since I graduated: "the long quiet."
Right now it's been 2 months since my last paying gig. Ever since March 2014, I've been blessed by the good Lord to have back-to-back paying short term gigs since then, but nothing that would allow me to fufill my short-term desire to get back to LA permanently. Also been blessed that those gigs had incredibly gracious, and loving, individuals who I feel like they treated me with so much generosity. No personal horror stories, just wisdom from guys like "Weezer," David Woo, Jay Vales, Matt "TeriyakiStyle," and my past intern leads like Richard Wyckoff and Jon Bogdanove. Not just "how to be a better artist" but "how to be a good person within this framework of a career we're all in."
But, suffice to say, right now is definitely the first time in a long time, outside of uni, that I have felt a long silence each morning.
What I am feeling:
1) Lack of self-worth, not getting paid for what I do.
2) Physical Isolation. I can keep up with the Joneses online (but not really of course), but it's not the same as knowing I can deliver cookies to friends at the drop of a hat. And my friends are significant distances away from me. It's a different pace definitely from uni. People warned me about this. I am feeling it now. There's an obvious difference between being there with someone, and just pling them online. Relationships cannot be replaced by Facebook.
3) Willpower waning. While job hunting with the mindset of "Nothing is happening until I sign paper" protects me from overinvesting my emotions, it also is this default pessimism everytime I get a reply from anyone. You won't necessarily get my gregarious personality immediately because I don't know if my investment will stick.
4) I am feeling INCREDIBLY single rght now.
What I am doing week to week:
1) Working on art: Personal projects, volunteer work, etc.
2) Taking care of adult things: personal budgeting, looking into savings options, paying off student debt, looking into insurance information. Figuring out what it means to be a financially responsible adult.
3) Volunteering as a caterer for Reality LA and some charity efforts my RLA community group is committing to in LA's Skid Row. It's awkward for me, but I'm trying to make the sacrifice. As well learning how to cook from this.
4) Resting. I have to think this "long quiet" is proving restful to a certain degree.
5) Running 2 to 3 times a week in 30 minute blocks.
6) Cleaning up my parent's house, helping them with things they won't get around to as quickly.
7) Being with my parents, even if it's extremely passive.
8 ) Practicing my bagpipes occasionally.
9) Just finished short-term therapy regarding a failure in leadership I had back in uni that has been bothering me for so long.
10) Occasionally going out to certain social events. Like right now I'm debating whether I
I've ranted most of the above to a best friend of mine, and he's remarked what my rational side is saying. "Calm down, you're not mired in a pit, you're still doing stuff. Obviously you're not just being lazy, but I can understand the frustration." I retort back so much of it is in isolation, so I don't have this strong feeling that other people are walking with me back to back. But maybe that's the nature of how life works after uni, even friendship slows down. Perhaps a reality I'm starting to learn now post-grad.
Working on art has become somewhat a super focus just because I keep thinking it will be what will solve my "not getting paid for anything" situation. I balk at the idea right now of not doing a game development job, but even a non-game job may be a reality if I an unemployed for too long. That's a fear for me.
I know a job won't solve everything, same as being in love won't as well (as much as I dislike being single), but it's fueling so much of this day to day murmuring anxiety. It's also mixed in with this understanding that I know that Jesus loves me, I shouldn't be afraid. Even if the whole world doesn't love me (which is not the case, but hypothetically), I should know no fear "for thou art with me" (King James Version masterrace) But, if I'm being honest, rational, and responsible with my faith, it's being shaken by knowing that I feel otherwise. I am somewhat afraid, and somewhat resentful. Not totally ticked, just if you talk with me, I would think it's obvious that I'm seeking to be poured into as opposed to pouring into others.
But I don't feel completely helpless. I know for my age group and experience, I have a solid portfolio. I've been getting art tests and interviews, just nothing has caught. I know the industry is competitive, but I've separated myself enough to be the oil from the water, right?
But for how long? When is the next adventure going to start, even if as I do my darndest to fight to make the next one? And as well, maybe the job isn't the adventure, it's maybe something else God needs me to do. I ask that all the time, and I don't hear anything of significance.
And here's the deal, I know whatever the next adventure is has its reality, a reality I'm still trying to learn about as a young man. We speak of game development as some fantasy job, but if we're being honest as professionals, it's about as ambiguous, difficult, and life-bolstering and sucking as being an investment banker may be. I don't know what costs this career may have for me with my vague intentions to be a personal cog in the machine fighting homelessness/poverty in Los Angeles, or if I have a family, how that might affect my hypothetical wife and hypothetical kids, or start teaching not necessarily technical skills, but soft skills.
So I'm left back to this flail around with my mace, hit things with whatever wisdom and persistence I have, until something works out.
None of this is unique narratively, and I know it's not the worst, but it's clear and present danger for me at this time.
I know I'm being selfish, but I want to get back in a position where i can give back the way I want to give back.
Honestly, if youre' in the LA or OC area and have time to chat about this over lunch or a dinner, I'd love to meet up with you and grab your meal for the opportunity to just hear your voices about this.
Can someone give me some reassurance, and a framing of what exactly is going on in my life at the moment? Or if this is the reality, or what IS the reality, of this career I chose? Because I feel somewhat lost in this small ditch of patience. And solutions if anyones got any.
[Word of warning, I'm going to be painfully open about myself, but when I'm here at Polycount, I assume I'm talking to people I can speak to in real life over a meal. GDC makes this painfully clear to me. And if I respect you guys, that should also mean I'm open to leaving myself open to ya'll. The following is also stream of consciousness, but REFER TO THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH for "the point."]
