Fighting Depression
polycounter lvl 4
Man, being laid off sucks.
I got laid off from my last two jobs because the Oil and Gas business tanked and a ton of studios in town are shrinking or closing because of it. So now I'm working my buns off at home to try to get a job in games as a Modeler, but Christ it's been 4 months now and no interest yet. There's one company locally that I want to get into, but from what I hear from everyone in town and what I'm experiencing now, it takes forever to actually get in or get a response. I'm trying to stay active at home and get projects done, but it's tough sometimes. I miss talking to people in a studio and I miss working on projects together and getting paid. I think the worst of it is feeling like I'm not good enough and never will be. It's a silly thing to think as an artist, because you can always raise your skill if you put in the time, but some days I have to fight myself from saying, "what's the point?"
I don't know. I'm not really looking for a pity party or people to tell me, "Nah Albatross, yer stuff is amazing." I'm just a little worn out and need to vent somewhere. What would you guys suggest? What got you through the hard times?
I got laid off from my last two jobs because the Oil and Gas business tanked and a ton of studios in town are shrinking or closing because of it. So now I'm working my buns off at home to try to get a job in games as a Modeler, but Christ it's been 4 months now and no interest yet. There's one company locally that I want to get into, but from what I hear from everyone in town and what I'm experiencing now, it takes forever to actually get in or get a response. I'm trying to stay active at home and get projects done, but it's tough sometimes. I miss talking to people in a studio and I miss working on projects together and getting paid. I think the worst of it is feeling like I'm not good enough and never will be. It's a silly thing to think as an artist, because you can always raise your skill if you put in the time, but some days I have to fight myself from saying, "what's the point?"
I don't know. I'm not really looking for a pity party or people to tell me, "Nah Albatross, yer stuff is amazing." I'm just a little worn out and need to vent somewhere. What would you guys suggest? What got you through the hard times?
Replies
Exercise helped me a lot, it's easy to get depressed if your energy level is low.
Also going to tech social events, and forcing yourself to mingle and let people know what you do and that you are looking for work. I have a lot of freelance work now, all due to meeting people at local industry events.
Is the game industry bloated with developers?
Make sure to stay in touch with friends and family. Socializing and maintaining good friendships with the right people keeps a stable mood. Loneliness is a mind killer.
Coincidentally, I developed 3D environments for oil & gas simulations for just under a couple years. It was really tough for us as a company when the price of oil tanked because we all knew the industry was in the toilet and there was realistically nothing we could do to help the situation. I ended up finding a new opportunity in game development. I may have been fortunate to find the job, but I know working hard on my portfolio didn't hurt my chances.
Keep your head up, work on the portfolio, and make sure to fit some exercise in. If you think the quality/scope of your portfolio is lacking, post your work here for critique. I've seen portfolios transformed by solid critique here. If your portfolio is solid, make a challenge of applying to a studio every couple days.
but it does suck when you put out art you dislike and it isn't looking like you hoped it would. so far none of the art i made i'm proud of, it's just disappointment after disappointment but i know eventually i'll start making fly shit.
it is what it is.
At the end of the day, I want to be an amazing artist and it's good to know that folks here who are there already have gone through some tough times like I am. Thanks everybody.
The other thing I try to do is just to do at least one tiny thing to move toward where I want to go per day. Even if it's just a single minute of sketching.
Perhaps all you need is a little direction.
If you get a more structure in there, show some more work and sort out some things you will improve your chances to find jobs or freelance work and thereby helping with your depression
The white knight is your strongest piece. The market for characters is pretty saturated tho. If you could make some environment art pieces in that quality would help you a lot.
The greyscale robot you should either finish or remove. Unfinished greyscale alone by itself often sends a wrong message imo, unless its some super detailed mind blowing demonstartion of particular skills.
The pistol has some smoothing or bake errors. That should be fixed.
Always days of up and down. But overall, for myself, putting most of my energy into being a "great artist" had huge implications. Fear of failure or acceptance always lingering. I think redirecting my energy a little bit more into how i felt was important. Instead of deriving pleasure from the results of my art (accolades, respect, money, whatnot) trying to just enjoy the process helped a tonne. Now i seek out the parts of my processes that bring me the most joy and repeat it over and over. I love trying new techniques or learning a new software, or mucking about with some photo realistic rendering. I love knowing that i can create alternate realities at the tip of my fingers and sometimes following through and sometimes just sitting on it for a little while.
Think about the fact that you couldn't even make a cube look cool when you started and now you can turn a dang cube into damn near anything in existence. Think about the first time you opened photoshop and couldn't figure out what the fuck the checkers were in a transparent background or even how to have dang transparent background and now you've traveled all the way to a point where nothing about photoshop is scary or really unknown. Even your ability to learn has most likely grown exponentially.
Sadly, money kinda rules everything currently and we gotta eat. And sometimes you gotta make some sacrifices to eat. But if you chase the things you love about this artistic process eventually someone will respecognize and most likely pay you.
Hope something in there is of use. I no good at words.
Maybe take on some freelance work to get some money as well as portfolio material and to regain confidence.
Theres a chance youll get picked up as a generalist, but if you want to expand you chance of work, make a full environment piece, and make it kickass, or model a bunch of nice pbr textured props. IMO
https://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468255539&sr=8-1&keywords=learned+optimism+how+to+change+your+mind+and+your+life
I'd recommend finding a regular non-video game related hobby that gets you out of the house and in with other friendly people. Something fun that you'll always want to do, rather than something like gym where you'll likely feel too down and tired to deal with (that's not to say you shouldn't also get yourself plenty of exercise). I got into playing board games with the groups in my city. It's an enjoyable thing to do, good way to meet folks if you're not a social butterfly, and keeps the brain ticking over when you've got nothing much else going on.
