Why can't I quit you?
polycounter lvl 8
Towards the end of last year, I decided to take a little hiatus from all things 3D, and evaluate where I'm at in life, and what I (read: me and the missus) want.
I tried to convince myself that the 'best' thing for us would be to find a more stable (ha!) line of work; to find a job doing something that doesn't involve moving around every two years, and that might not require sleeping under a desk for the majority of an eighty-hour work week and living in constant fear of the Dreaded Pink Slip.
However, the nagging voice of doubt has been keeping me awake at night, telling me I'm chasing leprechauns riding on internet unicorns. Telling me that such jobs don't exist, and that I'm a fool for even considering throwing in the towel, right as I'm finally starting to get a handle on this game art / 3D stuff.
So why do I feel selfish, even irresponsible? I even stopped visiting here, in an attempt to quit game art cold-turkey. Yet here I am, admiring the work in the galleries, finding myself missing welding rogue verts and unwrapping models. Shit, I even miss Max's default UV editor. The idea of studying for the LPIC-1 certification seems like such a chore, whereas the thought of getting stuck back into Nemo's office seems so appealing, despite the amount of work left to do.
I'm not really sure what the point of this thread is. Maybe it's a classic case of needing to be told what I already know; that playing it safe is an illusion, that giving up on The Dream is a mistake.
Anyone else ever try playing it safe, only to regret it?
I tried to convince myself that the 'best' thing for us would be to find a more stable (ha!) line of work; to find a job doing something that doesn't involve moving around every two years, and that might not require sleeping under a desk for the majority of an eighty-hour work week and living in constant fear of the Dreaded Pink Slip.
However, the nagging voice of doubt has been keeping me awake at night, telling me I'm chasing leprechauns riding on internet unicorns. Telling me that such jobs don't exist, and that I'm a fool for even considering throwing in the towel, right as I'm finally starting to get a handle on this game art / 3D stuff.
So why do I feel selfish, even irresponsible? I even stopped visiting here, in an attempt to quit game art cold-turkey. Yet here I am, admiring the work in the galleries, finding myself missing welding rogue verts and unwrapping models. Shit, I even miss Max's default UV editor. The idea of studying for the LPIC-1 certification seems like such a chore, whereas the thought of getting stuck back into Nemo's office seems so appealing, despite the amount of work left to do.
I'm not really sure what the point of this thread is. Maybe it's a classic case of needing to be told what I already know; that playing it safe is an illusion, that giving up on The Dream is a mistake.
Anyone else ever try playing it safe, only to regret it?
Replies
The choice that serves both sides would be to become the kickassest artist ever, thus always have work and more income then you need. It just takes time that one not always has.
I used to be 2 weeks into a project and get burned out, lose interest, get frustrated and start to think game art isn't for me.
I'd take a break, and then start to really miss it and wanna do it again. Then shortly after I'd hate it again.
Now, I think I figured it out in the last few weeks. It's because I didn't want it enough. I'd convinced myself it was my dream job, but really it wasn't for me. And if something isn't your dream, it's incredibly hard if not impossible to just get your head down and work through the frustration and doubt.
So I reevaluated the situation, thought about what I really want to do and after a few weeks of consideration I realised my actual dream is animation. Animation got me into 3D originally, in fact animation got me into computer graphics altogether and I'd always enjoyed any rigging/animation things I'd done on personal projects but I just kinda fell into the idea that I wanted to be an artist and that was my 'dream job'.
So now I've gone back to the beginning, enrolled on Animation Mentor and im honestly the happiest and most positive I've been for probably 18 months.
I think when something is really your dream, you'll do anything to get it. I think someone once said 'you can only chase dreams if they're your own' and thats definitely true.
Disclaimer: just to clarify, my hair isn't black, I don't wear guyliner and I'm not really into Dashboard Confessional.
I have to admit I have been thinking about quitting myself, but I have been on the other side and I've worked all the other jobs and ... I dont know man no way I am going back to those other jobs that you work only so you can make money from them.
I am also afraid that this first job is just not going to happen any time soon but what the hell... I can be miserable for a bit longer
I'm sorry, I don't know your situation, but jobs are different. And any given job in the industry is nothing close to a dream job. Those are more personal and much more rare.
I've been going back and forth on this same issue as well. Though I'd never so far as to give up 3D as something I like to do. Even if I never earn a cent with my art again I'll still do it for fun.