So its been a year since uni has ended for me, and Im back in my childhood home. Right now, the chief short-term goal I have in my head is to get back to Los Angeles proper and make my home there again. Four years at USC have made me warm up to the idea of being part of the community there, slowly ingratiate myself into the homelessness missions acivites there (though hopefully in an actually effective way), while contributing and working in the local game development commmunity. To live life there. I have this whole fantasy of making that home.
But I'm back at my parent's home because I have nothing guaranteeing I can pay for my existence in a small apartment in LA for any extended period of time. Nothing obviously negative is happening, just what I felt was coming since I graduated: "the long quiet."
Right now it's been 2 months since my last paying gig. Ever since March 2014, I've been blessed by the good Lord to have back-to-back paying short term gigs since then, but nothing that would allow me to fufill my short-term desire to get back to LA permanently. Also been blessed that those gigs had incredibly gracious, and loving, individuals who I feel like they treated me with so much generosity. No personal horror stories, just wisdom from guys like "Weezer," David Woo, Jay Vales, Matt "TeriyakiStyle," and my past intern leads like Richard Wyckoff and Jon Bogdanove. Not just "how to be a better artist" but "how to be a good person within this framework of a career we're all in."
But, suffice to say, right now is definitely the first time in a long time, outside of uni, that I have felt a long silence each morning.
What I am feeling:
1) Lack of self-worth, not getting paid for what I do.
2) Physical Isolation. I can keep up with the Joneses online (but not really of course), but it's not the same as knowing I can deliver cookies to friends at the drop of a hat. And my friends are significant distances away from me. It's a different pace definitely from uni. People warned me about this. I am feeling it now. There's an obvious difference between being there with someone, and just pling them online. Relationships cannot be replaced by Facebook.
3) Willpower waning. While job hunting with the mindset of "Nothing is happening until I sign paper" protects me from overinvesting my emotions, it also is this default pessimism everytime I get a reply from anyone. You won't necessarily get my gregarious personality immediately because I don't know if my investment will stick.
4) I am feeling INCREDIBLY single rght now.
What I am doing week to week:
1) Working on art: Personal projects, volunteer work, etc.
2) Taking care of adult things: personal budgeting, looking into savings options, paying off student debt, looking into insurance information. Figuring out what it means to be a financially responsible adult.
3) Volunteering as a caterer for Reality LA and some charity efforts my RLA community group is committing to in LA's Skid Row. It's awkward for me, but I'm trying to make the sacrifice. As well learning how to cook from this.
4) Resting. I have to think this "long quiet" is proving restful to a certain degree.
5) Running 2 to 3 times a week in 30 minute blocks.
6) Cleaning up my parent's house, helping them with things they won't get around to as quickly.
7) Being with my parents, even if it's extremely passive.
8 ) Practicing my bagpipes occasionally.
9) Just finished short-term therapy regarding a failure in leadership I had back in uni that has been bothering me for so long.
10) Occasionally going out to certain social events. Like right now I'm debating whether I
I've ranted most of the above to a best friend of mine, and he's remarked what my rational side is saying. "Calm down, you're not mired in a pit, you're still doing stuff. Obviously you're not just being lazy, but I can understand the frustration." I retort back so much of it is in isolation, so I don't have this strong feeling that other people are walking with me back to back. But maybe that's the nature of how life works after uni, even friendship slows down. Perhaps a reality I'm starting to learn now post-grad.
Working on art has become somewhat a super focus just because I keep thinking it will be what will solve my "not getting paid for anything" situation. I balk at the idea right now of not doing a game development job, but even a non-game job may be a reality if I an unemployed for too long. That's a fear for me.
I know a job won't solve everything, same as being in love won't as well (as much as I dislike being single), but it's fueling so much of this day to day murmuring anxiety. It's also mixed in with this understanding that I know that Jesus loves me, I shouldn't be afraid. Even if the whole world doesn't love me (which is not the case, but hypothetically), I should know no fear "for thou art with me" (King James Version masterrace) But, if I'm being honest, rational, and responsible with my faith, it's being shaken by knowing that I feel otherwise. I am somewhat afraid, and somewhat resentful. Not totally ticked, just if you talk with me, I would think it's obvious that I'm seeking to be poured into as opposed to pouring into others.
But I don't feel completely helpless. I know for my age group and experience, I have a solid portfolio. I've been getting art tests and interviews, just nothing has caught. I know the industry is competitive, but I've separated myself enough to be the oil from the water, right?
But for how long? When is the next adventure going to start, even if as I do my darndest to fight to make the next one? And as well, maybe the job isn't the adventure, it's maybe something else God needs me to do. I ask that all the time, and I don't hear anything of significance.
And here's the deal, I know whatever the next adventure is has its reality, a reality I'm still trying to learn about as a young man. We speak of game development as some fantasy job, but if we're being honest as professionals, it's about as ambiguous, difficult, and life-bolstering and sucking as being an investment banker may be. I don't know what costs this career may have for me with my vague intentions to be a personal cog in the machine fighting homelessness/poverty in Los Angeles, or if I have a family, how that might affect my hypothetical wife and hypothetical kids, or start teaching not necessarily technical skills, but soft skills.
So I'm left back to this flail around with my mace, hit things with whatever wisdom and persistence I have, until something works out.
None of this is unique narratively, and I know it's not the worst, but it's clear and present danger for me at this time.
I know I'm being selfish, but I want to get back in a position where i can give back the way I want to give back.
Honestly, if youre' in the LA or OC area and have time to chat about this over lunch or a dinner, I'd love to meet up with you and grab your meal for the opportunity to just hear your voices about this.
