Bioshock Shotgun (Critique)

Dwclesi

Hey everyone,

First time posting!I am working on the Bioshock shotgun. Any feed back or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Here is the concept:


And the HighPoly so far. (3dsMax/Zbrush)

DWalker

The ridge along the top of the barrel is taller in the concept, and the final flare into the fore sight is missing entirely in your version.

The bell curve of the barrel should be less dramatic, and the curve is more gradual rather than just a straight bend.

Dwclesi

Thanks for the feedback Walker.

Pookhan

The section between the handle and the barrel looks a little too long in your model. It's maybe just because the concept is angled a bit. other than that it looks good. I'm loving the wrapping around the barrel.

Zeldrik

Hey really nice piece, I cant wait to see it finished. I dig the detail work and major forms.
I did a quick paint over with some critiques I hope you don't mind.

Dwclesi

Not at all it is very helpful. Will post some more after the changes.

Thanks for the feedback!

Kimono

Your modelling looks pretty sound, I just feel your main issue here began much earlier with a perhaps rushed blockout stage. There are some very cool curves and shapes I see in the reference image that are lacking in your render, along with basic proportions. You might have made these changes intentionally but incase you haven't:

-Everything behind the barrel is really skinny and doesn't have that boomstick feel, feels more like a small calibre rifle from the receiver. Chunk it up!
-The fore grip is really small compared to the ref, look how fat that chunk of wood is and how much taller than yours, because you made the grip smaller it had the knock on effect of the tube underneath the barrel looking TINY in your model. Look at your render then the ref and you can see how fat that gas tube is, again lending itself nicely to the hand cannon look. Infact alot of things have suffered due to this, the receiver is too short as an example.
-Your wrapped cloth has no feeling of thickness and therefore doesn't feel as it should (wrapped on top of itself), look at your render and how there is a completely flat line going across. The cloth is meant to be wrapping ontop of the fabric that's beneath it.
-As others have mentioned the strip of metal along the top of the barrel is way off.

To sum everything up my main piece of advice would be to work with less haste, this is free time stuff and you don't need to impress anyone with speed. Don't move on from the blockout stage until you're absolutely sure you have nailed the forms. More so than just eyeballing the concept try to think about more abstract things such as the purpose of the weapon and whether your model matches that yet or not. Otherwise you can end up with a dense mesh that's very hard to make adjustments to and you ignore these issues because they're so damn annoying to fix :poly121: Wish you the best of luck!

Dwclesi

Alright, made a lot of changes fixing the proportions. Chunked up the main section of it considerably as well as the grip. Re did the wraps to make them look more like they were wrapped on top of each other. Added some more detail as well.





Thanks for the feedback!

chudork

love the details, , can I ask how did you do the strap around the barrel?

Dwclesi

Thanks!. I just had multiple cylinders in max and FFD'd them till the were in the shape that I liked. Then brought it into Zbrush and sculpted the folds and used alphas for the a little bit of texture.

Dwclesi

Been a while since I posted the finished piece for this. Let me know what you think!

Yilativ

WOW nice, looks really great, I like it

Can you show textures and wires?