how would you self critic yourself about it first. Are you happy with the result and what are you most proud of. I will give you my opinion next. The oonly thing i can say about what i'm seeing is : it looks rushed,out of proportion and scale, bad color palette, over saturated and the rope is too close to the ground to be used properly,so don't expect anybody to die in your room so far. Sorry if it's rude but I will explain myself more after you auto critic yourself about it.
This is one of those areas where you would benefit from having a concept to follow. There are a lot of issues in the scene currently. Just to name a few of the obvious ones:
1) the lighting needs to be improved.
2) the bricks seem way too small.
3) placement of objects and overall scene composition doesn't make much sense (one tub is clipping the floor).
4) some assets are dirty while others look brand new. (keep it consistent)
5) the blood splatter on the floor is too uniformed
Overall, I would suggest working off of a concept art so that you have a clear benchmark to compare your work to.
thanks Leinad for your input if you are interested I made some things clean and some things dirty was because I was think the person who owned this place was superficial and wanted to keep the gold and cleans as possible but if you think it look wierd I will change I will dirty and bloody it up a bit. Also could you give some more guidance on how I can improve the lighting?? Thanks
If you want me to self critic djoexe I would say yes I am proud of it maybe it was a bit rushed but I just wanted to get another point of view on my scene. What I like most about the scene is that I did manage to get the message I was trying to portray across to the viewer. And I didn't find you rude I would love some more input from you djoexe. Thanks
I think that whenever you make a scene like this you have to come up with a believable story as to how it came to be like it currently is. I mean everything down to the individual blood streaks. It has to make sense to the viewer, they have to at least be able to put together in their head why things in this scene are the way they are.
Right now, everything just looks random. If someone was hung in that room, why is there blood on everything? I know you have an explanation for the tubs being in pristine condition but it sounds more like an excuse than a reason. I also think the dirt on the walls is too random and there's too much of it, I think there should be less of it and you should put it where it makes sense and not random.
About the lighting, horror scenes don't really work well in the daytime, I know lightrays coming through windows cast cool looking shadows but it doesn't set the proper mood that you'd expect out of a "horror scene".
I've got to agree with both Leinad and Swarm. Your scene is far too saturated, when fresh blood is a bit darker, and dried blood is more of a rusty colour. I'm guessing you're using bump mapping on the walls because that's not how bricks sit I'm afraid.
When doing a brick wall you should bare in mind legal regulations are 13-14 per metre in height. The noose has been covered already, but the way the blood has been spread feels sporadic and unrealistic - if it were a murder it'd likely be in pools or all done in the same space and it wouldn't look as if it was spreading from the skirting boards. The noose also wouldn't sit that stiff while hanging, it'd appear to have more slack around the loop, and also I would have thought the rope would be thinner. Also, I would definitely agree you should dirty up the baths and mirror, get some dust and grime on them, it'll make it feel far more realistic.
Also, why are there 4 baths in the room? As swarm said, consider the story, what's the purpose of 4 baths, what sort of building has 4 baths let alone in 1 room, and what would the decor of such a room be to reflect that?
Ya I'm just gonna be really harsh. The parallax/ displacement on the bricks is super strong and makes them look absurd. Blood would not flow down bricks that protrude that far from the wall; rather it would follow the grout.
Why is there moss growing up an interior wall? Did the home owner slit his wrists in one of the four bath tubs in his bathroom or hang himself? Why are there four bath tubs in a... bathroom... with no sink or toilet? The blood on the wall supports neither of those theories. Did somebody grab a fat magic marker and write a "kill yourself" suggestion?
Where are the bodies? Is this after the police cleaned up the crime scene? Then where are any traces of cops invesitgating a crime scene? Watch any episode of CSI and use any of the markings cops use to define points of interest.
Also, only use red to tell your story. You can use it as the blood, but don't use it as the trim on the walls; it distracts from the story you're telling.
My favorite example of a suicide in a game environment is the hotel in The Last of Us. There is a skeleton in a bath tub. I odn't recall if the body was a product of suicide and the back of the skull was missing or if it was pills/ wrists and the skeleton was preserved, regardless it tells the story. The story was then elaborated on by the fact that part of the wall was destroyed so bandists could use it as a hallway. The suicide served as an interesting focal point and story telling device, but the small section did not revolve around the suicide.
To me, putting the art aside, my crit is that there is no story here, nothing makes sense, and I don't get any sense of anything.
For instance there's a rope hanging from the ceiling in a noose, but blood everywhere. Hanged bodies don't bleed. And there's 4 bathtubs in one room (not something you see) but no plumbing, no towels, and nothing to help me figure out what this room once was.
My suggestion would be to write a whole short story first, 2000 words should be plenty, to really make yourself think about what the purpose of these elements are, and how they convey past action. Think of a location in normal condition, then work through the action in that room, and how those actions changed that room, and model what is left.