Replies
If I have one advice, then I'd say I wouldn't bring up god in any professional environment. It could help you as well, of course, but there are good chances it might hurt you, too.
So how do you make it come together?
Focus on your Art, not the outcome you expect your art to bring (like this piece is going to get me a job).
Accept that getting a job outside of games, may be a stepping stone to getting that job. It does not make you a failure.
Relax.You make an analogy to a relationship in your Portfolio link. Desperation in a surefire way to kill any relationship before it starts.
Accept the reality of what it takes to be a Character Artist in games today. Embrace it. Attain it.
“Expectations are like fine pottery. The harder you hold them, the more likely they are to crack.”
Above all relax. Keep working at it and you'll get there
Good Luck.
Keep working on your folio.
If you need money, try to do something art related that grows at least a few skills you're using for building your folio. I did 3D stuff for video walls, some game freelancing, web-pages, etc.
Be grateful to your parents! Their support is critical during this time. Don't give up, be persistent.
Take initiative, take calculated risks - e.g. I got my first real gig by paying the flight to the interview - even though so many people say "don't do that", it's been the best money I ever spent (I few cheap-o Ryan air though, paid 20 bucks for the ticket and 40 for the B&B).
Be ready to step out of your comfort zone - your main goal is not to work at blizzard at this moment. It's not to work as character artist at this moment. It's to "break into the industry!". Everything else can follow later! And it will be much easier later than right now (unless you're insanely lucky/talented/connected/patient). Your first job in the industry may not be perfect - but it's sure won't be your final job anyway. Consider it the price you pay for getting in. Just make sure it pays the bills and is in a related field (e.g. modeling). Don't go for loosely related jobs, like QA.
It's your first job - you will learn sooooooo much, it won't really matter if you model characters or vehicles for your first year in the industry. You'll still take away a lot of knowledge that'll will stay with you!
Good luck!
1. You are feeling the isolation that everyone fresh out of school feels.
Real life is a lot more isolating and far less intimate than college life. You aren't seeing people constantly that you're living with, going to class with, studying with, and possibly even working with. As shitty as it is, you're going to have to embrace and move on with the fact that for the rest of your life, it's going to be MUCH harder to find and maintain relationships with other human beings on anything but a superficial level.
2. Ironically, you're not alone.
Most people you meet from here on are going to be in more or less the same boat you're in. If you want to have relationships with people, be they platonic or romantic, you're going to have to work for them. You're going to have to schedule times to meet. You're going to have to be in structured situations where meeting people you can connect with is more likely, and you're also going to have to live with the fact that keeping friends is much harder. Relationships take work to maintain when you aren't in college and surrounded by the same people every day. If you (and they) really want to stay friends, you (and they) will have to put in the work to do it.
Now, what do you do from this point? Work.
You've hit it on the head. This is how the rest of life works. People are isolated unless they put in the time, and effort it takes to be together. You need to put in the work to stay in contact with people and keep those relationships.
Keep focusing on your art. That said, however, you're probably going to have to get a non-art job if you don't have support from others or enough savings to make it until you get the job you want. It's the nature of the beast. I had to take two jobs at the beginning of last year to pay the bills because I was let go from my previous job and couldn't find anything for a few months. It sucked, but it was necessary. On the bright side, I got a bunch of personal work done.
I come from a religious background and understand how you feel. That said, you're not going to find what you want by relying on outside forces. If you want change in your life, you're the only person who has the power to make a change. If god is out there, he's not going to hand stuff to a person who isn't willing to put in the work to get it and keep it. In the same way, art directors aren't going to come out of the woodwork to find you unless you bust your ass and show them that you're worth the trouble.
So, basically, if you keep working on your art and keep putting in the effort to become the person that other people want to hire, then that's what you will become.
This can be a trap. While it's good to be confident in your skills and your portfolio, you need to constantly be asking yourself what you can improve. How can you improve your modeling? What new texturing techniques can you learn? What don't you currently know how to do that you can teach yourself? You need to constantly strive to improve and push your boundaries, and you need to show that you're willing to do it. It's not enough to just be different. EVERYBODY is different. What you need is willingness to change, grow, and throw out the old stuff that isn't representative of your current skill set.
You're in it. This is the next adventure. Sure, you'll move to different jobs in different places. Yes, you're going to meet new people and learn new things. But this is it. This is the rest of your life, and you've already stumbled onto the road that's going to be your adventure. There is no next unless you count the different challenges that you face on THIS adventure. This is it.
I know a lot of people view game development as a fantasy job, but it's not. Yes, you'll find it enjoyable in a lot of cases. Yes, you'll also find it soul-sucking and degrading in others. But it's still just a job. You do work, they pay you money. In that sense, it's the same as any other job. You can support yourself doing it, you can support a family doing it, but the only way you can do either of those things is if you divorce the job from the fantasy. This is not to say you should not enjoy it; no, you should just be able to separate the fantasy from the reality in a way that will lead you to success.
If you're going to GDC, let's meet up, have a beer, and share some horror stories.
People keep mentioning that first year, pay your dues era, but I have this weird feeling I've already done that. It's been a year since uni ended, and I have found myself at two studios since then. It just wasn't work that felt like I had part-ownership of with a larger team.
So . . . in some ways I see how I have paid my dues, and in others, I haven't because I haven't been through the whole emotional wringer.
longer version/random points:
You seem to have a good grasp of what your situation is. You seem to have a good idea of how to proceed. Your difficulties are fairly normal for someone in your situation. Based on this, I think you shouldn't be changing course much (not that you are saying you are going to change course)...I think you just need to keep from getting too demoralized while you wait for the Next Adventure to begin.
