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Cover Letter Critique

Hey guys, occasional lurker turned poster here.
I'm currently trying to land my first job in games, and wringing my hands worrying about every word I write. I've gone through all the great advice in the wiki, but I'd really appreciate some direct critique on my cover letter. I know it's the portfolio that counts at the end of the day (and any feedback on that would be great too) but I think more eyeballs can always help even in this.
Thanks for your help!

http://www.gautamkolli.com/

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To whom it may concern,


This application is in response to the opening of a concept artist position listed on the Avalanche Studios website. I would like to submit my resume and portfolio for consideration.


I am a highly motivated illustrator, with a background in traditional art as well as digital painting and modeling. My education in animation and, entertainment design has trained me in a range of skills that I believe can benefit the already excellent team at Avalanche. I have a practiced knowledge of anatomy, composition, perspective, lighting and color theory. Studying hand-drawn animation in England, not only did I gain a strong understanding of the fundamentals of design, but also the opportunity to work together with teams of talented artists from diverse backgrounds and nationalities. I learned how to take a pitch through a production pipeline, take feedback from the director to align my vision with his, and enhance it with my own ideas. On my final year film, I led the junior animators on the project and supported them so that they could improve themselves, while making a meaningful contribution to the end product.


I love video games, not simply as a visual medium, but for the breadth of experiences that they can provide. The Just Cause series evidence that the artists at Avalanche share this appreciation for providing not just designed experiences, but also the tools to have completely emergent interactions. I feel that this same passion will make me a perfect fit at your studio. My drive to continue improving, learn from mistakes and the critique of my peers, will make me an asset to any team I work with.


I look forward meeting up up with you to further discuss my application and hope that you too find me to be a good fit for your company. I will be available for contact at any time during the day.


Thank your for your time,


Sincerely

Gautam Kolli


Replies

  • Popol
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    Popol interpolator
    I think this is way too long for a cover letter. If I remember correctly, my cover letter for my current job went something like this:

    Hi,

    My name is Loïc Paulus and I'm a character artist. I'm interested in the character modeler opening on your website.

    I love the art style of [game by that studio] and really enjoyed [other game by that studio].

    Here's my Portfolio : "blabla.com" and i've attached my CV to this mail.

    I'm looking forward to hearing from you,

    Loïc Paulus

    I think that enough. The cover letter should really go to the point, like "I want the job, I like your studio, here's my portfolio". They won't read the cover letter if they don't like your portfolio anyway.
  • humblebee
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    humblebee polycounter lvl 5
    I think it's rather good, contains everything you got to offer;  education, skills, your addition to the team, hiding soft-skills in actual experience, etc.;
    do you have any working experience? Internships even in similair fields of work ? If yes add them, and if the company is well known think about mentioning them as well.

    People like reading their name and knowing it's not a copy paste letter send to multiple companies; I know you prove that with the 3rd part but if it's possible find out who the mail goes out to (maybe mentioned in the job opening or on the studio's team site?) and directly adress the mail to them.

    Some say that the cover letter should not be what you mail them but be attached alongside the CV and keep the text in the mail short (as the one @Popol suggested), but I'm not too sure about that, and think that it depends on both company and country.
  • yukonwanderer
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    yukonwanderer polygon
    I think it's  good cover letter, pretty standard format. The only thing I'd change is there are a couple minor grammar mistakes/typos.  Reread it a couple times and you'll catch it.
  • lefix
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    lefix polycounter lvl 11
    Popol said:
    Here's my Portfolio : "blabla.com" and i've attached my CV to this mail.
    I think this is the most important part and should be included in the email directly.
  • violentstatistics
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    @Popol Is that the case even when it's not in email form? The Avalanche application requires a cover letter attached separately, with the portfolio. I'll chop it down for the email versions.

    @humblebee No work experience, which is why I'm extra nervous. I tried looking for who the hiring manager was, but no luck.
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