Also this isn't really horror in my opinion, what you have is just gory. Horror is more psychological than violent, at least that's the way that I see it.
Thanks for all you suggestions I think I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board on this and thanks to everyone who has given me food for thought. I'm gonna work on this one for a few weeks and I'll post my results when I'm done.
So i finally have an update for this scene I took so time to really think about the story of this room and the person behind it. I'm looking as much feedback as I can tell the key areas I want feedback is do the models and model placement make sense in the scene and what do you think of the lighting.
Story
This isn't really a well out story or anything but more of a explainination of the scene.
So this room isn't a torture room that you are forced into but instead you go in at your own free will. I'm taking about suicide. Believe me I want it to happened as much as you do but it's better to give them the tools. I don't watch because it's fun but because I have to I might as well have evidence showing what they did to themselves. we always leave the door open to show that they are alway free nothing is stopping them from walking away. I hope they will come to there senses and see they have so much to live for that they haven't relieved it. But it only work half the time and the other half.....
That was a monologue that the person who owns this place recorded.
I think this is off to a much stronger start. And you're lighting is greatly improved. A couple of things still have me questioning the narrative though. The door, camera and cell-like structure of the room make me think this is an asylum setting? I'm not sure a work bench is appropriate in an asylum cell; especially with the buffet of suicide ingredients. And I'm not sure the windows should be boarded either, who boards up the windows in a hap hazard fashion before they hang themselves? I'd let the noose be the focal point; not the stuff on the work bench. And not a rope noose either but something you'd find in an asylum, like neck ties? Also, to suport the weight of a body, the noose needs to be anchored to a structural beam; putting a noose directly into drywall will cause the ceiling and victim to fall with the chair.
If this were me doing the project, I'd change the setting to a garage scene. Include the work bench but with actual wood projects. Maybe a cabinet door that is finished but half stained? Or just scraps of wood on the floor beside a table saw? Something that implies the victim did something with his life. Give him a life besides just a nameless body. Maybe he has pictures his kids drew him above the work bench? Tie the noose to a structural beam in the garage. The chair can be a chair he perhaps made himself, or a kiddie chair with ballooned plastic bits that have no corners at all, the kind that keep small kids safe. This brings back that "shattered family" element but the chair might look silly in that setting. Maybe a wedding ring and/ or broken framed photo of the family as well? I dunno. That stuff's depressing as hell, and way too sad for my personal tastes, but it tells a story. And there's a market for that sad stuff.
Or you could do the "Shawshank Redemption" suicide scene: man hangs himself in a hotel room. It doesn't need to be a hotel, necessarily, but that shot had nice cinematography and color palette. Perhaps he's in his bedroom and the ceilings are vaulted, exposing some structural beams? Perhaps the room is very tidy, or a small puzzle on the desk is made, or some other element that shows he was slightly stalling before he killed himself? Or maybe he just needed to finish this one last task? I dunno, again too sad for my tastes. But get into the mind of what caused the man to kill himself and allude to it subtlety in your scene. That's so much more interesting to me than this arbitrary game of "leap frog" so many artists play with each other in gore and shock value.
I noticed this in your other scene as well, the noose isn't attached to anything. You need a beam or something on the ceiling that it's actually tied to instead of just growing out of a flat surface.
Ok this is my third interation on the scene it's nowhere near finishing but I wanted to give a quick update to see the reaction from the community. So I have completely changed the environment of the scene in previous scenes it was sort of a asylum kinda place but the truth is that Im even sure what kind of building it was. But in the new interation it is a garage because I slowly and with the help from the community I have made a better story of the scene. I planning to put some big and subtle hints within enviroment which will give the story of the scene so if the audience puts the pieces together they should be able to see the story behind this man.
So you can see everything I have done so far but again I'm far from done. I'm planning to add two wedding rings, a female necklace, bottles of beer, girls toys a lot of garage work tools. So what I would like from the community is any comments about the scene if you think I'm heading in the right direction or not. Also if you think I need to add anything I didn't mention. Thanks and again any and all comments are much appreciated
Replies
1) the lighting needs to be improved.
2) the bricks seem way too small.
3) placement of objects and overall scene composition doesn't make much sense (one tub is clipping the floor).
4) some assets are dirty while others look brand new. (keep it consistent)
5) the blood splatter on the floor is too uniformed
Overall, I would suggest working off of a concept art so that you have a clear benchmark to compare your work to.
PH
PH
Right now, everything just looks random. If someone was hung in that room, why is there blood on everything? I know you have an explanation for the tubs being in pristine condition but it sounds more like an excuse than a reason. I also think the dirt on the walls is too random and there's too much of it, I think there should be less of it and you should put it where it makes sense and not random.