For now I've definitely decided to add programming to my skill set. I'm actually hoping to land a technical artist job at some point for various reasons, though I've still got quite a bit to learn before I even try applying anywhere. I might even take a shot at indie development to work on my coding skills.
Luckily, I'm not starving (much) and I've got time to work on my skills and decide what to do.
I hope you are not in a bad situation so that you can take the time to think carefully about what you want to do.
Best of luck to you.
I'll keep going, honestly. Right now I don't mind working hard or redundancies. It does however keep me from actually settling down anywhere.
Initially it was exactly this kind of thing that deterred me, until it became apparent that, whether due to the economy or otherwise, this kind of thing is pretty commonplace in just about every industry. I'm sure we'd hear a lot more about it in other industries if we frequented other relevant professional forums.
The stupid thing is I've answered similar questions from other people here before stating this very thing, but it's funny what you can look for, or convince yourself of, when you're trying to justify something, especially to yourself.
What's even more ridiculous is that I found myself in this very same situation about two years ago - I went out, after convincing myself that 3D was too 'dangerous', got a job in IT (tech support, with some Linux admin work), and found myself hating it. So why am I so keen to do it again?
I blame kids and their damn rock music.
In 2006 I left the industry for 2.5 yrs, working as a scripter on slot machine games. Why? Because the studio I was at was sinking. Worst time of my life. Leaving the studio I was at for 5yrs tore me up. I became depressed, gained weight, got IBS and a host of other digestive issues.
Then in 2008 I got a call from Aquent and started working on games again at Turn10. Since then my depression vanished, I'm losing weight and my IBS & digestive issues vanished. Whether some of those issues were psychosomatic from leaving 5000ft or not is irrelevant - doing what I wanted to do litteraly improved my state of mind and body. It hasn't been easy - I almost had to file bankruptcy last year because I was unemployed for 10 months - but I wouldn't want to do anything else.
As hard and stressful as this job can be sometimes, it's my one and only true love in life.
Nicely said, Joshua. It sometimes feels weird acknowledging this, especially to your loved ones. But people give you shit sometimes just 'cause they feel like it, while doing what you love keeps you happy as long as you keep at it...
I guess, you just need to really practice practice practice and keep applying yourself. I am sure that you will find the place where you belong to. As for me, I love this industry, i love making games. I love making art that is interactive and pretty to look at. I am so happy that I go out of my way to learn more and to be more technical savvy, only to wake up in the morning and be excited to go to work. I don't think many people have that.
Stability is a bitch. But once you do your homework and find that special studio that makes you feel at home. It pays up in diamonds! Just think about the things that you want to achieve in short, medium and long term and write them down, that could be your commitment and make it happen.
I was gonna tell you that we are looking for 3D artists, tech artists and FX artists right now. But you are in the UK and i don't know if you are willing to relocate. But PM me if you want and we can talk about it. Maybe something good will come out of it.
Stay focused and keep improving your work!
Exactly the same, well I'm not yet at the trying to break in stage, but the fact that I'm not going to get in for a long time is always at the front of my mind. Plus throw in some fear about what danshewan mentioned about the "best for us" kinda thing, which we've already had that sort of conversation about. I've accepted that I'm going to have to get any old job going while trying to improve after uni, but the hard part is going to be trying to break out and attempt to grab a job in the industry with one hand while hoping she's still holding the other.
/emo
Stability is nice but being stable in an undesired position means you are stuck. I know that's terrible as I'm stuck right now. So, if you like something that can turn into a job, focusing there is the best thing to do.
1. Smile more, life is too short.
2. Do what you love, life is too short.
3. Don't lose sleep a night over money, jobs etc....Life is too short.
4. Show respect and appreciation for those nearest too you...for life is too short.
5. Love life, for what it is, for the culmination is unknown to us all and each day remains a gift, make the most of it, but not at the expense of your own suffering.
If you take up a job outside of 3D you might not get enough time to reflect on what you really want. So that can be risky.
Why not stay with 3D, but look in other industries and the possibility of learning new skills? Someone already suggested teaching, or there's pre-vis for film, modelling for retail display/POS, if you have an eye for design, then something like motion graphics.....A lot of jobs in those areas offer stability. But there are stable jobs in the games industry, it's just a case of finding them!
I'm willing to work late here or there, or come in on a weekend once in awhile, but 80 hour weeks? Sleeping under the desk? That is fucking nuts.
