Working as an Artist with Chronic Illness?
polycounter lvl 4
I hope this thread is alright, it's something that's been weighing on me for a long time and I was hoping I might be able to find some advice here.
(Also I hope this is the right place, I was stuck between General Discussion and this one.)
It's kind of heavy and personal but gosh dang it I'll just jump right in before I doubt myself even more.
Basically, I'm a mess health wise and more often than not I feel like there's no point for someone so sick to continue to strive towards such a faraway dream. It's hard to put into words, there's a lot of conflicting emotions. Most of it boils down to hopelessness. I don't mind if people know my deal: I have crohn's disease, chronic migraines, and schizoaffective disorder. They all get in the way of things in different ways, from having multiple hospital visits to feeling overwhelming dread to not being able to remember things from a day ago.
So, understandably I hope, it often feels like my life's dream since I was the smallest of polygons is a lost cause. What's the point of continuing on if I'll just find myself in a hospital bed a week from now? If the paranoia will just tell me that a potential client is a looming enemy? If I won't remember my own personal projects and finish them?
It feels... Hopeless.
I guess what I'm asking boils down to: is there anyone else who creates for a living while existing with a body and mind that don't work as intended? I guess I just want to know if I'm alone or not, is all.
Thank you.
(Also I hope this is the right place, I was stuck between General Discussion and this one.)
It's kind of heavy and personal but gosh dang it I'll just jump right in before I doubt myself even more.
Basically, I'm a mess health wise and more often than not I feel like there's no point for someone so sick to continue to strive towards such a faraway dream. It's hard to put into words, there's a lot of conflicting emotions. Most of it boils down to hopelessness. I don't mind if people know my deal: I have crohn's disease, chronic migraines, and schizoaffective disorder. They all get in the way of things in different ways, from having multiple hospital visits to feeling overwhelming dread to not being able to remember things from a day ago.
So, understandably I hope, it often feels like my life's dream since I was the smallest of polygons is a lost cause. What's the point of continuing on if I'll just find myself in a hospital bed a week from now? If the paranoia will just tell me that a potential client is a looming enemy? If I won't remember my own personal projects and finish them?
It feels... Hopeless.
I guess what I'm asking boils down to: is there anyone else who creates for a living while existing with a body and mind that don't work as intended? I guess I just want to know if I'm alone or not, is all.
Thank you.
Replies
There's plenty of healthy people out there who are unhappy with their lives because they never tried to follow what they wanted, and plenty of disabled disabled or ill people who are very accomplished and happy.
So hang in there
The entire premise of being a 3D Artist is sitting put at a stationary computer for hours on end with the next day requiring the exact same activity. Health always seemed like something that was going to be affected at some point, unless someone could make it where you can 3D model & go jogging at the same time.
That said, if other people can continue surviving such repetitive work environments for 10+ years, than I accepted I'll just have to go along with the ride as well.
Similar to you, there a days where she can't do a thing, and days where she's fine.
1 - I recommend that if you are not already seeing a professional about your mental health, I recommend it
2 - You need to look at your situation realistically. It is not hopeless but it is more difficult for you.
If you struggle to remember things, find a system, as slosh said, of storing that information. Google drive is amazing for that.
You asked what was the point of continuing on if you'll be in the hospital a week later? The point is that in that week, you can achieve something. Maybe it's just modeling and texturing a few crates, or a weapon. But it is something.
And then you'll be taken offline because your body does what it does.
But you'll be back. and bit by bit you build a foundation on those weeks and days where you do feel well enough.
Hang in there - Share your work - You don't need to give up
I have tendinitis in my arms, and it's been a massive help for me. As long as I keep to it, I get almost no pain/exhaustion, even from hunching over a tablet monitor.
I'd also agree with the suggestions to aim for freelance work, so you can make your own hours and have more control. Selling assets and tutorials is also an option for experienced artists.
I guess I just have to go with the flow, huh. To answer some questions: I see a few doctors and specialists regularly, so I'm not in some sort of horrible shitty health void all by my lonesome. I semi recently started new medication that's been having a good effect, so I'm very happy for that. I actually have a little bit of motivation that I haven't had in years, and have been slowly getting back into 3D work again by way of sculpting after work when I have the energy for it.
I also took the initiative and got this dang thing in the hopes it'll help me sort things out a little bit, but I definitely will look into some way to store and sort information. Maybe a simple lined book to write things down in.
I've been considering freelance but if I'll be honest I'm more than a little scared, mostly of messing up somehow or missing important deadlines. Does anyone think it'd be a good idea to let potential clients know ahead of time some of my health problems? Or would honesty be better left by the wayside here?
Nobody needs to know your personal business, but it's up to you to get things under control as best as possible so that you go into work with confidence. Maybe you are at a low point right now, and your perspective and self-image is skewed. There is no way to magically gain self-confidence, which you will need to do your best work -- you have to earn it by training yourself, testing yourself, and knowing exactly what you are capable of. You don't have to be the best to be confident. Confidence comes from knowing what you can do. Maybe you know that in any given week, you're most likely going to have 2 days where just can't do shit. Well, develop a training protocol to adapt to that reality. Maybe that means you need to learn to work more quickly, or spread your work out to include weekends but shorter hours each day. Only you know you, but as long as you remain determined, you will get yourself squared away. That doesn't mean having a perfectly normal day to day, but it means you can output the work you need and feel happy enough to smile once in while.
Everybody has issues. Some worse than others. I had a head injury some years ago and struggled with depression for awhile, so I understand your feelings of hopelessness and loss of perspective. My advice -- no sitting and thinking. If you are sitting, be working. If you are tired of working, get outside and get moving. If you believe your work is shit, identify the shitty parts and start another one. You don't need to think about the future. You do the work now, and things fall into place.
I would say the help and secruity it provides you would be worth the money spent on it since the opportunity costs of messing up client relationships would be worse.
If you have something else to keep you up financially maybe try to aim for freelance opportunities that don't have hard deadlines, that pay per asset created, then you can take you time.
If you want to work in a studio there are still ways to get there as well, if you have the skill studios will do their best to support and adjust to you. so as long as you work and get better there is a chance you can reach that point.
The average human and employee has some kind of health problem, so you're not alone or one in a million
And like Jonas said, there's always more than one solution/option to make art for a living so don't give up. Find the best which fits for you whether that's in house or out.
Thank you, so much~!
Just a thing to try. Especially if you are overweight. You should also consider jogging. I feel art can make you overweight as you need to spend a ton of time doing it to get good. It not like training for a marathon except you are sitting down all day.