One slightly downbeat thing to keep in mind - Your current unemployment could last a for a fair while longer, although it could also end at any moment with a cool new job. Also, since the game industry is very volatile, you may have to go through long periods of downtime again some day. I suggest you try to convince yourself that you can go through a fairly long 'dry spell' if needed, without having your life trashed by any means. The good news is that this shouldn't be too hard, since you already have some nice skills, a good perspective on life, and some good approaches to achieving a balanced life (such as having a goal of helping the homeless etc in your community, which should be a great use of your time and also help you realize your continuing contributions to the universe). You mention at one point that your are patient, but you could probably benefit from being more patient...
You mention at one point that you are being selfish in some way. It doesn't sound like that at all. That just seems like a bit of needless negativity creeping into your thoughts. You seem like you have plenty of interest in helping others, and your concerns about yourself are quite valid.
As others mentioned, of course you should keep putting some time into your portfolio. Doing other stuff as well, such as helping out in your community, helping out your parents, working at a non-game job etc is also a fine way to spend some time. I hope you don't become overly focused on endless portfolio work. Having said that, I looked at your portfolio briefly, and I didn't notice any photorealistic characters using the latest gen tools. A good chunk of game studios are going to be working on realistic looking games. Having at least one character in your portfolio aimed at those studios could be very helpful, even if that is not your favorite approach to art.
Good luck on your continued progress, and good luck finding some more local friends/game artists to spend some 'support group' time with! I have a hunch that you will be fine in the long run.
actually i am in quite a similar position as you are.
i moved to a different country for a job, been living here for a year and i still don't have any real friends outside of work. so i get the loneliness, and i realy don't have a solution for that myself.
what im trying to say is that its not going to get easier or better. life is tough and it usually doesn't do you any favors.
so the thing is, as you already guessed the job won't be the answer to most of your problems.
because as also stated above, in the end its just a job like any other. and especially as a beginner you will have to do a lot at work that wont help you personally in any way.
so what to do? i don't realy know, probably work more on your art. this is a road that you have to go alone, but having moral support shurely wont hurt, so trying to invest some time to find friends and a girlfriend probably isn't such a bad idea. (i've been doing the same, but you know it doesn't always work out the way you want it to)
the positiv side is that you have all the time the day has to offer, and thats a lot.
so use it, do art, try to focus on a certain field and then research and train specifically in that field until you feel comfortable with it, then pick the next one. and if you want to break up the pace a bit, go out for a walk, talk to a stranger, meet some new people.
It has less to do with you, your skills, and more to do with the actual work that a Junior Character Art would be doing is generally being shipped to outsourcing.
The Character Artists I know that managed to break in during the past 5 or so year (which aren't many of them) had Senior quality work. We're getting to a point in where it seems most Character artists are well-known reputable artists with many shipped games.
This wasn't a particularly scientific survey, but it gives you an idea of how scarce Character Artist positions actually are:
http://www.polycount.com/forum/showthread.php?t=128692
Not that I want to stop you from ever pursuing your dreams, but if you want to work in the industry in a related capacity, I would recommend doing a lot more prop work. There's just way more opportunity.
Hmmm, I disagree, speaking from my experience in the MMO field. It's all about the art, it's also an art style that will get you hired at mobile studios, don't discount them. Mobile is the NES of the current generation of kids.
Jacque: your survey asks for AAA devs yet lists Kingsisle, we made diffuse only characters around 2k triangles. You're also lacking plenty of the big mobile players like Zynga, King, Rovio, Supercell and others; not to mention all the smaller mobile devs. Spacetime, in Austin, has 2 character artists and 3 generalists that do characters and environments.
I do not interpret the concept behind that phrase as being something that you can simply check off the list after some period of time. It is something that you constantly do in order to earn your keep and the respect of your peers so that you might be given additional responsibility. It isn't simply the act of doing a bunch of bitch-work until the next newbie has to do it.
The whole point of 'paying your dues' is to forge a certain mindset - a battle-hardened humility and respect - so that when you are given opportunity, you realize in the moment what a blessing it is... and in turn, you are able to capitalize on that opportunity in a way which you might not have before had you not had to earn the opportunity in the first place.
The two months you have been unemployed for is unfortunate, but really just is a drop in the pan. You WILL be in this scenario time and time again. That is just the nature of this industry. This is PART of paying your dues. Now is when you develop the mental fortitude to carry on, not when things are going well.
Jacque is correct in that character art is tough to break into, and that junior guys gotta have senior portfolios to get any attention. But take comfort in when I say that you will get better opportunities, when you deserve them. It is as simple as that.
I have said this many times (and so have others), but the most comforting aspect of this industry to me is that there isn't some secret formula to net job opportunities. All you have to do, is be exceedingly good at what you do, and you will be rewarded with chances to do more of that! So if you're not getting work, (or you're somewhere in between) then you know exactly where you stand, and the remedy for that is simply more practice.
In my experience, after each of my first few lay-offs, I really had to mature psychologically as well as artistically before I was ready for the next gig to present itself, and it was only after I did so that those opportunities were granted to me.
Based on your first post, It sounds like a lot of your daily activities are kind of fluid based on verbiage like "occasionally." If not, then this advice may not apply, but I would sit down and try to make an honest assessment of how many hours a day you are working on your portfolio. If it is less then a workday's worth (the case could be argued for a workday and a half), then how do you expect to catch up to working professionals who put in at least that much time on a daily basis? The advantage of practicing on your own time is that you can experiment with new techniques and workflows which you may not be able to do in a production setting, that might result in a quick leap in ability. So make sure you're putting your time in. Treat your portfolio as your client, and don't let that client down.
