I've met some flaming ninjas while visiting the in-laws down in San Francisco. They're much friendlier than you would think, and their little rainbow assasin outfits are much more stylish than the usual black ones.
Secret option #4: A flaming ninja riding a flying shark, wielding a razorblade tornado. Personally I would like to be run over in a grocery store parking lot by an morbidly obese person driving one of those little electric shopping carts.