Udemy.com is in need of some high quality 3D modelling tutorials.
I've always found it easier to find customers than employers.
It really really sucked.
I was suffering from anxiety attacks, my girlfriend at the time dumped me.
The employer that let me go, burned me out from several months of mandatory 7-day week (12 hour days), and had missed several paycheques. This required me to live in overdraft protection while bouncing all of my living expenses between 2 credit cards, paying off an oppressive student loan, while I waited 6 months for an EI cheque (no shit, the EI offices of Burnaby won the Lotto Max jackpot in an office pool).
As cliche as it sounds, this quote helped me through:
ride a bike, go for a walk (or jog if you jog). Do something physical every day.
Just as good as antidepressants, and safer.
there are proteins in your brain that can actually create new braincells and they can only be activated by exercise.
also, 4 months isn't that long to be without work. not trying to tell you how to feel.
just remember, the more time you have off work is time you have to make your portfolio BETTER.
Use it!
the better your portfolio the easier it is to find jobs and the less your time out will be
good luck!
Aside from what everyone else mentioned, you can still socialize online with folks while working on some art. There's so much nowadays like Skype, Slack, Discord, Twitch, etc. It's also a balance too going out though and staying, avoiding that cabin fever.
CptAlbatross said: Yeah, I think we go through that phase at some point. I'm sure the more you study/work on art, get feedback, get responses from applications, the less that thought comes to mind.
I do admit though, that ultimately this does fall on me, since I have not been posting my work in enough places to be visible. I only recently started posting on the Ten Thousand Hours FB group, and I certainly have not posted my work on this forum enough. Part of it is that self-doubt, that I don't think some of my work is even worth posting; it's just something that I have to get over. I am also somewhat limited by my location; due to family reasons, I am unable to re-locate to areas with greater opportunities (Austin, Cali, Washington, etc.).
If I have any advice for you, it's to try to find a group of like-minded individuals in your area and try to make some connections with them. For example, I recently joined a group in my area through meetup.com, and I have made some connections that may possibly lead to future work. Best of luck to you and everyone here!
The really odd thing is that when I get really down I produce better work
While life events can trigger it, it's not so simple to get rid of as many would pretend it is, and not every case can be gotten rid of. It isn't just a mood or an emotion. It's something more.
That being said, doing things that make you feel better can help very much, and can get rid of it, if you're lucky. At the very least it can help get you through it. If that means going out and meeting people, or staying inside and reading, or whatever, then do that. Whatever works.
Also, posting that Robin Hood video is super condescending. Despite how awesome it is in the movie.
Take care of yourself, exercise DAILY. www.stronglifts.com 3x time a week and some cardio will make you feel like another person in few days.
You need that hormone stuff, and then things start to fall into place.
Something that really helped me was cutting coffe for a while (coffee can boost anxiety) , add Turmeric on my died (in capsules, or tea from the root). And cut drastically sugar intake (if you're on a sugar addiction, it really drains your energy).
That's my 2c
The other day I started reading Island by Aldous Huxley which started with a brief introduction about the author's life, experiences and books published. I always find these biographies very interesting as they put things in perspective. Without being accurate here, Huxley spent a very long time, years and years, before his first breakthrough. Not only that but also it is usually described as "he spent 7 years writing and eventually published X which made him a well known artist". What always struck me as interesting is how those 7 years, which must have been hard gruelling years are described in a single sentence.
The reason I bring this is because sometimes when we are looking at ourselves, our careers and goals we are only thinking short term. You mention it has been 4 months without hearing anything back and whilst I know that is very frustrating it is a relatively short period of time. Take a step back and look at everything from a broader perspective and create a plan that will allow you to work towards getting the job you want. I'm not saying it will take 7 years or anything, but sometimes success doesn't come overnight (and when it does it's usually because there's years and years of work behind it).
Good luck, exercise, eat healthy and stay positive
Can't help much with the deeper depression stuff, but that's mostly because of what all was said here. Although, long walks and classical music in the mornings might help too. Someone also suggested pot....and I don't think that's the best way to go. You know. Just saying. Maybe save that for when you're kicking ass in studio again (or freelancing, life is crazy and you never know where your success will be).
There's a gene that makes me hate cilantro, and I think that proves the human body is strange and complex, and that people are not all the same.
Even if we accept that Serotonin deficiency is a major factor for depression, i wonder isn't that therapy the same as treating malnutrition with appetite suppressants?
Just wanted to pop in here and give you guys a friendly warning, if some of you might be considering taking meds: My sister suffers from manic depression and has been prescribed various meds over time, but one med was pure horror for her: duloxetine (usually called Cymbalta). There have been lawsuits etc. from people taking it because the pharma company "forgot" to mention what is called Duloxetine Discontinuation Syndrome, which basically are severe withdrawal symptoms. She took it for a couple of months and decided to stop and she had to taper off very slowly, over several months, in order to avoid those crazy symptoms and still from 15mg to 0mg she still had quite a few problems.
Don't take Cymbalta, there are many other meds that are easier to cope with.
I have taken one dose of 5-htp, L-trypthan, Phenylalanine plus vitamins and as absurd as it sounds i am already feeling it.
Something warm and fuzzy inside of my body. Tingling of the scalp. It feels really good. Kinda like being slightly stoned.
I am very curious how that supplement method develops , feels like a perfect start.