Also, I applaud you for your charitable efforts. Keep that up as well. Aside from simply being the right thing to do, it will grant you perspective that will enrich and inform every aspect of your life.
This turned into quite a long post. Sorry about that. Keep working on your portfolio, man! I'll see you around town, I'm sure.
Anyone out there with freelance experience could shed some light on this? Are there freelance jobs at all or are they scarce?
As someone who doesn't live in a country with a gaming industry, I'm quite curious about this.
After a few years you loose a lot (most) of the luster.
My advice based on my poor experience after finishing school:
Find freelance work, it will give you real experience without needing to move. Look for freelance work in broadcast, tv, advertising. Don't care if you are making a AAA character or a cartoon pony, just do the job well and move on. You will learn how to work with an AD, how to deliver on a schedule, and have items to add to your resume.
Don't take a QA job, its ultimately a distraction from getting better at your art. There are no dues to pay, you are either good enough, or not good enough (yet).
Focus your personal work into one single area (character, creature, weapons, env, props, etc.). Generalist skills are great to develop after you settle into a full time job.
SO what Jacque said, its super hard to get a job as a character artist off the bat, and if you put in enough time and effort you'll probably get there eventually, but you may have to scope that down at least to begin with. Lots of people just GET IN the industry and then work their way up to doing characters, my first job was as an environment artist with a portfolio full of characters...
Your options are
1. Try to get contract work. Maybe hit up liquid development or something.
2. Look for a non character position, maybe an environment or prop artist.
3. Look for jobs outside of your immediate area, that first job might not come where you want it, you might have to move.
Another thing is you listed all the things you're doing right now and it sounds like you're having a pretty healthy balanced life right now, which is great, but you should probably be treating this time as crunch time. If you want a job and its not happening figure out why, is it your portfolio? Look at the people who have jobs, what do their portfolios look like. Look at the companies you want to work at, what sort of art are they making? Can you make stuff that looks like what they have and can be immediately plugged into their game? If you do then great, if not then I would honestly cut out about half of your daily activities and sit down in front of a computer and make that.
All of these thoughts you are having, IMO, are 100% normal. To this day, even being in the game industry there is always that looming uncertainty of "will I have a job tomorrow" and "if I don't, where will I go? What should my portfolio focus be?". I guess the trick is just to manage these worries and these thoughts and being able to balance your sanity/work ethic. At least for me.
But one thing I will say, there will always be games to be made, and there will always be a place for 3D art in your life if you want there to be. Professionally or as a hobby. Do what is right for you in the moment, and do NOT shy away from work opportunities outside of the game industry. Experience working on a product is still experience.
Getting a job and working on your portfolio in your free time, that is not giving up. That is manning up, realizing you need a source of income, and just being responsible. IMO it shows even more dedication than anything. That being said, if your parents are supportive, the routine you are in now sounds productive and active, and should give you the time you need to start nailing down some more portfolio pieces
I also propose grabbin beers at GDC this year!
(Will have specific responses maybe later, but responding to general responses)
Regarding seeking Other Art Jobs / Non-Game Art Jobs:
What paralyzes me in this respect, and it's not necessarily a "I never want to do it," is where do I effectively find those gigs, given my skill set?
I have a small history doing non game-development jobs. Student Job was doing Facilities Maintenance at the Fine Arts school at USC. I liked it, mostly because my boss and I were very cordial with each other. Once again, got super lucky, it was like having a mentor. "Unskilled" labor I was "I don't mind doing this. I kind of like it. Cleaning, painting, etc."
Did oft-tutoring on secondary school subjects as a kid.
I . . . I don't know where to look for a quality job that isn't in my obvious skill set. I know they exist, but we have to admit, there's a quality bell curve for jobs that range from restaraunt staff to receptionist work.
I would be willing, but I would need pointers from people about what SPECIFICALLY to find, what options are really available, what to look out for, from individuals who specifically went into it knowing "I am not retiring from here." Retail, service, or something I have not considered at all. I keep thinking back, and honestly, I think it's just people I work with that really affect my perceptions of the quality of a job.
I don't even confidently know where to find these contract and freelance gigs you guys talk about as well. At best, those previous gigs I've gotten (very short list): one through school, one through an acquaintance. God-sends both of them.
It's a fear, but it's not an insurmountable one, this lack of knowledge. I just would like to know where this knowledge is if I don't have a thick network within the art community.
Clarifications
To anyone who thinks I haven't made a game, I have. I say that not as a point of pride, just clarifying I am not new to the rodeo completely. I'm new to a full on, Triple-A/Indie/Medium, "we have to get this demo and trailer done for E3 or ya'll are dead to brass.", cycle. I'm counting uni years into this, but if you check my resume, I've made at least 4 games to completion (Thank GOD! Honestly, got super lucky with those teams becaue we were actually trying to execute properly). And then about a years worth of actual professional work as a contract 3D artist, no ties to USC.
That's why I make mention of this abhorrent feeling of limbo. I know by professional years, I'm new blood, but I am not in a diaper. I have bigboy pants on. Emphasis on bigboy. Puberty hasn't hit yet, or has it?
Maturity is perpetual learning, so I grant that whole heartidly I am young in many respects. That brickwall will thankfully exist.
I am planning to go to GDC this year.
I'm not willing to just sit here, I want to fight this! $3800 in Net Worth can only carry me so far at the moment. Used to be $9k, but nearly half of it went to pay USC to conclude student loans with them. Still sitting on $23k principle that I owe the US government for schooling.