About the lighting, horror scenes don't really work well in the daytime, I know lightrays coming through windows cast cool looking shadows but it doesn't set the proper mood that you'd expect out of a "horror scene".
When doing a brick wall you should bare in mind legal regulations are 13-14 per metre in height. The noose has been covered already, but the way the blood has been spread feels sporadic and unrealistic - if it were a murder it'd likely be in pools or all done in the same space and it wouldn't look as if it was spreading from the skirting boards. The noose also wouldn't sit that stiff while hanging, it'd appear to have more slack around the loop, and also I would have thought the rope would be thinner. Also, I would definitely agree you should dirty up the baths and mirror, get some dust and grime on them, it'll make it feel far more realistic.
Also, why are there 4 baths in the room? As swarm said, consider the story, what's the purpose of 4 baths, what sort of building has 4 baths let alone in 1 room, and what would the decor of such a room be to reflect that?
Hope it helps
Why is there moss growing up an interior wall? Did the home owner slit his wrists in one of the four bath tubs in his bathroom or hang himself? Why are there four bath tubs in a... bathroom... with no sink or toilet? The blood on the wall supports neither of those theories. Did somebody grab a fat magic marker and write a "kill yourself" suggestion?
Where are the bodies? Is this after the police cleaned up the crime scene? Then where are any traces of cops invesitgating a crime scene? Watch any episode of CSI and use any of the markings cops use to define points of interest.
Also, only use red to tell your story. You can use it as the blood, but don't use it as the trim on the walls; it distracts from the story you're telling.
My favorite example of a suicide in a game environment is the hotel in The Last of Us. There is a skeleton in a bath tub. I odn't recall if the body was a product of suicide and the back of the skull was missing or if it was pills/ wrists and the skeleton was preserved, regardless it tells the story. The story was then elaborated on by the fact that part of the wall was destroyed so bandists could use it as a hallway. The suicide served as an interesting focal point and story telling device, but the small section did not revolve around the suicide.
For instance there's a rope hanging from the ceiling in a noose, but blood everywhere. Hanged bodies don't bleed. And there's 4 bathtubs in one room (not something you see) but no plumbing, no towels, and nothing to help me figure out what this room once was.
My suggestion would be to write a whole short story first, 2000 words should be plenty, to really make yourself think about what the purpose of these elements are, and how they convey past action. Think of a location in normal condition, then work through the action in that room, and how those actions changed that room, and model what is left.
Also this isn't really horror in my opinion, what you have is just gory. Horror is more psychological than violent, at least that's the way that I see it.
PH
Show your progress so people can help you in the process.
Story
This isn't really a well out story or anything but more of a explainination of the scene.
So this room isn't a torture room that you are forced into but instead you go in at your own free will. I'm taking about suicide. Believe me I want it to happened as much as you do but it's better to give them the tools. I don't watch because it's fun but because I have to I might as well have evidence showing what they did to themselves. we always leave the door open to show that they are alway free nothing is stopping them from walking away. I hope they will come to there senses and see they have so much to live for that they haven't relieved it. But it only work half the time and the other half.....
That was a monologue that the person who owns this place recorded.
Again any and all feedback is appreciated
If this were me doing the project, I'd change the setting to a garage scene. Include the work bench but with actual wood projects. Maybe a cabinet door that is finished but half stained? Or just scraps of wood on the floor beside a table saw? Something that implies the victim did something with his life. Give him a life besides just a nameless body. Maybe he has pictures his kids drew him above the work bench? Tie the noose to a structural beam in the garage. The chair can be a chair he perhaps made himself, or a kiddie chair with ballooned plastic bits that have no corners at all, the kind that keep small kids safe. This brings back that "shattered family" element but the chair might look silly in that setting. Maybe a wedding ring and/ or broken framed photo of the family as well? I dunno. That stuff's depressing as hell, and way too sad for my personal tastes, but it tells a story. And there's a market for that sad stuff.
Or you could do the "Shawshank Redemption" suicide scene: man hangs himself in a hotel room. It doesn't need to be a hotel, necessarily, but that shot had nice cinematography and color palette. Perhaps he's in his bedroom and the ceilings are vaulted, exposing some structural beams? Perhaps the room is very tidy, or a small puzzle on the desk is made, or some other element that shows he was slightly stalling before he killed himself? Or maybe he just needed to finish this one last task? I dunno, again too sad for my tastes. But get into the mind of what caused the man to kill himself and allude to it subtlety in your scene. That's so much more interesting to me than this arbitrary game of "leap frog" so many artists play with each other in gore and shock value.
So you can see everything I have done so far but again I'm far from done. I'm planning to add two wedding rings, a female necklace, bottles of beer, girls toys a lot of garage work tools. So what I would like from the community is any comments about the scene if you think I'm heading in the right direction or not. Also if you think I need to add anything I didn't mention. Thanks and again any and all comments are much appreciated