I always thought the talk about teamwork etc. was such bullshit. As soon as the project ships, they are probably going to fire you. Why? Because it's convenient. You are supposed to give up your health, damage your relationships and give up your hobbies and they are not even going to pay you a dime extra.
Or maybe they will tell you how you are not really that good at your job, and that you couldn't find work somewhere else. This is management 101-- make your workers hate themselves so that they feel like they deserve being treated like shit.
I bet the people marketing your game are working normal hours and making more than you, and all they have to do is come up with stupid ideas that appeal to 14 year olds.
If his death taught me anything it's not to put off doing what you love, you never know when you're ticket is going to get punched and while its a good thing to work hard and sacrifice and I would gladly give up the industry to support my family I need to make sure that doesn't turn into regrets or keep me from working in it as long as I can.
For me personally, this was a hobby before it was a career and I would do what I like doing even if I was working in the industry doing a job I didn't like. It just happens, you don't always get to make what you want when you want to make it so don't expect your employers goals and yours to always align. The industry isn't built on marshmallow paths and candy mountains so its going to be shitty sometimes. Find ways to keep yourself happy, fed, dry and progressing forward.
I've often heard people say when they make career changes late in life "I don't know why I didn't do this sooner, I can't remember what I was so scared of". I know I said that when I landed my first industry gig after working in print/graphics for a few years. You just have to trust yourself that you'll handle it the best way you can if you do take the plunge.
I really don't see much stability in other jobs, might as well do what you like doing, but then again that's your call to make not mine.
im sorry to hear about your father, at least his influence has allowed you make a positive change in your life.
If you have time to complain, that is time that you could be using to better yourself as a person and as an artist. If you are feeling overwhelmed go outside and take a walk, read a good book, watch a good movie. There is so much inspiration out there that you really have to be blind to not appreciate it. But after you feel a little more relaxed, get serious and practice on your work and better yourself. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing that you are working towards a goal and reaching it. The only thing between you and that goal is your attitude. Sure people will turn you down, but if you give up, then you are the hurdle that defeated you.
I love the industry and I am very happy with what i do. Sometimes i might have a sucky project. But hey, it might be a slump, but i am still making art for games and that is what i am committed to, and my family of course. AND! new projects will come.
Oh yea! don't let a studio or boss abuse you. Sure we all need work and stability. But we also need to keep our dignity and know when to draw a line. So be smart, like 990% of the time it comes down to common sense.
Katana, I'm very sorry to hear that your mother is ill - my mother suffered through cancer a few years back, and I know how hard it can be, though fortunately she did recover. Hope you can manage to stay strong.
Mark, sagely advice from you as usual, man - likewise, sorry to hear about your father. It's always hard to try and shrug off the hand we're dealt. However, I have to say I'm very disappointed regarding the marshmallow paths / candy mountain situation; this warrants further investigation.
I sometimes actually don't even see myself as a 3d artist as odd as that might sound as if its someone else doing it.
Go figure
But he taught me a lot of stuff and this last lesson serves as a good reminder for stuff like this, don't take life for granted or think that you can put your happiness.
I was at the same point as you, around 1 year and 7 months ago I graduated from 3D College Denmark and started looking for an entry level job/internship(which is the way you usual go about getting experience and education here in Denmark). Now, before I graduated my class was about 42 people total, 10% of the people in that group actually had a passion for 3D and only 50% of them were good enough to get an internship in order to continue their 3D career, I was in that group but all the way through the 2 years, the other guys got internships(mostly in arch viz companies) and I ended up being the only guy from that select group graduating before getting an internship.
And so I went home to live with my farther(my parents got divorced while I was studying) and started working on my portfolio and sending out applications, and slowly the months went by... After 3 months of a few interviews that led to nothing and alot of unanswered applications I started having doubts about doing 3D as my career, there would have to be a reason why I simply couldn't get a internship, and I stopped doing any form for 3D and jump started a stupid WoW addiction.
At this points, it's been 6,5 months since I've graduated and I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere(at the time I was 18 years old) and started considering doing a standard education(I guess the ones avaible for me are the same as a high school/college degree in the US) and 2 days before applying for that education, I get a call from an old contact at 3D College telling me there is this Arch Viz firm that needs an intern quickly, so I made an last effort and made some custom 3d art for them and applied.. Out of 84 applications, I was the only one to get selected for an interview.. And I got it.
So today I've just passed the 1 year mark at the company and I'm living of an interns salary(which is 1500 dollars a month after taxes) and my current residence is in a privately owned basement a tiny bit outside