I want back into a bullpen, just thrashing and crawling and frolicking with other people to get a game made. So hungry . . .
EDIT: And I get it, it's not a smart decision to expect to land a Triple-A gig. Actually, I think in a lot of ways, I want something under that instead. I know the former is in the future later, just not now. It's smarter and much more feasible to look into "Giant Sparrow" equivalents.
Staring at your belly button wont get you anywhere though so you should probably enter character competitions, generate your own designs and generally get that folio pumping plus shake hands and kiss lots of babies, or kiss hands and shake babies.
I managed to get a QA game job right after school (actually, a couple weeks before graduating), but that only lasted for a few months and to be honest, the company was pretty awful for quite a number of reasons. The weekend before I got laid off, I was also hit by a car while crossing the street, so that didn't help either. The first few weeks after that, I took a little time to recover myself and tried to jump back into the job hunting experience... to find nothing, more nothing, and surprisingly, even more nothing. A couple months later, my loans were about to exit the grace period and I was nothing short of panicked.
I'd had an interview for a QA position with a software company (not games), but they were in the middle of a transition and everything hiring-wise was delayed. So, I got a job working retail. That was it's own special kind of hell and looking back, I realize now that I was fairly depressed. I couldn't focus on art (or anything really) and none of my projects ever got out of the planning stages. Ended up finally getting that QA job which has thankfully been stable and profitable enough to live.
The problem I've run into now is that I feel so far behind and slipping further. A handful of my classmates have industry jobs, one or two went Indie, and a few more have had consistent contract art jobs. I lost essentially a year of learning/improving time during my slump and now I'm working two jobs and have so little time for my art that it feels like I'm not making much (if any) progress. I recently did some number crunching and found out I typically have even less time per day to work on my art than I originally thought. I started a project around the beginning of this year and my goal was to have it done by GDC (which I will finally be able to attend thanks to having money), but now, I'm not even sure I'll meet that goal.
It's rough and I'm often finding myself stressed out these days, mainly about never being good enough to get the career I want and having already wasted all this time, money, and effort trying to reach an unobtainable goal... but I just have to keep reminding myself to focus on the positives, like the fact I'm making enough extra money from my jobs to pay off my student loans quickly and finally getting back my old focus and drive to complete the projects I start rather than abandoning them in pre-pre-alpha states.
Though I respect that you, Heather, actually managed to find work in between.
I'm hearing the "work on yor portfolio" loud and clear, been doing that since Junior year for university applications.
That particular, wise encouragement doesn't necessarily solve my question about "What is the next, viable, rational baby step?" I'm confident about my career directive, it's what my next baby step is that I'm unaware of.
Justin, I hear your advice. I would definitely be interested in doing mobile and smaller game work as long as it pays a liveable, saveable wage, and the team is healthy. Tapzen left me with that expectation. That's the sort of opportunity I want: somewhat medium to small teams. I thought that would have been the next baby step, and I've been getting interviews! (I've already sent an application to Kingsisle a month ago).
I know I know, items like that do NOT guarantee job placement, but if they've seen my portfolio, I'm assuming they're contacting me because they think I'm a viable candidate and my work meets somewhere past minimum for what their team needs. (
I'd like to eventually have the opportunity to work on larger titles that require esoteric R&D Tech Art departments, or drama between publishing, marketing, etc, but I'm viewing that as a time that comes later, not now. Of course, in that respect, my portfolio is not there, and this is in generic response to everyone who's thinking that's the quality bar. That's just going to take time, I know. Give me a year or two more, or five.
There's no victorious end to working on your portfolio. It has its up moments, but it's a never ending rollercoaster. It'd be naive to think it ends somewhere.
I can keep my head down and keep working, that's not a problem. I'm honestly viewing a lot of things in my week to week as "time away from doing art."
"Man, running for 30 minutes would take care of my health, but that's 30 minutes away from getting stuff done so you can get employed later." Haha, I have to imagine friends of mine would say, even the ones who are working in Industrial Toys, etc, "Dude, just run, 30 minutes is not a big deal."
But . . . practice only happens if I'm still alive. I have to pay my debts at some point, and my parent's charity is going to run out.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel, I just would like to know if it's a street lamp, or a floodlight, or a flashlight so I can adjust trajectory and expectations accordingly.
Bro, no one can predict that. Regardless, you have to approach it with your own decisions. How long are you comfortable being unemployed and not making money? Everyone is different. We can all give you our opinions but ultimately its your call. If you need money now and you can't get an industry gig quickly, just apply to any job that will get you paid, whether it's industry or not. If you can wait a bit, keep working on the folio and when u finish something worthy, apply to studios that work for that piece. What are you focusing on? That might be important as well...do you want to work on realistic or stylized? big studio or small? I realize when ur unemployed, you say "anything" but that can hurt your folio focus and make you unappealing to all studios. Just my 10 cents...
When it comes to the next step, I think that just "working on one's portfolio" is a bit of a blanket statement ; after all, putting in the hours doesn't necessarily guarantee results. Therefore I'll try to keep my suggestions very focused and practical.
One thing you could do would be to look at your own work and select the pieces that would be worth polishing and upgrading. But while doing so it is of the utmost importance to pick a very precise visual target. A few years ago when most of us here were doing Quake or Unreal character mods, the target was implicit : it was all about fitting as much as possible within the visual style of the game, with all the technical and artistic requirements that came with it. Today, things can go in many more directions, therefore your portfolio pieces will only be as good as the targets you are aiming at.
I am taking your hip hop dancer model as an example. At the moment, it is in this state :
It is efficiently put together, and design wise there is not much more one can do since this is all supposed to be realistic anyways. But still ! You could push this piece to the next level by carefully selecting references and going all out to match them - and going even further ! For instance, you could look at the following photographs and attempt to recreate their characteristics :
These images make it clear that the work involved would not stop at merely completing the model. Background, lighting - all these seemingly secondary elements actually play a major role, and by tackling them you would probably learn a ton.
And then of course there is the obvious next step :
Also, and it kind of goes without saying : a good way to keep oneself motivated is to select such target references based on your own personal tastes. In other words, if you cannot stand hip hop culture, then this subject matter it is probably a bad pick
I hope this makes sense. Good luck man.
Satoshi, What does it say to you, as frustrating as it sounds, I'm still 50/50 split between big and small studios (as archetypes) Because I see costs and pros for both, and I'm happy to dance with both partners in the ways they need to. I know adapting would be a big focus change, but part of me feels that, to be a good game developer and versatile, having that understood intention would help me in the very long term. USC has left me with this general breadth of exposure to indie developers AND people who work in larger palces like Microsoft, and I suppose a lot of that has rubbed off on me.
Like I see the value in working on a small indie team like The Chinese Room, to being one of the bull pen artists at a place like Netherrealms. They are both drastically different, but both challenges I'm very much interested in encountering, and families I would be interested in working with and baking cookies for.
Pior, thank you for that. That character has been bothering me in terms of polsih, and a couple things I've picked up from Retro Jinx I'm planning to get fixed before GDC hits.
Perhaps I should bring all stops to NEW work (minus Red Star Tracer), and focus on polish and learning UE4.
This is where that stylised/realistic question comes into play, you need to sell which one you are. All your recent projects have been, intentionally or as a common result of still learning, a mix. So which do you prefer?
I can't really help with what you're feeling man, sucks to hear. I only came out of school last year and fell into 'unrelated' jobs that I'd lined up, that while interesting and fun are giving me that 'this is time I could be using for 3D' feeling pretty hard sometimes. But I digress, there's no secret to getting a job and being happy. It's all on you.
I really disagree with this. Retail is a cesspool. Find a job that doesn't absolutely drain you. Maybe interacting with people all day, helping people with their phone contracts and bills, will energize you, but for most people I sorta doubt it. Find something that you don't dread, something that doesn't drain you of energy at the end of the day, because you're gonna have to come home and switch back on the 3d, and get down to it.
I worked a retirement home when I was younger (just watching the door), and it was amazing. I worked overnight, so I spent the night reading about 3d, doing some sub-d modeling on a laptop, and writing. I worked 10 hour days, 3 days a week, and then modeled the rest of the time, trying to get better.
So my advice is don't try to be around stuff you think is cool. You can't just go, "Oh well I like technology I should work around cell-phones". Instead, try to be in a situation that affords you the most energy when you get home, and gives you the most time to work on your own stuff. Think more like "Well, people drain me, so I should find a position where I work alone." Or "Well, people energize me, I should find a position where I can help them." Or "Early mornings drain me, I should find a job where I can work at night," etc.
If you had to go about searching for something like that today, what would you be punching into Google?
And I share the sentiment from what I've read, retail sounds dreadful.
I just networked, and it popped up-- so luck and some hard work, essentially. But to find something that suited me, I guess I didn't end up searching at all... In the end, I got picked up through Facebook of all places-- the writer saw my work through a friend of the family's timeline and it was what she needed.
Additionally, I wasn't really swamped with options, and my requirements are few. I just chose from the routes open to me, and out of the maybe three different viable options I just went down the one my heart and brain both thought seemed alright. I had some game work, but it was unpaid, some beginner freelancing stuff which had a lot of uncertainty, and my current job, which is a little uncertain, but an adventure and so far work that I really enjoy.
I can't help but think you might be thinking a little much. Pondering is good, but with your sensation of being in a bit of a void it can be a little detrimental to actual work and income.
Just apply for all the things that A) you're semi-qualified for and
tl;dr: How did I start the search? I just started.
To be honest, I think I may have started by Googling how to start searching for freelance stuff, because until a little while ago the entire non-in-house job scene was a total mystery to me, but then remembered that other jobs existed too and just... searched.
Sorted through the local stores and listings to see what was available, and then listed/kept track of the ones that met my requirements, in order of how interesting or acceptable the jobs were and how qualified and able I was to do them. If you don't know what the better option is, you probably don't know the job well enough (do your research!), or you don't know yourself well enough. With the latter, make sure you know what your actual, attainable personal goals and requirements are. You have stuff like
But I can't help but feel they're reflecting your void-like state. They're vague and long term. I'm talking like... figure out your ideal studios, dream jobs, games you would have loved to work on, whether or not you prefer working off other peoples concepts or you have your own style, if you need money to continue living well, if you need to get out more, if you need X or Y or just need to save a little money to buy a license for something, etc...
You need to know, at least somewhat, what you're doing, where you're aiming to get career wise, so that you know what you can do to act on it and identify when you're acting in a way that is taking you away from that and whether that's a problem or not.
I don't know though, this post is pure thoughts. Maybe you have all this already, and just aren't feeling sure about something. Still, make sure you have a short-term purpose so you don't get lost without one, man. Do you need some cash before you continue? Some friends who do a weekly get together so you can keep focus? A sense of purpose? Something to work towards in the now? Figure that out. You don't need a job right now just for the sake of saying you have a job. If you can get away with not having one/not having a fulltime job, keep the free time to work on folio stuff. That said, if you really want to move again, maybe it's worth saving the extra cash.
Also, ysalex is spot on, go for things that will energize you. Just make sure you take a serious look at everything and anything. Don't dismiss unlikely stuff until you seriously suss it out. :thumbup:
Sorry for the ramble, I at least hope this makes any sense at all. I have faith that you'll end up in a good place if you just keep at it, with the quality of your work and your job/tangible finished products history.
Hey, he asked about how to get an unrelated job, so I gave him advice, I have no idea how to be a waiter or a cashier. I worked my way into an apple network admin job, apple networks basically run themselves so I just worked on 3D at the office.
http://www.indeed.com/
http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm
Both tend to be useful since you can set up email alerts for specific job searches.
Getting an unrelated job in the meantime sounds like an excellent idea. You do have schooling debt and doing something about that while being on 'stand-by' for the next gig may help taking some of the edge off of your impatience. Doesn't even have to be a full-time job even, if losing too many hours in a day from doing 3D stuff is a concern.
Also, I'm going to California for personal adventuring in a couple weeks. I'm planning on staying in LA for several nights, so we can meet up for coffee or food or whatever. I'm going alone so I'm welcome for the company.
I have no idea. I remember getting that job though. Id been offered a job at nordstroms but was dreading working retail, but I needed something. I saw the retirement home driving somewhere and thought "I bet they have someone working at night", so I went in and asked. They already had people, but they needed someone who was willing to work occasionally at night to cover for them when they got sick. I applied, talked to the manager, and got the job. A month later one of the full time night people left and I took over.
Best job I've ever had. The men told war stories, the women told just as amazing stories. I remember one woman who traveled around Europe after the war as a fine art sculptor, resculpting or repairing statues that had been destroyed - she loved to talk sculpting, art, and had fantastic anatomy knowledge.
I seriously think that to find a job, you have to hit the pavement. Googling is fine, but making an impression just by asking is a better bet, otherwise you're just one of a hundred. If you're counting on somehow getting lucky by being the "right" 1 of 100, odds suggest that you're coming into a high turnover position, since those jobs are more likely to be looking for more workers more often. So yeah, not much advice, sorry.
I'll be forward to say your work has potential in a good direction. But your work seems to be coming from a place of uncertainty. It's easy for me when I review portfolios of character artists and the like. That I can see an artist has focus or if one doesn't. Especially if one has work that says, "I'm not sure if I'm good enough, but do you think this is good enough???"
Studios who will be interested, and I mean interested in you. Will pick up those sorts of gutsy questions when their eyes skim quickly over your images. Part of the review process is for us to evaluate how you are creating your work, and what was your decisions, and why you chose them along the way. Lastly goes with how does this persons final output of the work appear like for us and our artists if this person was hired?
You should always make art the way you like it. Never do it because everyone else is, or because that just seems like what will make you acceptable. It's like inviting everyone to your party and you say dress nice and then everyone shows up copy catting everyone elses wardrobe. Because only desperation will do such things.
On the other hand, always consider (even if you haven't yet) to make only the type of art you would be happy with. With this said, I mean like... make art that you would be able to sit down in a room with those interviewing you that will want to engage with you. Nothing sucks more than someone with a few good pieces and an entire mediocre portfolio with little to nothing to talk about. Which can get awkward quickly, and the more you the candidate will probably feel like you're being grilled for.
But in the meantime, don't make the portfolio your life, and your work for portfolios. Make work that speaks you know how to make art, and once you feel those pieces reach a level of quality that speaks greatly of you. Then say to yourself. Ah, I'll throw this in a portfolio or something later. I want to make this other thing next. Once you get in this routine, before you know it. You'll probably have more work than required to show off that you can be both proud to share and speak about. But also, have people more inclined to see you as someone to produce work with beside or in the same room at that unknown potential studio in your future.
Part of me thinks it's the latter, and I say, with sincere expression about my emotions on the matter in this moment, I know how important portfolio critique is, but it's been fairly consistent that I haven't heard anything new AND valuable. It's all been valuable up to this point, it just sounds like a Christianese "Jesus loves you" axiom.
I know it, I just don't feel it.
It's important, but it feels like breathing.
Hey there!
Didn't read throught he whole thread because it was getting a bit long but...
Just feels to me that you are a lil bit discouraged at the moment. I think the hard part about being over with school and continuing to work on your folio is that... The progress and improvement is not as noticeable as it used tho.
When you start its quite easy to see the huge improvement between each pieces, you are learning the basic, new techniques etc.
Once you kind of reach a certain level things changes a bit.
You are no longer learning HOW to do characters (or 3d) but now just trying to get reach higher quality level.
This requires a lot more patience and motivation that the first part because the ''rewards'' doesn't come as fast and it's sometime hard to see the progress.
You just gotta work through it.
When it come to jobs it's hard to say what's best for you at this point.
I was lucky enough to find a job in a little mobile studio doing 3d environment when I started. Sure wasn't the job in game everybody is dreaming about but experience is valuable and it was much needed on my resume and folio.
Otherwise just find a job that, Like ysalex said, doesn't drain you and keeps you motivated.
It's quite funny but I followed a small training session and was doing artistic makeup in tourist area in my city. It was overall a great experience, did great money with it and I didn't felt like dying by the end of the day. Of course its not like artistic makeup really is a very common job to get.
Just remember, as Jacque said, Character art is a lot of work.
There is very few opportunity and so many of us. The level just keeps getting harder and while I think it is achievable you really gotta remember what you are getting into.
Anyway just best of luck to you and continue pumping out some work